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Being around straight guys fills me with terror.

They seem like a whole other species compared to me. They both terrify and intrigue me. The endless sports talk, the competitiveness, the aggression, the cigars, the beers, the poker games, the strip clubs, the lack of emotion, intuition, and sympathy. I can't identify with any of it, and I have anxiety attacks just thinking about being around all that maleness. Yet, I'm intrigued by, full of lust for, and maybe jealous of them. They've got this whole other level of masculinity that for some reason passed me by. I'm much more comfortable around women.

Normally I don't think too much about this, but it comes to the fore every time I have to attend some all-male function. My supervisor is having a bachelor party this weekend. It's compulsory that I go, and I'm filled with anxiety at the thought of just being in the company of all these rowdy, tough guys. It's actually traumatizing to be included as part of this pack.

Anyone else feel this way?

by Anonymousreply 12307/01/2016


by Anonymousreply 104/04/2013


by Anonymousreply 204/04/2013

Give them a try. You'll be surprised how much, at least on a one-to-one basis, they welcome someone who operates on a different level and doesn't require them to be their usual competitive macho-proving "self".

And don't feel you have to prove anything to them either. Except that you're not afraid to be yourself and pretend you share a common interest in things that don't interest you. This will incite both you and them to find and meet on a common human ground, whatever that may be.

by Anonymousreply 304/04/2013


by Anonymousreply 404/04/2013

To an extent. I can be around some guys and feel like a big ol' gurl. Then again, I can be around some queens and feel like I'm not even gay at all!

by Anonymousreply 504/04/2013

Usually being around of group of gay men fills me with the same level of anxiety. I share office space with a bunch of twenty something straight guys and I like their energy, curiosity, and lack of bitchiness. Granted we are all in creative fields so they aren't really sports minded guys, but they all go out to the fire escape to smoke and talk about girls and they really crack me up. I'm a lot older than them, but they never make me feel like an old gay troll like a bunch of young gay guys would.

by Anonymousreply 604/04/2013

Countdown for some tool coming in here and saying OP is self loathing in 10 9 8 7...

by Anonymousreply 704/04/2013

OP, all people, straight or gay respond well to kindness and confidence. As for straight men in general- I play tennis with them, I ski with them I work with them- yeah I am not interesting in the Super Bowl, but in general they are just fine. In fact a few are close friends and my gayness or their straightness are mere details.

Why in heavens name do you have to go to a supervisor's bachelor party? I have never been employed anywhere in my life where that kind of requirement was imposed.

by Anonymousreply 804/04/2013

Being in all male or all female groups both make me slightly uncomfortable.

by Anonymousreply 904/04/2013

OP, you lost me at "it's compulsory that I go."

If I were your professor, you'd get an "F".

by Anonymousreply 1004/04/2013

OP, just make sure to bring a pair of knee pads to that bachelor party and...don't wear anything complicated.

by Anonymousreply 1104/04/2013

I feel totally comfortable around straight guys. I'm blunt, messy, crude and rarely think before I speak, so when I'm around straight guys, I fit in. OP, you say you have lust for them and maybe that's why you come off badly. I have no attraction to straight men, so that's prob why I get along with them so well.

However, the fact that I'm blunt, messy, crude and thoughtless means I get along horribly with gay men. When around gay men, I get filled with anxiety and feel like I'm a bull in a China shop. Like it's only a matter of time before I offend others. With straight guys, I don't have to worry about filtering my thoughts but with gay men I feel I become too conscious of myself and have to filter my words otherwise they get offended.

by Anonymousreply 1204/04/2013

How is this even possible?

Most of the men at my workplace are straight and I can't avoid them -- and once you get to know them realize that they are not the stereotype you paint them to be, especially about their interests, lack of emotion, and aggression.

The straight guys at my gym (and I only assume they're straight because I see them with their girlfriends) are friendly, my straight male neighbors aren't homophobic.

How do you even function?

by Anonymousreply 1304/04/2013

Jesus, OP, take some meds.


by Anonymousreply 1404/04/2013

You think gay men aren't aggressive? Straight men are aggressive when something is at stake. Some gay men are aggressive as a matter of style.

by Anonymousreply 1504/04/2013

OP have you heard about sexual reassignment surgery?

by Anonymousreply 1604/04/2013

Let me clarify that's it not mandatory that I go, but I was told it would be a good idea to go since it's my supervisor. I think most of the guys know that I'm "different," and one of the nicer ones even said to me that he's won't be same guy at the stag party...that's he'll be drunk and rough and rowdy as well, and I think that upped the fear.

