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Would you ever have a committed relationship with a married gay man who is married in name only?

The gay man who was married to another man. But they are now only married in name only. Been separated for over 5 years, and don't speak to each other at all.

So the gay man is for all intents and purposes single. But married in name only to another guy.

So would you have a committed relationship with this person?

by Anonymousreply 3408/01/2014

I would ask him why he hasn't properly ended the marriage. It sounds either very lazy or very stupid. Maybe both.

by Anonymousreply 106/09/2013

He is a liar. There is a reason he isn't divorced and hasn't closed this chapter in his life and it is more than "just a piece of paper." Anyone who is mentally healthy would have moved on after five years. And you are an idiot to believe anything else.

by Anonymousreply 206/09/2013

R1 it is harder to get a gay divorce than it is to get a gay marriage.

by Anonymousreply 306/09/2013

Keep telling yourself that honey, @ R3. We all live the lives we want to live and ultimately find a way to do the things we want to do... and five years... five years... this guy apparently wants to be married to someone and have that person's presence in his life in some sick codependent way... sign up for that if you want. if you do, you are as sick as he is.

by Anonymousreply 406/09/2013

It is not me, but someone I know

by Anonymousreply 506/09/2013

I think the OP means perhaps someone who is married to a woman only for tax purposes or other financial reasons? It would all depend, of course, on the reasons behind the marriage. In today's world, with gay marriage becoming so much more available, it would be harder for me to say "yes to the dress" in terms of being involved with a married man. Seems like such an outdated construct. And a bit creepy and duplicitious.

by Anonymousreply 606/09/2013

I guess it would matter if the marriage was in name only.

Is the marriage in name only?

by Anonymousreply 706/09/2013

In name "only"?

In name is a HUGE part of marriage.

by Anonymousreply 806/09/2013

Nope. I'd tell him to take care of his old business before moving on to something new. And the fact that he hasn't is a huge red flag against getting involved with him.

by Anonymousreply 906/09/2013

The married couple are not even Facebook friends. There is NO communication between the two.

They have just not cut the cord, for whatever reason.

by Anonymousreply 1006/09/2013

Are they legally marriage or "commitment ceremony" married?

by Anonymousreply 1106/09/2013

legally marriage

by Anonymousreply 1206/09/2013

Before your friend is "committed" in any way, he needs to insist on a divorce. If that is refused, he needs to break up. There really isn't any grey area here - the "name only" relationship means another person has legal claims on his partner.

by Anonymousreply 1306/09/2013

[quote]the "name only" relationship means another person has legal claims on his partner.

Which is a huge issue to contend with and not deserving of the "only" modifier.

by Anonymousreply 1406/09/2013

No, if you build a life with this person and something happens to him, all that you built goes to the spouse, not you.

by Anonymousreply 1506/09/2013

[quote] the "name only" relationship means another person has legal claims on his partner.

It is not like they have moved in together. They just recently decided to become a couple after one date. As discussed in this DL post linked below

by Anonymousreply 1606/09/2013

I'd say proceed with caution and if things get serious insist on a divorce. If the divorce doesn't happen, run away. Of course all this assumes that the new relationship is compelling.

by Anonymousreply 1706/09/2013

This is why they hate us.

by Anonymousreply 1806/09/2013

R17 again it is not me. It is the couple I discussed in the link at R16

by Anonymousreply 1906/09/2013

You asked what I would do.

by Anonymousreply 2006/09/2013


by Anonymousreply 2106/09/2013

Why would anyone commit to someone who could not commit to them?

Keep him as a fuck buddy or a roommate with benefits but keep the emotions at bay,

by Anonymousreply 2206/09/2013

In their FB status updates (with both of them being in a relationship)

The married/separated guy writes

" Life is so great!!!!!"

To which the Asian guy responds

"'s full of joy and painted with colours from within!"

by Anonymousreply 2306/09/2013

My former neighbor inherited a not too small fortune when his husband-in-name only was killed in a car wreck. They did not speak and had no contact for at least 2 years before the death. But they never bothered to divorce so the spouse got everything. It probably helped that the dead ex was an alcoholic who never got around to making a will. Former neighbor sold his house and moved into the ex's house in Brentwood (L.A.) a much better neighborhood than his old one.

by Anonymousreply 2406/09/2013

Depends on several factors, if they were a couple of convenience and they knew about their indiscretions it would be fair game. I wouldn't follow through if there was a lying involved.

It also depends on the guy I was interested in. If I had a really intense connection and really liked him, I couldn't say I'd be certain of not engaging in a relationship.

Why should I follow rules that don't apply to me? I'm a gay man. I don't want to have children, and families aren't really apart of the whole gay community(exceptions do exist, though). So if two men, without kids want to see people on the side, that is their business and not mine.

by Anonymousreply 2506/09/2013

Why does this couple matter so much to you, OP? Really.

by Anonymousreply 2606/09/2013

R25 they are a couple that is married in NAME only.

They do not communicate with each other at all. No phone calls, no emails, no texting, no chatting, no face to face talking.

It is like they have broken up, but have yet to make it legal.

by Anonymousreply 2706/09/2013

[quote]Why would anyone commit to someone who could not commit to them?

That's not the situation. They can be as committed as any gay couple has been before marriage. The just can't get married without legal action.

by Anonymousreply 2806/09/2013

R27 your point is?

You just answered your own question.

by Anonymousreply 2906/09/2013

Ah the joys of marriage and its 1,000 entitlements.

by Anonymousreply 3006/09/2013

So with marriage equality a reality, this might be the new norm in the gay community.

Married gay couples who break-up, but never divorce.

by Anonymousreply 3106/27/2013

Anyone else?

by Anonymousreply 3208/01/2014

No never but then again I have self respect as a gay man to never go after married men.

by Anonymousreply 3308/01/2014

It's probably better than marrying a guy who's gay in name only.

by Anonymousreply 3408/01/2014
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