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Let's Pretend We're The Next Senseless Tragedy!

I'm the shooter's middle name just waiting to be finally be heard!

by Leereply 12404/24/2013

I'm the tragedy graphics and theme song.

by Leereply 204/19/2013

I'm the earrings

AnD the caftans!

by Leereply 304/19/2013

I'm Anderson Cooper's frequent flyer card

by Leereply 404/19/2013

I'm John King, speculating about "dark-skinned" suspects.

by Leereply 504/19/2013

I'm the shiver of delight up Rupert Murdoch's spine.

by Leereply 604/19/2013

I'm the graphics designer who will design the official logo of the tragedy.

by Leereply 704/19/2013

I'm bored.

by Leereply 804/19/2013

I'm the endless loop of hand held footage being run over and over on an endless loop while anchors try to say the same thing in different ways.

by Leereply 904/19/2013

I'm the poster who says this is too early.

by Leereply 1004/19/2013

Hello everyone. You know what I'm going to say.

by Leereply 1104/19/2013

Hello everyone. You don't know exactly what I'm going to say, but you know it will insensitive, exploitative and stupid.

by Leereply 1204/19/2013

I'm the AR-15, legally purchased at a gun show without a background check!

by Leereply 1304/19/2013

This time, let's invite only Christians to the Interfaith Service.

by Leereply 1404/19/2013

I'm the Reddit feed where 96% of the media obtains its "sources."

by Leereply 1704/19/2013

I'm the friend, uncle, classmate, ex-wife, upstairs neighbor, whatever, who's shocked -- shocked -- to find that the person I thought I knew is actually heinous.

by Leereply 1804/19/2013

I'm the much bigger tragedy pushed aside in favor of the more sensational one.

by Leereply 1904/19/2013

I'm Mika Brzezinski, fancying myself a poet and imagining that I am saying something that can hold its own with the "I Have a Dream" speech, as I describe what I'm basically just watching on a monitor.

by Leereply 2004/19/2013

I'm the person who thought who always thought he was so quiet and polite.

by Leereply 2104/19/2013

I'm the hastily thrown together blog posts, such as "How to explain [insert tragedy here] to your toddler".

by Leereply 2204/19/2013

I'm one of the hundreds of teddy bears jammed into a chain link fence.

by Leereply 2304/19/2013

Excuse me, Lee?

by Leereply 2404/19/2013

I'm Fred Phelps, furiously masturbating over the fact that I get to pollute yet *another* tragedy with "GOD HATES FAGS" signs!

by Leereply 2504/19/2013

I'm the iPod, waiting for DataLounge to tell me what I contain.

by Leereply 2604/19/2013

I'll gather up more Precious Moments figurines!

by Leereply 2704/19/2013

I'm the photo someone on DL digs up of the suspect presenting his hole.

by Leereply 2804/19/2013

I'm the increased sales of the Koran that people purchase in order to understand why "they" hate "us" but that end up gathering dust in a stack of other unread books.

by Leereply 2904/19/2013

I'm the Facebook image of Jesus holding a small child with the words "Pray For [name of city]"

by Leereply 3004/19/2013

I'm the local cop, pissed that this shit has screwed up my day(s) off. Fuck overtime!

by Leereply 3104/19/2013

I'm the cheap, Chinese-made teddy bear left near the blast site as a memorial to the young victims.

by Leereply 3204/19/2013

I'm the gals of "The View," expressing sadness and a lack of understanding how such horrible things could happen.

by Leereply 3304/19/2013

I'm Michelle Obama's sleeveless dress... and bangs.

by Leereply 3404/19/2013

I'm Jake Tapper griping on CNN about how this tragedy forced me to get up at two a.m. as I stand miles away from the danger while pretending to be reporting live on the scene.

by Leereply 3504/19/2013

I'm the rescuer hailed as a hero who later commits suicide because the government has no money to pay for counseling and medical services that arose from me being on the cover of TIME.

by Leereply 3604/19/2013

I'm the terrorism expert, quoting freely and without attribution from Huffington Post and Twitter.

by Leereply 3704/19/2013

I'm the photo on Facebook of the city skyline draped with a flag, with a crying eagle above it.

by Leereply 3804/19/2013

I'm the OUTRAGE, bubbling up and over every editorial page

by Leereply 3904/19/2013

I am the boredom of a repeat

by Leereply 4004/19/2013

I'm the local congressman thinking how I can work the tragedy into yet another meaningless unworkable bill

by Leereply 4104/19/2013

I'm the American flag clipped to the car window in a surge of patriotism. My owner will leave me up for a couple of weeks, not really sure when to take me off and will feel a small pang of guilt when I'm put back in the garage till the next tragedy.

by Leereply 4204/19/2013

I'm the Facebook frau who will grasp at any slim connection to make herself part of the story!

