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Worst. Musical. Ideas. EVAH!

(no cheating with real-life examples, e.g. "Carrie: The Musical")

"South Central Story": A modern-day telling of "West Side Story," except the Sharks and Jets are now Bloods and Crips and all of the music is rap! Music and lyrics by Dr. Dre and Ice-T; book by Oprah Winfrey and Marsha Norman.

"Anna Karenina: The Musical" The epic tale, unabridged and in the original Russian. Length: 14 hours.

"Gwynnie From the Block": The epic life story of wunderkind Gwyneth Paltrow, from her early struggles as a celebrity child at an elite Manhattan prep school, to the rigors of mastering a British accent for "Sliding Doors" and dating Brad Pitt, to happiness at last in Britain with a rock superstar husband, two adoring children, hundreds of millions of fans, and an amazing singing voice as seen in "Country Strong" and "Glee!" Music, lyrics and book by Gwyneth Paltrow.

by Anonymousreply 4405/27/2013


by Anonymousreply 105/17/2013

Turning "Desperately Seeking Susan" into a musical. What a mess!

by Anonymousreply 205/17/2013

Sorry, I didn't read this part:

[quote](no cheating with real-life examples, e.g. "Carrie: The Musical")

by Anonymousreply 305/17/2013

LUCY/MAME - a stage musical recounting the way America's favorite redhead filmed America's least-favorite film version of a stage musical.

by Anonymousreply 405/17/2013

"Octomom: The Musical!"

by Anonymousreply 505/17/2013

The Exorcist

Act 1 ends with the infamous cross scene, in which a possessed Regan sings, in the voice of the demon, "Your Cunting Daughter" to her mother.

Little Regan, such easy prey

Just call me the demon squatter

Now she does whatever I say

Behold, your cunting daughter!

by Anonymousreply 605/17/2013

The entire concept is the worst idea. Yeah... let's make a movie, but just when it starts to get interesing, let's get some loon to bust out singing!

by Anonymousreply 705/17/2013

doesn't matter R2 - I loved your pick!

by Anonymousreply 805/17/2013

All of them. Every fucking one was a bad idea.

by Anonymousreply 905/17/2013

The Dirty Dozen begs to be remade as a musical.

by Anonymousreply 1005/17/2013

"R*chelle, R*chelle, A Young Girl's Journey from Moscow to Minsk"

"Lee and Me: The Scotty Thorson Story"

by Anonymousreply 1105/17/2013

A Sean Penn retrospective: "Dead Man Walking! - The Musical", "Milk: The Man and his Music", "Mystic River: The Musical".

by Anonymousreply 1205/17/2013

"Andy Christie: The Musical" is the story of a former callboi/druggie who falls in love, but runs into difficulty in turning his life around.

by Anonymousreply 1305/17/2013

"The Regis Philbin Story"

by Anonymousreply 1405/17/2013

Schindler's List.

by Anonymousreply 1505/17/2013

"Sophie's Pro-Choice"

A lighthearted romp in a Baltimore abortion clinic as a young woman, recently pregnant by her asshole boyfriend, must choice between her collection of growing cells or the vacuum.

Music by Micheal Stipe, book by John Waters

by Anonymousreply 1605/17/2013

[quote]"The Regis Philbin Story"

They could re-write "Drop That Name" from "Bells Are Ringing." Regis was the most prolific name-dropper in NYC this side of DL fave Charlie.

by Anonymousreply 1705/17/2013

9/12. The Next Day.

by Anonymousreply 1805/17/2013

My Dinner With Andre.

by Anonymousreply 1905/17/2013

"Custer!" - Speaks for itself.

"Still Seeking Susan" - Madonna, determined to add a legitimate stage triumph to her incredible record-breaking career, appears in a sequel to the film's story. Playing both Roberta AND Susan in the present and in the past, Madge adds time travel and themes of erotic liberty and death to the madcap proceedings of amnesiac mishaps and mistaken identity. Transplanting the story location to England adds a touch of class - and class confusion! Look for the songs "Always Me," "Across My Universe," "Time Can't Touch Me," "The Tube Song," "Like an Urchin," "Dream Ballet - I'm All I Need," and the eye-popping closer, "Love Me and Lose Me." She's counting her Tonys!

