Apparently I've creeped out a teenage guy.
Me and my friend were at the gym last week. I bumped into a former neighbor and his son. They moved to another part of town a couple of years ago and this is the first I've seen them since the move. Evidently, they just joined this gym. I went up to the dad and son to say hello. I almost didn't recognize the son, who was a skinny little boy when they moved. Now, at 17, he's a quite good looking young man with a jacked body. Hey, I'm not blind!
When I said hello, I said something like "...and this must be Derek. Wow, you certainly are a handsome young man." According to my friend, I said "handsome" twice (which I don't recall) and said it each time as if I was flirting, which is the last thing I intended. My friend's been kidding me about it ever since, and I kept telling him that he's wrong. But now I'm not so sure. I've seen the dad and son twice at the gym since then, and both times they just ignore me. In fact, last night, I was getting dressed after showering and the son comes to the locker room to get his weight belt. His locker was near mine. I said hello. He gave me an awkward look back and ran out of the locker room so fast, you'd think someone was after him with a gun.
Do you think I should apologize to them, or leave well enough alone? Like I said, the last thing in the world I intended was to flirt with a 17-year-old. Maybe subsconsciously I was, but not consciously. Hell, I'm 43, so I would not go there. This is really killing me, and I'm not sure how to make this right.
|by Anonymous||reply 292||04/08/2013|
You're a perv, and there's nothing wrong with that as long as you don't do anything illegal. Own it. Propose a three-way with dad and son.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||03/20/2013|
If a 43 year-old man said to a 17-year-old girl, "Wow, you sure are a pretty young woman," there would be no question that he was being borderline inappropriate.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||03/20/2013|
Oh boy, you shouldn't have said that.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||03/20/2013|
"leave well enough alone"
Definitely leave it alone.
They probably understood that you weren't seeking an erotic encounter with the kid, but still: Most people are not comfortable with gay men commenting on the attractiveness of their male off-spring. That's just a fact.
(Even as a young gay man, I would have been very uncomfortable if an older out gay man remarked on my looks in front of my father. Um, awkward. For straight boys, I don't imagine it would be any less so).
Let it be and move on.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||03/20/2013|
Whenever I'm in similar circumstances I just give a very quiet "Yum." That way neither the parent nor the son is quite sure what I'm doing, but if the son is gay and into Daddies, I've signalled my availability. Win/win.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||03/20/2013|
OP were you raised by wolves? What is the matter with you? Just don't say anything else ever to the father or the son. You crossed a line dude.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||03/20/2013|
I was just trying to comment to him that he's turned into a handsome young man from the geeky little boy I remember. No sexual connotation meant, but maybe that's not how it came out. His transformation was pretty startling.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||03/20/2013|
The reason they're avoiding you, OP, is that every time you speak all they hear is HISSSSSSS.
They probably think you're Voldemort.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||03/20/2013|
The OP's mussy is hungry!
|by Anonymous||reply 10||03/20/2013|
That's fine, but don't comment on the looks. Something like, "You're all grown up!" would have been fine. "Look at the sexy, pumped piece you've become" is not.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||03/20/2013|
I can tell from op at r7 that he doesn't get it.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||03/20/2013|
This thread is useless without pics. And we know OP has some good gym shower pics.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||03/20/2013|
"Handsome" is not a compliment I would hand out to anyone except a potential object of desire, unless I was just harmlessly flirting. But flirtation is not something I practice on the sons of my peers or anyone under 18 (or really, anyone more than 15 years my junior).
I'm not saying you can't find someone like that "handsome", or to discretely remark upon it to a third party after the fact. But telling a guy to his face? Twice? That's pretty loaded language to tell someone directly.
Yup, you sound like a bit of a creep, in addition to being woefully un-self-aware.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||03/20/2013|
You've become the tragic female lead in a Tennessee William's play.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||03/20/2013|
Straight men don't want compliments on their attractiveness from gay men. Even the most innocently intended "you're handsome" comment translates into "I want to fuck you" in the minds of most heterosexual males.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||03/20/2013|
[quote]I was just trying to comment to him that he's turned into a handsome young man from the geeky little boy I remember. No sexual connotation meant, but maybe that's not how it came out. His transformation was pretty startling.
