Serving up this steaming pile of
Celebrity Gossip
Gay Politics
Gay News
and Pointless Bitchery
Since 1995

Let's be the knapsack or duffle bag of a Michfester!

I'm the biodegradable, organic, cruelty-free shampoo which gets used sparingly due to the crew cuts which prevail at the fest. I come in a plastic bottle that was manufactured in a factory owned by the Koch brothers.

by Anonymousreply 9803/27/2013

I'm the oversupply of large sanitary napkins and the retro sanitary belt.

by Anonymousreply 103/23/2013

I'm the dyke who, when notified, will confiscate R1's large sanitary napkins. You're poisoning the Land and the womyn on it!

by Anonymousreply 203/23/2013

I'm the argument between R1 and R2 that eventually causes a split worse than the Great Schism of the 11th Century.

by Anonymousreply 303/23/2013

I am the extra large panties, left crusty after the confiscation of the sanitary napkins, which will only be washed in a stream and therefore have the stains of a hundred bloody cycles.

by Anonymousreply 403/23/2013

I'm a sanitary napkin woven from marsh grass and scented with lavender. I'm bio-degradable.

by Anonymousreply 503/23/2013

I'm the $1520 stolen from my dying father's house.

by Anonymousreply 603/23/2013

I am a strap-on worn during Butch Walk, but it is not confiscated, wounding, or anti-womon. It is empowering because I, a womon, choose to wear it and show my power.

by Anonymousreply 703/23/2013

I'm the lesbian from Academia giving R7 a pompous, withering lecture on using a fake phallus to symbolize WomonPower.

by Anonymousreply 803/23/2013

I am Chlamydia

by Anonymousreply 903/23/2013

I am Princess Diana of Themyscira aka Diana Prince aka Wonder Woman.

by Anonymousreply 1003/23/2013

I'm the black flip-phone from 2001. My antennae won't retract anymore, and I'm running low on both battery and minutes. My belt hook is still in perfect shape though.

by Anonymousreply 1103/23/2013

I'm the rancid smell that wafts from the knapsack when opened.

by Anonymousreply 1203/23/2013

r11 is the only clever person in this thread.

by Anonymousreply 1303/23/2013

I am the tea tree oil, being used as a natural antifungal agent under large breasts.

I don't work.

by Anonymousreply 1403/23/2013

ok, r14 is clever as well.

by Anonymousreply 1503/23/2013

I'm all the stuff in it that makes it too heavy for the average gay to lift.

by Anonymousreply 1603/23/2013

I am the all natural, scent free, and 100% biodegradable sea sponge, to be used to wash the last vestiges of the patriarchy from my body.

Instead, I will be shoved down the throat of my lying, cheating spouse, once my owner catches her "theorizing" with Artemis Womynflow by the Holly Near workshop.

by Anonymousreply 1703/23/2013

I am 1,000 pairs of Birkenstocks.

by Anonymousreply 1803/23/2013

I am a plaster cast of size 42 G breasts. I have some cheese dust in me from the skin of the womon who casted me. I will be too big for the knapsack but can easily be tossed in the Outback's trunk.

by Anonymousreply 1903/23/2013

Oh and r6 is brilliant.

by Anonymousreply 2003/23/2013

The contents of my bags are private. Please respect my boundaries and not speculate or question what's inside. I am telling you NOW so I do not have to tell you THEN.

by Anonymousreply 2103/23/2013

I am an Ipod, my owner doesn't know that I have a Bob Dylan song on me. She will find out later on when I am sadly smashed against a tree in a fit of rage by a syster who felt violated after hearing my muted songs from another tent.

by Anonymousreply 2203/23/2013

good one, r21.

by Anonymousreply 2303/23/2013

I am a brick of Sour Diesel. My purchaser drives quite erratically when she partakes of me.

by Anonymousreply 2403/23/2013

I'm the removed top of a can of pinto beans. I will cut you.

by Anonymousreply 2503/23/2013

I'm the Slim Jims hidden at the very bottom.

by Anonymousreply 2603/23/2013

I'm Shigella, and I'm back with a vengeance!

by Anonymousreply 2703/23/2013

I am the CPAP Machine, an essential piece of live-saving medical equipment designed to keep my corpulent owner from being smothered to death in her sleep by her own neck fat. Without me she will surely DIE !