[quote]Prayers for the brave people of XXXX. Some of you may know Hubby's cousin, Bill... his wife's best friend is from there and her parents still live there (well, about 50 miles away). Can't imagine what they're feeling tonight. XOXOXO

by Leereply 4304/19/2013

I'm the home page for Google News, pretending to offer "real-time coverage" even though I still haven't reported that the suspect was caught an hour ago.

by Leereply 4404/19/2013

I'm the grainy photo of the person of interest and you're the poor fucker who looks like him.

Prepare to die, at least on Twitter.

by Leereply 4504/19/2013

I'm Julie. Fly me.

by Leereply 4604/19/2013

I'm West, Texas, but actually I'm in East Texas.

by Leereply 4704/19/2013

I am the next terrorist in your city, patiently fabricating my next bomb and learning from the mistakes the boys in Boston made.

by Leereply 4804/19/2013

I'm the crowd of dipshits chanting "USA! USA! USA!"

by Leereply 4904/19/2013

I am the next tragedy, and I am an insatiable bottom!

by Leereply 5004/19/2013

I am dozens of sappy Facebook status updates like this:

"Just heard an amazing quote in all of this post bombing activity. A man who said that the experience had changed him and he hoped that he would be more inclined to shake a hand than to shake a fist in the future. Beautiful."

by Leereply 5104/19/2013

I'm the single prayer that FINALLY makes a difference.

by Leereply 5204/19/2013

I'm the asshole who explains the murder of a child as God needing another angel.

by Leereply 5304/19/2013

I'm God. I can't answer your prayer at the moment but please leave a brief message and I'll get back to you as soon as divinely possible. *beep*

by Leereply 5504/19/2013

I'm the inappropriate, insensitive, mind blowingly stupid tweet from some Right wing, Conservative politician that will be retracted with a begrudging 'I'm sorry if I offended anyone...'

by Leereply 5604/19/2013

I'm Stevie Nicks, I'm going to talk about how I'm going to write a song about Boston and maybe call it 'Boston Angel'. I'm only going to talk about this when I'm doing press for another project though.

by Leereply 5704/19/2013

I'm the 98% of cops who stand around doing nothing, but feeling heroic nonetheless.

by Leereply 5804/19/2013

I'm Deepak Chopra, spouting absolute bullshit that's supposed to make you feel better during this stressful time the media is relentlessly spinning into a far bigger tragedy than it really is. But I hope you feel better.

by Leereply 5904/19/2013

I'm Dr. Drew, diagnosing what's wrong with the unidentified perpetrator or perpetrators.

I'll be back after my workout to see if there's anything else I can add.

by Leereply 6004/19/2013

I'm Dr. Phil, wonderin' why [i]my[/i] GODDAMN phone's not ringin'.

by Leereply 6104/19/2013

I'm Ann Curry, and I just got paid a shitload of money for a two minute interview.

by Leereply 6204/19/2013

I'm Nancy Grace, patiently waiting for terrorism events to pass so I can dig into another child abduction or sex crime.

by Leereply 6304/19/2013

I'm the fattish DL poster insisting that I find one of the suspects HAWT, and hoping that people will think I'm OUTRAGEOUS, just like they did back at the bar in 1978.

by Leereply 6404/19/2013

I'm the little girl who had a crush on the exotic boy.

by Leereply 6504/19/2013

I'm Scott Pelley's monotone, coma-inducing voiceover.

by Leereply 6604/20/2013

I'm your Facebook wall, jammed with pictures of angels, policemen, flags and marathon runners, each accompanied by a little inspirational saying. There's a frau behind every one of them.

by Leereply 6704/20/2013

I'm one of the 95 Facebook posts that my former firefighter policeman wannabe family member will post.