Why did it require comment at all? 17 year olds are still very young and insecure and easily embarrassed. You creeped them out. Let it be.
Sometimes gay men can be very flirty and forget that not everyone is gay or appreciates their efforts.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||03/20/2013|
This thread has the potential to be so much fun, and yet most posters are answering so earnestly. Boring.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||03/20/2013|
[quote]Me and my friend
Your pervy comment to a minor is only one of your issues.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||03/20/2013|
When someone in his 40s says "handsome young man" I'm just imagining Kevin Spacey meeting a trick in a hotel room.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||03/20/2013|
r22, it's been at least a decade since Kevin Spacey has been in her 40's.
|by Anonymous||reply 24||03/20/2013|
R23--I'm not calling him a perv. I'm calling him an idiot.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||03/20/2013|
I agree with both r19 and r23. R20 probably has a point as well. To the other posters- ugh!
|by Anonymous||reply 27||03/20/2013|
The OP is clearly trash whose mother turned tricks at the local trailer park, while a young op ran around barefoot with dirt on the bottom of his feet. While his dad boinked Rita Sue in the trailer two doors down. OP there is a time and place for everything, learn when to be appropriate.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||03/20/2013|
[quote]I was just trying to comment to him that he's turned into a handsome young man from the geeky little boy I remember. No sexual connotation meant
You're lying to yourself:
[quote]Now, at 17, he's a quite good looking young man with a jacked body. Hey, I'm not blind!
|by Anonymous||reply 29||03/20/2013|
Yeah, your big mistake was using the word handsome. That's just not something anyone says to someone else. Would you have said that to the father? To your boss? You probably wouldn't even say it to a friend. At most, you'd say, "you look good." They both probably considered it inappropriate and were creeped out. You should have said, "You've really grown!" But I'm afraid you probably would have screwed that up too by rubbing your crotch (or his) while saying it.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||03/20/2013|
Just stop now, OP. Ignore them. You don't have the intelligence to deal with it so don't deal. They're probably not too bright, so everyone needs to avoid each other.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||03/20/2013|
"If a 43 year-old man said to a 17-year-old girl, "Wow, you sure are a pretty young woman," there would be no question that he was being borderline inappropriate."
I don't know, I'm a female and I can think of many times when I was that age when we'd run into someone we hadn't seen in years (old friends of my parents, etc) and they'd comment that I'd blossomed into a beautiful young women or something, from men AND women, so I don't think it's all that riduculous.
But yeah, you should just leave it alone.
|by Anonymous||reply 33||03/20/2013|
[quote]I don't know, I'm a female ...
|by Anonymous||reply 34||03/20/2013|
We're not the ones who ran out of the locker room, r32. Young hottie is the homophobe.
I don't think there's anything wrong at all with OP's comment.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||03/20/2013|
Anyone who is "creeped out" or USES the term "creeped out" over a compliment is a fucking freak.
OP, stop worrying about it. There are weird people in the world, and some of them are anti-gay. Those 2 probably are. And please don't listen to the old prissies in this thread. They haven't had any young dick in years and resent anyone who even wants it.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||03/20/2013|
Lots of sex negative hysterical people around here. It is quite normal to over-compliment children and call them "handsome" or "pretty" or "my how you've grown." Everybody does it.
You didn't skeeve the kid out. They are used to this from adults. His DAD telling him you're a predatory fag did. This is homophobia in action, being passed down through the generations.
The rest of you who think this was "inappropriate" blah blah blah, you are damaged and mentally ill.
|by Anonymous||reply 37||03/20/2013|
ugh. If you pursue an apology you're gonna look like a bigger dumbass than you already do.
Let it go.