I will be the focus of an intense "debate" amongst the sistryn at the DART facility, when my owner is the last to waddle in after a full day of nutloaf and stealing food out of others tents, only t3o find that all the outlets are assigned, and she will now "DIE IN HER SLEEP !!!IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT !!! UNPLUG ONE OF THOSE SKINNY BITCHES, THEY DON'T NEED IT!!"

by Anonymousreply 2803/23/2013

I am budgeting and money saving skills..lucky for me, nobody here knows me, and they never will!

by Anonymousreply 2903/24/2013

I am the gay man who suffers from dissociative fugue, and has NO FUCKING IDEA how I got here!

by Anonymousreply 3003/24/2013

psst r30, I can help you but you have to stay in the jane all day. I understand, I too was once a pocket geek who thought I was important enough to have shit explained to me all the time, then I realized that I had CLEARLY STUMBLED INTO THE WRONG THREAD and had better leave soon or I may be asked to read.

by Anonymousreply 3103/24/2013

I am the return portion of a ticket on The Rainbow Express. I appear top have been printing on ancient dot-matrix printer with serious typos and I smelled of weed and beer when I arrived in the mail.

I am valid for the return trip to Ann Arbor, Michigan, a 19 hour circuitous route through Madison , Wisconsin, Tuscon, Arizona, and Bangor , Maine.

I will not be redeemed.

by Anonymousreply 3203/24/2013

I am a weeks supply of female hormone treatment medication, cleverly hidden inside a hollowed out edition of "The Feminine Mystique" . I will be discovered by a WBW who was rifling through me, acting on a "hunch" ( in reality she was looking for weed to steal )

I will be thrown into the toothpaste spit soaked ferns as my terrified owner is chased by a thundering herd of very mannish WBW bellowing "Man On The Land! Man On The Land !"

by Anonymousreply 3303/24/2013

In my defense, I didn't even know you had estrogen, I was looking for the other half of r32 ticket. I don't even smoke female hormones.

by Anonymousreply 3403/24/2013

Is theft really that much of a problem at MF?

by Anonymousreply 3503/24/2013

I contain the mummified remains of a long dead Eastern Grey Squirrel.

I am the answer to a longtime mystery here on Datalounge.

I have been pecked, but sadly I will not be leaving the house this yet again year.

by Anonymousreply 3603/24/2013

r35 is a typical patriarchal shill. There is no theft on the land, simply mysunderstandings and borrowing without asking in a clear way, which you can blame on yourself because us wimmin aren't clear on boundaries, thanks to our shitty example.

by Anonymousreply 3703/24/2013

R35, just weed and food, more like indiscriminate grazing than theft.

by Anonymousreply 3803/24/2013

I am Ritalin. I have been prescribed, but never taken. I reside in the bottom of Lucy's backpack, with the also untaken valium. I hope to never be seen near a squirrel, lest Rose take me the wrong way.

by Anonymousreply 3903/24/2013

God, these are funny, one of the great thinmgs about datalounge ! Over the years you can learn so much about a obscure event that you would never have encountered in you real life.

Also a bit scary how much of a "Michfest Gal" DL has made me, it's like an alternative universe .

by Anonymousreply 4003/24/2013

I am a large multi-compartment knapsack from LL Bean. My lower left zippered pocket contains a unwashed Mooncup that has been forgotten since last year.

When she unzips that pocket I will be cast from the tent quicker than a penised child is cast into Brother Sun Gulag.

by Anonymousreply 4103/24/2013

I am an Utz cheese ball awaiting a sticky, suffocating end tucked beneath an obese woman's mammary folds.

by Anonymousreply 4203/24/2013

I know you from reputation, r42 and I have seen your work.

by Anonymousreply 4303/24/2013

[quote]I'm the $1520 stolen from my dying father's house

What's this story? I managed to miss it.

by Anonymousreply 4403/24/2013

I am a canvas gym bag, I belong to a Mr. Elmore Kresge, longtime owner of 650 acres of natural woodlands and camp facilities near Hart Michigan.

Every August I am stuffed to the brim with several hundred thousand dollars in cheques (certified only please), cash, and a surprising amount of rolled coinage, to be deposited to his account at the Shelby State Bank in Hart Michigan.

