Serving up this steaming pile of
Celebrity Gossip
Gay Politics
Gay News
and Pointless Bitchery
Since 1995

"First World Problems" that don't exist anymore...

"I bought the CD because I loved the single, but the rest of the album is crap!"

"Blockbusters already rented their copy of "Groundhog Day", and there's no other way to see it!

"I want to listen to my music when I go running, but my discman keeps skipping!"

"I want some privacy on this call, but the phone cord doesn't stretch far enough!"

"I have this school report due, but the library is closed!"

"I'm afraid to call them, because what if their mom or dad answers first?"

"I want to use the internet, but someone else is on the phone!"

"I want to know the lyrics to that song I just heard... but the booklet in the front of the CD case only has pictures of the band and writing credits!"

"The economy is so strong, I can't decide which job offer to take after college!"

"My TV Guide didn't come this week, so I don't know what's on my TV right now!"

by Anonymousreply 15508/08/2013

"My discman"??? Are you writing from the year 2002?

by Anonymousreply 105/05/2013

R1, do you not understand the premise of this thread?

by Anonymousreply 205/05/2013

The phone company is charging me extra for an unlisted number.

by Anonymousreply 305/05/2013

I'm so horny but I don't feel like going all the way to the bath house tonight!

by Anonymousreply 405/05/2013

I only call people in my area code, otherwise I have to pay long distance charges.

by Anonymousreply 505/05/2013

Damn video store keeps charging me a $1 rewinding fee! I don't fucking have time for this rewinding shit!

by Anonymousreply 605/05/2013

Shoot! I forgot the bank closes early on a Friday--now I don't have any money for the weekend!

by Anonymousreply 705/05/2013

I can't wait to meet my honey at the gate in the airport. I love seeing his as he walks up the corridor. But there are so many other people waiting too...

by Anonymousreply 805/05/2013

So apparently the department store's just been dumping out credit card carbon slips and not properly disposing them!!! What are we gonna do now that our credit card numbers were compromised???!

by Anonymousreply 905/05/2013

I hate my job as a file clerk.

by Anonymousreply 1005/05/2013

I keep getting a busy signal!

by Anonymousreply 1105/05/2013

There are so many hot teen dudes down at Sears bathroom in the afternoon, I don't have time to suck them all.

by Anonymousreply 1205/05/2013

Oh no Suzie left already, now I have to wait until she arrives at her destination to call her with this important information!

by Anonymousreply 1305/05/2013

Ugh get me a pencil. My damn Walkman just ate my mix tape again.

by Anonymousreply 1405/05/2013

I hope this hotel has vacant rooms. I hope the rooms are nice and that they don't charge a lot. I hope they have a Yellow Pages in the drawer because I don't know any restaurants in this town.

by Anonymousreply 1505/05/2013

"If we get cut off it's because my iPhone's battery is low."

Oh, wait...

by Anonymousreply 1605/05/2013

"Shit, I lost the piece of paper with the guy's number."

by Anonymousreply 1705/05/2013

Damn the Xerox is down again. How am I going to distribute this important memo?

by Anonymousreply 1805/05/2013

[quote]I can't wait to meet my honey at the gate in the airport. I love seeing his as he walks up the corridor. But there are so many other people waiting too...

I have to confess I don't know what this is referring to.

by Anonymousreply 1905/05/2013

The needle on my phonograph is so dull. All my music is gonna sound like crap.

by Anonymousreply 2005/05/2013

I have to drive down to the post office so I can xerox these tax returns and mail them before midnight!

by Anonymousreply 2105/05/2013

r19, before 9/11 you could walk through the airport and meet people at the gate.

by Anonymousreply 2205/05/2013

R19 You used to be able to meet people at the gate. Now they don't let you into an airport without a ticket.

by Anonymousreply 2305/05/2013

Oh no! A fuse blew, and we don't have any more! I hope I can find a penny to use instead.

