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Let's pretend we're estate agents

I'm the Linda Evans hairdo in the photograph on the website.

by Anonymousreply 2205/04/2013

I'm the homeless person sleeping on the bus stop bench with your Linda Evans hairdo photo.

by Anonymousreply 104/27/2013

Where's your white Lexus, hon?

by Anonymousreply 204/27/2013

Who's cock do I have to suck around?

by Anonymousreply 304/27/2013

We don't usually call them "estate agents" in this country, hon.

by Anonymousreply 404/27/2013

Oh, sorry

Real-TURS. Murrican realturs.

by Anonymousreply 504/27/2013

And where is that website you mentioned, OP?

by Anonymousreply 604/27/2013


by Anonymousreply 704/27/2013

This thread reminds me that the Dolly Lenz troll hasn't been here in years!

by Anonymousreply 804/27/2013

I once whited out the last three letters of Joanne P. Slutsky's name when her puss appeared on a "For Sale" sign at the home across the street. Felt bad about it later.

by Anonymousreply 904/27/2013

Are you talking about real estate agents? Because where I live "estate agents" literally take care of estates. They hire landscapers, housekeeper, pool company; take the summer furniture out of storage, winterize a home and check on it if it is empty after the summer, etc.

by Anonymousreply 1004/27/2013

I lie for a living.

by Anonymousreply 1104/27/2013

I'm Marcy Grabowski and I want lots of fuckin tea lights in each room 'cause they're classy.

Oh, and we'll stage with wicker; hauling wood furniture up stairs takes too much effort.

Also, we'll stick to the classics; chocolate brown and mint green are the new neutrals.

by Anonymousreply 1204/27/2013

My hole is lubed, I really for this Sale to HAPPEN

by Anonymousreply 1304/27/2013

I am the tape recorded message that plays, "I have been in this business for years and I am certain that you will not bear any legal liabilities because of the way the contract has been written. It's standard" whenever you bother trying to read one of the forms I asked you to sign and fax back to me within the next ten minutes.

by Anonymousreply 1404/27/2013

I am the puzzled look on my face when you complain that I misrepresented the commission charge on the sale. When I said 6%, I was only talking about my commission. I was not including the buyers' real estate agent's commission!

by Anonymousreply 1504/27/2013

I am the title research which is done online and takes 3 seconds, for which you will pay hundreds of dollars.

by Anonymousreply 1604/27/2013

I'm paying a photographer (actually my retarded brother) to take photos of your house for the website. I will not even give an hour's advance notice to straighten up the place. I will however advise you that the property cannot be sold unless it is "staged" by removing 85% of your stuff.

by Anonymousreply 1704/27/2013

I belong to the Million Dollar Club!

That means I grossed about $15,000 last year.

by Anonymousreply 1804/27/2013

I've reserved the first 13 photos for the facade so we'll only take one shot of each room. We'll use my flip-phone's camera. While you have three bathrooms, I'm just going to take one photo of a toilet.

by Anonymousreply 1904/27/2013

I'm the quarterly newsletter that you still receive in the mail four years after buying your house. This newsletter consists of inviting you to "singles parties" that your frau agent throws together for her unmarried clients, a form to fill out to enter a drawing to win a gift certificate somewhere, and a reminder to pass her number along to your friends that may be looking to buy or sell a house.

by Anonymousreply 2005/04/2013

I have a 9th grade education, no nothing about anything, but I talk real good and made $245,000 last year.

by Anonymousreply 2105/04/2013

I'm Gaye Males!

by Anonymousreply 2205/04/2013
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