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Be careful what you wish for...

I came of age back when AIDS was called 'the gay cancer' or 'GRID'.

I suppressed my sex life for most of my life because I was afraid of getting AIDS.

Plus, I could never really find anyone I wanted to have sex with. It was either a case of him not being attractive to me or me not being attracted to him.

Recently, I found a great fuck buddy.

We haven't fucked yet. I want to. But old fears are hard to get rid of.

He says he's negative; he'll wear a condom, but I don't know that I can just trust myself that it'd be okay.

Ultimately, it's a decision that I have to make but I'd sure appreciate any insights.


by Anonymousreply 1204/01/2013

You know, there are ways to have very enjoyable sex without any penetration. It would be easier to get to the point where you feel comfortable if you don't put everything on the menu right away.

by Anonymousreply 104/01/2013

R1, we've actually hooked up about 5 times and have done most everything, to quote an old Will and Grace line, "but butt."

He's described what he'd like to do next and it involves anal penetration.

I'd like to do it.

But ...

by Anonymousreply 204/01/2013

Yes, you can have a very enjoyable sex life without anal sex. I've never had anal sex, and I have always had a very fulfilling sex life. Foreplay, including kissing and touching, and maybe some JO or, if you trust the guy, oral sex go a long way and are safe activities. Trust me, OP. Don't do anal if it's something you don't feel is right for you, and don't listen to posters who label you self-loathing for not wanting to engage in anal. You need to do what's comfortable for you. Enjoy.

by Anonymousreply 304/01/2013

I'm 43 years old. In my college years I did a lot of drugs and was very promiscuous. I put myself through grad school working as an escort. I've been HIV positive since 1995.

I met my partner in 1996. 17 years of great sex and happiness. 12 years of Atripla.

by Anonymousreply 404/01/2013

OP, It's up to you what you do or don't do. It's your life. You have to make the decision.

by Anonymousreply 504/01/2013

r3 = self loathing dyke frau.

by Anonymousreply 604/01/2013

No, r6, I'm a gay man with a healthy libido who has no interest in anal sex. Never have. I know plenty of other guys who don't engage in anal for a variety of reasons. At the very least, it spared me the anxiety of having to test for HIV every six months.

by Anonymousreply 704/01/2013

OP, I get it. I'm 35 so I grew up in the AIDS era, not old enough to have to worry about getting AIDS like those ten years older than me, but old enough to be forced to decide that gay sex = death. But it's just not true. A condom, unless it breaks, works. I've bottomed for about 35 different men. Some one night stands, some drunken trysts, some while madly in love. I don't have HIV. I'm safe. You'll be okay. Enjoy yourself. We have one shot at this.

by Anonymousreply 804/01/2013

Thanks, everyone.

(Well, except R6.)

I've obviously lived without (much) anal in my life; it's rare to meet a guy who I want to do it with and now I have.

I agree with R8, who says, 'we have one shot at this.'

Decisions, decisions...he's out of town for a while. So I have time to (over) think about it.

by Anonymousreply 904/01/2013

Oh dear OP. I feel really sad for you that you have wasted your life like this. I was 15 when AIDS hit the headlines in 1985 so I assume this is the length of time since you have basically been celibate? I've survived and am HIV negative and I was quite the little whore and had a lot of fun and great experiences along the way.

Your story is so sad. Please try to enjoy the rest of your life.

by Anonymousreply 1004/01/2013

R10, thanks for your kind words.

I can't say I've been totally celibate, but AIDS had (and continues to have) a profound impact on how I chose to have -- or most often not have -- sex.

I have/had friends who like you were quite the little whore and had their share of sex and what felt like my share, too.

Some are positive, some have died and some are negative.

I don't feel it's been a waste of a life, but rather I still have a life. And so many of my friends do not.

Congratulations on having survived.

by Anonymousreply 1104/01/2013

Just get out there and have some fun OP. Have some great sex with your new fuck buddy. That's the best advice any of us can give you.

You could get hit by a bus tomorrow too but I'll bet it doesn't stop you walking down the street or driving your car.

by Anonymousreply 1204/01/2013
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