Oh, honey, if you need the church and state to tell you that you’re worth it, you’ve got more self-esteem issues than your flagrant wedding ceremony is going to compensate for. I mean, seriously, do we have to stoop to straight people’s level? Why should we be retrofitting our erotic and emotional lives to fit within the confines and shackles of the hetero world? How about straight folks adjust their laws to better match the varied ways we queers make family and not the other way around? Fuck being equal. Let’s use our queerest gift – creativity – and pave the way to a future that’s not just equal, but better.
We just don’t think people who want that kind of life should benefit from special rights administered by the state while those of us who don’t want to marry, for whatever reason, are being coerced to marry to access basic rights and legal protections that all people should have. I also worry that the overwhelming media representations of gay identity and politics in which everyone is being shown as desperate to wed is really going to warp the minds of queer and trans youth. I was lucky growing up because I was never expected to get gay married and I had the freedom to develop into the kind of person I am because I wasn’t being inundated with fanatical homo-flavoured family-values rhetoric that situates marriage as the ultimate goal and the only good way to have a healthy gay relationship.