Do sociopaths ever go all the way away?
I have an ex who emails cock pics and invitations to his house along with updates about his life about twice a week. I stopped engaging with him in December and filtered all his emails into a special folder, but he still sends them pretty faithfully every week. He also made a Google Voice number when he realized I blocked his texts and tried to contact me via Facebook until I blocked him there as well.
I don't feel threatened by any of it, just annoyed. The reason why I cut him off initially was because my therapist said he displayed signs of sociopathy and would mess with me as long as I responded to him. But he's still going, three months later. Anyone have experience with this?
|by Anonymous||reply 61||03/30/2013|
Keep an eye on your bunny rabbit, OP
|by Anonymous||reply 1||03/25/2013|
OP, I have a soon to be ex that is the same way, and the only thing I can think to do to get rid of her is to be consistently vicious and mean, which is not something that I can do. That's her specialty.
But if I let her in, she will suck me all the way back in and then manipulate, harass, insult, guilt trip, and harangue me until the end of time.
That is what you have to remember as you maintain the consistent silence.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||03/25/2013|
Sociopathological ex's are the worst kind ever.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||03/25/2013|
R2, I asked him to leave me alone between March and December of last year. He would respond with cell phone videos of rentboys blowing him while he called them my name. I entered therapy because between those videos and the circumstances of our rrelationship, I was really messed up and needing help.
Thanks for being a hateful cunt about it, though.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||03/25/2013|
OP -- This thread is useless without cellphone videos .......
|by Anonymous||reply 7||03/25/2013|
R7, at one point he wrote that he was trying to get a clips4sale business going. I bet they're on there somewhere, but I have no idea what his username would be.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||03/25/2013|
I think my next interview is scheduled with the Ladder Day Saint Quaint Paint Shop flyer.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||03/25/2013|
Send the videos and pictures to his family and job.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||03/25/2013|
R2 is clearly a sociopath.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||03/25/2013|
I understand, OP. He will go away eventually; he is just trying to wear you down. Keep strong and vigilant, and continue to do exactly what you are doing. You'll win in the end.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||03/25/2013|
Having been there, I can only say that the attention they give can be flattering and addictive. The idea that you could be such an object of desire to someone is a total buzz. But really, you are no more than an object to feed his ego. Disengage and treat him with no emotion - the fear and anger you show him is a turn on.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||03/25/2013|
If you are not afraid of him, and really wish to be rid of him, file a police report and get a restraining order.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||03/25/2013|
If you are telling the truth (you asked him to cease contacting you in any way) and he still is, yes he has some sort of mental disorder.
And yes do not respond, ever. He will eventually stop. Any time you do respond that will be incentive to send you more crap.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||03/25/2013|
Yeah, I know I'm no object of desire for him. Even if he hadn't treated me like shit when we were together, I can still tell from the way he words his emails ("You miss this"/"I know you've been wanting this", and not "I miss you"), that it's not about being wanted so much as another power play or mind game. He's probably also sending the same email to other guys, who knows.
I'm pretty dispassionate about the whole thing at this point, but damn... I never thought an emailed cock shot would disgust me.
Thanks for the advice, everyone.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||03/25/2013|
You need to be thinking about your personal safety and take steps to cover your back. If you have a pet that goes outdoors keep pet safety in mind.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||03/25/2013|
Keep your head down.
He'll find a new victim soon enough and it will be as if you didn't exist - until that relationship goes South.
That's when he'll revisit his inventory of willing victims.
You'll think you're having an innocent conversation with an ex. Instead, he will kiss your ass and slip in a few confessions. He'll expect you to do the same in trade. Don't fall for it.
This conversation is what he'll use against you in the future, so keep it brief and neutral.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||03/25/2013|
R23, I'm moving when my lease is up, and while I'm loathe ro change my phone number and email, I'm considering it. It's good advice, though; I definitely am more cautious these days.
He's never threatened me, just been consistently smarmy. If his tone ever changed, I'd definitely look into restraining orders. I know I'll earn a Mary! for this, but I still get shaky and uncomfortable when I'm in our old neighborhood. I half-expect him to be leering out of the window of the Chik-fil-A or something when I drive by.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||03/25/2013|
Impressive lack of self-awareness, Brandon.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||03/25/2013|
Just keep saying no. Don't respond to any emails.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||03/25/2013|
We don't like straight males here, Brandon. You may leave.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||03/25/2013|
ITA @ R28. This Brandon character is a sleazy creep. Yeesh, what a loser--praying on high school girls and dumping them cold.
|by Anonymous||reply 32||03/25/2013|
Wait, I thought Brandon was gay. Or selectively straight?
