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How can I be clever, funny and witty on DataLounge?

I read all the posts and laugh and laugh, and then I think: I could have written that if I had thought about it.

How do I make myself "think it up"? How do I make the witty connections between an OP post and witty retort? Is there some secret?

by Doom and Gloomreply 3905/09/2013

Be something other than what you are.

by Doom and Gloomreply 105/04/2013

OP, if you have to ask,...

by Doom and Gloomreply 205/04/2013

But that goes against every principle espoused by man and philosophy.

by Doom and Gloomreply 305/04/2013

People either have it or they don't. If you don't, you're better off not trying. Otherwise you embarrass yourself as we'll as others who feel embarrassed on behalf of others.

On the other hand, some day you might find yourself coming up with a genuinely witty comment, perhaps something even other people might find funny. In that case, go for it. But stop trying. No one has ever successfully struggled to be entertaining.

by Doom and Gloomreply 405/04/2013

Fail.

by Doom and Gloomreply 505/04/2013

Study it out!

by Doom and Gloomreply 605/04/2013

There are no magic words? No incantations or dolls to pierce with metal rods?

by Doom and Gloomreply 705/04/2013

Learn to use nouns as punctuation marks.

by Doom and Gloomreply 805/04/2013

I've been here for years and never had my comment in the wit and wisdom section. Usually my comments are serious though. Also, I've also clicked WW for many posts yet only one of them ended up in the WW section. I guess my sense of humor is different. It's like on America's Funniest Videos where the dumb, not funny, videos win.

by Doom and Gloomreply 905/04/2013

R10 Look on the left side of the screen. Near the top you will see "wit & wisdom." Below are comments selected as funny or insightful.

by Doom and Gloomreply 1105/04/2013

OP, post something counter to the prevailing social ideology and you'll be worthy.

by Doom and Gloomreply 1205/04/2013

I can be witty/funny in conversation, but have a hard time being funny on demand.

by Doom and Gloomreply 1305/04/2013

you either got IT or you've had it!

by Doom and Gloomreply 1405/04/2013

OP, I can't tell you what might be considered clever or funny.

But bypassing any of these might increase your chances: earrings and caftans, Helen Lawson, The Golden Girls, etc.

Or as the great philosopher Bernadette Basinger once said: "I'll join this conversation on the proviso that we stop bitching about people, talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes, penises, drugs, night clubs, and bloody ABBA."

by Doom and Gloomreply 1505/04/2013

Bypass...earrings and caftans? What a humorless cretin you must be.

by Doom and Gloomreply 1605/05/2013

You have to hire good writers.

by Doom and Gloomreply 1705/05/2013

R15 offers an excellent example of how not to be clever, funny and witty.

Good job, cunt!

by Doom and Gloomreply 1805/05/2013

OP, you just have to be yourself, dear, and the kids will like you as you are. Don't try to be something you're not. You'll just end up disappointed. We're all special in our own way. You don't have to be the funny one. You have many interesting ideas that people will appreciate.

by Doom and Gloomreply 1905/05/2013

Sign here, OP.

by Doom and Gloomreply 2005/05/2013

I wuv you, R19. Hold me until I fall asleep tonight?

by Doom and Gloomreply 2105/05/2013

[quote] Bypass...earrings and caftans? What a humorless cretin you must be.

Says the same bitch that will, at the first mention of earrings and caftans, roll her eyes and say "Oh mah gawd, can't you bitches come up with anything new?"

by Doom and Gloomreply 2205/05/2013

Oh fank you...!

by Doom and Gloomreply 2305/05/2013

One summer I had six concurrent posts on W&W.

by Doom and Gloomreply 2405/05/2013

A friend of mine had six concurrent posts on W&W...but then she died.

by Doom and Gloomreply 2505/05/2013

R25 Grease fire?

by Doom and Gloomreply 2605/05/2013

I've had at least 20, maybe 30, W&Ws. I would say 90% had no place on there. I get them in streaks, like R24 said, but I've never had 6 at once. I'm one of the originators of the Patsy Ramsey troll and, admittedly, many of my W&Ws were from those posts.

by Doom and Gloomreply 2705/05/2013

No, R26 ,it was bees.

by Doom and Gloomreply 2805/05/2013

OP, you can be doll and click on that pretty red X at the top right of your screen. We all would appreciate it. Thanks, hun.

by Doom and Gloomreply 2905/05/2013

Be sweet, dear child. Let those who can be clever.

by Doom and Gloomreply 3005/05/2013

I'm impressed by the wit on this board (not impressed by the nastiness). I sometimes if Paul Rudnick and Bruce Vilanch contribute.

by Doom and Gloomreply 3105/05/2013

[quote] OP, you can be doll

*kisses doll*

by Doom and Gloomreply 3205/05/2013

You have to have been teased and bullied in school, and developed a thick skin. Words are your defense- like the spines on a porcupine. Watch out, bitches!

by Doom and Gloomreply 3305/07/2013

Porcupine spines!

by Doom and Gloomreply 3405/07/2013

R29 = Sandy Vagina?

by Doom and Gloomreply 3505/07/2013

I'm hilarious & have no doubt appeared in WW many times, but it never occurred to me to check. I'll start doing so immediately & hope I'm not disappointed.

OP, here's an idea. I'm too principled &/or paranoid about giving my credit card number to DL &/or cheap to pay $18, so I can't post during PT. But if you pay to become a member, you'll be able to post during PT & you can have my place -- without me, there are hardly any funny posts, so yours will stand out.

by Doom and Gloomreply 3605/07/2013

Well, I'm having luck lately mes amis!

by Doom and Gloomreply 3705/08/2013

I think I'm a pretty funny guy. I have seen my comments in the W&W column three or four times.

Sometimes I take a step back from the thread's story, and see if I can work it into a very well known theme, tv show or story. Then I try to smush them together, and try to make it something new yet familiar.

by Doom and Gloomreply 3805/08/2013

Some jejeune newish combination of well-worn tropes is a sure winner.

by Doom and Gloomreply 3905/09/2013
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