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The guy who made high school hell for me

has died. My parents told me yesterday. This was in the early 80s. He would push me into lockers, call me "faggot", throw stuff at me when I was on stage in a play or with show choir. Every morning I would try to find a way of getting out of school.

I am shocked that I felt absolutely nothing when I heard the news.

by Anonymousreply 12305/24/2013

Take a dump on his grave

by Anonymousreply 105/13/2013

Nothing can get a girl transferred!

by Anonymousreply 205/13/2013

OP, no need to feel shocked. It's natural to not care when someone you hated has passed away. Someone's death doesn't erase what an asshole they were when they were alive.

by Anonymousreply 305/13/2013

Go over to his parent's house, tell them you two were lovers and had a gayby together.

by Anonymousreply 405/13/2013

Why would you expect to feel shocked, OP?

by Anonymousreply 505/13/2013

"He would push me into lockers, call me "faggot""

We'll take care of him for you, OP.

by Anonymousreply 605/13/2013

Dig deep down to the bottom of your soul.

by Anonymousreply 705/13/2013

I feel the snow!

by Anonymousreply 805/13/2013

Congrats! Mine died about 10 years ago. Used to call me faggot in front of everyone when I had to go to the chalkboard, picked me up and turned me upside down for a laugh, all kinds of things I've forgotten. Killed himself.

by Anonymousreply 905/13/2013

Was his last name Carp?

by Anonymousreply 1005/13/2013

Feel free to dance on his grave, literally or figuratively.

by Anonymousreply 1105/13/2013

Mine recently tried to add me on Facebook. I just LOL'd and moved on with my day.

by Anonymousreply 1205/13/2013

He was in love with you.

by Anonymousreply 1305/13/2013

OP, you may be feeling nothing,

But I'm thrilled for you.

W&W for R1.

by Anonymousreply 1405/13/2013

[quote]I am shocked that I felt absolutely nothing when I heard the news.

Judging by your post and your strong feelings at thinking you had no feelings on the subject, I think you're not quite in tune with your reactions in the matter.

R14 is a bit worse than R1.

by Anonymousreply 1505/13/2013

Just be glad he's deaf and mibe on

by Anonymousreply 1605/13/2013

The guy who made high school hell for my sister died in the WTC attack, which made it impossible for us to enter into the general public bathos surrounding the event. Certainly we never wished him dead. But I always thought he was exactly the sort of bastard Osama bin Ladan was targeting (he was a Jewish investment banker btw.)

by Anonymousreply 1705/13/2013

I wonder why more people don't look up the tormentors and vandalize their homes, steal their dogs, send them porn in the mail...mail them shit.

You know. Get even.

by Anonymousreply 1805/13/2013

OP I had the same problem, and I know this is going to sound terrible but this is what I did.

I figured out that if I could blot out a couple letters in his name, I could spell faggot.

So I bought a chisel, safety glasses and one night went to the cemetery. It only took minutes because marble is softer than granite.

Now he can carry the epithet into eternity.

by Anonymousreply 1905/13/2013

I like your style, R19. Come sit by me.

by Anonymousreply 2005/13/2013

Congratulations OP. Kudos to [R19].

by Anonymousreply 2105/14/2013

R19 You are my hero.

by Anonymousreply 2205/14/2013

I felt nothing when Mr. Karp, my drama teacher, died.

by Anonymousreply 2305/14/2013

I love you R19

by Anonymousreply 2405/14/2013

I don't believe in a literal hell since I am an atheist, but I betcha that man had some moments in his life when he realized what a horrible person he was. And if he didn' still got the last laugh!

by Anonymousreply 2505/14/2013

What were the circumstances of his death? Was he a hostile Type A personality? It's one of those rare circumstances where a person's nasty disposition heavily contributes to their demise. These types are linked to heart disease.

by Anonymousreply 2605/14/2013

The obituary stated, "died unexpectedly".

by Anonymousreply 2705/14/2013

[quote]The obituary stated, "died unexpectedly".

TRANSLATION: He ODed or killed himself.

by Anonymousreply 2805/14/2013

[quote]The guy who made high school hell for my sister died in the WTC attack

I had the same experience, r17. My junior high and high school torturer was a firefighter who died on 9/11. Things he did:

1) Locked me in a janitor's closet when I was ten. I was found by the police several hours later when they searched the school for me and I was pounding on the door. Punishment: he had to shake my hand and apologize. I was told I needed to "toughen up and stand up for yourself".

2) Yelled out "who let the fag on stage?" during a school assembly while I was reading an essay about the environment. Everyone laughed.

3) Told the gym teacher it wasn't fair to have me onto his team (because "he's worse than a girl"). Gym teacher's reponse (to me): "i guess you can be excused for this period."

There are plenty more examples, and I wasn't even close to being his favorite target. There was one not-terribly-attractive girl in our class from Egypt. She was the only non-white student in the school and was hard to understand. He was absolutely brutal to her.