"Yeti" - A young yeti disguises herself to enter a temple school in the Himalayas because of her love for the Supreme God of humans - and a beautiful young monk.

"Ripping!" - A new interpretation of the Jack the Ripper story - showing how far a man will go to fulfill his passion. The shockingly satisfying ended, in which Jack finally finds a woman worthy and equal to his love, finally explains the abrupt end of his infamous search for the perfect woman.

by Anonymousreply 2005/17/2013

"Dammit, Dahmer."

(Told from the perspective of Konerak Sinthasomphone.)

by Anonymousreply 2105/17/2013

"A Long Days Journey Into A Little Night Music."

O'Neill! Sondheim! Holograms of Hepburn and Taylor!

by Anonymousreply 2205/17/2013

Little Womyn - A delightful updating of the perennial favorite. Marmee, abandoned by her husband and suffering from fibromyalgia, takes her girls to Mich Fest. How they grow!

"Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Dance of Death" - Strindberg and Webber: A match made in heaven - and hell! With a tango you'll never forget.

by Anonymousreply 2305/17/2013

"Tilt-a-Whirl" - the sequel to Carousel, in which the grandson of Billy Bigelow becomes a ne'er-do-well carny who finds redemption in the loving arms of a pair of conjoined female twins in the freak show.

by Anonymousreply 2405/17/2013

My Bonnie

by Anonymousreply 2505/17/2013

The Year of the Jodis

A lesbian actress comes out and then, taking a cue from a crazed fan who tried this before in her honor, murders her girlfriend.

by Anonymousreply 2605/17/2013


by Anonymousreply 2705/17/2013

"I, Lisa"

A musical written for Lisa Whelchel about her life and spiritual journey. Book by Harvey Fierstein, music by Danny Elfman.

The big numbers would be, "Careful Who You Marry!" and "No, I don't hate gays".

by Anonymousreply 2805/17/2013

R23 wins.

by Anonymousreply 2905/17/2013

"Shelly! The Michelle Bachmann Story"

Songs: "Why Won't Marcus Touch My Carcass?"

"You Can Never Have Too Many Fosters"

"Crazy Eyes"


by Anonymousreply 3005/17/2013


Latin explosion. Don't sit in the orchestra seats.

by Anonymousreply 3105/17/2013

"Seinfeld - The Musical About Nothing"

"Mommie Dearest" - Everyone's favorite crazed superstar in a freshly rewritten rendition of Joan Crawford's life - from the pen of Christina herself. Previously unknown episodes in Joan's life are revealed in full musical splendor. See her descent into Satanism. Watch her invent "crushing" by trampling kittens. Enjoy her madcap sex sessions during those weekends in Mexico, with a salsa beat. Christina's new-found memories and the musical genius of Paul Williams keep the audience thrilled, from the Act 1 climax in the rose garden to the Finale, sung on her deathbed, "I Am Dying a Horrible Death from Cancer Because of My Being a Rotten Mother." Starring Angelina Jolie.

"Spyderman II - Turn on the Light" - Because Julie Taymor's team NEVER gives up. A sly change in the title allows Miss Taymor to continue to refine her magnificent, evolutionary vision through its 17th year. With a tremendous gala to celebrate its 2000th preview performance.

