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(The Borowitz Report)—As the Supreme Court prepared to hear two cases involving same-sex marriage this week, Justice Antonin Scalia said that he would not allow his votes to be influenced “in any way” by his lifelong fear of gays.

“As Justices of the Supreme Court, we have a sacred duty to check our personal feelings at the door,” he told the Fox News Channel. “In my case, that means putting aside my longstanding and profound fear of homosexuals.”

Justice Scalia added that he was committed “to safeguarding the rights of all Americans—even those I personally find terrifying.”

“I take my role as an impartial arbiter very seriously,” he said. “So when I hear a case, I put all feelings of abhorrence, disgust, and revulsion completely out of my mind.”

by Brandonreply 2903/26/2013

Just checking: you do know that's satire, right?

by Brandonreply 103/25/2013

Borowitz is a pretty funny writer.

I liken him to a latter-day Dave Barry.

by Brandonreply 303/25/2013

It may be satire, but I doubt that it's too far off the mark.

by Brandonreply 703/25/2013

[quote]Justice Scalia added that he was committed “to safeguarding the rights of all Americans. . .

especially corporations cause they are people too.

He is vile.

by Brandonreply 903/25/2013

I think Brandon is sweet. I like him

by Brandonreply 1003/25/2013

[quote]I put all feelings of abhorrence, disgust, and revulsion completely out of my mind.

He's doing something I can't do. Whenever I see or hear the name Scalia, I'm overwhelmed with feelings of abhorrence, disgust, and revulsion toward the supreme jackass.

by Brandonreply 1103/25/2013

That's nice.

by Brandonreply 1303/25/2013


by Brandonreply 1403/26/2013

I know this is satire, but Scalia has always seemed to be angling for a post-justice career. Which is of course ironic considering he has the chair for life if he wants it.

So maybe his reward is not in the future. But if it's in the present, what could it be?

by Brandonreply 1503/26/2013

[quote] my longstanding and profound fear of homosexuals.”

I knew this couldn't be true because Scalia spends so much time in Catholic churches.

by Brandonreply 1603/26/2013

1) fear of homosexuals is, by definition, homophobia

2) Does anyone think a justice could get away with asserting that his vote on, for example, an affirmative action case, would not be affected by his lifelong racism?

3) The answer to that being "fuck no!" Why on earth should a justice's vote on a gay rights issue be seen as having any legitimacy at all when he has announced that he is homophobic?


by Brandonreply 1703/26/2013

r17 = one big OH, DEAR.

by Brandonreply 1803/26/2013

r11 and r12 are in a contest to see who's dumber.

by Brandonreply 1903/26/2013

And r17 wins

by Brandonreply 2003/26/2013

Can this asshole please have a stroke or massive sudden heart-attack or something? He's not the worst scum on the planet, but he's got to rank way up there...

by Brandonreply 2103/26/2013

How could someone have a fear of homosexuals.?

Do they think a gay man will come running out of a bush and shove a dildo up their ass.

by Brandonreply 2203/26/2013

He's a big opera queen just like Ruthie Bader Ginsburg. They sometimes even go to the Washington Opera together, and they socialize together too.

by Brandonreply 2303/26/2013

Do you think they have hot monkey sex R23?

by Brandonreply 2403/26/2013

He's a terrible old cunt - I hope he dies soon

by Brandonreply 2503/26/2013

Hope he dies of a horrible cancer.

by Brandonreply 2603/26/2013

If he does Rosie, it's our tax dollars taking care of him. Just like we paid for asshole war criminal Cheney's heart.

by Brandonreply 2703/26/2013

[24}: I don't think Ruth can get it up anymore. Old age and pancreatic cancer, you know.

by Brandonreply 2803/26/2013

I think that many of have long assumed Scalia's bigotry and ignorance were willful, and his Neanderthal point of view was simply a manifestation of good old American selfishness. But this interview thinks that the man is just plain stupid. Gump-like stupid. That somehow gives me a better opinion of him. His backwards rulings are simply because he's an idiot, not because he's evil.

by Brandonreply 2903/26/2013
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