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Little Jaden took his first steps today. Oh, I was sooooo excited for the litte guy.

by Anonymousreply 5801/25/2017

My adorable little Caitlin asked, "Mommy, can't you have the baby now? I want to play with my little brother."

I had to explain that it takes nine months. She said to me, "Well, hurry up, mommy!"

Awww, she's going to be a great big sister.

I can't wait for the baby shower. I've registered in three places, as you have already read in my post from last week. That should make it convenient for all of my friends and family.

by Anonymousreply 104/27/2013

I shat my pants.

by Anonymousreply 204/27/2013

Oh, get over it. They exist. Cope.

by Anonymousreply 304/27/2013

Thank you, R3.

by Anonymousreply 404/27/2013


by Anonymousreply 504/27/2013

Well, thanks to your comments I just realized that I'd apparently named my twins (no invitro here! I'm an all natural mama!) "Hudson" and "Hawk" after a Bruce Willis movie from the 80s. Despite some of your claims the movie was very good. And so were the cupcakes we made. Gluten free! No you can't have the recipe but here are 40 pictures of the boys stirring the batter with their fingers. I just luuurrrve their matching madras shorts from Zuilly!

by Anonymousreply 604/27/2013

Please sign my petition to ban the production or importation of peanuts in the US. Save the children!

by Anonymousreply 704/27/2013

Yesterday was Mommie and Me pottery day. Check out this photo of Brittani's bowl, isn't it cute? She said its an early mother's day gift. We had such a great day. And then last night, as I lay in bed, I thought seriously about buying a one way ticket to Tahiti. But since I didn't, does anyone have a marijuana connection?

by Anonymousreply 804/27/2013

[quote]Little Jaden took his first steps today. Oh, I was sooooo excited for the litte guy.

Is this clever or funny in some way?

by Anonymousreply 904/27/2013

You all appear to have a pretty extensive knowledge of "mommy blogs". Since I have no interest in them at all, I don't read them, and thus wouldn't be able to parody one.

by Anonymousreply 1004/27/2013

Well, he's hungry. How would you like it if we wouldn't let you eat your cheeseburger?

by Anonymousreply 1104/27/2013

And yet, R10, you felt the need to post the contents of your loaded diaper.

by Anonymousreply 1204/27/2013

Oh, well thank you so much for that explanation, R10. Everyone was wondering why you hadn't posted anything yet.

by Anonymousreply 1304/27/2013

I just find it strange that you specifically seek out something that annoys you, r13.

by Anonymousreply 1404/27/2013

[quote] I just find it strange that you specifically seek out something that annoys you, [R13].

Never read a Mommy blog in my life. It doesn't require a PhD to guess what they say.

Oh, and also, take the stick out of your ass.

by Anonymousreply 1504/27/2013

What's it require to give a shit?

by Anonymousreply 1604/27/2013

This thread reeks of insecurity.

by Anonymousreply 1704/27/2013

"We're in the midst of pre-school apps, and those essays are soooooooooooooo hard to write!"

by Anonymousreply 1804/27/2013

I'll get to Olivia's cupcake sale in a little bit, but first I want to urge all the other moms out there to say "no!" to standardized testing! I know, another cause to fit into my schedule (Merlot take me away!) but this is so important. Let your district know where you stand!!!

by Anonymousreply 1904/27/2013

Back in the 50s, Lucille Ball decided that she would send out monthly newsletters about her kids to keep her friends and biggest fans abreast about how cute and precocious her children were.

Once she married Gary Morten he convinced her to stop, given that her kids were by then budding teenagers. Morten told Lucy, "Do you think that Desi Jr. really wants his nocturnal ommisions broadcast to the world?!"

Lucy felt shamed, but finally acknowled that Morten was right.

by Anonymousreply 2004/27/2013

R19 is my favorite so far. 'Merlot take me away', I can totally hear one of those Suburban driving harridans saying that.

by Anonymousreply 2104/27/2013

We're at our lake home. Apple and Moses are on the far side of the lake. Moses parts the waters and calls to me come to get them. Apple is standing beside him, in an inappropriate bikini, giggling and demanding (in French, of course) that Moses release the waters when I'm only halfway there.

by Anonymousreply 2204/27/2013

Brayden was itchy yesterday. It started the same day someone let their child share a peanut butter sandwich with him. The doctor doesn't agree that it is a peanut allergy, but I went ahead and alerted the principal that steps should be taken to create a peanut free environment. Does anyone know a good pediatrician or allergist?

by Anonymousreply 2304/27/2013

I'm livid. Avery came home with his grade for the science project and it was only a B. Outrageous. He worked on that thing for hours and it was a masterpiece. I saw all the other kids' dioramas and they were mediocre at best. Seriously, they paled in comparison. I think there's something wrong with his teacher, Miss Engler. She's been acting a bit 'off' lately and she probably made a mistake on his grade. Could it be drugs? An alcohol problem? I'm sure there must be some explanation as to why Avery didn't get the A+ he deserved.