To be honest, it's been this way since as far back as high school. I remember as a senior having a mandatory sleepover in school for some reason. It was a small private boys' school. I was teased mercilessly in HS by the other guys, and I remember being filled with dread at having to spend the overnight with them. Part of the overnight entailed going by bus to some event. All kind of hazy now, but I do remember having a panic attack on the bus.

Being in these types of situations with a pack of straight guys just fills me with absolute dread. I'm not a troll. This is the way it is. I was hoping some of you could identify with my feelings and share your similar feelings.

by Anonymousreply 1704/04/2013

From my experience, straight guys are laid-back, friendly, and most of all drama-free, whereas gays can be bitchy, harder to befriend, and back-stabbing. I can't tell you how many times I've thought I was friends with some gay guys only to find out they were talking shit behind my back. Straight guys don't generally gossip unless it's to bitch about their girlfriends/wives nagging them or what have you. But even then, they'd rather discuss sports, cars, guns, working out, or whatever interests them.

In short, I tend to feel stress-free and relaxed around straights, so I wouldn't have a problem going to that bachelor party. I usually avoid women and the queeniest gays because they tend to revel in drama, which I abhor. Not that I'm uber straight-acting myself. I'm more in the middle. But I just HATE pettiness.

by Anonymousreply 1804/04/2013

I avoided all straight men, including my father, from the time I got out of college until I was 34 years old. My brother was the only straight guy I willingly talked to.

After age 34 it flipped, and now, 20 years later, my closest friend is a straight guy, and the rest of my close friends are gay women.

I have a lot a lot a lot of friends of all genders and persuasions, but I am really only close at this point to one straight guy and one gay woman.

I have found in general that straight guys are way more likely to be interested in you, and to be low-key and non-judgmental, as you get older as a gay man.

Gay men complain that that start to be invisible to other gay men at like age 35. But the gay men doing the complaining are themselves people who aren't interested in gay men after the age of 35.

We gay men are awful awful awful to each other, and as we get older, were are going to be more and more isolated from each other.

by Anonymousreply 1904/04/2013


by Anonymousreply 2004/04/2013

[quote]I'm not a troll. This is the way it is.

Yes you are and no it's not. You're not posting about your fears and anxieties.... the PURPOSE of your post was to associate straights with natural normal maleness and gays as something lesser. You're the typical "gay males are women" poster we see here on 70% of all posts.

by Anonymousreply 2104/04/2013

Wrong, r21. I'm just posting my own experience, not generalizing anything. You seem a tad defensive.

by Anonymousreply 2204/04/2013

Well OP, you've certainly come to the right place about information on straight guys.

DataLounge is home to numerous posters who think most straight guys are willing to engage in the homosex.

by Anonymousreply 2304/04/2013

Well considering most straight men are scared of gay men (homophobic), you can take comfort in knowing the feeling is mutual.

by Anonymousreply 2404/04/2013

well, I identify with OP somewhat. If I were in the business world, I think I'd really identify with him a lot. As it is, I'm in the arts, so the straight guys I meet are not of the type OP describes. When I have to be around macho straight men, I feel uncomfortable and they do too.

by Anonymousreply 2504/04/2013

You cliched queers need to meet some straight men. Straight men under age 40 LOVE themselves some gay guys, and I find straight men generally way easier to be with than gay men.

by Anonymousreply 2604/04/2013

Thank you r25.

by Anonymousreply 2704/04/2013

"drunk and rough and rowdy"

Douche and pre-lube, OP, and you'll be fine.

by Anonymousreply 2804/04/2013

[quote]My supervisor is having a bachelor party this weekend. It's compulsory that I go

No one can make you do anything you don't want to do, OP.

by Anonymousreply 2904/04/2013

No group can be painted with the same brush. I've seen men like op's group and in other places I've been around straight guys that gossip like its a hen house. It all just depends on who you get.

by Anonymousreply 3004/04/2013

OP, you sound completely insane.

by Anonymousreply 3104/04/2013

I understand OP, and kind of feel that way, too.

by Anonymousreply 3204/04/2013

r22, / OP, you're not fooling anyone with that attempt to shift focus to the person who pointed out what you're up to. Of course you also have many willing accomplices in this thread. So go on with the "gays = girls" theme. It seems very important to you.

by Anonymousreply 3304/04/2013

I can relate to what OP is saying, in a way -- namely, a "bachelor" party! I can't think of anything I would rather NOT attend than a bachelor party, and I just WOULD NOT GO.

by Anonymousreply 3404/04/2013

It's just the non-stop sports babble shit that I get sick of sometimes.

