I attract people who can't shut up
... and I'm tired of it.
I'm an introvert (though a friendly and sociable one) and pretty easy going. I seem to attract a lot of people into my life who talk a lot, mostly about themselves. Whenever I get together with these people they jabber on and on and on and never shut the fuck up.
Occasionally I'll try to interject and say something. Add a thought or two of my own to the "conversation." They'll just look at me blankly as if I was speaking another language.
A couple of them will try to be polite and ask me how things are going in my life. I'll speak for a few minutes but it's obvious they couldn't care less and can't wait to continue their monologue.
Is it because I'm a "good listener"? Is is because I'm too passive and polite to tell them I don't care about their messed up lives?
After I've been with these people I feel completely drained. They're energy vampires.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||04/04/2013|
Then get them out of your life, OP. YOU get to decide who your friends are. Put them at arms length, doesn't have to be a big deal. We all have known energy vampires! Every cup will find its saucer. You have just been a willing "victim." Think about what TRUE friendship is and surround yourself with people who care about you.
We can't help sometimes being around people like this, who talk only about themselves and are terrible listeners. But keep them at bay.
Someone should probably call them on their vapid bullshit once in awhile, too. "You really must like the sound of your own voice!" That sort of thing.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||04/03/2013|
And yet you ramble on to us?
|by Anonymous||reply 3||04/03/2013|
One of my vampires WAS, in fact, confronted by a friend of hers a while ago. This woman tore the vampire apart and said basically everything I (and no doubt everyone else) was thinking about her and why her life is a shambles.
And now the vampire can't stop talking about THAT, and how mean and unfair this woman was to her. I'm biting my tongue to tell her that I agree with her.
She's obviously hurt by it but doesn't have the self-awareness to see that it's all true.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||04/03/2013|
Move to NYC. We all talk at the same time and understand each other perfectly.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||04/03/2013|
I could've written your post OP.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||04/03/2013|
Oh. Don't get me started.
If only some of my "friends" were as fascinating as they think they are.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||04/03/2013|
Oh, I know JUST what you mean, OP. It's the same for ME! Why just the other day I was telling this guy I just met how much of an introvert I am and how everybody just talks right over me for the longest time don't you think that's rude I sure do and that's not the worst of it as I tried to tell him but really it was hard to get a word in edgewise anyway twenty minutes later he tried to excuse himself saying some silly thing about having to pick up his mother from the hospital or was it bingo I don't know so I try to just say one more thing that I'd told him before but I don't think he was really listening to me at the time so anyway I say what did you think about that thing we were talking about before because I don't think you got what I was trying to say and he can you believe it just said goodbye and started to walk away well I don't care for that at all no I think he was really being rude and disrespecting me so I start to follow him to the parking lot did I tell you this was at Starbucks so I follow him out to his car and I'm just trying to finish my point but he just wouldn't let me finish which bothers me a lot and I was feeling that it is really difficult trying to be nice to people like this when he started his car and drove away and I hate not being able to finish something so I got in my car and followed him and then he stopped at the stoplight and I pulled up beside him and rolled down my window his window was already rolled down and I started to make my point but can you believe it he just rolled up his window and made a right turn on the red while I was in the center lane and couldn't move until the light changed so when it did I circled the next block to see if I could catch up with him but I couldn't find him again so I went back to Starbucks and sat next to a nice looking young man who was reading something on his iPad so I asked him what he was reading and he said something or other I don't know so I started to try to tell him how difficult it is for us introverts but he went to the bathroom so I left.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||04/03/2013|
It's easy to see why no one has long conversations with r1.
I'm also a "good listener" and it is draining to hear long monolouges while you just nod your head and say "hmmm."
Remember that the non-stop talkers appreciate people who really listen to them since so few people do.
Just budget your time wisely with those most important to you and polietly end the conversation when you're ready, knowing you've been a good friend/family member.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||04/03/2013|
Yeah I think they get unresponsiveness from so many people that when someone prioritizes kindness and pretends to care and listen, the narcissist just lights up and latches on. These kind of people are so self absorbed that they really aren't that fazed by what you may consider "rudeness" by ending the conversation or not pretending to be enthusiastic about their need for attention
|by Anonymous||reply 10||04/03/2013|
What the hell is a "Friendly, sociable introvert"?
Is that like a shy, demure extrovert?
|by Anonymous||reply 11||04/03/2013|
[quote]What the hell is a "Friendly, sociable introvert"?
It's an introvert who's friendly and sociable. That wasn't hard, was it?
There are different kinds of introverts, you see. Different levels. We're not all socially retarded, awkward, autistic wallflowers.
Personally, I like to go out with friends, or my partner, or even by myself sometimes. I can be charming and witty and carry on a normal conversation (given the chance, if my friends aren't of the vampire variety). But most of the time I prefer to be alone at home, or with my partner (yes, some of us have partners!) I need "time off" to recharge my batteries and regain my energy by spending time on my own reading, walking, and other lonely pursuits.