So was my ex, btw.
|by Anonymous||reply 33||03/25/2013|
Once again Brandon, we've got to see the goods if you are going to get offers. I'm leaning towards you having either (1) Micro-penis or (2) vagina.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||03/25/2013|
Not sure you'd show up in my search results as we aren't anywhere near each other. ;-)
Thank you thought!
|by Anonymous||reply 38||03/25/2013|
I bet he has a lot of people in his little black book like OP. He's toying with you, like a fisherman with a hook. He enjoys it. How much effort in sending an email? None.
Sometimes it works for him, sometimes it doesn't. There'll always be another dewy-eyed victim.
Change your email?
|by Anonymous||reply 39||03/25/2013|
[quote]Do sociopaths ever go all the way away?
Yes, but it can take quite a long time. My ex exhibited similar behavior and I did have to get a restraining order, since he was peering in my windows and even broke into my house one day. The restraining order stopped most of the behavior. The changed (unlisted) phone number and email address got rid of most of the rest. It's now been several years without any contact.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||03/25/2013|
Sociopaths by definition don't care about you, and they would only hang out if they think they can get something from you.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||03/25/2013|
I've dealt with a similar situation and most of the advice here is exactly right. The most important thing is to never respond to any form of communication. Basically treat them like they don't exist.
I thought for a while that you could reason with these people and let them down gently, but it does not work. Also, don't be fooled by emotional appeals. Your relationship is unhealthy for them too, so the best you can do to help them is to cut ties.
If you ever think that things could escalate to where your privacy or safety could be compromised, begin filing reports with the police so that there is a paper trail.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||03/25/2013|
24...Brandon...youre the one who is the sociopath. You should be ashamed of yourself for being so callous and uncaring.
You remind me of my ex...we were together for 2yrs...He swore he loved me. He even married me. When I accused him of screwing his "best friend", he claimed I had 2 much time on my hands, so I left. I told him I needed a few days to think. He accused me of abandoning him. When I ran into one of his friends later that week, they confirmed he was screwing around and even showed me pictures of him and his "boyfriend". When I confronted him, he said to not believe what I hear because it wasnt true...until I showed him the pictures. He said he never loved me and that they were only words. He then changed his phone number, moved and told everyone who would listen that I was a stalker and a sociopath. Of course I tried calling and writing numerous times. I made a committment to him, I gave up my home and moved across he country for him, and I wanted answers. He ran into me once at a club and ran out the emergency exit like a pussy.
He, like you, are the ones with the problem. Yet youre so quick to place blame on your "victims" rather than take responsibilty for your own nacissistic, scociopathic actions.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||03/25/2013|
R43, fuck that's awful. I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that.
Yeah, I sound like a dick in that situation. And I guess I kind of was. It's hard not to sound bitter when talking about an ex though, I know you know what I mean.
Looking back, I think I got really upset at her reaction when I got the job in Seattle. We'd talked a lot about it. I'd taken several interviews out of state. I was really excited when I got the job, I think I resented the fact that she wasn't happy for me.
|by Anonymous||reply 44||03/25/2013|
44...of course you did Brandon...because it was all about YOU. Did you ever contact her years later to apologize ?...Im sure the answers NO, because youre afraid of what shell tell you.
Its one thing when youre ex clearly has issues like the one that OP is dealing with, but its another thing all together when youre the one manipulating and blaming your ex for your own issues.
As much as I love my ex (its been 15 yrs), I did get some satisfaction...he landed up in rehab, after a stint as a porn actor...To this day he comes across as a sweet, funny caring guy whom everyone loves...but I know what hes really like. Because he was so eager to blame me and label me a stalker because he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar rather than take responsibility, I became what he acused me of...every 6 mo or so, I send him an email...not because im stalking him...but because i never want him to forget what he did to me, and because after everything he put me through the least he owes me is an apology. I know Ill never get it, but why should he get off scott free. Bad people do not deserve happy endings. And no, I do not have an anger issue...Im quite happy in a relationship for the past 10yrs...but nothing bothers me more than people who USE other people and view them and their emotions as disposable as long as they get what they want and they come out on top.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||03/25/2013|
R45, it was this past December. I've actually sincerely considered reaching back out to her, but then I tell myself that the wound is still fresh and I should give her more time. But you're right. Part of that is me trying to avoid being confronted with what a dick I was. I.m actually really embarrassed with how I dealt with all of that thinking about it now.
