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What would your Real Housewives opening credit tagline be?

Mine would be:

Fresno may be a small town, but I make ALL the rules.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 4802/21/2015

I'm the one without the fake tits.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 104/11/2013

I don't work for UPS, but all your husbands come for MY box.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 204/11/2013

I'm making a Spanish dinner -- gazpacho, paella -- IF I can find all the ingredients.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 304/11/2013

Let us know when Ben gets a boyfriend and we'll watch the rerun.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 404/11/2013

I'm not a lawyer but I can get you off

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 504/11/2013

I think I'm more of a Desperate Housewife than a Real one.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 604/11/2013

I'm not a femme, so, N/A

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 704/11/2013

No one in Denver can touch my Rocky Mountains.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 804/11/2013

Pull up to my bumper baby, and drive it in between!

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 904/11/2013

Now that Kim's gone, I'll be the white bitch.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 1004/11/2013

If you think I'm a bitch, wait til you see these other cunts.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 1104/11/2013

I'm no slut, but I'm no lady; I'm the heart and soul of New York City.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 1204/11/2013

[While doing the pony in a ridiculous off-the-shoulder evening gown that shows off my emaciated shoulders, as my young daughter gazes at the silhouette of a man's body gently swings from a noose us]

I'm to die for . . . according to TWO husbands [GLANCES OVER SHOULDER] Make that THREE! Take that, Taylor! [PUSHES DAUGHTER OUT OF THE WAY WITH FOOT BECAUSE SHE'S STEALING FOCUS]

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 1304/11/2013

I may not be the biggest queen in Weho but I'm the one with the most toys.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 1404/11/2013

A lot of these bitches think their shit don't stink. Trust me: Mine does!

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 1504/11/2013

I sucked a lot of dicks, to get THIS rich.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 1604/11/2013

Can I do that again? I didn't get the new script until yesterday.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 1704/11/2013

It's my way... till payday!

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 1804/11/2013

Atlanta's a dump, and I'm getting rich collecting cans!

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 1904/11/2013

No one fondles Spanish sowsausage in the supermarket like me. Deal with it bitches.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 2004/11/2013

I may be low down, but I am NOT on the DOWNLOW!

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 2104/11/2013

Don't hate me 'cause I'm rich. I'm a lady who Atlanta royalty and -- FUCK! Let's do it again. The fucking price-tag came out of the fucking sleeve.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 2204/11/2013

I handle conflict appropriately, and I pay my bills on time.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 2304/11/2013

I'm not even married and I got on this show, thanks Andy!

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 2404/11/2013

I took the blue pills.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 2504/11/2013

Some people call me a cunt, but I'm really just a misunderstood gash!

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 2604/11/2013

"Get real...I'm a 100% fake."

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 2704/11/2013

Fuck Cheryl! It's [bold]MY[/bold] pussy that [italic]really[/italic] stinks!

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 2804/11/2013

I'm FAKING it 'til I make it! Oops, did I just say that out loud?

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 2904/11/2013

This one time--at band camp--I stuck a flute in my pussy!

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 3004/11/2013

W&W for R23!

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 3104/12/2013

Everything about this show is fake, including my tits, face and hair.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 3204/12/2013

[quote]It's my way... till payday!

What does this even mean??

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 3304/12/2013

It might be lights out at 10 in Cleveland, but I'm just getting started.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 3404/12/2013

When I walk into the room ... it empties slap out!

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 3504/12/2013

I'ma fuck yo husbands AND eat yo cake.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 3604/12/2013

Money doesn't give you class, but it can tighten your pussy

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 3704/19/2013

London is a door, and there is either hate, or fame.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 3811/09/2014

I may not have been born and raised in Cupertino, but it's MY town now!

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 3911/09/2014

"I couldn't get any other work so I took this lousy job"

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 4011/09/2014

Life is what you make it... And mine is Dea'licious!

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 4102/19/2015

I'm the kim kardashian of rural arizona and I make the rules

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 4202/19/2015

It takes a lot of balls to be a woman!

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 4302/19/2015

Some people think I'm a cunt, but I just know what I want, and I usually get it.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 4402/19/2015

"You may look down on me, but so does your husband. When he's about to cum on my face!"

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 4502/19/2015

How about "I can't believe you stupid fucks are still watching this shit in 2015." ?

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 4602/19/2015

My pussy may be full of stank and gnats, but there are NO files on my ass! That's how I roll.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 4702/21/2015

*NO flies on my ass...

BTW, I'm not the intellectual one.

by Said with hand on hips while tossing my hairreply 4802/21/2015
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