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Melonville Times Reporting that Lola Heatherton has $45.38 in her bank account.

Former SCTV star is unavailable for comment

by Anonymousreply 4105/25/2013

She wants to bear your children!

by Anonymousreply 105/23/2013

Reporting live, Tawny Beaver. Back to you, Earl Camembert!

by Anonymousreply 205/23/2013

Don't worry about Lola, communications mogul Guy Caballero is the ace in her hole. She'll never go hungry as long as he's still rolling around!

by Anonymousreply 305/23/2013

Jesus H. Christmas! You interrupted the broadcast premiere of "Prickley Heat" for this bit of news?

by Anonymousreply 405/23/2013

Isn't it cute? Isn't it true?

by Anonymousreply 505/23/2013

Isn't that cute? Isn't that true?

by Anonymousreply 605/23/2013

We heard ya the first time, Busty Dusty!

by Anonymousreply 705/23/2013

No one cares. No one dares to.

by Anonymousreply 805/23/2013

Nothing's changed. On my own. It's Christmas 19..? I don't even know what year it is, I just know I'm still A-L-O-O-O-O-N-E...

by Anonymousreply 905/23/2013

I bet she'd blow up REAL good.

by Anonymousreply 1005/23/2013

Baby, baby my account's frozen,

by Anonymousreply 1105/23/2013

How ya doin'?! As a comic in all seriousness, if our little Lola needs some extra casheroo, all she needs to do is reach out me, her old pal Bobby Bittman. No calls after evening hours though. Or early morning. Weekends aren't good either since I'm usually doing my gigs at the local indian casino.

by Anonymousreply 1205/23/2013

Poo...seee. Poooo...pooo...seeeee....POOSEE!

by Anonymousreply 1305/23/2013

I'd help, but I'm too busy relaxing.

by Anonymousreply 1405/23/2013

And all night long he was on her and off her!

By the way, do you mind if Brooke Shields calls you Tip Toenail?

by Anonymousreply 1505/23/2013

Disconnect R15's buzzer!

by Anonymousreply 1605/23/2013

The Beatles?

by Anonymousreply 1705/23/2013

William B. would help out anyone else in this situation by offering them a job on his new show, TORONTO'S GOT TALENTED FOLKS, but Lola once bit him breaking the skin during a live broadcast. He had to leave the set and get a tetanus shot and everything so that's out.

by Anonymousreply 1805/23/2013

But she's guesting this weekend on the Sam Maudlin show!

by Anonymousreply 1905/24/2013

Don't cry for me, Rawalpindi!

by Anonymousreply 2005/24/2013

And no guy's gonna yell her it ain't!

by Anonymousreply 2105/24/2013

"I'm suing a certain major low-life publication in this country, for slander, and libel and very SEVERE psychological injury!"

by Anonymousreply 2205/24/2013

It's the curse of the People's Global Golden Choice Award Winners!

by Anonymousreply 2305/24/2013

I LOVE you, Mommy Teresa!

by Anonymousreply 2405/24/2013

"And introducing my live in lover, or common-law wife if you will, Angelique!"

by Anonymousreply 2505/24/2013

"Come in!"

"Caww eeen!"

"COME. IN!"

"CAWWW. EEEEN."

by Anonymousreply 2605/24/2013

Tell ya what I'D do, I'd take her and put her across muh KNEE, and I'd give her a GOOD. LONG. HARD. SPANKIN' Right on the DERRIERE!

by Anonymousreply 2705/24/2013

It annoys me that Lola's afterschool special "How Nosy the Short-Haired Terrier Dog got His Name" is not available for viewing.

by Anonymousreply 2805/24/2013

"Somewhere between Christmas and being buried alive, is PMS..."

by Anonymousreply 2905/25/2013

Re: Melonville Times Reporting that Lola Heatherton has $45.38 in her bank account.

Way to go, woman!

by Anonymousreply 3005/25/2013

Pray, pray for Lola!

by Anonymousreply 3105/25/2013

L is for Lola. Lately Lola has been feeling Lowdown and Lousy because she Lost all her Loot Leading a Lush and Lascivious Lifestyle. Isn't that right, Mr. Messenger?

by Anonymousreply 3205/25/2013

And Lola's libido?

by Anonymousreply 3305/25/2013

HOWWW AWWW YA?

Lola's in my new movie "On the Waterfront... Again." She's wonderful. And she has a great pair of legs!

by Anonymousreply 3405/25/2013

I show a clip from my movie with me and Lola. It'll be big hit. Knock wood --- ahahahaha!

by Anonymousreply 3505/25/2013

Is Lola Heatherton the mysterious woman in the Rob Ford crack video? Attorney Syd Dithers offered an unintelligible no comment.

by Anonymousreply 3605/25/2013

I nevair toched dat women.

by Anonymousreply 3705/25/2013

I LOVE YOU, YOU GREAT BIG DATALOUNGE! YOU'RE SO REAL, YOU'RE SCARY!!!

HA-HAAAAAAA!

I WANT TO BEAR YOUR CHILDREN!!!

by Anonymousreply 3805/25/2013

What is "Don't get around much anymore"?

by Anonymousreply 3905/25/2013

All of you: marry me.

by Anonymousreply 4005/25/2013

Hey Alex, I can disconnect [R15]'s buzzer, I got a screwdriver out in the car.

by Anonymousreply 4105/25/2013
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