"Cabernet" - Out go Kander and Ebb and in comes Stephen Schwartz, newly atheistic. Out goes dreary pre-war Berlin and in comes dreamy Napa Valley. Watch as heroine Sally Bowles, now an heiress down on her luck, converts her old hotel into a fabulous winery-theater. And the Emcee is now a strong woman of color!

by Anonymousreply 3205/17/2013

And of course there was "Lorenzo's Oil." The thinking-the-song strategy for little Lorenzo allowed wonderful duets with his mother as she and Dad struggled to find a treatment for Lorenzo's ALD. The climactic moment when Lorenzo is able to "Blink for Love" broke hearts. Too bad Susan Sarandon had to bow out during rehearsals because of the recurrence of that old "back problem" of hers.

by Anonymousreply 3305/17/2013

Who still says "EVAH!"? OP, do you also do that little thing with your right hand fingers when you say "call me!"? That was so cute in the 80s, dawg. But its no longer totally tubular.

by Anonymousreply 3405/17/2013

"Coultermania" -- Excerpts from Ann Coulter's books set to music, with Broadway veteran Harvey Fierstein in the title role

by Anonymousreply 3505/17/2013

R34, linguist and humorist

by Anonymousreply 3605/17/2013

A Christmas Carol Brady

An adaptation of the Dickens story where the Brady family lives in Pasadena between the rich E. Scrooge and the poor Cratchit family and tries to play peacemaker. Things get rough though when Mike finds out that Bob C has been having sex with Bobby on a regular basis as an instructional aid for Timmy. Scrooge has always resented Bob for being able to get the hot young ass he wanted, so he fires him just before Christmas. The ghost of Christmas past shows up with a film projector and shows the family an X rated movie of all of Cratchit's sexual conquests in the neighborhood. Peter is disappointed that he never got in on the orgy action. In the end though they all get together and realize that none of this is worth fighting over because after all, it's Christmas.

by Anonymousreply 3705/18/2013

Note to the wanna-bees: If it can't be said in one breath, it needs a rewrite.

by Anonymousreply 3805/18/2013

"Bosom Buddies", a musical with two lead actors who play Aretha Franklin's tits.

by Anonymousreply 3905/18/2013

"Oh What A Funny Game!" Michael Haneke's controversial "Funny Games" gets a heart-warming update when two starving teenage homeless orphans who wandered in an upscale country house to ask for milk and eggs accidentally kills the family problem child and his dog. All sorts of comic mayhem ensues when the couple is forced to co-habit with the two misfits after a tornado forbids everyone to leave the house. Eventually the couple finds eternal bliss with the lovable pair they adopt. Highlights include: "Two Broken Eggs in a Basket Case (That's Who We Are)", "Make A Bet/Make A Wish(The Funny Game Theme)" "Tomorrow (is an Eternity Away)","Looking for Fido" "No, No, Nanette (Don't Go Topless on Us)" and the optimistic rousing finale "Let's Go Down To The Lake"

by Anonymousreply 4005/18/2013

I live outside the States, and I'm here to tell you I've seen a King Lear in which Cordelia sang "My Heart Belongs to Daddy" in the first Act. That wasn't the only musical number and it didn't get better.

I know it's not fictitious but I couldn't make up anything worse.

by Anonymousreply 4105/18/2013

Let's get some lyrics going for Sophie's Choice, the musical.

by Anonymousreply 4205/18/2013

R41, my sympathies go to you for enduring such crap. Not only is it ridiculous, it is completely wrong for Cordelia's character. Her belief that quiet love shows in its actions and that proclamations and promises and overstatements are unworthy of it negate the song's purposes. It would have been R & G in a duet singing it to Lear, with all sorts of incestuous undertones. And even THAT would have been a horrid misapplication of modernity.

As for R34/R38, I point out the "in one breath" comment directed at her presumption at R36. Non-contributing cunts have no business telling others how to amuse her. Fuck you, cunt.

by Anonymousreply 4305/18/2013

R43, it's R41 here. You are absolutely right and in fact your words made me realise I'd partially succeeded in repressing the memory. I now recall the song was actually sung by the Fool, which makes more sense and theoretically might even be trenchant. In practice, however, introducing musical comedy to King Lear was every bit as bad an idea as it sounds. I really have blocked out the rest of it.

by Anonymousreply 4405/27/2013
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