Great conclusion -- for now -- OP @ r39. We know that's not a complete resolution to your predicament, but it seems like a good working conclusion.
Meanwhile OP, because I am now so invested in this thread and have fallen in love with you yet can't have you, would you kindly consider clarifying something for this slow person?
But first I must present a true but poorly understood concept to you: people do not fall OUT of love easily. Or ever. Too many books, poems, and songs have been written, so I don't feel compelled to prove that point further. We may fall in love quickly. The reverse is not true. Not talking about the beer goggles "Eeeew.. what was I thinking?!" scenario. You already knew that.
The situation. Please correct me if I'm wrong: So, this dude was once fucked up, you helped him, he fell in love with you during that process, he's now unfuckedup (so we think...), and now that he has his shit together, you're in love with him, but you feel that Mr. Together couldn't love you? Even when he already does?
We never, never, ever fall out of love with each other easily. Doesn't happen. Once the attraction starts, it's hard to end. We can feel anger, bitterness, resentment, or boredom towards someone, and that can even be the bagboy at your Safeway, it just doesn't get undone. I'm old (50). Didn't get this phenomenon until a few days ago, plus reading this thread.
Why "type"? We are attracted to whomever and whenever we are attracted to. And it's constantly changing. OP, you seem way too intelligent and articulate to honestly have a "type". My guess is that while you may fancy yourself as a powerbottom and your "type" is truckers, you'd just as soon top a twink wearing guyliner and manscara if he winked at you.
Are you really sure that the object of your affection just isn't into you and never will be? Life is short. Very short. If you don't get that now, you'll get that later. I'm telling you now so that... oh, wait, that's another thread.
Why can't you just be honest with this guy? You can. Even if he doesn't feel exactly the same way, he's not going to dump you as a friend. You've got history.
Suck cock now and ask questions later. It is amazing how many needless questions get answered fast.