Except of course the 10% tithe that Mr. Kresge gives to the church, and the sizeable portion he donates to the Republican National Commitee.

by Anonymousreply 4503/24/2013

r 144 , sorry I don't know how to link but it's in the "Found Money" thread. The OP is a woman who takes care of her dementia suffering dad and she came upon some money in an envelope and is having a moral dilemma on if she should keep it, a lot of people said no but I think she did it anyhow.

by Anonymousreply 4603/24/2013

[quote]And exactly enough for Michfest

$1520 sounds like a lot for Michfest, have they started to charge them by the pound?

by Anonymousreply 4703/24/2013

Very funny r147. We'll see who is laughing when trash needs to be taken out and there aren't wimmin of size to make it happen.

by Anonymousreply 4803/24/2013

I am the rape whistle that will be sounded at midnight to commemorate all of the victims of penised aggression.

by Anonymousreply 4903/24/2013

Whistles are extremely phallic r49. I won't have them on the land. Their sound is like the ancient cry of patriarchy.

by Anonymousreply 5003/24/2013

I am the bright pink knapsack being very carefully packed by a budding 20 year old "babydyke" eagerly anticipating her first "Michfest"

I contain 100 % organic products only, sourced through womyn run co-operatives, her ipod with her collection of Indigo Girls, Nona Hednryk, Chix Lix, Hanifah Walidah, and Meilissa Ferrick ( carefully scanned for any offending male voices of course) A brand new autograph book waiting to be filled with signatures from her music idols.

She has also packed some really cute outfits, daisy duke shorts, her fav Teva sandals, some tanks & T's , a flannel in case it's chilly at night, some sexy panties ( |"just in case, teehee") plus almost everything on the Official List of recommended and allowable items to be brought on to The Land...

During the long bus ride home after "The Fest" I will be clutched tightly to her chest as she rocks rhythmically back and forth , shellshocked, , stained with tears, muddy , rainsoaked, smelling of weed, beer, vomit and regret.

by Anonymousreply 5103/24/2013

R50, what do you suggest that's more female-centric, blowing into a jug, perhaps?

by Anonymousreply 5203/24/2013

You forgot the stench of desperation r51. No matter, I will cover it as I have been doing for years.

by Anonymousreply 5303/24/2013

I am the extra large, overstuufed hockey duffle bag, belonging to extra large, overstuffed , Fibromalgia, Epstein-Barr Syndrome & Envirometal Sensitivity Disorder Survivor and registered DART area camper , Carol Schumberger.

I weigh exactly 40.5 lbs.

I will cause hell on earth for all involved..

by Anonymousreply 5403/24/2013

I am a lifetime of grudges, complaints, and resentments. I am the baggage that my Michfester carries with her everywhere.

by Anonymousreply 5503/24/2013

r54 you wound, I am not extra large. I am merely a different skill set for fashion designers who are ruled by patriarchy anyhow.

by Anonymousreply 5603/24/2013

Dear Sister R48 ,

While we appreciate your contributions to the garbage detail, we would also lovingly remind you that the work requires more than just sitting there and eating the leftover food on the plates, you must also fill the garbage bags and take to the designated area.

With Systerly Love

The Ad-Hoc Garbage Detail Sub-Committe on Garbage Transfer

by Anonymousreply 5703/24/2013

I am the sign for the Native American Womyn's worshop, explaining exasperatedly for the hundredth time that, no, having been a Native American womon in a past life doesn't count.

by Anonymousreply 5803/24/2013

I am the large cooler bag attached to R48 's mobility scooter.

I will be entered as evidence during my complaint to both the Garbage Detail Committee and The Womyn of Size Quorom , that my owner has been wounded of the false accusation that she `just sits there and eat the leftovers`.

She has also been filling me with enough half eaten leftovers to sustain her till next years Michfest.

by Anonymousreply 5903/24/2013

You would "lovingly" remind me r57? Your love chokes and suppresses. I feel very unsafe knowing that you thought rape me while we are in the one place I should feel safe. You will be hearing from my attorney assuming I can get the 125 dollar retainer fee.

by Anonymousreply 6003/24/2013

From the Michfest website: [quote]We each have an individual responsibility to our community to both give and receive gentle reminders with compassion and consideration.