I have several straight guy friends and once they have a few in them they can't stop talking about the Jets and Mark Sanchez. I want to shake them sometimes and scream "WHY IS THIS ENDLESSLY FASCINATING TO YOU??!"

I mean, I get it. I come from a huge football family: all my brothers played in high school and college. My one brother almost went pro. My granddad played for Knute Rockne at Notre Dame for fucks sake yet still our family gatherings aren't an orgy of stat and play debates.

I really dig the lack of catty cunty bs with hetero dudes. But they bring a whole other set of problems. This ... (in addition to discussions of their farts and shit) just one of them.

by Anonymousreply 3504/04/2013

OP isn't talking about actual straight guys. He is describing an outrageously ridiculous caricature created by the prissy types on this site in order to create a polar opposite of the hyperprissy caricature they've created for themselves. The rest of us normal humans, straight and gay, think you're freaks.

by Anonymousreply 3604/04/2013

The help you need, OP / R17, is to start by admitting that you're a bigot.

How would you react if someone called all gay men completely lacking emotion and humanity?

Or to flip it around in the same stereotypical way you wrote, said "I dread and fear being around a group of gay men -- their shrieking, bitchiness, girlishness -- all they talk about is fashion, musical theatre, gay porn trashing straight women, straight men, touching and flirting with straight men, thinking we're all bisexual and gay, their open relationships, sex parties, and complete lack of normalcy in relationships ... please help me"

You'd tell that person he's a bigot. Just like you are.

by Anonymousreply 3704/04/2013

R26 - agree completely

by Anonymousreply 3804/04/2013

What are you talking about, r33? There's no agenda lol. I never said or implied gays=girls. How did you make that leap? I said that I just don't identify with these types of guys and am fearful of being in their presence when they're in a pack. I never said I felt like a woman or wanted to be a woman. btw, thanks for making me feel better about my own insanity.

by Anonymousreply 3904/04/2013

[quote]Or to flip it around in the same stereotypical way you wrote, said "I dread and fear being around a group of gay men -- their shrieking, bitchiness, girlishness -- all they talk about is fashion, musical theatre, gay porn trashing straight women, straight men, touching and flirting with straight men, thinking we're all bisexual and gay, their open relationships, sex parties, and complete lack of normalcy in relationships ... please help me"

Well . . .

by Anonymousreply 4004/04/2013

Wrong, OP/R39. Read your posts. You've equated gay with being catty, unable to relate to sports... so you're stereotyping us and them.

And your portrayal of straight men is complete bullshit. Having two straight brothers, and several straight male friends and dozens of straight male coworkers, I have never heard anyone "endlessly" talking about sports, farting, etc. The dozens of straight guys I know talk about politics, the same TV shows we watch, music, their families and are interested in my husband, my work, and so on."

And your antipathy for sports is pathological.

You'd be a lot more believable if you were a troll. You come off like a lunatic.

by Anonymousreply 4104/04/2013

R33 R37 No where in OPs post does he even mention other gay men, let alone state that gay men = women bullshit. He is talking about his own issues and feelings of inadequacy and at no time attributes this to gay men on a whole. The fact that you focused on something that doesn't even exist says more about you than it does OP.

by Anonymousreply 4204/04/2013

[quote]Read your posts. You've equated gay with being catty


Not one of OPs post even contain the word catty.

by Anonymousreply 4304/04/2013

You're being dense - and way too literal - about this R42.

OP is painting two pictures, one of straight men as cro-magnon "masculine" jerks and gay men as catty, afraid of sports, and weak.

Do the math.

by Anonymousreply 4404/04/2013

Excuse me for not using troll-dar to keep up with the people who write like OP, R43.

See above for his cohort claiming heteros, unlike gay men, are not "catty cunts".

by Anonymousreply 4504/04/2013

R44 Forget the math, you should try reading.

At no point did OP say gay men are catty. At no point did OP say gay men are afraid of sports. At no point did OP even talk about other gay men.

by Anonymousreply 4604/04/2013

r44, why are you projecting your insecurities? Do you somewhat identify with the OP? Otherwise, why are you trying to project your insecurities onto him?