Needless to say, he was also good looking, athletic, and popular. I always HATE when a bully is depicted as some outcast loner (say, like Judd Nelson in Breakfast Club), when the reality is they are often the coolest and most popular kids around.

Anyway, it strongly colored my view of all the 9/11 events when I heard it killed him. I hated all the lavish, completely over-the-top attention and adulation being given to firefighter victims, and grew livid during any one of the three million times I heard about what a 'hero' he was. He was nothing of the kind: he became a firefighter because it was about the only thing he COULD do. It was even clear in all the write-ups about him (and there were sooo many) that he hadn't done anything of any note while a firefighter, so they wildly puffed up his heorics in fairly routine responses.

The reality was that I'd hoped he suffered (which I doubt) and would have preferred he would have survived with all sorts of horrible injuries and disabilities. Him dying on 9/11 as a 'hero' is WAYYYY better than he deserved.

Ugh, I'm getting angry again.

by Anonymousreply 2905/14/2013

Take comfort, R29, in the fact that your tormentor never derived a whit of personal pleasure from his designation as a hero and that he doubtlessly would have preferred to go on living his asshole-ish life, had he been given a choice. You outlived him by over a decade. You win.

by Anonymousreply 3005/14/2013

My point is right there in my post. Only a very small, highly partisan segment of the population is making an issue if these things, and they're voters who would never vote for Obama or Hillary anyway. It's stupid to be so "concerned", unless your a freeper troll stirring up shit.

Now what's YOUR point? Nothing I wrote referenced race or ethnicity, but you couldn't wait to rush in and play those cards. Troll much, loser?

by Anonymousreply 3105/14/2013

Oops, sorry wrong thread

by Anonymousreply 3205/14/2013

OP, get a subscription to some gay porn magazines in his name and address them to his parents.

by Anonymousreply 3305/15/2013

Do you have an alibi for the time of his death, OP?

by Anonymousreply 3405/15/2013

The guy who bullied me, a new, fat kid was cruel in p.e. class. I lost the weight...but secretly wished something awful would happen to him. Right after h.s. grad., he died drugged out in a car crash. I felt very guilty for some time.

by Anonymousreply 3505/15/2013

You should be celebrating OP! I know I would be!

by Anonymousreply 3605/16/2013

No one called me such names, but once,in high school, a heftier guy than my skinny self caught me unaware when we were alone. I fought back, and neither of us was that hurt. But he let me be after I fought him.

But since then, I've been called all kinds of names. Didn't hurt because I always felt it was their problem. Some people do repent. Some people carry the guilt all their lives, and just don't know how to contact the person to say "I'm sorry!"

by Anonymousreply 3705/16/2013

R29, I'd love to know his name. It's just such an interesting story.

by Anonymousreply 3805/16/2013

This thread is making me depressed. I thought I got past the horrible high school memories, but reading all these posts is forcing me to relive the experiences.

by Anonymousreply 3905/16/2013

Yes, R29, I wonder why you stopped short of giving the bully's name. Are you afraid or reprisal from his family and friends, even though DL is supposed to be anonymous? Does DL have a rule against naming non-celebrities?

by Anonymousreply 4005/16/2013

My verbal abuser killed himself six years ago in a local park. He was fat, disgusting and ugly but was 'popular' in his way and seemed to always have a girlfriend, and this troll lived a charmed life with well-off parents and standing in the community. I looked at his obit comment page and there were quite a few who thought he had a winning personality.

I don't think about him now, but the first couple years after I read about his suicide I felt a small, strange satisfaction and have never felt a whit guilty about it.

And, R29, your asshole firefighter HAD to have suffered some. Be extra happy to be alive today. Best wishes.

by Anonymousreply 4105/16/2013

Why should you expect to feel anything? It's been 30 years.

by Anonymousreply 4205/16/2013

R39 I know what you mean. That is why if I was OP, I'd be rejoicing. Some of those fuckers made my life a living hell when I was in high school, and if I found out one of them died, I can honestly say I'd be happy. One less jerk in the world. Some people don't realize that no matter how many years go by, those bad memories always stay with you in the back of your mind.

by Anonymousreply 4305/16/2013

My high school bully was two years older than I was. He made my freshman and sophomore years horrible. He beat me and verbally abused me (and a few other guys). He always made sure to call me a 'faggot' in front of others. He and his buddies held me down one afternoon at lunch and stripped my clothes off and threw me into the hall and locked the dressing room door behind me. I walked to my locker (150 yards away) nude (I wasn't humiliated by that, as I was in pretty good shape and endowed pretty well for a 14 year old).

My bully died "unexpectedly" two years ago. On his Facebook page, everyone (at least 50 former school mates, teachers, etc.) raved about what a great person he had been (and what an exceptional person he was as a youth).