Lately, I've been hearing complaints about Miss Engler from other parents as well. Something has to be done. Ladies, I'm planning to arrange a meeting with the Principal tomorrow to protest Avery's grade. If other moms would like to join me, it would be a great opportunity for everyone to raise their concerns with the administration. I don't think Miss Engler is fit to teach at our Blue Ribbon school. We need to get a petition going so that her contract won't be renewed next year.

by Anonymousreply 2404/27/2013

I need advice: Does one have to literally cripple your child to stop the publication of a Tell-All Book?

by Anonymousreply 2504/27/2013

[quote] Do you think that Desi Jr. really wants his nocturnal ommisions broadcast to the world?!

Oh, dear.

by Anonymousreply 2604/27/2013

Yesterday I was at Starbucks nursing my 12-year old son Parker and you should have seen the dirty looks people were shooting me. Luckily Parker's face was nuzzled in Mommy's warm & loving cleavage and was protected from their glares.

by Anonymousreply 2704/27/2013

As those of you who follow my blog know I'm working on becoming a doula after a hard hospital birth surrounded by cold nurses, with my firstborn, Makalaistar. Well...Yesterday I attended my first birth with my mentor, sun and general all around swellest gal in the world the amazing Genivive Moonwater. Well...The baby was born en caul!!!! As you may know that means it was wrapped in the placenta. I feel like it was a spiritual sign from Gaia herself. I will write more later when my hands stop shaking from the wonder of it all. Love AND LIGHT!!!!

by Anonymousreply 2804/27/2013

I've made my special chocolate covered scotcheroos for everyone! At only 2,500 calories a square, you'll find them delicious and perfectly healthful, made with 100% real chocolate, butterscotch, JIF peanut butter, Rice Krispies, and corn syrup.

by Anonymousreply 2904/27/2013

We were watching 'Ellen' and my girlfriend said she is grossed out by the thought of DeGeneres rubbing and grinding all over "that Porsche". Don't you think Ellen has others to wax and polish off her hardtop?

by Anonymousreply 3004/27/2013

I know all you moms can relate to what happened to me today. Oscar looked a little 'off' somehow and then he looked at me and asked if it was true some mothers actually kill their babies before they are born. I was speechless because we weren't ready to discuss abortion politics with him (we're proudly Pro-Life) but I told him what I thought his little mind could understand: "they were sent to be angels in heaven with God." That quieted him for now, I think it will come up again though. I'm more concerned that this came up in the classroom somehow. Maybe I should read some mommie home-schooling blogs, it might not be a bad idea. #decisions

p.s- Jack Jr's ear infection is resolving! Only four more days on amoxicillin to go!!

by Anonymousreply 3104/27/2013

I won't even comment on Carol's (Keegan and Tayla's mom) completely irresponsible parenting. If she brings a scotcheroo within 20 feet of Hayden and Dylan I'll sue that cunt. Peanuts, in 2013???

by Anonymousreply 3204/27/2013

[quote]I'll get to Olivia's cupcake sale in a little bit, but first I want to urge all the other moms out there to say "no!" to standardized testing! I know, another cause to fit into my schedule (Merlot take me away!) but this is so important. Let your district know where you stand!!!

I might actually get on board with this one.

by Anonymousreply 3304/27/2013

My ex-sister-in-law's actual FB post.

[quote] Big date night tonight! Billy and I get to party it up at the Mother/Son dance at school and Ed is taking Maggie to her first White Sox game! She is so excited! I'm sure Billy is excited to hang with me all night too. :)

Actually, Billy wants to live with his father because his Mom's live-in boyfriend (Ed) is a creep.

by Anonymousreply 3404/27/2013

XSiL loved this one.

by Anonymousreply 3504/27/2013

I do apologize, R26. I noticed the error as soon as I saw it posted.

'Nocturnal emissions' would have been the correct spelling.

I commend you for ensuring proper spelling and grammar, you bitch.

by Anonymousreply 3604/27/2013

"Merlot, take me away!" is genius.

by Anonymousreply 3704/27/2013


Whatever you do DON'T vaccinate your kids! It's all TOXINS and causes AUTISM!

by Anonymousreply 3804/28/2013 beat me to it

by Anonymousreply 3904/28/2013

I'm the cunt that gapes open

by Anonymousreply 4004/28/2013

That 3rd grade teacher Mr. Freeman and PE teacher Mr. Jackson are adopting a baby from Malawi. I just don't agree with this whole 2 dads business. I mean when Paul and I were still together he wasn't a good dad to Kirby at all. I can't imagine doubling that trouble.

