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Women who pursue gay men

Are they closeted lesbians? What's the story?

There was this girl I grew up with in my neighborhood. She never was particularly interested in me UNTIL I came out when I was 19. She then started calling and flirting and asking me out and stuff. It was so odd.

by Anonymousreply 4303/28/2013

No man can measure up to daddy, doesn't that pretty much sum it up?

by Anonymousreply 103/26/2013

The topic asks about women who have an ego and think they are hot enough to seduce gay men.

Just as is the case with the egos of some men who think they are hot enough to seduce gay women.

They have in common being unevolved heterosexuals who need to find more meaningful ways of using their time.

by Anonymousreply 203/26/2013

Bingo R2. Thread closed.

by Anonymousreply 303/26/2013

R2 It's the exact contrary. They're women totally detached from reality who don't have a real sexual life. So they made up an imaginary love life with gay men. Just creepy.

by Anonymousreply 403/26/2013

Indeed, no need to look any further than r2 for the explanation.

by Anonymousreply 503/26/2013

I totally disagree. No woman with a little of self esteem would waste her time with someone who's clearly not interested in her. Plus, attractive women are the first to detect if you are gay.

by Anonymousreply 603/26/2013

Women who are not really interested in sex?

by Anonymousreply 703/26/2013

The topic asks about fugly women who can't get a date so they use a gay man to give the impression that they have an active social life.

by Anonymousreply 803/26/2013

I have a really close straight male friend whose girlfriend is CONSTANTLY saying she could "turn me" - especially after she's had a cocktail or two. She good looking, but it isn't going to happen. I asked my friend to talk to her about it. He said he knew just how to handle it. Two weeks later, we were out at a bar, she starts in again. He leans right over and planted a big old kiss on me, complete with tongue, then says "Nope didn't turn me." I'm not sure whether I was more shocked or her. However, she has not made any more comments about turning me.

by Anonymousreply 903/26/2013

I'm a lesbian, was an out lesbian forever, and the boys who'd fall for me in school were ALWAYS gay (some of them didn't know it yet). Every time one of them would make his declaration, in my mind I would think "you're gay!". Right on cue a couple years later they'd come out to me.

It was definitely puzzling to turn down obvious gay boys especially since I was an obvious, out lesbian. All this time all I dreamed about was hearing those words from a girl...

Some of them are still long time friends of mine and now we laugh about it.

by Anonymousreply 1003/26/2013

R10 They knew they din't run any risk going out with you.

by Anonymousreply 1103/26/2013

Why didn't you just try it out R9?

Take a ride on the pussywagon deluxe.

by Anonymousreply 1203/26/2013

They knew going out with me wasn't even a possibility, I was out. I don't know what they thought would happen. Maybe telling people they were in love with the unavailable girl was a way to avoid unwanted questions about their single status, but in that case, why not simply pair up with a straight girl?

My theory is they were into me because I was the closest thing to a guy, the last rempart to the realization they were into actual guys.

by Anonymousreply 1303/26/2013

R12 - even if I was remotely attracted to women I wouldn't do it. I have watched so many men go through dating, marriage, children, divorces with bat shit crazy women that I'd rather lop off the cock that ride the pussywagon. The best thing about gay men is they tend to wear their crazy on their sleeve - you know what you are getting up front.

by Anonymousreply 1403/26/2013

Many women like gay men because they can be friends with NO sex. Really, straight guys can be such one dimensional pains in the ass - only interested in a woman because they can get sex from her. And the sex is usually bad.

by Anonymousreply 1503/26/2013

Straight woman here. My love life has been one of constant rejection, humiliation and abuse since childhood. Gay men are attractive as both a safe option and conversely, a powerful validation of one's attractiveness (if one could turn them...which of course, never happens)

by Anonymousreply 1603/26/2013

Only women with some kind of problem would flirt or hit on a gay man. And I'm not talking about friendship.

by Anonymousreply 1703/26/2013

I know a girl who fancies so many gay men and she claims she straight.She is a super theatre nerd and loves everything gay, nothing wrong with that but I wonder why she keeps falling for the gay guys even though she knows they are gay. I mean she hasn't been with anyone for like 5 years now, not even a kiss and she's not horrible looking.

by Anonymousreply 1803/26/2013

Any person who consistently "falls for" unavailable partners has serious issues with their own sexuality and the ability to form intimate relationships. They choose to visit these issues on gay and lesbian people, married people, living-a-thousand-miles-away people, etc.