He died from a heroin overdose at the age of 49. He had apparently been deep into drugs since his early 20s. His sisters made a point of telling everyone on Facebook that he died of a "heart attack" and had suffered for a few years from "heart problems." Wrong! I knew two of the EMT's who carted his fat ass to the hospital. He was loaded to the gills on smack and his apartment was full of needles, drugs, etc.

I could not fake being sad over the news of his death. Neither could the other boys he had picked on so mercilessly. Good riddance!

by Anonymousreply 4405/16/2013

R44 Good story! Your story and others' on here make me feel like karma might actually exist.

by Anonymousreply 4505/16/2013

Once in a while a redemption story of a former bully who realizes the harm inflicted comes to light.

Almost always after said bully comes out of the closet.

by Anonymousreply 4605/16/2013

R46, True about the closet thing. In the '70s, I was brutalized by a big stocky asshole that would hold me down and strangle me until I would say loudly that I was a "cocksucking fag." He always made anti-gay remarks about me and made up bullshit stories that I had been seen sucking cock in the park, in parking lots, etc.

He was dragged from the closet in the mid/late 1980's when he was diagnosed with AIDS (that killed him slowly, horribly and painfully, from what I heard). His family disowned him and he died miserable and alone in a hospice. I would have cried for anyone else who went through what he did, but not for him. Karma did exist in that case.

by Anonymousreply 4705/16/2013

I bullied someone in 5th grade. I am very sorry and can't find her to express my regrets and let her know I'm aware I did wrong. Hope she would not be thrilled to hear I died. In my defense, I was not her worst tormentor -- everyone on the class piled on. That poor girl...

by Anonymousreply 4805/16/2013

Looks to me like a lot of these bullies were obsessed with - dare I say in love with? - their victims. Seems true especially with those who killed themselves or died of overdoses.

Really, why else strip someone naked, call him faggot in the middle of an assembly, strangle them until they talked dirty ("I'm a cock-sucking faggot"), etc.

Sorry to hear about your tormentors OP, r29, 244, and r47. To me it sounds like they were somehow attracted to you or, at the very least intrigued, and did not know how to deal with it. Some learned or were at least able to accept themselves even if in private or if it tormented them (the guy who unfortunately died of AIDS) and some never did (the suicides and perhaps the overdoses). But rest yourselves assured - they all led unhappy lives.

Hope yours have been happier.

by Anonymousreply 4905/16/2013

244 >>> r44

by Anonymousreply 5005/16/2013

One of my bullies was from a rich family and has now inherited his millions. One of my bullies lives in a run-down neighborhood and is constantly in the news for his arrests on wife-battering, public intoxication, and possession of marijuana charges. The other, the worst one, died a year after graduation. He was driving drunk and flipped his Jeep. The roll bar landed on his neck and decapitated him. I shed no tears.

by Anonymousreply 5105/16/2013

You should hear what happened to my bullies, LOL.

by Anonymousreply 5205/16/2013

My bully was my age, but was a huge jock. Very tall and extremely popular. His abuse toward me was verbal, never physical. Lots of unprovoked insults and homophobia (always in front of others). He picked on me from the beginning of 7th Grade through the middle of Sophomore year (Dec. 1980), when he, thankfully, moved out of state.

In the late '80s, my divorced Uncle married his sister. She died unexpectedly in 2004. I attended the funeral and saw my bully for the first time in 24 years. He was fat, had a full head of grey hair, and had leathery skin. No longer the cock-of-the-walk, by any means. I, on the other hand, was in terrific shape and looked pretty damned good.

He walked past me at the after-funeral dinner and nodded, smiled and said hello. He had just lost his sister, so I begrudgingly nodded and said hello back. I was unsure if he had recognized me. A few days later, I was checking my email and saw one with his name as the sender. He had apparently gotten my email address from a former classmate/friend of mine that he was related to.

Out of curiosity, I opened it. It was a two-page apology letter. He said that he had been tormented for years about how he had treated me (and several others). He was very genuine and I knew he meant it. I emailed him back and thanked him. I colored the truth a little and said that I hardly remembered any bullying. He thanked me for accepting his apology.

He grew into a decent and caring guy and we have been Facebook friends for 6 years. I never would have believed that possible way back when.

by Anonymousreply 5305/16/2013

That's sort of wonderful, R53.

by Anonymousreply 5405/16/2013

This is an amazing thread! Someone mentioned that it felt like there might be karma at work here!? One of the guys who chased me home from school everyday for years( they'd beat me up if they caught me),is my brothers best friend. My brother also works for him. This past oct. my partner and I went back to Mass. From Fla. where we live. Sadly it was for my best friend of thirty year's funeral.

The night before we were to go home we squeezed in a visit with my mom,and then Chinese food at my brothers house. This guy John Littlefield showed up. I'd seen him many times over the years when I would go home for the holidays etc. this time he was drunk as usual,and started telling me he and another of these guy that used to beat me up and humiliate me had been talking recently about a "funny" story involving me. It involved my classmates putting a filthy sopping wet mop in my bunk while we were on an out of town field trip.