There. Now you know what an introvert is. You're welcome.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||04/03/2013|
This post could have been written by me about five years ago. I'm like you OP, very much an introvert who can be charming, funny, the life of the party - but I need serious alone time to recharge. I'm also very compassionate and empathetic. Many of my friends, acquaintances, and co-workers over the years have said I should have been a priest or a therapist. People open up to me all the time, sometimes total strangers will spill their guts to me. And I'm okay with that. I think the world needs more people like us. But I had to draw the line with the people in my inner circle. A lot of times people with serious personality disorders mistake the one-sided warm fuzzies they receive from us as a true friendship. It's not. They want more of our time and we can't give it to them without harming ourselves. Extroverts who have no problem stating their boundaries (yeah, I sound like MichFestie) don't get our problem. But understand it's okay to withdraw from people who are vampires. If you don't, you're short changing your inner circle and yourself. Five years ago I got rid of about a half dozen vampires and my life has been amazing.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||04/03/2013|
I could have written r12 and r13.
I'm also the life of the party, but it wears me out to be around people much.
I make my appearances, am a good listener and raconteur; but they never understand why so little time with them is more than enough for me.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||04/03/2013|
Oh, so many of these threads today are hitting close to home!!
I just ended a friendship with someone I came to realize was a sociopath. His non-stop jabbering about himself was one of the other issues...I was his "victim" for almost a year.
Last week I wrote a "Dear John" letter. I said I was cutting my loses and moving on. I told him I needed the give-and-take of a normal friendship, that I needed to be around people who care about me and would listen to me, instead of monopolizing my time about him. And much of what he said were lies.
Yes, this person had some serious personality disorders!
|by Anonymous||reply 15||04/03/2013|
Have been a victim too. I have found out that most of these people suffer from some sort of bi polar or borderline personality disorder.
Budget your time with them carefully.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||04/03/2013|
Initially, you probably were attracted to the fact they did all the talking.
Then, you warm up and feel you want to share more, but you've set the stage.
I've noticed a lot of 'quiet' people have very talky friends/BFs.
Just be more careful in future.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||04/03/2013|
OP, I can relate. I've had the added bonus of people always complaining to me about stuff.
Cut them out of your life or drastically curtail the time you spend with them. When you see them don't be so taken with their stories. Interrupt them with your own stories they've reminded you of. And if you're used to hmm hmm-ing everything they say, thereby giving the impression you agree with their point of view on things, offer differing opinions on what they're talking about.
People who talk non-stop only want someone to go along with their side of things. If you don't give that to them they'll find someone else who will.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||04/03/2013|
The guy I carpool is like that. He constantly talks about himself and what's going on in his life. But whenever I try to say a few things about what's going on with me, I'm usually able to only get in a few sentences with either little or no response from him before he goes right back to talking about himself. Yet he complains that I'm too quiet!
|by Anonymous||reply 19||04/03/2013|
I'm also a friendly sociable introvert. I like listening to people's stories, but there's a point at which it begins to feel like an assault, and you know you're being used. At that point, I begin mirroring the person's behavior back at them. I start talking about myself and basically ignoring what they say. Example:
Asshole (telling his/her 50th straight story): So last night I went out to this new restaurant and I ordered sea bass and it came and it was so overcooked but the waiter gave me a hard time and...
Me: Oh, that reminds me of the time I went out to eat and ordered sea bass and ...
Continue until the person's eyes glaze over and he/she moves on to the next victim.
Another strategy is good for complainers. Interrupt the litany of complaints/whines by saying "I'm sorry that happened." Period. Do not engage beyond that. Again, the person will move on to more cooperative prey.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||04/03/2013|
None of you are introverts. Just because you pretend introversion means you need some alone time, doesn't make it true.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||04/04/2013|
in·tro·vert noun 1. a shy person. 2. Psychology . a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings ( opposed to extrovert ). 3. Zoology . a part that is or can be introverted. adjective 4. Psychology . marked by introversion. verb (used with object) 5. to turn inward: to introvert one's anger. 6. Psychology . to direct (the mind, one's interest, etc.) partly to things within the self. 7. Anatomy, Zoology . to turn (a hollow, cylindrical structure) in on itself; invaginate.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||04/04/2013|
If you aren't shy, you aren't an introvert.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||04/04/2013|
I totally get it, OP.
I volunteered to help poor people make huts out of junk and stuff. The organizers were all talky about broken social contracts and food deserts and the need for economic equality.
I'm like, "I'm here to make use of my 24 volt DeWalt drill - not attend another fecking occupy rally."
They totally didn't get it, but everyone wanted a ride home. My car only has three doors, so I was stuck getting out and rolling my seat forward just so non-driving hippies could get out of the backseat. They didn't even know how to open the suicide door.
So, yeah. We introverts are used and abused ALL the time.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||04/04/2013|
I thought I was an introvert, but I'm not a victim, so I have a hard time relating to some of this.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||04/04/2013|
Here's what you do: watch them and listen intently. Then, let your eyes drift ever so slowly up to their hairline and remain there until they ask you about it. Quickly look back and say, "Nothing. Go ahead." Repeat. With an ear. In no time they will completely lose their train of thought and go away.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||04/04/2013|