If you awkwardly/accidentally end up speaking to the kid again. Tell him he was such an ugly kid that you're happy that things a working out for him in the "looks department"-- and leave it at that.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||03/20/2013|
r34 (otherwise known as projecting idiot), I'd say r33 is in position to know more about herself than you would.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||03/20/2013|
[quote]The rest of you who think this was "inappropriate" blah blah blah, you are damaged and mentally ill.
True. But that's 70% of the forum. They've run off most of the sane people.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||03/20/2013|
Thanks, R39. I am most definitely a female.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||03/20/2013|
It probably wasn't the compliment itself, it was the fact that you said it twice. That doesn't mean you did anything wrong, but it doesn't take much to make people uncomfortable.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||03/20/2013|
they were perturbed because that's not the way guys talk to each other in their world. so yes, they probably thought you were coming on to him.
|by Anonymous||reply 44||03/20/2013|
OP, you crossed the line. Just leave it alone. You have to know when to keep your mouth closed.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||03/20/2013|
The kid should be complimented. Instead, they have a touch of homophobia. They'll likely get over it, if not...who cares? Their loss.
I woukd definitely make a point of steering clear and no leering! Give a nod of acknowledgment or a polite hello when passing. In a month or two, after they have seen you engaging in conversation with other members... gay, straight, men and women, they will see that you are just another guy at the gym.
I speak from experience, I had a very similar incident, eventually things were fine. Some teens go through such a metamorphosis, it's truly amazing. It's hard not to gush enthusiasm for them.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||03/20/2013|
This has nothing to do with sexuality. It is about knowing how to talk to people and what is the correct way to conduct yourself. Kids that age were raised to be hypersensitive to certain comments or uncomfortable touching. You don't comment on anyone's looks to their faces. You wait until they leave and then talk about them behind their backs.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||03/20/2013|
[quote] I was just trying to comment to him that he's turned into a handsome young man from the geeky little boy I remember. No sexual connotation meant,
Telling a 17-year-old near stranger that he used to be geeky but that now he's a handsome young man who stirs who-knows-what in the loins of some geezer 3x his age is wrong each and every way one looks at it.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||03/20/2013|
Sounds like a made up story to me.
One of OP's pervy fantasies
|by Anonymous||reply 49||03/20/2013|
R2 nailed it. I'd be creeped out too.
The best thing you can do is to stop trying to say "hi" to them and ignore them.
|by Anonymous||reply 50||03/20/2013|
[quote]If OP was a straight female, or even if he was a straight male and the kid was female, nobody would bat an eyelid at this. Have fun with your internalized homophobia.
Bullshit. A middle-aged man or woman should not compliment a teenager on his or her attractiveness at all. In front of the kid's father--even worse.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||03/20/2013|
I really don't recall saying "handsome" twice, but according to my friend I did. I sometimes get nervous in social situations where I have to make small talk, so it's possible I did without realizin git. I'm not into 17 year old guys. Yes, I do look sometimes, but more like looking at a work of art. I can appreciate the beauty but not be attracted, if that makes sense. I like fully matured men. I feel really terrible that I might've made him uncomofortable. Maybe the father told him to "beware of that predatory fag!" Who knows, but I do feel bad for the kid.
|by Anonymous||reply 52||03/20/2013|
R53 - Do you suffer from the impression that people give a fuck what you think?
|by Anonymous||reply 54||03/20/2013|
[quote]If OP was a straight female, or even if he was a straight male and the kid was female, nobody would bat an eyelid at this. Have fun with your internalized homophobia.
You're either insane or you live under a rock. If a 43 year-old man told a 17 year-old girl that she "turned into a very pretty young lady" that would definitely be viewed as inappropriate. Same if the genders are reversed.
It has nothing to do with gender or sexuality. Anytime an older adult directly comments on a minor's attractiveness, it's inappropriate.
|by Anonymous||reply 55||03/20/2013|
"Wow, you certainly are a handsome young man!" is something only old ladies should say. Everyone else should just stick to, "Wow, you're all grown up!".
|by Anonymous||reply 56||03/20/2013|
Forget it, OP.