Does your ex ever reply to your emails? It's interesting how hard it can be for people (me included) to swallow that pride and do what's right by the other person. I often wonder if that's human nature, or something we learn.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||03/25/2013|
R43, my ex (he of the subject of this post) did something similar. We'd been dating casually for a month or so when we started talking about making it official. He knew I'd been casually seeing someone before I met him, and he had some fwbs as well. I proposed we take a weekend to ourselves to break up with our respective people and to meet up on Sunday morning to spend the day together. He protested, saying my friend didn't deserve a protracted breakup conversation, and I asked him to respect my wishes and allow me to what I thought was right. The other guy and I ended it, amicably, by phone Saturday afternoon and I was looking forward to seeing my new boyfriend the next day.
Sunday morning came and went without a text from him, so I called and left a message. I suspected something was up, and got a text a couple hours later: "Just left Eric's ( a fuckbuddy). We had sex. Hope you understand now what happens when you fuck up with me."
I didn't talk to him for a week, and should never have talked to him again, but he showed up with flowers and a pizza the following weekend and I took him back because I'm an idiot. It wad a nightmare for the next two years, and as the OP indicates it's still dragging on.
If anyone ever has even a whiff of sociopath about them, run far far away.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||03/25/2013|
OP...I feel for you. Youre ex sounds like 10x the douche mine was...at least mine denied, denied, denied...even at the end. If mine had thrown it in my face like yours, i would have tied him to the bed while he was sleeping and beat him with a bat. Its one thing to naively believe someone with no concrete proof...but its another when they give you the proof and then gloat about it to your face. You deserve better. I was madly in love with mine, so I wanted to believe him even more.
Brandon...of course my ex never responds. Like you, hes afraid of what Ill say to him. At the same time, If he were to respond, that would mean he would have to take responsibility for his actions...and like you, hes too much of a narcissistic sociopath to do that.
You want to be a REAL man, you call your ex and apologize, but dont expect forgiveness. If she gives any indication about wanting to start over, decline and reiterate your apology for what you did to her. Youll both have closure and youll both be able to move on. A true sociopath DENIES closure to their victims. It gives them control and allows them to play the "victim". From some of your posts, you show signs of redemption. Go for it and prove just how much of a man you really are.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||03/25/2013|
Thanks, R43. And I'm very sorry for the pain you went through, too.
|by Anonymous||reply 49||03/25/2013|
If Brandon really wants to prove that he's matured, he needs to stop getting involved with high school girls and find someone his own damn age. I mean, seriously, what kind of prick gets involved with kids and then blames them for not being emotionally mature enough for him?
|by Anonymous||reply 50||03/26/2013|
23 year old straight guys, R50. And the age gap keeps widening until they hit 33 and finally start to feel creepy.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||03/26/2013|
You've been given some wonderful advice. R 18's advice is solid advice. Showing no emotion, fear and anger, etc. will take away his power and he will indeed go away, but, only if he sees you're not going to respond to him in any way. I'm glad you're willing to get a restraining order and file police reports if need be. I've been there. It involved a landlord. Because of cheap rent and my financial situation at that time, I stayed for two years. I simply ignored him as best I could. However, I agree that if anyone feels someone is a sociopath, they should cut the cord as soon as they can (its not worth it.) I quickly stopped showing anger when my former landlord told me he messed w/ me because he saw the reaction of anger I sometimes showed when he did something uncalled for. The last straw was him going in my apt when I wasn't home. My income improved at the right time and I got out as soon as I could. I changed my email address and phone number quickly. I avoid stores where he would often shop. I didn't dare tell him where I was moving. After I moved out, I got back to feeling comfortable and safe in my surroundings. If you know anyone that he knows, please don't tell them anything about your business, your thoughts, plans, etc. My self esteem took a beating in my ordeal. He was a horrible, hurt, angry, twisted and sick man. You need a clean break. All the best to you :)
|by Anonymous||reply 52||03/26/2013|
My stalker (and don't believe, for a moment, he (they) aren't exactly that) was a relatively new friend, not a bf. At first he was one of the most "easy on the nerves" people I'd met in years; then he began to nit-pick and misinterpret my words constantly. Every few months I'd have to set him straight and keep contact to a minimum. He would eventually call or e-mail an apology. It took me many to many "olive branches" for me to see the pattern. Only when I completely disengaged and blocked his every means of contact (why do you have a special folder for his bullshit?}, and not play his game, did I feel free of him. Be pro-active; get him the fuck out of your life.
|by Anonymous||reply 53||03/26/2013|
R53, I made the folder because for a while I thought it might be necessary to have a paper trail of sorts in case I needed to file a restraining order. I actually switched it to instant delete this week.