Gay, straight, male, female, it's all the same.

by Anonymousreply 1903/26/2013

A "girl" falls for a gay "man," R18???

by Anonymousreply 2003/26/2013

May I, a straight female, weigh in? I think these women come in two varieties. The "I can turn him straight" types, who think their pussy is so magical and the man just hasn't had any good pussy yet and the not really interested in sex types who aren't threatened by gay men and see them as safe.

by Anonymousreply 2103/26/2013

Straight chick; "hag" here; agree with R18 and R21. To R18's question, "what is she?": good question. In my case, not a lesbian or bi (if I were, I would say so) - perhaps somewhere between asexual and "unlucky in love." I will say, for whatever psych value it might have, I was MUCH closer to my mother than my father. No sexual abuse (again, would admit if were) but my father was incredibly verbally abusive: (you're stupid! what's wrong with you? There are NO mistakes"), to me more than my brother. I'm old enough that I dont know that that terminology ('verbal abuse') was used that much in the 1960's; it was simply the way my father was.

It's funny, with 2 exceptions, all of my boyfriends (I never married) have looked sort of like my father! (tallish, receding hairline.)

I have NEVER thought of trying to turn my gay male friends (BFF of 37 years, 2nd-best-BFF of 24 years) but I certainly fell for in-the-closet gays; self-proclaimed bi-s: WAY into denial (me.)

Oh, well, these days all there is to look at are men 75-90 in my small town. AND no gay guys; waaaa! SO: GOD BLESS DATALOUNGE.

by Anonymousreply 2303/26/2013

R19 I agree with you. But I find women who fall for gay men particularly annoying and they certainly "have serious issues with their own sexuality and the ability to form intimate relationships", as you well stated.

by Anonymousreply 2403/27/2013

Let me remind you all that a woman who isn't interested in sex doesn't necessarily have "serious issues." She may just be post menopausal. Lots of women (maybe most?) have a sharp decline in sex drive when the hormones dry up. A relationship with an older gay man who is not interested in sex with them, but IS interested in having a close, loving relationship AND has shared interests would be a dream come true for some straight women.

Let's face it fellas, many of you whine incessantly about the fact that you can not find a loyal, loving bf, so you could benefit as well.....and your hag wouldn't care at all if you were getting off with guys on the side.

by Anonymousreply 2503/27/2013

We're not talking about friendship between old people but of sexyally active women who fall for men who are not interested in them.

by Anonymousreply 2603/27/2013

Good satire of an evil straight man, R22. Now we remember why we want them dead so badly.

by Anonymousreply 2703/27/2013

What r17 and r19 said.

I don't find gay men sexually appealing, and, lo and behold, the feeling is mutual- they don't find me sexually apppealing. Perfect.

Annoying, insecure women with fragile egos need constant reassurance of their attractiveness. As a result, they hit on gay men because the same dynamic is at work here that is applied when a straight man they are attracted to is indifferent to her. You're like catnip.

An astute woman quickly moves out of the "I can seduce that gay man" phase.

Of course, a straight woman who won't let up on a gay man she knows is gay is engaging in a fundamental disrespect to him: "Unlike my heterosexuality, your gayness isn't a basic element of you. I'll prove it." No wonder you find them annoying.

Please be polite when turning them down. They are more worthy of your pity then scorn.

Out of fairness to them, I can't comment on women who hit on you with no idea you're gay because those women totally perplex me. A man who is attracted exclusively to having sex with women is as obvious as neon.

by Anonymousreply 2803/27/2013

Not all relationships are sexual. My observation and experience, from my straight women friends, in some, not all cases, is that there are women out here who often are made to feel uncomfortable with men when there is a sexual subtex,t where she feels the man may be evaluating her on seual terms, or want "something" from her.

With a gay man, she feels free to be herself in a non judgemental way, not worrying about whether he will find her acceptable as a sexual partner. There is no pressure. So they can develope a relationship as friends without all the bullshit. I have three good friends who are straight women and that has been my experience.

Of course this may not be to the point as far as women who chase after gay men. Maybe they do feel they can "convert" us. I wonder sometimes if they ever consider whether they'd "convert" to being Lesbians? Someone should ask them?

I think, in general, these are women who are fucked up sexually, and think there is something exotic and depraved about gay sex. They have a prurient interest, and I find them repulsive. They are titillated and are really homophobic when you get down to it.