by Anonymousreply 2405/05/2013

I'm out of Wite-Out!!

by Anonymousreply 2505/05/2013

R19, when was the last time you met an arrival at the gate, or waited at the gate with someone before they boarded the plane?

by Anonymousreply 2605/05/2013

Oh no! It's after 6:00 PM -- there isn't a gas station open anywhere!

by Anonymousreply 2705/05/2013

"I have to go to a store for porn"

I can't believe I'm the first one that's thought of this one!

by Anonymousreply 2805/05/2013

[quote][R19], when was the last time you met an arrival at the gate, or waited at the gate with someone before they boarded the plane?

Maybe s/he doesn't remember a gentler time, before 9/11 Changed Everything.

by Anonymousreply 2905/05/2013

There's so much good music on the radio, I can't decide which station to leave it on.

by Anonymousreply 3005/05/2013

R28 My favorite porn is playing at the theater but I am too embarrassed to be seen going there.

by Anonymousreply 3105/05/2013

Does anyone have a dime? I have to call home!

by Anonymousreply 3205/05/2013

I walked up to the pay-phone, but someone had stolen the phone book!

by Anonymousreply 3305/05/2013

I've got to abort this baby, but I don't have any wire hangers!

by Anonymousreply 3405/05/2013

Tell the travel agent that when she books our plane tickets, I want to sit in the smoking section! Also, I want the pasta!

by Anonymousreply 3505/05/2013

Can I borrow a Subway token?

by Anonymousreply 3605/05/2013

I had a flat tire out in the country and had to walk 15 miles to get help.

by Anonymousreply 3705/05/2013

I'm taking the first Concorde flight out of London tomorrow morning. Here's the thing: do I have breakfast in the lounge before takeoff, or eat on the plane, because by the time I arrive in Manhattan they'll still be serving breakfast!

by Anonymousreply 3805/05/2013

Sadly if R36 was in Toronto he'd be handed one.

by Anonymousreply 3905/05/2013

Sure, I like to read, but this town only has one book store, and who has time to go there and buy books?

by Anonymousreply 4005/05/2013

I won't know if I took the perfect picture of the sunset until two weeks from now when the photos come back from the developer.

by Anonymousreply 4105/05/2013

R39 We still have them in LA too.

by Anonymousreply 4205/05/2013

I'm so jealous of the rich people that have cell phones!

by Anonymousreply 4305/05/2013

I surfed through all the television channels and there was nothing worth watching.

Oh, wait....

by Anonymousreply 4405/05/2013

I can't remember the name of the actor in my favorite movie!!!

And what other movies was he in?!?

by Anonymousreply 4505/05/2013

Thank goodness those undesirables go to their own school.

by Anonymousreply 4605/05/2013

The TV listings in the for the Late Late movies n the paper just says "Movies 'Til Dawn"--no further details. Now I have to sneak out to the family room and watch all night, in case I miss something great. Tomorrow in class I'll be exhausted.

by Anonymousreply 4705/05/2013

All my catalogs are last season. I wish I had new ones so I could order stuff now.

by Anonymousreply 4805/05/2013

Dammit! It's going to take forever for my dinner to heat up in the oven!

I'm tired of having to get up off the couch and change the TV channel!

I LOVE shopping at Walmart! Sam Walton only sells goods made in America!

by Anonymousreply 4905/05/2013

My pussy stinks, and no one knows why

by Anonymousreply 5005/05/2013

R42, we do too

by Anonymousreply 5105/05/2013

"I have to confess I don't know what this is referring to. "

Not long ago one could meet and greet at the gate at the airport, I always remember meeting people as they deboarded, people even met on the Tarmac security was so much looser

by Anonymousreply 5205/05/2013

I have the hardest time trying to decipher this damn map and drive at the same time.

by Anonymousreply 5305/05/2013

Yikes! It' time to get another perm. Better call JCPenney's to schedule an appointment.