That's as far as he got. In the past I'd ignore him or avoid him,but not this time.i flipped the fuck out,jumped up from the table and started screaming in his ugly fat face. Everything I'd ever wanted to say came pouring out of me.

I reminded him that he and his friends had made my life a living hell for years. He tried to act incredulous but I wasn't having it. I told him he was "the same fucking asshole he was in school" that I thought he was a sad drunk whose own wife was disgusted by him,and made him sleep in his garage. Then I insisted he finish his "funny story" about the wet mop! I told him I have a wonderful life with the best partner in the world. While he was just a drug addict that had never left our hometown!

I'm sure I said lots of other things,including that my best friends funeral was the the straw that broke the camels back. My partner and brother separated us,and I roared at him all the way through the front door and into the front yard and driveway. My partner stuffed me into our rental and we drove to a hotel ( where we had a really nice dinner).

It doesn't seem to turn-out well,typically for bullies!? That's why I posted.

by Anonymousreply 5505/16/2013

[R55] I love you. I wish I had the balls to flip out on my high-school bully. I would of loved to see the looked on his face.

by Anonymousreply 5605/16/2013

Most people review their lives as they lay dying. Not a good memory, to know you didn't pick on someone your own size; or, age. Someone who didn't hurt you, but simply was himself.

by Anonymousreply 5705/16/2013

R56 it wasn't balls,it just happened. He has tons of money from his business,(and backs of people like my brother),yet he is clearly miserable. He drinks every day and does coke most days. His kids are afraid of him,and his wife makes him sleep in this enormous two-story work shop filled with expensive "toys", ATV's,boats,motorcycles,snowmobiles etc.

I really believe that,because so many of us survived what people are describing here,has made us better( certainly more empathetic etc.) men. I also think they remember. Hence the propensity for heavy drug and alcohol abuse?!

It feels strange to write about it. I had a(gay) therapist who told me it was extremely healthy to acknowledge that this happened to me( not to mention a sexual sadist stepfather,and alcoholic/ violent/rageoholic father) He said that many of his gay clients tried to stuff the memories,with terrible results.

by Anonymousreply 5805/16/2013

I found out a high school bully died of a brain tumor. She was very conservative so most people didn't pick up on how mean and pretentious she really was. So glad I never have to run into her when I come back into town. Relieved for her daughters, in the long run.

by Anonymousreply 5905/16/2013

I love you, too, R55.

by Anonymousreply 6005/16/2013

Same thing happened to me recently. Our elementary school class has a Facebook page and I'm a member. So is... I mean was.. he. When he died suddenly everyone started posting about what a great guy he was and how sad they feel for his family. I wanted to write 'burn in hell, George' but I didn't. I took the high road. Actually, I looked at his Facebook page and one of his sons pings. That's all the revenge I needed.

by Anonymousreply 6105/16/2013

A much younger straight married friend whom I've been discreetly crushing on the last few months said something to me the other night that I had failed to previously consider. The subject of getting into fights when we were younger came up. He said he had always been a pacifist. I told him that as a 5th grader I was repeatedly taunted by a 6th grader to the point that - in my one & only fight ... I thereafter ran away from any possible fights - I gave the kid a beat-down on Devil's Night (the night before Halloween in my hometown). My friend's reaction was to ask if they were taunting handsome boys. I had never considered that this might have been the motivating factor for the bullying. BTW, my bully must have been so shamed over the pummeling he took from me that he later became an all-state high school wrestler.

by Anonymousreply 6205/16/2013

You have to love all of the FB phonies. Those people weren't there then and they won't be now. Face(book) it. The slow kids do blog, though.

by Anonymousreply 6305/16/2013

I was tormented by a sadistic fuck of a bully in middle & high school--as were nerds, fat chicks, general weirdos, other "fags", etc. He was a jock who was dumber then a box of rocks, but always managed to get at least "C"s to keep his football / basketball eligibility.

One day at lunch, I was eating a hotdog and I heard "Are you practicing sucking dicks, you fucking homo? Do you and your little fag friends like to fuck each other up the ass, too?" Well.....I went apeshit. I jumped out of my chair and literally started swinging. All I remember is punching him over and over and screaming "Fuck you, you piece of shit motherfucker! NO MORE!" until a teacher pulled me off him.

Of course ,* I * was the one who got in trouble--3 day suspension, but it was soooo worth it. NO ONE fucked with me after that.

About 5 years ago, I found out that asshole got the shit beat out of him at a truck stop while cruising for cock. He was so badly beaten, he went deaf in one ear and suffered some brain damage.

Karma? Maybe. Did I feel bad? Nope. Not one fucking bit.

by Anonymousreply 6405/16/2013

I'm sorry, OP...hope you're doing okay.

by Anonymousreply 6505/16/2013

[quote]I looked at his Facebook page and one of his sons pings. That's all the revenge I needed.