Great advice, R52 and R53. Thanks for posting.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||03/26/2013|
OP, did you think for awhile that you might need the files as evidence later on? Did you save them after you deleted them? You might need them for some sort of paper trail, per say as you said.
|by Anonymous||reply 55||03/26/2013|
OP, you are moving way, way too fast and expecting too much, too soon. This is not a normal break-up and doesn't follow normal break-up timetables. The folder is a good idea for exactly the reasons you stated. Put it back, just don't read it.
Three months is nothing to a real sociopath. It may take years before he gives up completely.
|by Anonymous||reply 56||03/26/2013|
R 55 & 56 are correct. You might need the emails for your paper trails (I still have mine.) I hate to say this and would never try to scare anyone, but, expect the unexpected....just in case. Please don't be pulled into a conversation with him if you see him in public and/or if he shows up on your doorstep with flowers, dinner and a charming smile. Its all an act to manipulate, confuse and control you. Sociopaths often go after people they see as weak. They look for weaknesses and dig in. I cut a former friend from my life last Thanksgiving when it finally dawned on me that he indeed was/is a sociopath (I was in denial because he also suffers from depression.) He takes his meds, etc., but, trust me, he's a sociopath as well. Have you changed the locks to your home? If not, please do so. Please don't ever read any of his emails...even if you're curious (reading them will likely make you paranoid and scared.) A chill went up my spine reading the opening line of R 53's post. There's truth in that statement. If ever you see him outside your home, by your car, etc., please take a picture (from the inside of your home to provide to the police.) Buy a whistle (sp)? at a store. If he approaches you day or night, blow it as loud as you can repeatedly as you keep walking to your home or car (if you're comfortable w/ this idea.) That should scare him away. Sociopaths hate being exposed and can be dangerous. My former landlord had so much hate in him that by the time I moved out last spring, his face looked like a face out of a horror movie. If a mutual pal suddenly shows up trying to be friendly, please don't reveal anything to him or her. I found a lot of comfort reading online forums that included people who were or had gone through horror stories w/ sociopaths. You will be in my thoughts & prayers. Sincerely...
|by Anonymous||reply 57||03/26/2013|
Are things going better for you, OP?
|by Anonymous||reply 58||03/28/2013|
OP, first of all, don't diagnose him as "sociopathic" based simply on DLers opinions. He could be bipolar and/or manic, and this is his way of acting out. I've had several friends with psycho ex's, one of whom decided to show up at his doorstep in Brooklyn (in a multi-family walk-up) at 4am screaming at the top of her lungs. A night in jail, coupled with family insistence that she go back on her meds, helped change her mind ... which is where my suggestion comes in: do you know any of his friends are family? Under the guise of a concerned "friend," just start forwarding his shit to them and tell them you're "genuinely" concerned about his psychological well-being. If you've never met his parents, use a service like Intelius to look them up and find their home address; then send them copies of the e-mails and photos. Your ex will simultaneously seethe with rage and beam with pride that you've succumbed to his NPD (assuming that's at least one of his psychological disorders), but it should hopefully do the trick.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||03/28/2013|
Sorry, R58, I've been out of town and away from DL, but I'm doing well. Thanks for thinking of me
R59, I was more going off a therapist's tentative diagnosis. Certainly it's impossible to assign a personality disorder without an actual evaluation, but she felt he had enough alarming traits and I had enough stories to merit concern and avoidance.
Strangely, his brother suffers from full-blown bipolar disorder and possibly schizophrenia, but isn't med compliant. He makes my ex look like a kitten: he's stabbed his mattress into pieces after hallucinating bedbugs, believes the television sends him messages, and has threatened his parents with his knife and verbally harassed the ex and me for being at a movie while he was calling for a ride to bar. He also molested my ex when they were boys.
As slimy and emotionally abusive as my ex was and is, I don't believe he's dangerous or psychotic. I actually somewhat like his parents, though, and wouldn't wish additional strain and embarrassment on them. They've been through a lot with the older brother.
No contact seems to be working pretty well so far, thankfully.
|by Anonymous||reply 60||03/30/2013|
OP you are a fool if you don't seek a restraining order and document his behavior. I don't think he will fade away. You may be in denial about the potential for real harm.
Plus, the family history is troubling. Let's hope the brother doesn't come calling.
|by Anonymous||reply 61||03/30/2013|