by Anonymousreply 5405/05/2013

Off topic but I will never understand posters like R52 who have obviously read as far as the post he quotes from but couldn't be bothered to read any further to see that the question has already been answered TWICE. Talk about a first world problem that will never go away. I guess it was on topic.

by Anonymousreply 5505/05/2013

Help me think of a clever outgoing message for my answering machine. Everyone I know has such a good message, with music or with their little kids telling you to leave your name and number. I want a good, long outgoing message, too.

by Anonymousreply 5605/05/2013

I wish I could take a picture of my tuna salad sandwich and post it on a global billboard for all to see so my friends will know what I had for lunch.

by Anonymousreply 5705/05/2013

I wonder if this pillow is really muffling the sound of this modem. Mom can never know I am up at 2am jacking off to male model newsgroups.

If I start downloading these three pics before my class starts, will they be done by the time I get back from class to jo before my roommate gets back?

by Anonymousreply 5805/05/2013

I got fucked so many times at the bathhouse this weekend, but that's not what worries me because it's not like I could get pregnant or anything! It's that I kissed so many of them and now I just hope I didn't catch a cold. I'll be so mad at myself!

by Anonymousreply 5905/05/2013

Thank god for the Pill. I'll never have to use condoms again.

by Anonymousreply 6005/05/2013

I really want a mocha flavored latte but the gas station only has regular coffee.

by Anonymousreply 6105/05/2013

Are people just not seeing the "that don't exist anymore..." part of the title of the thread? I'm looking at you r61.

by Anonymousreply 6205/05/2013

Do you know how to read? I'm betting you don't, R62.

by Anonymousreply 6305/05/2013

I can read R63, but I am totally not getting your point. Please explain.

by Anonymousreply 6405/05/2013

What a drag it is retyping my essays after I edit them with red ink, White-Out, scissors, and tape. I've already typed two drafts of this one, and now I'm on my third revision.

Oh no. I'm out of typewriter ribbon.

by Anonymousreply 6505/05/2013

r62 I was referring to the "olden days" when there were no Starbucks...and if you wanted a cup of coffee on the road you had to get the burnt crap gas station coffee. Now, even gas stations have lattes and mocha drinks, albeit shitty ones.

by Anonymousreply 6605/05/2013

I went to Musicland today to get a new album, but they didn't have the one I wanted in stock.

by Anonymousreply 6705/05/2013

But there are still plenty of gas stations that have just regular coffee or no coffee at all to make your example confusing R62. So one's ability to read or not has nothing to do with understanding your poorly chosen example.

by Anonymousreply 6805/05/2013

r61 is right. Most places I buy cofee has different kinds...

I can't wait. In 5 years What's Up Doc will be on TV...

by Anonymousreply 6905/05/2013

I loved Star Wars! I can't wait until it comes back to theaters in three years so I can see it again!

by Anonymousreply 7005/05/2013

I hate that I can't use my typewriter at night because the neighbor downstairs will complain. Changing the ribbon is a pain as well.

by Anonymousreply 7105/05/2013

It takes forever for this stupid dot matrix printer to print out my document. And every once in a while the paper jams.

And I hate peeling off those sprocket holes!

by Anonymousreply 7205/05/2013

That boy's shorts are so damn tight and short you can practically see his ass right here in the mall!

by Anonymousreply 7305/05/2013

"I want some privacy on this call, but the phone cord doesn't stretch far enough!"

has been replaced by

"I want some privacy on this call, but the government can tap my phone without a warrant!"

by Anonymousreply 7405/05/2013

I just heard part of a cool song on the radio, but I missed the name of it. How will I ever figure out what song that was?

by Anonymousreply 7505/05/2013

I dont know where that is, no worries I have a Thomas Guide. (map)

by Anonymousreply 7605/05/2013

Well will have our secretary call a messenger right over so you can get those documents by 5.