I'm glad that Kirby is 7 and will be out of elementary school before their child starts attending. I mean what if it brings the AIDS to the playground?

by Anonymousreply 4104/28/2013

Seriously, you pansies with mommy issues need to find a new pastime.

by Anonymousreply 4204/28/2013

Abundant blessings abound!!! My little 8 year old light of life Mekaylah did a portrait of me and my handsome hubby Steve with Jesus in between us! I will post on the blog for everyone to share!!!

by Anonymousreply 4304/29/2013

When my kids started grade school, I invested a pretty penny in buying the Crocodile Creek BPA-free lunch boxes. Even after losing several, I purchased replacements. After several years of daily use, I think it's time to retire my son's lunchbox. It's become tattered from washes, and getting moldy! The problem is, I am bothered that it has not held up over the years and now the potential adverse health effects of a moldy lunchbox outweighs the eco-consciousness of have a reusable container. What am I to do, throw it away? Repurpose it? Any suggestions for a more durable replacement?


Oh, wait, that's not pretend.

by Anonymousreply 4404/29/2013


by Anonymousreply 4503/10/2015

I'm about as anti mommy blog as you can get, but there are two which I grudgingly know to be rather good. and are written by two moms who would be Dataloungers (in the best possible way) if they had the time. One of them spells out words like "whore" on the fridge with her kids magnetic alphabet letters. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but shit, if I were a mom I would do the same fucking thing.

by Anonymousreply 4601/24/2017

Wow, r44. She's asking total strangers' advice on whether to buy a new lunchbox. It boggles the mind.

The book Big Little Lies could be lifted from this thread. Hopefully the miniseries will be less Frau-y and more straight up bitch competitions.

by Anonymousreply 4701/24/2017

Morticia Addams would have written an exceptional mommy blog.

by Anonymousreply 4801/24/2017

Despite Jennifer's c section, she insists on saying she 'gave birth'. I am not against c sections of course but please do not insult REAL mothers who struggled through the pains of labour and delivery if you took the easy way out and had a DRUGGED up birth and baby.

Anyway, please check out my new Facebook page for Sensey candles, ladies. 20% off for new comers!

by Anonymousreply 4901/24/2017

Check out Mumsnet Madness for more crazy mommy talk. (Really, they're nuts.)

by Anonymousreply 5001/24/2017

DH didn't want to change Tommy's diaper again today, so I told him, "You are going to do your fatherly duty and help me raise these children gosh darn-it, or I will think about going to stay at my parents house." That sure got his butt in gear! He even washed the dishes after dinner, and he never does that.

by Anonymousreply 5101/24/2017

I'm the smug rebuttal to R51 from Jen in Boise, who never gets into that situation because DH has a weekly "Honey Do" list printed out and posted on the fridge. If hubby wants to go on those "boys' weekends" camping in the woods, then he will do his chores first!!!

by Anonymousreply 5201/24/2017

r10 I didn't until I worked with fraus, and never have since but the inanity is seared into my brain (although I haven't previously posted in the thread). As I wasn't the obvious macho male, I got lumped in with the women. I'm not an e-fem, but being on the arts side was enough. Most of the mommy crap I endured was on FB, though I'm sure it was cross-posted from the blogs.

by Anonymousreply 5301/24/2017

When DH got home yesterday, he said Hello to the nanny, before he said Hi to me. Should I be worried?

by Anonymousreply 5401/24/2017

r51 Jen in Boise, my husband doesn't go on "boys' weekends". He talks to his friends on the phone sometimes, and they come over for a beer (if I'm there), but he's not really interested in that kind of stuff anymore. He spends 99% of his time outside of work with me and the other 1% at the gym lifting weights to impress me with his big muscles. Younger women ogle him all the time when we go out. He doesn't even acknowledge their presence, because he has me. Jealous?

by Anonymousreply 5501/24/2017

Hubby has been harping on me all week for not cleaning his laundry. I finally got tired of hearing it and went to sort his clothes. He's so lazy, he always leaves his underwear or socks bunched inside his jeans. I went to pull his underwear out of his favorite jeans, and I have never seen these underwear before. I didn't buy those underwear for him. How did he get them? He doesn't go clothes shopping for himself.

The underwear were really brightly colored briefs (he only wears black boxer briefs) and the waistband said Andrew Christian on them. I've never even heard of that brand. Also, part of the ass was cut out. As I lifted the underwear up to my face to get a closer look, I noticed an acrid smell. Maybe that's not the right word to describe it. It was a manly smell, but my husband doesn't smell like that... I know what my husband smells like... and to top it off, the underwear were large, and my husband wears medium.

What does this mean? Should I confront him about this, or just put his clothes back in the closet, like I never saw it? I'm so confused right now!

by Anonymousreply 5601/25/2017

My son Theodoric can't decide if his name this semester should be Theo, Rick or Odor?

by Anonymousreply 5701/25/2017


Well Mrs Naugatuck is a spicey old crone

by Anonymousreply 5801/25/2017
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