That happened to me too: an awful Iranian girl who used to verbally taunt me about how homosexuality is the worst thing ever etc. has an out gay 13 year old kid. Almost makes you believe in karma or a higher power!

by Anonymousreply 6605/16/2013

Out gay at age 13? Wow. Rock on, dude!

by Anonymousreply 6705/16/2013

I would piss on his grave.

by Anonymousreply 6805/16/2013

Add r64's tormentor to the list of bullies who are somehow attracted to or intrigued by his target subject.

Almost makes you feel sorry for them.

by Anonymousreply 6905/17/2013

R69, one of the reasons I gave up on Glee was their attempt to turn Karofsky, Kurt's bully, into a sympathetic character.

by Anonymousreply 7005/17/2013

To be fair, r70, there are some who realize and regret their evil ways...but not usually 2 months later, while still in high school!

However, Glee, in its relentless mission to "educate" (read: preach) has to resort to that artistic license if it means even one bully in high school can become introspect after watching the show.

The big challenge is actually to get the kind of people who tend to be bullies to watch the kind of show Glee is...

by Anonymousreply 7105/17/2013

[quote]I would piss on his grave.

Or bring your dog to shit on it.

by Anonymousreply 7205/17/2013

^ Why bother with the dog?

by Anonymousreply 7305/17/2013

Shows how much work still has to be done in the public schools to combat bullying. Am I bullying less of a problem among private schools??

by Anonymousreply 7405/17/2013


Marry me.

by Anonymousreply 7505/18/2013

R74 I went to a Catholic private school that was somewhat elite and people were just as cruel as in elementary school, just more subtile. I am not sure what's worse. Dumb bullies or really intelligent ones.

by Anonymousreply 7605/18/2013

Mine was shot and killed in a robbery attempt. He was the robber. No surprise there.

by Anonymousreply 7705/18/2013

[quote]About 5 years ago, I found out that asshole got the shit beat out of him at a truck stop while cruising for cock. He was so badly beaten, he went deaf in one ear and suffered some brain damage.

Please tell me you contacted him and told him he got the beating because he sucked cock badly and maybe if he would have practiced with hot dogs back in high school this all never would have happened.

by Anonymousreply 7805/18/2013

I was bullied back in high school in the 1920's. My bully died in 1962. I still hold a grudge. But, that's me, grudge holder. I can't move on with my life.

by Anonymousreply 7905/18/2013

Oh Opie...

What was on his Ipod?

"Beat It" "Wooly Bully" "Hit Me With Your Best Shot"

by Anonymousreply 8005/18/2013

[quote]I bullied someone in 5th grade. I am very sorry and can't find her to express my regrets and let her know I'm aware I did wrong. Hope she would not be thrilled to hear I died.

That's a vain hope. Until she knows (hears) you're sorry, she will feel that kind of hatred for you, along with the rest of the class.

by Anonymousreply 8105/18/2013

Was his name Mr. Karp?

by Anonymousreply 8205/18/2013

I was never bullied in high school but there is one particular ex boyfriend, who if he died, I don't think I'd be bothered at all.

by Anonymousreply 8305/18/2013

One of the legions of bullies who fucked with me died in a car accident. I didn't know until years later.

Part of me is still hurt - it affected me less in holding on to specific grudges and more in just being very slow to trust people.

But I've also tried to let go of any anger towards other kids. I don't say that because I'm trying to be a great person or anything. But holding on to that shit just hurts you, because 99.9% of the people that do that shit to you do NOT car how you feel or will never, ever see it from your perspective.

I do still hate the adults who stood by and watched and didn't intervene. And the adults who, when I was a junior and senior, joined in the harrassment and abuse. One is retired and in Florida. I hope a hurricane destroys his house and everything in it.

by Anonymousreply 8405/18/2013

Any guy who had a car and weighed less than 200 pounds ... and a couple of punks who teased me and one who put a tack in my seat.

by Anonymousreply 8505/18/2013

How old are you R79?

by Anonymousreply 8605/18/2013

r86, can't you tell when someone is just trying to make a point?

[quote]Was his name Mr. Karp?

OMG that is so fucking clever! You are a creative genius! Only the 5th or 6th time some form of that joke has been told in all of 86 posts.

by Anonymousreply 8705/19/2013

Isn't this a song in "A Chorus Line"?

by Anonymousreply 8805/19/2013

Yes it is r88, you are sharp as a tack, if a little late to the party.

by Anonymousreply 8905/19/2013

Has anyone yet mentioned that OP's story is eerily similar to Diana Morales'?

by Anonymousreply 9005/19/2013

This is a fascinating thread. So many bullies depicted showed their hands in later years as being envious of or secretly admiring or even being attracted to their targets. Unable to deal with their feelings, they project their self-loathing onto the targets. I'm a straight female and am reminded of two female bullies - one in elementary and the other in junior high school. The first one was a battleaxe-looking big mouth who picked on a number of people. When I later saw her at our 25th high school reunion, she acted like my long-lost best friend, wouldn't leave my side and was openly admiring. An eye-opening experience. The second bully used to tauntingly call me a lezzie and I suspected she stole my good jewelry from my gym locker but could not prove it. She finally stopped taunting after I had the last straw and slammed her into the gym lockers. Last I saw her in high school, she was on a fast track to nowhere -- on drugs, failing school and looking generally white-trashy. I don't know what became of her. It's unfortunate few mentors seem to be around to interpret for us what is REALLY underneath it all.

by Anonymousreply 9105/19/2013

I was R2 and made the reference to the song from A Chorus Line way back then.