I am the compassion and consideration that will remain deep inside the duffle bag all week.

by Anonymousreply 6103/24/2013

r58 will also be hearing from my attorney. Past life Nativism should count and I didn't appreciate being taken to task in front of a womon of color, my trusty cooler bag r59 will be with me when we face off.

by Anonymousreply 6203/24/2013

Had to break character to WW r61.

by Anonymousreply 6303/24/2013

I am the tent purchased hastily at the Cuntree store. I could have been had much cheaper but since my owner didn't have to earn the money to buy me and instead counted on "woo" she knew there was no reason to be frugal.

by Anonymousreply 6403/24/2013

It's a vulva-shaped whistle, R50.

by Anonymousreply 6503/24/2013

R60 , your aggressive behavior and non-systyrly attitude can only mean one thing are obviously not a WBW !



Systers! I suggest we examine R60's belongings to find proof of my suspicions, since the strip search has proven non-conclusive.

by Anonymousreply 6603/24/2013

Of course it is, r65, the patriarchy loves to have an excuse for simulated sex. I will be suing them as well for the trauma I suffer knowing penised hands were fashioning something that went into my mouth, all the while "blowing" me in his mind.

by Anonymousreply 6703/24/2013

i am the complete absence of capitals and punctuation in entirely too many lesbians posts because they see such things as the patriarchys tools and anyway kd lang doesnt use capitals so why should her listeners

by Anonymousreply 6803/24/2013

It is the absence of capitals and punctation that perpetuates the patriarchy. Grammar and spelling were historically one of the few areas in which women had power over boys.

by Anonymousreply 6903/24/2013

I am the male guide-dog of a DART resident, sneered at, stepped on, and abused because I am a male dog and not a bitch.

[quote]Service Dogs [quote] Only service dogs as defined by the ADA are allowed. Please let us know on your registration if you will be bringing a service dog, and what service the dog provides.

by Anonymousreply 7003/24/2013

Yes but a dog should never be stuffed in a knapsack or a duffle bag, even if it is penised. Anymal abuse is the same as womon abuse; it's almost always an expression of male hostility and aggression. I am stating my boundaries right now regarding anymal abuse- it is wrong, it is unacceptable and it kills us all.

Stop it.

by Anonymousreply 7103/24/2013

I am the receipt for the outdoor "walking cane" purchased on the way to Michfest. On the ride home, I will be presented to a sales clerk with a statement that the cane "did not live up to the buyer's expectations" followed by a demand for a refund.

I will be waved with angry fury when told that a broken, mud soaked stick meant for "light walking assistance" was not meant to support 350 lbs.

Following a 20 minute conversation with the manager, I am exchanged for $25. Not from the manager, but from an angry syster in line who was "sick of listening to this bullshit."

I am a source of many wounds.

by Anonymousreply 7203/24/2013

But you reigned triumphant, r72!

by Anonymousreply 7303/24/2013

Just on the chance that there may be penised persons on the land... I am a non-invasive rape alarm that whispers "help, rape", so as not to cause alarm or flashbacks to any other womyn.

by Anonymousreply 7403/24/2013

Howling with laughter R51 - well done!

by Anonymousreply 7503/24/2013

I'm a worn, dog-eared copy of Valerie Solanas' "SCUM Manifesto".

by Anonymousreply 7603/24/2013

I am the sketch pad that is used to communicate with others. I will not use language as language is man made. I will not use email as it is a man made method of communication. I only use leaves and twigs as they are made by mothyr earth.

by Anonymousreply 7703/24/2013

I'm the Ken doll she lets her daughter play with because it's non-penised.

by Anonymousreply 7803/24/2013

I'm the little black book which contains all the names of her exes, and all the names of their exes because they're her exes too. Her platonic womyn friends are all in here, of course, plus their systers and friends. Some of those friends or friends of friends might become her lovers, it depends on where the boundaries are drawn. I also contain the numbers for U-haul and local AA chapters.

by Anonymousreply 7903/24/2013

I'm the tattered, 30-year-old copy of "Rubyfruit Jungle" with the spine so bent the pages won't stay in.