by Anonymousreply 7705/05/2013

$250 deposit for lost or un-returned porn tapes.

by Anonymousreply 7805/05/2013

The gay bars here get so crowded we better go early to stand in line before the cover charge goes up!

by Anonymousreply 7905/05/2013

If you want to hood up, here is my pager number.

by Anonymousreply 8005/05/2013

Can I have the want ads section of the news paper, I need to look for a job.

by Anonymousreply 8105/05/2013

I am going to rent a space at the swap meet so I can get rid of all my old stuff.

by Anonymousreply 8205/05/2013

Excuse me from dinner, I will be right back after I make a call from the phone booth.

by Anonymousreply 8305/05/2013

So you said this stuff is from Maui Right?

by Anonymousreply 8405/05/2013

Anyone got extra milk crates to store records?

by Anonymousreply 8505/05/2013

Way to steal a popular Internet meme and try to make it your own, OP. All of these are from "1990s Problems meme".

by Anonymousreply 8605/05/2013

We'll never get tickets to see Lady Gaga!

by Anonymousreply 8705/05/2013

R86 Here is one from the 70s. I went to fill up my gas tank but they didn't have change for a 20.

by Anonymousreply 8805/05/2013

R86, go put a tampon in your twat, and kill someone else's buzz. Copy or not, this thread is great, you tool.

by Anonymousreply 8905/06/2013

God, mum - can't you read a map???

(Now it's "Shut the FUCK UP!!! I'm in the middle of a field... There is no "In two hundred yards, turn left" I'm in the middle of a FUCKING FIELD!!!!)

by Anonymousreply 9005/06/2013

Arrgh, I just missed the best play of the game! I hope they show a replay.

btw we need to get over to Jimmie's some night to see the video he shot while on vacation.

by Anonymousreply 9105/06/2013

Ugh why did I wait until the last minute to organize this party? There's no way everyone will get these invitations on time, even if i post them today. I don't have time to call all those people individually! How can I possibly let 50 people know about this today??

by Anonymousreply 9205/06/2013

I wish there were some kind of public forum where I could make a statement, even a completely mundane statement, and then someone else would immediately say something bitchy to me. I can't imagine how this would ever work, but it would fulfill some kind of strange need I have, or maybe it's even a fetish. I'm probably the only person in the whole world who desires this, so the idea would never take off.

by Anonymousreply 9305/06/2013

[quote] The phone company is charging me extra for an unlisted number.

I still have a landline, and the phone company still charges me extra for an unlisted number.

by Anonymousreply 9405/06/2013

Fun premise, OP. I was watching some 80's movies over the weekend and loved how people had to get their messages from their answering machines. No cellphones or texting at the parties. Computers had 7 MB of RAM!!

by Anonymousreply 9505/06/2013

What's even sadder is that some low-rent movies today still use an answering machine as a plot device, as if anyone, even your grandparents, has had one in the last decade.

by Anonymousreply 9605/06/2013

My parents still have an answering machine (and a land line).

by Anonymousreply 9705/06/2013

I hate going to my relatives house ... they always break out their slides, forcing us to watch a slide show of all the pictures they took on vacation...

by Anonymousreply 9805/06/2013

My mother-in-law begins every voicemail message with "If you're there, pick up..."

by Anonymousreply 9905/06/2013

I really need to get this garden club newsletter out but my office is all out of stencils for the mimeograph.

by Anonymousreply 10005/06/2013

I really can't wait to see the new Rick Astley video but MTV is doing a Madonnathon.

by Anonymousreply 10105/06/2013

Bravo R89 - will you also beat up r19 and r62? I agree this is an awesome thread and those two are either too young to know what we're talking about or they're little buzzkill assholes or both.

by Anonymousreply 10205/06/2013

And speaking of gas stations, isn't it annoying to have to wait for the attendant to pump your gas? I'd rather do it myself.