Every poster since R (WAY upthread) who has made some lame ass reference to that song, or Morales, is a dumbass. People who have beat the joke to death. People who are not good or observant readers. People who type clueless shit like R88.

by Anonymousreply 9205/19/2013

BIG BUMP,for one of my favorite threads in a while! This is VERY enlightening!

by Anonymousreply 9305/20/2013


by Anonymousreply 9405/22/2013

I'm not OP, but would like to hear from those who know bullies who grew up to be even bigger bullies. Are they outwardly BELOVED by those who fear them and who thus give them accolades to placate them? Do these bullies seem happy? Stories and insights welcome.

by Anonymousreply 9505/22/2013

It's nice to see that some people have been able to move on. Very sad that some haven't been able to. Living well isn't the best revenge, forgetting their name is.

by Anonymousreply 9605/22/2013

As a child, I was bullied by my school as a collective.

Someone decided that I was the kid to fuck with and everyone followed suit. It was hell. started in the 3rd grade and went to the 8th grade. Boys, girls, nerds, older kids, younger kids- it didn't matter. I was their target. I couldn't figure out what I did, or what I was doing to be so hated by so many kids. I grew up with no friends and terrified of everyone. I even had to spend recess and lunch in the office, because it was safer there. The result was nervous breakdowns at ages 10 11 and 13. The stress was just too much.

LOL. Because the only other kids that were picked on, were the retarded kids, I actually thought I was retarded too, and just didn't know it! I figured, I must be! So sad. It really messed with my head.

(since i went to such a large massive high school, the bullying stopped. it was easy to blend in and be invisible, so I didn't experience it again, but the psychological damage exists to this day. I don't know how to make friends or maintain friendships with people. I blame the years of bullying and the psychological isolation that was a result.)

But, when i was 21, I went to an engagement party and one of my worst torturers was there. He took one look at me and walked right up to me and apologised for everything! I was releived but still humiliated. We're standing there reminiscing about how horrible my childhood was because of him. I kind of wanted him to stop apologising, because the shame of it all was too much.

Over the years, many people have apologised when i would run into them. But again, it still embarrasses me to even talk about. I go right back there, as if it happened yesterday. I'm 40, now. I wish I could feel nothing.

by Anonymousreply 9705/22/2013

R97. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your experience underscores that there are cases where sincere contrition simply isn't enough.

by Anonymousreply 9805/22/2013

[all posts by tedious troll removed.]

by Anonymousreply 9905/22/2013

r97, I'm sorry too. I wish I could hug you.

by Anonymousreply 10005/22/2013

My torturer (massive beatings, vandalism on my property, humiliation, verbal abuse), from 7th Grade through 10th, was arrested several years after high school for manufacturing and dealing meth. He got out of jail and hooked up with some skank that had two young sons. He was caught sexually abusing her sons and sent back up the river. The other prisoners apparently didn't take kindly to what he had done, so word is that they did the same to him (many, many times). One day he was thrown over an upstairs railing and landed on the hard cold concrete. He'll never walk again, so they say. He made many lives hell back in school over 30 years ago, now his life will be hell for eternity. I feel no sympathy for the bastard.

by Anonymousreply 10105/22/2013


by Anonymousreply 10205/22/2013

The non-family people who bullied me are apparently doing quite well. Six months after I escaped from an abusive, mind-fucking ex, he met the love of his life. They are still together. My junior high school tormentor (female) married a successful photographer and travels the world with him.

My older brother and sister made my life miserable when I was a child. Brother became a violent criminal - fortunately he's locked up for a while. They don't know where I live, and I try not to fear they will track me down someday.

I've never been able to form healthy relationships. It is a miracle that I even have work friends, given how royally messed up I am.

My HR department finally gave up hassling me because I don't have anyone listed as an emergency contact. If anything happens to me on the job, I guess HR will call Social Services...?

by Anonymousreply 10305/22/2013

I finally at he age of 64 have made peace with the fact that 4 of my siblings are wothless. My life has been hell b/c of them.

I have been abused by them in many ways, I have spent years on shrinks couches...never getting much relief,but now have decided to just divorce myself from them.