We've all said awkward things, when trying to be complimentary. And 17 year olds think any compliment is weird. I have a 17 year old niece who is a champion athlete. She's very self-conscious about her achievements, esp. when complimented.
|by Anonymous||reply 57||03/20/2013|
[quote] Everyone else should just stick to, "Wow, you're all grown up!".
Everyone else should just keep the thought to themselves. Did you enjoy that moment when you were a teenager? Of course they've grown up. The only appropriate thing to say is nothing. Maybe "I haven't see you since you were a kid." Maybe, but probably not.
|by Anonymous||reply 58||03/20/2013|
I was introduced to a co-workers 19 y/o gorgeous son and all I said was WOW...followed by "how nice to meet you". I was mortified. After he left I was told he's a music theater major in college...
|by Anonymous||reply 59||03/20/2013|
R51 = Lesbian
R55 = Frustrated female who has no business on a website for gay people and intended for gay men.
|by Anonymous||reply 60||03/20/2013|
So opinion-negative, R54!
No, I suffer from the impression that OP, for whatever reason, is trying to glean some thoughts on the matter from here (of all places). Good luck to you as well, young stunning woman, regarding whether people on this board give a fuck what you think.
|by Anonymous||reply 61||03/20/2013|
[quote]Sounds like a made up story to me. One of OP's pervy fantasies
I think a fantasy would have ended up with sucking him off in the locker room. Getting shunned over nothing isn't exactly anyone's fantasy.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||03/20/2013|
Lord only knows what your eyes and the rest of your nonverbal body language was doing.
Just leave the kid alone from now own.
Live and learn.
|by Anonymous||reply 63||03/20/2013|
You should have said, "Your son's got a purty mouth." That would have gone over better.
|by Anonymous||reply 64||03/20/2013|
If the story is true, and I'm going with the assumption that it is, not one person would have said a word had the OP been female.
For some reason men are not supposed to say such things or to comment on cute babies etc. It's just fine, and even activist worthy for women to insist on not being stereotyped or socially pigeon-holed, but even on gay websites men, particularly gay men are supposed to act the way society wants them to.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||03/20/2013|
It seems you have your own issues, R65.
|by Anonymous||reply 66||03/20/2013|
Well, since these aren't people who know each other well, it can be much more easily forgotten.
For what it's worth, I'm rather young. And not a flyover. In my teenage years, through the late teens, it was considered odd to be told even these innocent, observation-based comments by older people, and trashy to accept or like it. But it's something everyone gets used to at some point. If a situation or use of language makes someone feel uncomfortable, they may just not have learned to deal with being uncomfortable yet.
|by Anonymous||reply 68||03/20/2013|
[quote]not one person would have said a word had the OP been female
People have said they think it would be wrong for a woman to behave this way.
I see no reason to doubt this story is true. When a story is entirely plausible it should get the benefit of the doubt.
|by Anonymous||reply 69||03/20/2013|
Oh please! If you were to say the same thing to a young lady in front of her mother do you think we be having this conversation? No. Mom would be bragging to her friends how pretty her little darling is and that all the men at the club compliment her on her beauty.
Homophobia is alive and well, even amongst the gays!
|by Anonymous||reply 70||03/20/2013|
Whether or not the compliment was out of line or not really depends on how well you knew them when you were neighbors.
By your surprise on the young man, you didn't know them well. I think you should have kept it simple...
I would not speak to them again other than a hi, etc. if they speak to you first and leave it at that.
|by Anonymous||reply 71||03/20/2013|
"Even the most innocently intended "you're handsome" comment translates into "I want to fuck you" in the minds of most heterosexual males."
According to DL Queens, straight guys really do dig the homosex and wouldn't bat an eye if presented with the opportunity to have sex with another man. It happens all the time according to them.