Though my owner has a more up-to-date copy at home, this one is brought to Michfest because it was a gift from her first girlfriend.

by Anonymousreply 8003/24/2013

I am the crescent moon necklace, once dangled from the window of a Honda Odyssey, now nestled between my Lara bars and my djembe tuner, a sigil of devotion until I am reunited with my long-lost systerlover.

by Anonymousreply 8103/24/2013

I am the moon cup that will become a source of endless discussions. My owner will say that because I am made of plastic I am easily sterilized and washed. The others in the menstrual hut will say that I should not be used because I am not made of biodegradable materials. In the end it, I will be left behind with the garbage, because my owner, in desperation, decided just to "cram a tam" and be done with it.

by Anonymousreply 8203/24/2013

I am the empty space in the duffle bag where a mooncup or some tampons would normally go. For one glorious week each year, my owner sees no reason to hide the magnificently gushing source of her power. If she doesn't get her period at fest, there will be no consoling her.

by Anonymousreply 8303/25/2013

I am the crumpled-up, crumb-filled emptied cellophane package of Double-Chocolate Fudge Creme Oreos. My contents were devoured within twenty minutes and were not shared with anyone.

by Anonymousreply 8403/25/2013

I keep my Yorkie in my knapsack. He is a service dog because he soothes my anxiety. He only barks (yaps, actually) when there's music playing. In any case, he's been neutered.

by Anonymousreply 8503/25/2013

I am Garnier Fructis shampoo in a Tom's of Maine bottle.

by Anonymousreply 8603/25/2013

I'm the keyring loaded with cute and not-so-cute keychains, everything from tiny stuffed kittens to mirrored interlocked female/female symbols to a tiny black braided whip. I hold the keys to a 1986 Toyota Celica, plastered with bumper stickers that declare my favorite 12 Step plus Wicca/Goddess veneration, anti-rape, anti-meat and maybe a "Why Be Normal" sticker upside-down. These are all covered in gray grime due to the failing exhaust system of the car. I've never graced the hand of a parking lot attendant.

by Anonymousreply 8703/25/2013

I'm the vibrating, ultra-realistic dildo hidden at the bottom of her knapsack and brought out only at night when no one will see and tattle.

by Anonymousreply 8803/25/2013

I am the realistic strap-on man-cunt, for those nights when my womyn dons her strap on, non gender specific penis and we radicalise penetrative sex.

by Anonymousreply 8903/25/2013

I'm the roll of toilet paper that's been flattened because you needed the cardboard tube to make a pot pipe on the way up.

You could have used an apple, Asshole.

by Anonymousreply 9003/25/2013

I am the vagina cape, anxiously awaiting to be twirled!

by Anonymousreply 9103/25/2013

I'm the bottle of apple cider vinegar. I cure everything.

by Anonymousreply 9203/26/2013

We are the xxl Beefy-T shirts in the knapsack. We come in assorted rainbow colors and are supposed to be worn to signify the owner's stance on issues dear to the land. Unfortunately, she can never figure out which colors support what ideologies and we will be in the knapsack the entire time as it's just easier to go topless.

by Anonymousreply 9303/26/2013

I'm a fresh box of corn starch.

by Anonymousreply 9403/26/2013

I'm the journal that will be kept by a boy as he spends the entire Fest alone and neglected in the Brother Sun Re-education Camp for Pre-Rapists.

by Anonymousreply 9503/26/2013

I'm a tube of MAC lipstick. I'm worn in an effort to be ironic, but the truth is my owner likes to look pretty like any other girl. My luscious red color will stain the labia of a dozen womyn if she's lucky.

by Anonymousreply 9603/27/2013

I am a worn copy of Audre Lorde's biomythography ZAMI. I have been usefully opened many times in large MichFest crowds so my owner looks deep and caring and a champion of equality. If you ask her, she will fiercely testify I am the most meaningful novel she's ever read. She can't admit even to herself she's never actually read more than few pages of me because I'm so boring.

by Anonymousreply 9703/27/2013

[quote]Let's be the knapsack or duffle bag of a Michfester!

I am stuff to the zippers with cookies, chips and pepper spray.

by Anonymousreply 9803/27/2013
Need more help? Click Here.

Follow theDL catch up on what you missed

recent threads by topic delivered to your email

follow popular threads on twitter

follow us on facebook

Become a contributor - post when you want with no ads!