After giving them my love ,my money, employment,housing and god know what else I came to the conclusion that they just don't deserve to have me in their lives

Now I am left with only a few people in my life .but I am much happier...

by Anonymousreply 10405/22/2013

Wow, so many dead bullies.

by Anonymousreply 10505/22/2013

It didn't last long, but there was a bully in junior high and senior high who taunted me from 8th-9th grade. He was obsessed with me being gay (although I wasn't out, I'm sure it was pretty obvious), and he wouldn't let up. It got really bad for a few weeks, he was really out looking for me at the lockers, bus stop, etc. I just kept praying that something would happen to make it end. And it did. He decided to dive into a pond (this was the rural Midwest) and impaled himself on a piece of wood. (I feel bad about the irony here.) I wasn't unhappy to hear about it when it happened. But looking back, it was obvious he was a tortured soul, most likely gay himself, and no one deserves that kind of ending. So, I officially forgive you, Ralph, and I hope you've gone on to a better, less troubled place.

by Anonymousreply 10605/22/2013

WOW! I cannot believe how much I love reading these stories. Thank You.

by Anonymousreply 10705/22/2013

I'd be glad. Go piss on his headstone. He's dead!

by Anonymousreply 10805/22/2013

She died. So thrilled for her children in the long run. I use the Gypsy Kings Bem Bem Maria but substitute her name. Bem Bem S___ M__ is dead, dead, dead. Halla-luya. I make it fit.The world is a better place and I pray her husband and daughters can live a normal life, not worrying about Miss Prissy Brooks Brothers wanna-be dressing her daughters as prep school kids. She envisioned herself as a preppy elite but was nowhere near that background. I guess the powers that be didn't have a grand plan for this pretentious, sheeple no personality twat. RIP, mean girl.

by Anonymousreply 10905/23/2013

I was lost as a child, mother dead early, ignored and also dealing with an inappropriate father with rage issues. By the time I hit Jr. High, I was a real mess, isolated and absolutely clueless socially. Worse, I was aware I was a lesbian and everyone else stayed away from me because I was smart and, somehow clearly to them, dangerous because of being so quiet. So, when I began to get nasty attention from some other girls, I really internalized all the fault for it. I left home at 14. Maybe 13; it is so long ago. I was so very much hurt for a long time. Thanks to a number of things, therapy for one, I am better now, still an outlier, but better.

I salted my father's grave and never had any interest in seeing any of these girls again. You know: better.

by Anonymousreply 11005/23/2013

My bully punched me in the stomach a few times in PE in the 8th grade and called me "faggot". I was an OK athlete and no one else thought I was gay. Knocked the wind out of me. I became afraid of him -- it really hurt. And also afraid I'd be "found out".

He was tall and quite cute, and could be even very affectionate. And a bit lispy. But he was also the hyperactive, ADD, impulsive type.

Then we went to the same high school, but was mostly able to avoid him because I was in college track classes and he was in the ones for average students.

He used to try to intimidate me in the hallways by raising a fist. I'd respond with cock sucking gestures and winks.

But we were both on the baseball team. Jamie screwed up one game, I did well, and he knocked the wind out of me in the locker room, called me faggot, then gave me a bloody nose. My team mates knocked him to the ground, directed me to kick him in the balls (which I did) and said "Don't beat on me anymore, asshole!" as he lay there crying. We were all suspended. My Mom was a pacifist: "Oh, just be nice, dear".

This was Junior year. Harvey Milk and Mayor Moscone had been assassinated. I told the hippy principal that I'm gay, some of the teachers are, too, and not going to take any bullshit. I was an honor student.

We avoided each other for the rest of high school. But I did sort of live in fear of "being caught" and getting punched in the stomach again, or worse.

Was not nearly as disgustingly abused as so many have posted. Especially can't imagine being trapped in a small town in a Red state. Plus, it helped that I was able to cut school and drive across the bridge into SF and hang out in gay bars when I was 16. Everyone told me to keep butching it up until graduation.

At our 25 year reunion, Jamie stumbled into the people I was talking to. He was balding and chubby, but still cute. I'd never looked better in my life and was with my handsome partner.

Jamie looked at my name tag and said "Oh, I remember you, you look great, how are you?". Introduced him to my partner (who'd heard me bitch about Jamie for 19 years).

Jamie was glad to meet him. First thing he said was how sorry he was. His wife was home with the kids back in the shitty suburb. Kept buying us drinks and said that he's "slightly bisexual". But too old to fool around in The Castro anymore. No surprise. He seemed obsessed with homosexuality.

Classmates commented how we were kissing and making up. My bff, hag, and beard said something like "one more drink and the three of you will end up getting a room tonight". The whole thing was so healing.

And yes, he figured I had a crush on him in the 8th grade.

No longer think about him. And I usually don't have to "butch it up".

by Anonymousreply 11105/23/2013

I was bullied daily from 5th to 10th grades by probably about 75% of my classmates and a number of teachers. I would be delighted to hear of any of my tormentors' deaths or sufferings if I could remember any of them, but I really don't. Some names but no faces. I kept no yearbooks or class pictures. Oddly I get lots of FB requests from them which are immediately deleted.