You mean to tell me DL queens are full of shit? Well, who would have thought!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 72||03/20/2013|
You seriously believe that a teenage girl and her mother would not be creeped out by an older man saying how attractive the kid is?
|by Anonymous||reply 73||03/20/2013|
In my experience, younger people actually do like compliments on their appearance, wherever they can get them. I think you weren't aggressive enough, OP.
|by Anonymous||reply 74||03/20/2013|
OP, straight boys and most straight men are simply not programmed to react positively to another man telling them they're handsome. Yes, it's silly but that's reality. You should have just said "my goodness, you've really grown since I last saw you".
|by Anonymous||reply 75||03/20/2013|
"Me and my friend were at the gym last week."
You've already creeped me out.
|by Anonymous||reply 76||03/20/2013|
Where and when the hell are you even from, R70?
|by Anonymous||reply 77||03/20/2013|
"When someone in his 40s says "handsome young man" I'm just imagining Kevin Spacey meeting a trick in a hotel room."
Everyone knows Kevin meets his tricks in civic parks.
|by Anonymous||reply 78||03/20/2013|
Guess maybe it's generational OP. In the 70's I went from being a geeky kid to a good looking teenager and never had an issue with my parent's friends (some were gay) or middle aged neighbors complimenting me on my transformation. Sadly my latest transformation to elder gay is not getting the same high praise.
Leave it alone, say hi but don't look at the kid when speaking to them.
|by Anonymous||reply 79||03/20/2013|
I still want to know how big the young man is.
|by Anonymous||reply 80||03/20/2013|
[quote]not one person would have said a word had the OP been female.
This again? You're nuts. Plenty of people would find it inappropriate if a middle-aged woman told a 17 year-old he was handsome, twice. Again, it's not the genders or sexualities of the people involved, it's the age difference coupled with the particular language.
OP says he was simply commenting on how grown up the kid had gotten, yet he chose a word, "handsome", that does not even remotely mean "grown up". My dictionary defines it as "good-looking (of a man)" and lists "beautiful", "pretty" and "fine" as synonyms. Would telling the young man he looked pretty, beautiful or fine be inappropriate? Do the words "pretty", "beautiful" or "fine" mean the same thing as "grown up"? Wouldn't most people hearing middle-aged woman tell an adolescent he looks "pretty", "beautiful" or "fine" find that language inappropriate?
It's complimenting a person's physical attractiveness, which can certainly signal to the recipient a degree of sexual attraction from the speaker. Telling a 17 year-old he's handsome (twice!) does not mean the same as saying he's "filled out" or "grew up" or "got big". It implies a level of sexual attractiveness, which is inappropriate in OP's situation, given that the kid is a minor and the son of an acquaintance.
|by Anonymous||reply 81||03/20/2013|
OP might as well have handed the kid a business card with the name Princess Evangelina Banana Hammock written on it. Would have had the same effect.
|by Anonymous||reply 82||03/20/2013|
Ask him with a straight face if he's ever had a tongue up his butt.
|by Anonymous||reply 83||03/20/2013|
[quote]Mom would be bragging to her friends how pretty her little darling is and that all the men at the club compliment her on her beauty.
I shudder to think of your childhood if you actually think any mother would brag to anyone about older men finding her 17 year-old daughter attractive.
Are you in currently in therapy?
|by Anonymous||reply 84||03/20/2013|
"My, what a plump and well-stuffed package your son has developed, too! er, but I didn't mean anything untoward!"
|by Anonymous||reply 85||03/20/2013|
Okay, you're not a perv. You're just...highly observant.
Probably better to make your observations when his father's not standing next to him.
Even if he's the second biggest fag in your town (after you), do you really want to give the object of your affection stuff to gossip about WITH HIS FATHER? I can hardly think of anything more embarrassing for the boy than the scenario you created.
|by Anonymous||reply 86||03/20/2013|
[quote]Plenty of people would find it inappropriate if a middle-aged woman told a 17 year-old he was handsome, twice. Again, it's not the genders or sexualities of the people involved, it's the age difference coupled with the particular language.