by Leereply 6804/20/2013

I'm the state that wanted to secede that now is begging like a whore for money.

by Leereply 6904/20/2013

I'm the episodes of "Happy Endings" that no one will ever see because they were pre-empted by Boston coverage.

by Leereply 7004/20/2013

I'm the actor who keeps saying this wouldn't have happened if I was there.

by Leereply 7104/20/2013

I'm Barack Obama shedding crocodile tears from the White House press briefing room.

by Leereply 7204/20/2013

I'm the Dunkin Donuts in Boston that was not only allowed to stay open, but was told I MUST stay open, so the cops can live up to their stereotype eating their daily donuts (seriously).

by Leereply 7304/20/2013

I'm the episode of "The Young & The Restless" that will be aired on Monday and throw the show's Friday cliffhanger rhythm off for about 4 to 6 weeks.

by Leereply 7404/20/2013

I'm the "compassionate" tv reporter who imagines every parent will go home and "hug their kid(s) a little tighter tonight".

by Leereply 7504/20/2013

I'm the police commissioner who took R73's advice too closely, not realizing how ridiculous my quadruple chin looks on television.

by Leereply 7604/20/2013

I'm the falsely accused missing Indian kid whose Facebook page are now filled with nasty and racist comments.

by Leereply 7704/20/2013

I'm Michelle Obama and I really don't want to attend any of these funerals.

by Leereply 7804/20/2013

I'm Lee Greenwood....racking up the royalties

by Leereply 7904/20/2013

We're the executives at NBC television, wondering how we can work this tragedy into one or more of our prime time shows.

by Leereply 8004/20/2013

I'm the family from down the block, desperately changing my Facebook page to add "Pakistani family" 5 times to the timeline.

by Leereply 8104/20/2013

I'm the season finale of Melrose Place where Kimberly blows up the apartment complex that couldn't be shown because of the bombings. Oh wait... wrong century, wrong bombings.

by Leereply 8204/20/2013

I'm (insert name of town/city here) Strong

by Leereply 8304/20/2013

[quote]I'm Stevie Nicks, I'm going to talk about how I'm going to write a song about Boston and maybe call it 'Boston Angel'. I'm only going to talk about this when I'm doing press for another project though.

I'm the chorus of the song that begins, "Boston Angel, ooooohhhhh..."

by Leereply 8404/20/2013

I'm the falsely accused Ethiopian kid who no one thinks of now.

by Leereply 8504/20/2013

I am the American drone or soldier sent to destroy an entire village whose survivors will one day be sent to the US to cause this future tragedy

by Leereply 8604/20/2013

I'm the crazy paranoid conspiracy theorist who believes this was false flag operation by American government to take away our civil liberities.

by Leereply 8704/20/2013

I'm the flaming paramedic (but married to a woman)who feels sexual tension when interviewed by Anderson...

by Leereply 8804/20/2013

I'm the phony, bitchy teenage girl, who starts faking tears and pushing people out of my way as soon as she sees T.V. cameras.

by Leereply 8904/20/2013

I'm the guy from the next town who happened to be driving nearby and is delighted that CNN wants to interview me about how I'm affected by the tragedy.

by Leereply 9004/20/2013

I am the violent anonymous loon somewhere out there in America, obsessively watching the media and thinking, there will be bigger coverage when my time comes and I show em what destruction really looks like. I'll be famous.

by Leereply 9104/20/2013

I'm the uncle, and I will tell the world I always knew these losers would never amount to anything.

by Leereply 9204/20/2013

I'm Wolf Blitzer's vocabulary and I'm almost providing the exact word he was looking for.

by Leereply 9304/20/2013

I'm the pink dildo it's now pointless to hide.

by Leereply 9404/20/2013

I'm DL, who is trying to decide whether it's tasteless to proclaim that he wants to be penetrated deeply by Suspect #2.

by Leereply 9504/20/2013

I'm Nathan and the silver lining in all this is I got an excuse to defriend this obnoxious guy on Facebook.

by Leereply 9604/20/2013

I'm all right-wing UK press proprietors, still very annoyed that the aftermath of Thatcher's funeral and run-on to Official Biography trumpeting was totally upstaged by the here-and-now of a huge continuing story from Boston.