OP painted himself as a gay man who is weak and afraid of sports. He never said anything about all gay men being like him. OP does paint straight men in a very stereotypical fashion. I've noticed lots of very femme gay men see straight men as sterotypes but that has to do with their insecurities growing up.

r44 is extremely insecure over something...

by Anonymousreply 4704/04/2013

Ah the heartwarming moments when gays attack gays. These are the days that make life worth living.

by Anonymousreply 4804/04/2013

"I'm blunt, messy, crude and rarely think before I speak, so when I'm around straight guys, I fit in."

Your straight male "friends" probably make fun of you behind your back. Straight men are responsible for most of the homophobia in the world.

"Like it's only a matter of time before I offend others. With straight guys, I don't have to worry about filtering my thoughts but with gay men I feel I become too conscious of myself and have to filter my words otherwise they get offended."

Just make fun of Christians or Republicans. Straight men tend to get really offended by that. Look at Rush Limbaugh or Bill O'Reilly. They bitch and moan about everything and act like straight white men are the real victims of society.

by Anonymousreply 4904/04/2013

This is so easy. OP? You are a coward. Plain and simple. A pussy. . GROW A PAIR, you pansy ass.

Men are men are men. Gay men are still MEN. What's the difference? Perception, that's the difference. A gay man would kick your nelly ass as soon as a straight man would (if that is the world you live in, FEAR based).

If you are the handwringing special snowflake you appear in your post, NO ONE would want to be around you.

by Anonymousreply 5004/04/2013

Wow, I come on this thread to read OP's lunacy and we have another whack-job at R43, R46 et al lighting up troll-dar.

OP has absolutely protrayed all straight men as stereotypes. PERIOD.

Any sane person can see gay men as not possessing these qualities.

But no he hasn't explicitly said anything about all gay men.

Now why are you coming unhinged over this, R46..,

by Anonymousreply 5104/04/2013

R49 - what planet are you from? You would probably benefit some from mixing up your social life. You seem to have it all figured out, unfortunately you used the wrong info to get there.

by Anonymousreply 5204/04/2013

No R46, he just talked about all straight men as being one way and left the blanks to be filled in.

I'm sure he believes in the diversity of the gay community -- the sports lovers, the poker players, beer swilling, cigar smoking gays and intimidating gay men who "fill him" with just as much "terror".

Keep telling yourself that, freak.

by Anonymousreply 5304/04/2013

[quote]Just make fun of Christians or Republicans. Straight men tend to get really offended by that

This is more of the delusional crap we see from the psychos who are determined to create extreme caricatures to portray gays one way and straights another. Your lying agenda is transparent.

by Anonymousreply 5404/04/2013

Some of you are clearly as messed up as the OP. Why "make fun" of ANYONE? Christians OR Republicans? Sure, they deserve it but why not take the high road? Making fun of people makes you the asshole. And you SHOULD filter your language so you don't offend people. Do you have fucking Tourette's Syndrome or something? Being nice and kind matters. Not all that other posturing bullshit.

I know, my "angry post" belies what I am saying here about being nice but, holy hell, what a mess some of you seem to be.

by Anonymousreply 5504/04/2013

OP, straight guys used to be like that, and nothing was more fun for them than to pick one of the gang out and pick on them, playing tricks, cheating in games, trying to deceive people for fun, and that sort of thing. But really in the last twenty years this has really changed. Straight men are much less like this than they used to be. I'm sorry that you went to an all boys prep school with a bunch of rich kids who still had a residual dusting of the bad old ways, the ways of spoiled no-account baby boomer privileged white men, the kind one associates with Wall Street traders and Michael Milken, but most likely your co-workers are not like that, or they wouldn't have even bothered to invite you.

I was like you, I hated that male competition thing, but in the bad old days, it was as true of the gays as it was of straight, although perhaps less nastily expressed since few gays had the kind of hierarchical posse straight men seem to naturally form.

To those of you who think gay men are especially gossipy and backstabbing, I'd like to inform you that those stereotypes have never been true, and only a sixty five year old self-loather would think so. Straight men are just as gossipy as gays and always have been, and they have always had better lines of internal communication too.

by Anonymousreply 5604/04/2013

R47, it was only a matter of time someone like you would come on here thinking you can tell who's projecting insecurities. People like you are usually the ones doing the projecting.