My life really started in college and their lives peaked in high school. Not to sound smug but I wouldn't change a thing. I work in psychiatry and the bullying--and kindness I would occasionally encounter as a result--has given me a good read on people and helped my career and self-esteem.

by Anonymousreply 11205/23/2013

Bullying is funny. We grow up and forget about it outwardly, even though we are a product of every incident. At two different elementary schools, kids circled me and kicked me while I was on the ground. Just one time each, but blech. The first grade school was an academy filled with rich kids, while my mom was scraping up the dough to send me there. I echo the experience of the entire school picking on me. I remember telling my stepdad the names they called me. Moded corroded. He looked at me quizzically and said "They're calling you rusty?" It never occurred to me that I didn't know what the meaning was. It was just clear that I was supposed to feel bad about it.

Funny, when Facebook came along, I looked up many many kids from my early years. Never wrote to any of them. I just looked them up so I could secretly judge them (yes, I admit I didn't come out of childhood perfectly benevolent). It's interesting how just perusing FB accounts took me back to those childhood/adolescent feelings of inadequacy, like I didn't fit in and would never be accepted by the cool kids. I have zero friends left from my school years, although many of them are still friends with each other.

I think, even though I'm not all that gay, I've always been attracted to the gay community because we have a shared experience of abuse along the way. It does bad things to our psyches.

But the silver lining is I, like many of you, developed deep compassion for the underdog through all my abuse. I can make fun of a deserving asshole, but I can't make fun of someone who is harmless and just being themselves, and I won't allow others to do it either. If I see kids doing in another kid in public, I absolutely lecture them and make it stop. My philanthropic desires and votes are always in support of those at the bottom of society, those who are not properly cared for.

by Anonymousreply 11305/23/2013

Yeah, a lot of the bullies are dead. I have a dead bully. In high school he harassed me, pushed me up against the locker, called me a faggot. Then we met up at a gay bar a year after high school. He apologized. Died of AIDS. Rest in Peace Tom.

by Anonymousreply 11405/23/2013

Thanks for contributing to this thread, R112. Wat is your take on why so many former classmates have tried to befriend you on FB? It's clear you don't think their intentions were good, as you deleted the requests. Do you believe they think they will continue to taunt you in some way or rub your face in their perceived success?

by Anonymousreply 11505/23/2013

Thanks to all. Another bullying victim here. High school was fairly peaceful but elementary school and junior high were rough. And then my father bullied me at home. In similar ways. Name calling. Fists. And so on.

Like many of you, I'd dreamed of getting revenge. Finally - I think I was in eighth grade (a million years ago; memory's not perfect) - I made a plan. There'd been one regular tormentor. Not only hit me and called me names but threatened me with worse if I didn't give him my lunch money every day. Spent all day trying to avoid running into him in the hall.

Anyway, the plan. It was lame. I called Chicken Delight and ordered a shitload of food to be delivered to his house. Of course, I never knew what happened when they got to his house. I did that maybe three times.

I'd made some peace with all the bullying,but just yesterday I got verbally fag-bashed by some old woman. At a bus stop in Midtown Manhattan. And yes it still stings.

by Anonymousreply 11605/23/2013

Question for R116 and others here: How do you cope with mean, bullying type behavior from adults if and when that happend in your adult lives? Once it starts, I pull myself up by the bootstraps and make a point of out-bullying the bully. That has worked so far, even if all it means is holding up the mirror with words.

by Anonymousreply 11705/23/2013

Why do you think we care?

If you don't even care, why would we? I think you just want to communicate your past suffering in yet another DL woe is me thread.

by Anonymousreply 11805/23/2013

R118, you are vastly outnumbered on this thread.

by Anonymousreply 11905/23/2013

When I was a kid - aged about 6 - we had a school bully who beat the shit out of EVERYONE. He was a total asshole and the whole year were afraid of him. One day a teacher came into the class to break the sad news that he drowned. The whole class erupted into joy! I guess kids maybe tell it like it is.

by Anonymousreply 12005/23/2013

I had an older brother who was a pretty cool kid. No one bullied me because they thought he's protect me. I'm not sure if he would have because the opportunity never arose. I was fairly popular back then but there were a few situations where some douchebag or another may have tried to start but it never turned into anything. Of course, all the coolest girls in school were always all over me anyway and they douchey guys didn't want to hurt their chances by letting their doucheyness out in public.

by Anonymousreply 12105/24/2013

My bully was / is my older sister. She has made my life hell. She is so self absorbed - but I can tell she is miserable. She is desperate to be the best, but there is nothing she can do about the fact that I will always be smarter than her.

by Anonymousreply 12205/24/2013

R113, what do you mean when you say that you are "not all that gay?"

by Anonymousreply 12305/24/2013
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