by Anonymousreply 10305/06/2013

Wouldn't you know that my partner's parents chose to visit us right in the middle of the movie I've been waiting for weeks to see? Now I'll never know how it ends!

by Anonymousreply 10405/06/2013

I love genealogy. Just this morning I sent requests for birth certificates to nine different states since I don't know what state great-great-great-grandpa was born in. Sure, it's expensive, and sure, the wait might be up to three months, but it's worth it!

by Anonymousreply 10505/06/2013

AAA didn't get us our triptiks in time, so we have no idea how to drive to Florida.

by Anonymousreply 10605/06/2013

"I'm really looking forward to that double feature tonight, we're seeing Jaws and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest!"

by Anonymousreply 10705/06/2013

I'll fax it to you.

by Anonymousreply 10805/06/2013

I'm going to miss the opening sketch at the start of the show if the tv doesn't warm up any faster!

by Anonymousreply 10905/06/2013

Why is everyone on the planet using styrofoam coffee cups?

by Anonymousreply 11005/06/2013

I'm a horny teenager who wishes I could rub one out to some hot mansex. I'm too young to go to the dirty bookstore, so I have to make do with scrambled straight softcore on The Playboy Channel. (The sound comes in fine, though!)

by Anonymousreply 11105/06/2013

I gotta go right now, my favorite TV show is coming on and I can't miss it! EVERYONE will be talking about it at the office tomorrow. No one watches whatever airs on the other 3 channels in that timeslot.

by Anonymousreply 11205/06/2013

We're planning a vacation, can anyone recommend a good travel agent?

by Anonymousreply 11305/06/2013

I love reading the news in the morning, but I hate the ink all over my hands!

by Anonymousreply 11405/06/2013

Beep me 911

by Anonymousreply 11505/06/2013

$60 for a Falcon video on VHS? It's a lot of money but you get to keep the tape forever, so it's worth it. How else will I view porn at home? I'm far too embarrassed to enter that curtained-off room at the back of the video rental place.

by Anonymousreply 11605/06/2013

I had to call my dad on his cell phone and now he's pissed that he'll be charged for the call!

by Anonymousreply 11705/06/2013

LOL r93

Or as I would have said in 1993- "shit, that made me laugh out loud"

by Anonymousreply 11805/06/2013

I feel so guilty for shelling out thousands of dollars for a 20 MB hard drive. I mean, my god, I'll never fill that thing!

by Anonymousreply 11905/06/2013

The annoying thing about backpacking around Europe is keeping track and converting all these currencies

by Anonymousreply 12005/06/2013

Another bad thing about backpacking all over Europe is having to make the trip to the Post Restante counter at the GPO to get my mail. Oh well. At least I get to find out what's happening back home.

by Anonymousreply 12105/06/2013

My dish set is almost all complete! Just two more visits to the Shell Station!

by Anonymousreply 12205/06/2013

Oh no, I lost one of the pages from my IATA issued airline ticket! Hopefully the ticket agent at the airport will take pity on me and let me board the flight, even if she has to put me in the smoking section.

by Anonymousreply 12305/07/2013

I'm going away on vacation next week, so I won't be reachable by email. If its an emergency, the call the hotel at... ...otherwise, I'll see you when I get back!

by Anonymousreply 12405/07/2013

[quote]That boy's shorts are so damn tight and short you can practically see his ass right here in the mall!

Here's the visual for r73.

by Anonymousreply 12505/07/2013

Honey, would you get me a few bottles of scotch from the hotel mini-bar?

by Anonymousreply 12605/07/2013

Huh? I stayed in a hotel with a minibar last month.

by Anonymousreply 12705/07/2013

Operator, I'd like to make a collect call.

by Anonymousreply 12805/07/2013

Where did you stay, R127? I travel a lot in the US and stay in Hilton, Marriott and Holiday Inn chain hotels. Most have refrigerators but they are empty. I can't remember the last time I stayed in a hotel with small bottles of liquor or candy and nuts in the room.