See my post above at R53. If you want to believe he sees some gay people as diverse and terrifying as straight men, go right ahead. If you can't see he says "straight guys" are one way, and "gay men" are clearly different by implication, you can't be reasoned with.

by Anonymousreply 5704/04/2013

Good grief, some of you guys!!! Listen, I never said and do not believe all other gay guys are like me. That's why I asked if anyone feels the same way as me. I wouldn't have asked it if I thought everyone feels the same as I do. I know there are plenty of gay guys into sports and who are typically "masculine," just as I know there are straight guys who don't fit the alpha male label. I was just talking about my experiences, feelings, and inadequacies and my general dread about being around these types of straight alpha males, and was curious if anyone felt the same. That's all. Chill.

by Anonymousreply 5804/04/2013

R58, good for you. You were at least able to stop flapping your arms around long enough to write something articulate and "masculine."

by Anonymousreply 5904/04/2013

you are a Cuntessa, that's why

by Anonymousreply 6004/04/2013

Being around straight guys don't fill me with terror.

Being around attractive straight guys fill me with terror.

by Anonymousreply 6104/04/2013

R47 All I am doing is providing the facts. I have no insecurities on the subject. Calling a person insecure over something like is meaningless. I do however have a suspension about who are the insecure ones here.

R51 The only ones who are becoming unhinged are the ones who once called on it, cant admit they made a mistake.

by Anonymousreply 6204/04/2013

[quote]and my general dread about being around these types of straight alpha males

So you're saying it's the personality you're talking about, not the sexual orientation that's the issue.

Yet your quoted sentence above shows you are STILL trying to link "straight" with "alpha male." Stop pretending you're not doing what you're doing.

by Anonymousreply 6304/04/2013

christ r63. I specified straight alpha males because these are the types of guys going to this bachelor party. You're trying to shoehorn my post to fit some imaginary agenda.

by Anonymousreply 6404/04/2013

You all are from 1972.

In my experience, it is GAY MEN who generate most of the world's homophobia, these days.

Look, for instance, at Hollywood. Stuffed to the gills with GAY MEN who are desperately pretending not to be - not because, as they CLAIM, nobody will go see a movie with out-and-proud gay men starring in it.

NO: the fact is, gay men in Hollywood are so profoundly ashamed of their gayness that THEY could not stand to go see a movie starring out-and-proud gay men.

These Hollywood homos need to believe that every romantic sexy male in America is STRAIGHT.

In this way, they are much like the gay men who post on Datalounge.


They fantasize about STRAIGHT men.

They go see a movie with George Clooney where the dude romances a woman, and they are happy, because THEY THINK CLOONEY WOULD BE LESS OF A MAN IF: A) HE SAID HE WAS GAY; AND: B) HE KISSED A GUY ONSCREEN IN A ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL WAY.

Hollywood homos do not find men attractive unless those men are straight and having sex with women.

This is also true of most Datalounge posters.

That is just one example of the profoundly self-loathing homophobia of many gay men.

Straight guys, on the other hand - anyway, the straight guys I know - couldn't care less if a dude wants to fuck a guy or wants to fuck a girl. Straight guys - at least the ones I know - are not endlessly obsessed with how masculine everyone is. Sure, all American men worry that they are not "man enough." It's our national disease. But straight men - the ones I know - generally speaking, do not fucking care if you seem "manly" enough.

Gay men on datalounge have contempt for any man who doesn't seem "manly" enough.

Gay men on datalounge, and the tragic women who love them, are the real homophobes.

by Anonymousreply 6504/04/2013

Oh shut up r65. It's clear that you are coming from the same motivational standpoint as OP.

by Anonymousreply 6604/04/2013

What a fucking sewer this thread has turned into.

OP, I'm sorry that you've been put into a position in your work life that makes you uncomfortable, and I'm also sorry for the ridiculous turn this thread has taken.

Fuck the idiots who need to turn EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THREAD into a polarizing bitch fight. If anyone is "ruining" DL, it's them.

by Anonymousreply 6704/04/2013

OP you can't seriously claim you were talking about a specific small group of straight men.

Your headline says otherwise. So does the breadth of your original post.

The "dread" and "terror" you feel says you do need serious help. That's not a slam, it's a fair assessment.

by Anonymousreply 6804/04/2013

r67, the OP may as well have titled the thread "polarizing bitch fight, all welcome." Because the intent was clear and loud - a contrived story so that he would have an excuse to insinuate that same-sex attraction is associated with weakness and prissiness and that opposite sex attraction is associated with strength and maleness.

by Anonymousreply 6904/04/2013

I just think Dataloungers need to deal with their self-hatred and their misogyny.

by Anonymousreply 7004/04/2013

R62, I did admit that I had attributed the post about catty gay men to the OP. While you were accusing me of not reading, you must have missed it.