This is a perfect example of the idiocy of our times. People who use the term "inappropriate" should simply be shot. That would solve a lot of problems.
|by Anonymous||reply 87||03/20/2013|
Yeah, kids don't want older people commenting AT ALL on their appearance. Think about how self conscious you were at that age. If you were like most teens, you didn't want attention called to yourself and you certainly didn't like the feeling of being examined and evaluated like a prized poodle at a dog show.
And the word "handsome" is so dated. It truly is something only old grannies say these days. The kid was rightfully creeped out.
|by Anonymous||reply 88||03/20/2013|
It would have been OK if you hadn't licked your finger, placed it on your ass and made a sizzle sound.
|by Anonymous||reply 89||03/20/2013|
OP, you should have said, "Wow. Last time I saw you, you were a lot smaller. I bet you're really packin' now!"
And if he wants to get all pissy, let him get all pissy. Who cares?
|by Anonymous||reply 90||03/20/2013|
What r2 said about imagining an older man doing that to an underage woman at the gym. "Inappropriate" is a fine word to use when someone is underage and your actions, while not illegal, might be suggestive of something that is. (Seventeen is old enough to consent, but it's still under 18.)
You already admitted that you found him attractive. Your words may have been "innocent" but it's amazing how much people can pick up via body language.
Anyway, say what you want so long as it's on the right side of the law.
But then be prepared to be treated as someone who makes people uncomfortable by hitting on them when they'd rather not. I would stay away from the kid from now on.
|by Anonymous||reply 91||03/20/2013|
OP failed to mention that the reason I ran out of the locker room is because he bent over and presented me his hole... and made it wink.
|by Anonymous||reply 92||03/20/2013|
From "It Gets Better 2023":
"I never imagined, as a teenager, that I could be gay. Gay guys were like the old neighborhood perv, who took one leering look at me at the gym and started babbling about how "handsome" I had become TO MY FATHER."
|by Anonymous||reply 94||03/20/2013|
R93: No, they don't. Most women are protective of their underaged, sexually mature daughters, especially around random men. They don't pimp them out for attention and then brag about it to their friends.
Honestly, who raised you? Have you covered your warped upbringing in therapy?
|by Anonymous||reply 95||03/20/2013|
OP's friend was there. None of us were. So if OP's friend witnessed OP giving this compliment (twice) in a flirtatious rather than platonic manner, perhaps we should take the friend's word for it. Even if OP didn't do it deliberately, I understand why that could make a kid, any kid, uncomfortable. It has nothing to with gender or sexuality.
|by Anonymous||reply 96||03/20/2013|
[quote]Telling a 17 year-old he's handsome (twice!) does not mean the same as saying he's "filled out"
FILLED OUT! LMAO. Sorry but that's way worse.
And.....oh my, it would be WILDLY inappropriate if said to a 17 y/o girl (while staring at her tits).
|by Anonymous||reply 97||03/20/2013|
I'm surprised that nobody until r92 focused on the fact that the second encounter (when the boy ran away in terror) took place when the OP was "getting dressed after showering". I bet you anything that as the OP said hi to the kid, he was rubbing the towel across his dick or up his ass.
|by Anonymous||reply 98||03/20/2013|
R87 = frequently considered "inappropriate".
|by Anonymous||reply 99||03/20/2013|
The guy said this to a 17- year old kid.
Of course the kid is going to get freaked out especially if the the OP is known to them as gay.
Most 17 year old guys are going to feel weirded out by what could be perceived as sexual advances towards them by an adult of the same sex. Throw in the fact that to a 17 year old.. if a gay guy is flirting with him it might mean that something about him (the 17 year old) might be pinging as gay. Most teenage kids aren't equipped to handle stuff like that.
|by Anonymous||reply 100||03/20/2013|
They'd be freaked out by a comment from a older person of either sex. In front of a parent, even a comment from someone their own age would be unwelcome.
Some of you seem to have no memory of being a teenager.
|by Anonymous||reply 101||03/20/2013|
This thread is useless without a Facebook link. And you KNOW OP has found it.
|by Anonymous||reply 102||03/20/2013|
Do fathers and sons often go to the gym together?