by Anonymousreply 12905/07/2013

R129 They have them in fancy hotels. But now most of them are set up so that once you remove the bottle you are charged for it. Even if you pick it up and put it back. If the weight is dislodged it is counted as used.

by Anonymousreply 13005/07/2013

My pussy smells so fresh!

by Anonymousreply 13105/07/2013

I can't decide which newspaper to subscribe to, so I just subscribed to both of them.

by Anonymousreply 13205/07/2013

r22 - brilliant!

by Anonymousreply 13305/07/2013

Just put that copy of Newsweek on the coffee table with Look, Life, the Saturday Evening Post and McCall's

it's almost time for the national news on television ...

by Anonymousreply 13405/07/2013

Damn! I forgot to bring newspaper with movie times...

by Anonymousreply 13505/08/2013

We'll mail you a form to fill out in triplicate. You keep the yellow copy and mail the other two copies back to us. Please remove the carbon paper before you put the pink and white copies back in the mail to us. Once we receive your application we'll process it within 5-7 business days. Then you can expect your replacement card in the mail in three more days.

by Anonymousreply 13605/08/2013

I miss my big brandy sniffer full of trick's names and numbers!

by Anonymousreply 13705/08/2013

My partner and I can't decide whether we should have the wedding here in San Francisco with my family, or in Los Angeles with his family.

by Anonymousreply 13805/08/2013

I don't get R138's post in the context of this thread...

(unless it's a Prop 8 reference, which means that it's a problem that will exist again in a few months, so I'm not sure it counts)

by Anonymousreply 13905/08/2013

R139: bingo, and I hope you are correct.

by Anonymousreply 14005/08/2013

I hope we come to a gas station soon so we can ask for directions.

by Anonymousreply 14105/08/2013

I am another person who still has a landline and my landline phone has an answering machine built in. My landline is cable though, so if the cable and/or electricity goes out, I don't have phone access.

I love my main landline phone. It's a Panasonic from either the late 90s or early 00s and it's awesome. Great volume, very intuitive way of storing phone numbers. I've bought extension phones by Panasonic and other companies ysince then and they all suck

by Anonymousreply 14205/08/2013

Damn. The phone stopped ringing before I answered it. I wish there was a way to find out who it was!

by Anonymousreply 14305/08/2013

I wonder what the butcher shop has on special today.

by Anonymousreply 14405/08/2013

Don't butcher shops exist where you live r144?

by Anonymousreply 14505/08/2013

I hate having to hold my cassette recorder up to the radio speaker so I can tape the new Madonna single...and then the DJ talks over the song.

by Anonymousreply 14605/09/2013

Can't wait for that movie to be released on laserdisc!!

by Anonymousreply 14705/09/2013

I can't remember all my friend's phone numbers! And I lost the piece of paper I scribbled down all the numbers on!

by Anonymousreply 14805/09/2013

I sure wish I could throw some birds and some pigs and not have the ASPCA all up in my grille...

by Anonymousreply 14905/23/2013

The Yellow Pages/White Pages are so HEAVY!

by Anonymousreply 15008/02/2013

We're out of E Tickets!

by Anonymousreply 15108/02/2013

I miss "E" Tickets

Disneyland has been going downhill since they got rid of them.

by Anonymousreply 15208/06/2013

I missed "The Wizard of Oz" last night. Now I'll have to wait a whole year for it to be on TV again!

by Anonymousreply 15308/08/2013

I can't believe there are still places in New York Fucking City that don't take debit cards! Who the fuck carries more than $20 in cash anymore?

by Anonymousreply 15408/08/2013

When will I ever really master the art of dialling with a pencil?

by Anonymousreply 15508/08/2013
Need more help? Click Here.

Follow theDL catch up on what you missed

recent threads by topic delivered to your email

follow popular threads on twitter

follow us on facebook

Become a contributor - post when you want with no ads!