People like you defending the OP while attacking people who are rightly calling out the OP's stereotyping of straight people are transparent in where your sympathies lie. especially when you claim calling people who oppose stereotyping as "insecure" is "meaningless" and then turn right around and insinuate that you have a "suspenion" of who is insecure.

The OP clearly says he is, as others have rightly pointed out with his dread and terror.

Why don't you focus on that insecurity, as well as his stereotyping?

by Anonymousreply 7104/04/2013

What does "being around straight guys" even mean? Men are all different. This is such a gross generalization that, in 2013, it doesn't even make sense. There are no characteristics that all "straight men" share except maybe a penis. Same with gay men. Some are into sports, some are not. Some are alpha males, some are not. Orientation is pretty irrelevant.

The most that could be said for this OP is that there is a select, finite, insular group of men that he is "terrified" of. That, in and of itself, should be a big red flag need for therapy, counseling or serious self-reflection.

by Anonymousreply 7204/04/2013

There are plenty of asshole straight guys, there are plenty of asshole gay guys. If OP doesn't like the particular straight guys at a certain party, he shouldn't go to the motherfucking party.

by Anonymousreply 7304/04/2013

R71 I am not defending OP, nor am I attacking anyone. Stereotyping is never a good idea. But so is claiming someone said something when they very clearly did not. All I did was point out that saying OP said gay men are catty is not true. That's all I said. It's not my fault that is an accurate statement. Nor did I claim calling people who oppose stereotyping as "insecure" is "meaningless". Calling a person who pointed out an error you made as being insecure is meaningless. I will say that is not totally true though, as calling someone insecure because you dont like that they pointed out your error says a real lot about you. A secure person would say, "Hey, you're right. OP didnt say that. I stand corrected." Secure people dont have a hard time admitting they made a mistake. The ones who react by name calling and trying to put the fact checker down is a different story.

I didnt focus on OP's insecurity or stereotyping because plenty of people were already doing that. My aim was more of a "lets stick to the facts" sort of thing.

by Anonymousreply 7404/04/2013

I'd rather hang out with obnoxious straight guys than some of the miserable, cunty ass fags posting on this thread.

by Anonymousreply 7504/04/2013

OP, what industry do you work in that you are surrounded by 100% alpha males, and how did you come to be in that industry if you are the opposite? And in 2013, what kind of supervisor has some wild bachelor party with his underlings? It doesn't make sense.

For that matter, how would you even know that all your co-workers are straight? At any job I've had, we weren't so personal that I'd know about the private lives of everyone.

by Anonymousreply 7604/04/2013

R74, you need to let this go. You're digging yourself into a deeper hole the more you type.

R71 is dead right -- you did say it was not appropriate ("meaningless") to call people insecure and then turned around and suggested people on this thread were insecure.

And R71 did say he was wrong, just not in the way you liked it.

You decided to hijack this thread and go on the attack with snotty little comments like "Fail" and comments accusing people of not reading and on and on, with multiple posts, like you were on a mission.

Just stop.

by Anonymousreply 7704/04/2013

r76, I'm an executive assistant with a brokerage firm. These guys are alpha males types. Some are married and the others have reps as notorious pussy hounds, so I assume they're all straight. I don't know if they know I'm gay. I'm normally pretty shy around them, and don't really talk about my personal life. Some of the guys are pompous, some are nice, as you'd get in any company. It was implied that I should go to the stag party. Nothing in writing, more of an unwritten mandate, if you get my drift. The only one I'm kind of friendly with is one of the nice guys, who goes out of his way to say hello and chat, even it's just superficial chat. I was nervous enough about this event. I was sort of hoping he'd behave himself and that I could latch on to him at the party as my point of safety, as it were. When he told me that he'll be a different type of person at the party (i.e. drunk, rowdy, obnoxious, etc.), that's what put me over the edge. So I was thinking about all of this, my fear of being around straight alpha types, so I posted to see if anyone else has the same feelings/inadequacies.

by Anonymousreply 7804/04/2013

When you get a group of straight guys together with alcohol and camaraderie, it can be very intimidating...especially if you don't relate to the general straight stuff. They revel in private jokes about prior office parties, chicks, booze capacity in each other, and how 'gay' someone may be acting.

I totally relate to OP's fear.