I understand going to the gym with a friend or a brother, but I wouldn't have wanted to see my dad toweling off in a locker room, not that my father ever went near a gym.
|by Anonymous||reply 103||03/20/2013|
Straight guys don't mind compliments from a woman, but when a guy says it, it's a little uncomfortable. Guys rarely compliment each other on how they look, unless its two gay guys.
OP, it's best to ignore the guys, unless they talk to you first.
|by Anonymous||reply 104||03/20/2013|
OP, as sad as it sounds, gay men with integrity need to be hyper-aware of how they act around young guys. I'm 32 and I'd be lying if I claimed I've never found a 17, 18, or 19 year old attractive. However, I consider myself an ambassador of sorts and I'm reluctant to confirm some of the worst stereotypes about us.
For instance, there has been an 18 year old guy who has interned at my office the past few summers. He's cute and we get along well, but I don't text him or visit him or do anything else that might be considered inappropriate (while straight female friends have encouraged me to 'go for it').
OP, your comments were inappropriate and you'd be wise not to press the issue. Hopefully the kid and his dad are the forgiving sort and things blow over in time.
|by Anonymous||reply 105||03/20/2013|
So many different opinions her, but I do think that if the father had not been present when OP complimented the kid, then the kid would have been much less embarrassed or not embarrassed at all.
|by Anonymous||reply 106||03/20/2013|
Fuck being "an ambassador" in the ass, r105. We don't need to present a Disneyfied version of being gay to the straight world. I agree with your straight female friends. If you're attracted to someone, go for it. Pussy.
|by Anonymous||reply 107||03/20/2013|
[quote][R34] (otherwise known as projecting idiot), I'd say [R33] is in position to know more about herself than you would.
I LOVE that you said this right after saying this:
[quote]Anyone who is "creeped out" or USES the term "creeped out" over a compliment is a fucking freak.
|by Anonymous||reply 108||03/20/2013|
OP forgot to tell you the 17 year old is his nephew.
|by Anonymous||reply 109||03/20/2013|
Forgot to mention the 17 year old has pre-enlisted in the Navy. The day he hits 18 he's off to kill middle eastern brown people, in the name of capitalism!
|by Anonymous||reply 110||03/20/2013|
[quote]OP, as sad as it sounds, gay men with integrity need to be hyper-aware of how they act around young guys. I'm 32 and I'd be lying if I claimed I've never found a 17, 18, or 19 year old attractive. However, I consider myself an ambassador of sorts and I'm reluctant to confirm some of the worst stereotypes about us.
I'm glad the castration has been successful, r105. Here, have some orange juice on me, to distract you from the scars were your testicles used to be.
|by Anonymous||reply 112||03/20/2013|
I was 20 and working in a restaurant when my father came in for lunch with a number of his co-workers. A couple of them said I was handsome in a totally complimentary, non-sexual way. If anything, they were ribbing my dad, as if they were surprised he had a good looking son. People are way too sensitive sometimes. There is nothing wrong with giving someone an honest compliment. The proper response to any compliment is "Thank you."
|by Anonymous||reply 113||03/20/2013|
A straight man commenting to a father and daughter on her perky boobies - same thing.
|by Anonymous||reply 114||03/20/2013|
How about a dyke commenting to a father and daughter about her perky breasts?
OP is the dad gay? I can't imagine a straight guy standing around to tolerate this w/o punching you in the jaw.
|by Anonymous||reply 115||03/20/2013|
R113 at work in a restaurant ≠ in various stages of undress at a gym
|by Anonymous||reply 116||03/20/2013|
r115, no the dad is not gay. He's around my age and, like me, rather average looking. His wife is rather attractive, so that's probably where the son Derek gets his good looks. I don't recall what the dad's reaction was when I made the comment, but it was obviously nothing out of the ordinary. Besides, at the time, the interaction meant nothing at the time...until my friend pointed it out later on.
|by Anonymous||reply 117||03/20/2013|
OP, think about what you said, and think about your body language and your eagerness. Be honest with yourself. Would you have said the same thing and acted the same way if it were a 17 year old girl? If you would have acted any differently or said something different (other than saying beautiful in place of handsome), then perhaps you acted somewhat inappropriately.