Two women in my office are like that. All they want to talk about is sex. If not around gay men, then among themselves. But they freeze up around straight men.

by Anonymousreply 2903/27/2013

Della, I think some women, who have been unlucky at love, lack basic gaydar because they're desperately trying to find their "soulmate.". They are still waiting for Prince Charming to show up and sweep them off their feet. All the fairy tales they've been told since birth tell them that there is one 'special guy' out there for them and they shouldn't settle. Along comes a (gay) guy who is attractive, attentive, fun, respectful, has similar interests.....AND doesn't act like a caveman who only wants sex. They fixate on him as "the one" because he's a dream compared to all the straight guys who have disappointed her. Theses gals have blinders on because the truth---the fact that a good and loving straight man is never going to happen for them, is too hard to accept.

by Anonymousreply 3003/27/2013

Women who want to be MARRIED and have a HUSBAND. That is, women who want people to see they HAVE A HUSBAND.

by Anonymousreply 3103/27/2013

Many of the people posting in this thread sound like misogynist assholes- both the gay men and straight women. I especially dislike r9/14, r23, r28, and r30. I am a man, by the way.

by Anonymousreply 3203/27/2013

The odd part is she once admitted to me she was having confusion about her sexuality....then she went to college and I swear she suddenly was like this relentless pursuer who just desperately wanted me.

I guess she wanted a lavender marriage.

by Anonymousreply 3303/28/2013

r35 & r29 make good points.

I think only a very, very small portion of women that gay men claim are "pursuing" them actually are.

A lot of women are just intrigued by the fact that their attractive gay guy friend takes it up the ass from other attractive men. It's like straight men getting turned on by hot lesbian sex. And like gay men watching straight porn. A lot of these women just want to hear about gay sex, they probably wouldn't object to watching their gay friend get fucked by another man. But at the end of the day, they want a man who is going to fuck them. Sexuality is weird like that.

by Anonymousreply 3403/28/2013

Good post, r34. But I stand by what I said earlier.

by Anonymousreply 3503/28/2013

Now, how about gays who pursue older straight females for companionship and sometimes marriage. What's wrong with them????

by Anonymousreply 3603/28/2013

R36 In your dreams, frau.

by Anonymousreply 3703/28/2013

[quote]Now, how about gays who pursue older straight females for companionship and sometimes marriage. What's wrong with them????

Where to begin...

by Anonymousreply 3803/28/2013

[quote]Now, how about gays who pursue older straight females for companionship and sometimes marriage. What's wrong with them????

has this ever happened once in the history of humanity?

by Anonymousreply 3903/28/2013

On the radio where I live,this guy's friends kept trying to bang this really hot chick. Well the guy worked at the same mall as this chick. So they became friends and he convinced her he was gay(in order to have sex with her). He ended up telling her that he has never slept with a woman and that he is curious for some reason. She responded "never" and asked him if he had a female picked out,he wanted to have sex with. He replied "No". So she told him to meet her after work. They ended up having sex.

The radio station called her to tell her the guy wasn't gay at all. She was seething with anger, knowing he wasn't gay.

I was perplexed why a straight woman would even want to sleep with a gay man and risk confusion in the aftermath,lose of friendship.

I tend to believe some of these women like the challenge and thrill.

Just like some gay men like the thrill of sleeping with a man that is with a woman.

I don't know. I just find it weird,she was ready to screw him in a hearbeat. Then to be so angry he wasn't gay. Like what was she hoping for anyway?

by Anonymousreply 4003/28/2013

She wasn't angry he wasn't gay, R40. She was angry at being lied to, deceived, manipulated and later humiliated--on the radio, no less. Really?

If someone approaches you with (you think) their heart on their sleeve and confesses something to you as a friend, you might just want to help them out. And, yeah, it can be a turn on too. But, really, it was the deception and the fact that someone she thought of as a friend manipulated and humiliated her that sent her into a rage. Completely understandable. If you don't get that, R40, there really isn't much hope for you as a human being I'm afraid.

by Anonymousreply 4103/28/2013

Judging by the number of post on DL about gay men having sex with "straight men" the answer is obvious. Some people need to think they are so hot and awesome that they can change a persons orientation!

Aside from that, stereotypically gay men are the ideal mate for women. A straight women meets a gay man, and he doesn't objectify her and actually listens to her.

by Anonymousreply 4203/28/2013
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