However, you don't need to try and keep up with these guys if they get rowdy and BORING. I would go, try and fit in for two drinks, and if after an hour or so you are getting really bored/annoyed/scared, find a graceful exit.

Go to the bathroom, and then come back out with a "Well, I should be going, I got to get ready for my date."..if you feel comfortable enough with that kind of bullshit. That will paint you as a player (even if you're a gay one), and your exit will be enviable. Any/all discomfort you feel would be relieved, and if these guys are that dull, they would respect you more for this. But if they turn out to be pretty cool, then do stick around for another drink or so. Don't be the last one to leave though. Know your place, you are not part of the straight boys club, so don't desperately cling to acceptance in it.

by Anonymousreply 7904/04/2013

OP you really do need therapy. You're not going to get that here.

There is no rational explanation for this degree of terror you say you have.

Just don't go if you don't like it. Start sticking up for yourself, and go out and be open to making friends with straight people so they don't frighten you.

If you can't do that, get professional help.

by Anonymousreply 8004/04/2013

So what are you doing here, r73? You seem to just go from thread to thread screeching about idiotic, catty, self-loathing "faggots."

You know how sad it is when women say that they prefer straight male companionship because other women are just so "catty"? That's what you sound like. Ever wonder if you're the problem? You get back what you put out. Perhaps you treat other gay men more poorly than straight men and that's why they react badly to you.

by Anonymousreply 8104/04/2013

Where are all the assholes who just want to fight coming from? Every thread lately is turning into a playground fight. You can't discuss anything anymore.

I get where OP is coming from. True or EST, I get it and it's an interesting topic to discuss but that won't happen here. So long bitches!

by Anonymousreply 8204/04/2013

OP - The brokers actually socialize with the exec assistants? Are there any other male EAs?

by Anonymousreply 8304/04/2013

[quote] you did say it was not appropriate


I never said that. Sorry, but after that sentience I ignored everything else you wrote.

by Anonymousreply 8404/04/2013

"The endless sports talk, the competitiveness, the aggression, the cigars, the beers, the poker games, the strip clubs, the lack of emotion, intuition, and sympathy."

Sounds like your average night at Gym Bar to me.

And if you leave off the sports talk, cigars, and poker it sounds like any circuit party.

by Anonymousreply 8504/04/2013

R82, fear and dread and terror of straight people is not healthy and calling straight people the things OP did are juvenile.

He set up this playground. You're welcome to it.

by Anonymousreply 8604/04/2013


by Anonymousreply 8704/10/2013

OP, I really like straight guys, sometimes more than gay guys. Yes, some straights can be jerks or worse, but I find if you relax you find you relate to other men as men like yourself. I used to prefer the company of women for the reasons you say, but I no longer feel like that. Women are fine, but I really like guys as people too.

by Anonymousreply 8804/10/2013


by Anonymousreply 8909/11/2014

Not really. My best friend is a straight guy who is totally cool with me being gay. He's funny as hell and we're both pretty juvenile, we'll sit around, drink beer, and play video games all day. I'm not sexually attracted to him at all so there is no sexual tension.

by Anonymousreply 9009/11/2014

Don't let them intimidate you. Grow a pair.

by Anonymousreply 9109/11/2014

[quote]From my experience, straight guys are laid-back, friendly, and most of all drama-free, whereas gays can be bitchy, harder to befriend, and back-stabbing.

And the gay "friends" that are always trying to get in your pants. I had to break off a friendship a couple months ago with a guy because he became an annoying sex pest. I had to tell him over and over that I only saw him as a friend, but he kept trying to lay in lap, massage me, etc. Even told me that he was re-locating to a different job in Seattle and he wanted to take me with him, under the condition we would be together.

by Anonymousreply 9209/11/2014

Oddly enough, being around gay guys fills me with terror. I'm gay and out to my friends, but 99% of them are straight (the rest are bisexual women). If I go to a gay bar, I have to be drunk. I've yet to maintain a friendship with any gay guy I wasn't dating...

by Anonymousreply 9309/11/2014

You should really try to make some gay friends r93, it will help you a lot. Obese like that when I first came out.

by Anonymousreply 9409/11/2014

"From my experience, straight guys are laid-back, friendly, and most of all drama-free, whereas gays can be bitchy, harder to befriend, and back-stabbing"

Ha ha ha ha. You might want to look up who is responsible for 90% of all crime (hint, it's not gay men or women)

by Anonymousreply 9509/11/2014

"fear and dread and terror of straight people is not healthy and calling straight people the things OP did are juvenile."