We'll still milk the Next Senseless Tragedy dry, but hope against hope that no Royal dies inconveniently.

by Leereply 9704/20/2013

I'm Ann Romney who never saw it coming.

by Leereply 9804/20/2013

I'm David Venable, QVCs resident Haus Frau oblivious to the outside world as I take another bite of snickerdoodle cheesecake and make my trademark "googly eyes". NO ONE in Chechnya knows I'm a sissy.

by Leereply 9904/20/2013

I'm a Chinese factory manager and we're running overtime creating 'Remember Boston!" pins using lead paint.

by Leereply 10004/20/2013

I'm the New York Post, identifying Freedom of the Press with reckless irresponsibility.

by Leereply 10104/20/2013

I'm the Yankee fan who is tired of being nice to the Red Sox.

by Leereply 10204/20/2013

I'm the dozens of coworkers encountered throughout the week who will not mention the tragedy even ONCE.

by Leereply 10304/20/2013

I'm the poster that shows up an hour late to post a breathless ***BREAKING*** thread, despite a 400-post thread on the topic that has continually been on of the first five threads on the thread list.

by Leereply 10404/20/2013

I'm the dozens of coworkers encountered throughout the week who won't shut about it to prove how awesomely sensitive and compassionate they are.

After work they stop because they are, like, over that shit.

by Leereply 10504/20/2013

I'm the parchment candle shield for the inevitable vigil.

by Leereply 10604/20/2013

I'm the lachrymose cliches that sprout up like toadstools after rain.

by Leereply 10704/20/2013

I'm the backlash and criticism of the police, now it's all over.

by Leereply 10804/20/2013

[quote]I'm the crazy paranoid conspiracy theorist who believes this was false flag operation by American government to take away our civil liberities.

When anyone disputes me I will roll my eyes and call them naive. I like to ask "Do I have to spell it out for you?," but I never seem to get around to doing so.

by Leereply 10904/20/2013

I'm the Susan Boyle wanna be in the crowd who starts singing God Bless America opera style, while the reporter is trying to wrap up his monologue. Some people join in but most people don't.

by Leereply 11004/20/2013

[quote]I'm the crazy paranoid conspiracy theorist who believes this was false flag operation by American government to take away our civil liberities.

I'm our civil liberties being taken away regardless.

by Leereply 11104/20/2013

I'm the attorney for the accused, pissing off everybody with my ludicrous attempts at a defense, but the bastard refuses to cop a plea so I pocket my check and play the game.

by Leereply 11204/20/2013

I'm R15, the asshole who blames her IBS on Obama. She decides what is breaking news.

by Leereply 11304/20/2013

I'm Barbara Bush. Thankfully they caught one of the bombers and Boston is once again safe. This is working out well for them.

by Leereply 11404/20/2013

I'm the handwringing concern troll who sees racism in EVERYTHING.

by Leereply 11504/20/2013

I'm the quote on the radio that claims 'we'll stand in solidarity with the victims and make sure they're never forgotten' while being unable to actually name the victims we'll never forget.

by Leereply 11704/20/2013

I'm the weepy Youtube tribute video, complete with slideshow pics of the destruction, blood-stained American flags, crying victims, bad disaster-themed "art", and Meryl Streep's rendition of "Amazing Grace".

by Leereply 11804/21/2013

I'm the grieving relative. My loved one was killed just a few short hours ago, and yet I am incapable of simply saying "no" when the media asks for an "exclusive interview".

by Leereply 11904/21/2013

I'm the totally unrelated obsessive cause that somehow gets shoehorned into the discussion.

"See, I [italic]told[/italic] you we should discontinue Saturday postal delivery, and now look what's happened!"

by Leereply 12004/21/2013

I'm the survivor of a previous but close enough senseless tragedy who gets trotted out on CNN when the news flow slows.

by Leereply 12104/21/2013

Then I'm that feeling you may or may not get when the survivor of a previous but close enough senseless tragedy who gets trotted out on CNN points out how little has changed since the previous senseless tragedy.

by Leereply 12204/21/2013

I'm the Republican backlash that blames it on not enough guns in American hands.

by Leereply 12304/21/2013

I'm the blood soaked flag held by Carlos Arredondo after several photographers basically forced him to pose while shaking uncontrollably

by Leereply 12404/24/2013
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