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If Patsy & Edina Ran the Department of Homeland Security...

...how would things be handled differently?

Go!

by Anonymousreply 5104/21/2013

Champagne for Lulu!

by Anonymousreply 104/17/2013

Just die already!!!

by Anonymousreply 204/17/2013

P: Um, Eddy sweetie, be a doll, sweetie. Get me another Stoli, sweetie?

E: (shouting) Saffy? Saffy sweetie? Come here, sweetie! Come to mother, sweetie!

P: I think we had her copped, Eddy,

E: Copped? What do you mean, 'copped'"?

P: She's being held in an undisclosed location, sweetie.

by Anonymousreply 304/17/2013

Their motto would be:

Cheer up! It may not happen after all.

by Anonymousreply 404/17/2013

You can never have enough hats, gloves and shoes in the bins at the security checkpoints.

by Anonymousreply 504/17/2013

Saffy & her nerdy friends do the actual administration and crisis management; Patsy & Eddy do press events, sweetie.

by Anonymousreply 604/17/2013

59 billion a year - am I ..... poor?

by Anonymousreply 704/17/2013

It's car bombs! It's madness! It's car bomb madness!

by Anonymousreply 804/17/2013

P: Eddy, we always go to threat level red, sweetie! We need more colors, babe. We simply cannot hope to strike fear into the hearts of terrorists unless we have more colors!

E: Threat level tangerine, sweetie?

P: Eh.

E: Sage, sweetie, threat level sage?"

P: I rather think teal, Eds.

by Anonymousreply 904/17/2013

Any traveler wearing LaCroix would simply be waved through.

by Anonymousreply 1004/17/2013

Serge? Iraq? Oh my God, Pats! What's my son, my gay son, sweetie, what's Serge doing in Iraq?

by Anonymousreply 1104/17/2013

I think there's a terrorist inside me trying to get out.

Just the one, dear?

by Anonymousreply 1204/17/2013

Oh, the magazine called for you, Patsy. They need some decisions about this month's cover.

by Anonymousreply 1304/17/2013

bump

by Anonymousreply 1404/17/2013

Only the people from poor, hot, and dirty countries would have to go through the TSA bullshit.

by Anonymousreply 1504/17/2013

these are funny! keep them coming!!!

by Anonymousreply 1604/17/2013

I quote AbFab here all the time, but haven't watched it years. I'm getting in the mood to watch them all again though. I'll have to check if you can download them in HD yet.

by Anonymousreply 1704/17/2013

Lights! Cameras! Models! Bomb sniffing dogs!

by Anonymousreply 1804/17/2013

Saffy would be doing all the work.

by Anonymousreply 1904/17/2013

Bureaucrat: I'm sorry, Ms. Stone, smoking is prohibited in all federal office places.

P: Listen, you little twat. I can have you placed on the official no-fly list!

by Anonymousreply 2004/17/2013

Anyone wearing Crocs would be sent to Gitmo.

by Anonymousreply 2104/17/2013

bump!

by Anonymousreply 2204/17/2013

Martha Stewart would be detained as a person of disinterest.

by Anonymousreply 2304/17/2013

Alert Levels:

1. Om 2. High Colonic 2. Botox Emergency

by Anonymousreply 2404/17/2013

You're too fat! Leave this country!

by Anonymousreply 2504/17/2013

An arrest would be called a "meno pause".

by Anonymousreply 2604/17/2013

There has to be more to life than just being safe.

by Anonymousreply 2704/17/2013

In the bin bags! Put your bloody luggage in the bloody bin bags!!

by Anonymousreply 2804/17/2013

Don't question me!

by Anonymousreply 2904/17/2013

"bloody Tali-bloody-bani bloody Vogue, darling!"

by Anonymousreply 3004/17/2013

EDDY: Yes, Yes!... Why, oh why, do we pay taxes, hmmm? I mean, just to have bloody parking restrictions- and BUGGERY-UGLY traffic wardens, and BOLLOCKY-pedestrian-BLOODY-crossings?... and those BASTARD railings outside shops windows, making it so difficult so you can't even get in them! I mean, I know they're there to stop stupid people running into the street and killing themselves! But we're not all stupid! We don't all need nurse-maiding. I mean, why not just have a Stupidity Tax? Just tax the stupid people!

PATSY: And let them DIE!

by Anonymousreply 3104/17/2013

bump

by Anonymousreply 3204/17/2013

OP,

I love you for this thread!

by Anonymousreply 3304/17/2013

Fuck this is hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 3404/17/2013

Darling, when you have the DEPARTMENT of homeland security at your disposal, the world's your runway.

It's the greatest accessory a woman in my position can have!

Bullet proof vests are so unflattering. Pats, do you think we could get LaCroix to make us some gorgeous little Kevlar accessories?

by Anonymousreply 3504/17/2013

The alerts would be:

Marks & Spencer, Zara, Emporio Armani, Armani and Lacroix

by Anonymousreply 3604/17/2013

As of January 2013, Jennifer Saunders says the movie is still on, she's writing the script. It's rumored to be a musical version. Joanna says she can't sing or dance but will learn to, and that no one else will play Patsy while she's still alive.

by Anonymousreply 3704/18/2013

The X-ray scanners at airports would automatically slenderize your nude image by two stone.

by Anonymousreply 3804/18/2013

Oh my God, there's something horrible on the stairs.

It's me.

I'm not blind. Arrest her!

by Anonymousreply 3904/18/2013

"Pats, I thought you said the DEPARTMENT STORE of Home Security."

by Anonymousreply 4004/18/2013

bump

by Anonymousreply 4104/18/2013

Eddy: We have a bloody cabinet meeting in 20 minutes, where the hell is Patsy?

Bubbles: I think she's embedding herself with the troops.

by Anonymousreply 4204/18/2013

[quote]Botox Emergency

Parallox, sweetie.

by Anonymousreply 4304/18/2013

Suspected terrorists would be interrogated in lovely ... [italic]chairs.[/italic]

by Anonymousreply 4404/18/2013

And I have a friend--Jocasta--who could take some lovely....[italic]photos.[/italic]

by Anonymousreply 4504/18/2013

I don't care if she is the bloody First Lady, Pats. We are the bloody Homemade Security Office thingy, darling! If we say she must put those strapless abominations in the bin, then she bloody well do it, sweetie!

by Anonymousreply 4604/18/2013

bump

by Anonymousreply 4704/18/2013

Saffy: the Department of Homeland Security are amoral, you use water-boards.

Eddie: As furniture!

Saffy (incredulous look)

Eddie: Well What!! Oh Darling, dirt cheap gorgeous little coffee tables.

by Anonymousreply 4804/20/2013

We're opening up a shop Pats?

What are we going to sell?

Big sways of muslin and tracking devices, garden implements, hand chocolates that sorta thing.

by Anonymousreply 4904/20/2013

[italic]Taze[/italic] is my word du jour!

by Anonymousreply 5004/20/2013

We are redecorating the Department of Homeland Security HQ, I don't know what do do, OH darling, darling - Irish peat Bog stove, I don't know, (flicking through home decor magazines) I just want people to think I'm ALL these things.

by Anonymousreply 5104/21/2013
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