As opposed to fear and dread of other gays like the self-loathers on this board.

by Anonymousreply 9609/11/2014

I know what you mean OP and I think it's valid regardless of what the thread has turned into. I don't really fear hanging with straight guys but it depends on where and who. I can get uncomfortable because we have absolutly nothing in common. There are a lot of cool straight guys out there BTW

by Anonymousreply 9709/11/2014

With me, it's gay men who continuously act like they're starring as the main bitch in a 'My Super-Sweet Sixteen' episode. I find it hard to believe that such types actually have friends or even loved ones.

by Anonymousreply 9809/11/2014

You've been invited to a Bachelor Party? The company fag? OMG, do you know how much of an honor those straight men are paying you by asking you to go? YOU COULD GET YOURSELF LAID, you stupid bitch! You could get some straight cock that I know you crave for despite your fear of them. Dude, GO. Go there and get some dick from them! OMG, you're so dim!

by Anonymousreply 9909/11/2014

Straight men DO gossip. And they do cause drama.

by Anonymousreply 10009/11/2014

I get what OP is saying. When I'm with a group of "straight" guys, I feel I'm too gay to blend in, but when I'm in a group of other gay guys, I feel I'm not gay enough to blend in. And with the former group, it's awkward because I'm actively trying to avoid doing anything that could even be construed as hitting on them.

by Anonymousreply 10109/11/2014

God r99 you sound pathetic. Calm yourself, can you not just hang out with straight guys and have fun without obsessing about getting into their pants? You are the worst stereotype of a gay guy come to life.

by Anonymousreply 10209/11/2014

sing it r102

by Anonymousreply 10309/13/2014

I prefer hanging around straight guys. There's no pressure sexually, we are just bros!

by Anonymousreply 10409/13/2014

exactly, r104, bros being bros

by Anonymousreply 10509/13/2014

What planet do you live on, OP? Just be a dude.

by Anonymousreply 10609/16/2014

[quote]Anyone else feel this way?

Probably. There are a lot of mentally ill people in the world.

by Anonymousreply 10709/16/2014

I do hate that all straight men seem to talk about is sports and women. No emotional talk at all. It's freaky.

Do any of them actually make real friends?

by Anonymousreply 10809/16/2014

r108, I love to talk about sports. It's a dude thing.

by Anonymousreply 10912/01/2014


by Anonymousreply 11001/14/2015

I also don't like hanging around straight Alpha male types, especially when they think I am straight too. It's boring as fuck. When you find a nice group of open minded straight guys, it's fun, they are willing to talk about more than sport or pussy. At least I know a lot about cars so I can steer the conversation in that direction.

by Anonymousreply 11101/14/2015

Most straight men today don't talk a lot about cars. Sure, it may come up in passing, but it is not a huge topic of conversation among men under 50.

by Anonymousreply 11201/14/2015

Females make the best friends for most gay men. I'm not talking about fag hags. I like straight and lesbian women who are funny, intelligent and can talk about ANYTHING without blushing.

by Anonymousreply 11301/14/2015

Why is it compulsory that you go? Just don't go. They will still have a good time. If they ask you later why you weren't there, say, "I didn't want to," and leave it at that. There's no counter-argument for "i didn't want to."

by Anonymousreply 11401/14/2015

r113, speak for yourself, man. Stop projecting your personal preferences as indicative of what most or all gay men want, do, or desire. That is what you like.

by Anonymousreply 11501/14/2015

Most are psychological weaklings, pack animals, afraid to stand alone, brah

by Anonymousreply 11601/14/2015

[quote]Straight guys don't generally gossip


let me say it again


The bitchiest and the most evil gossips I've known have been straight men. Not that some women and gay guys are that far behind.

by Anonymousreply 11701/14/2015

Oh, Puh-leeze. Once they get drunk and horny, THEN we'll see just how completely straight they are, or aren't.

by Anonymousreply 11801/14/2015

Oh, and God only knows the SM fantasies some straight boys have that they never, ever tell their wives/girl friends. Get them to talk about being brahs in the military. 100% straight? Doubt it.The macho ones hide it better, IMO.

by Anonymousreply 11901/14/2015


by Anonymousreply 12001/23/2016


by Anonymousreply 12101/25/2016


by Anonymousreply 12204/28/2016

Get real dude. Man up

by Anonymousreply 12307/01/2016
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