I have a 40-something friend who is always talking to young men who willingly speak back to him. He takes any response as a signal that they are open to flirting and even sexual innuendo. I see friendly encounters with him slipping into inappropriateness on a regular basis. He doesn't see it, but everyboddy else does. I asked him the same question. Would he speak and act the same way if it were a female? When the answer is no, it is flirting and inappropriate with someone so young.
|by Anonymous||reply 118||03/20/2013|
17 Nails it. you are Blanche DuBois at best, Sebastian Venable at worst. Apologize and say you just had a case of the vapors but it did indeed pass.
|by Anonymous||reply 119||03/20/2013|
Try not to lick your teeth when you're talking.
|by Anonymous||reply 120||03/20/2013|
No matter what the age, an inappropriate comment by an older person is unwanted. I remember this guy once went on and on about how handsome I was. I was 30 at the time and he was in his 50's. It made me very uncomfortable.
|by Anonymous||reply 121||03/20/2013|
OP you're really making too much of this. Tell your friend to shutup and stop making this a bigger deal than it is. It may have been awkward but i doubt dad and son really gave it too much thought. They're not talking to you because they probably don't consider you a close friend.
|by Anonymous||reply 122||03/20/2013|
I agree with r87. The word "inappropriate" is overused and is now meaningless. Any time someone is offended (and someone is always offended), another person's behavior or language is described as inappropriate.
|by Anonymous||reply 123||03/20/2013|
R116, R113 here, I reread the first post and he says he was "at the gym" when he made the comments, not necessarily in the locker room, or in various states of undress. That's your addition. I still think most comments on this thread are blowing this way out of proportion.
|by Anonymous||reply 124||03/20/2013|
r124, the OP says that at the time of the second encounter (when the boy ran away in terror) he was "getting dressed after showering".
|by Anonymous||reply 125||03/20/2013|
It's not blowing it out of proportion. It is about common sense. The OP said he was 43, there is no excuse for the gauche behavior he exhibited. A simple, 'this can't be your son, he's so grown up. Been a long time. I'm your dad's friend Michael.' Is all that was needed.
|by Anonymous||reply 126||03/20/2013|
Yes R125, but that seems to have happened much later. If OP had been standing there in a towel then maybe saying the boy was handsome might not have been the best idea, but that doesn't seem to be when it happened, so I disagree with R116's assessment of my original comment. Thanks though.
|by Anonymous||reply 127||03/20/2013|
I was gonna go into a paragraph on how it's all on the way you say things (for both men and women to both girls and boys) and how the your third-party friend's observation clearly indicated that you had picked the wrong way, ... and then I read this
[quote]the son comes to the locker room to get his weight belt
Who the hell wears weight belts anymore, especially at age 17, when you're not heavy-lifting yet?
|by Anonymous||reply 128||03/20/2013|
I think it's one of the better ESTs in a while. I give it a 6.5
[R128], great point about 70's porn lit. Back then if it was made into a movie, the son would have been played by Kevin Williams.
|by Anonymous||reply 129||03/20/2013|
This is one o the many things that differ in social interactions between people in the US vs. Europe. I always have to be careful in the US.
I would have said exactly what the OP said. "Gee... what a handsome fellow you've become! "
We would have laughed. The dad would have said something like "Yes, hasn't he". etc. And that would be the end of it.
I feel absolutely no social restraints in giving a compliment on someone's looks.
I was in a business meeting yesterday with a very wealthy (40 yr old) business man. We are not friends, but we have a friendly relationship. I had not seen him in a year.
When he entered the office where I was waiting, I noticed he was limping. He had had a ski accident. His upper thigh was swollen and it...well...it gave him this big assed appearance on one side. He was wearing long jersey athletic pants.
When he turned to show me where he had the injury and how painful it was, I exclaimed "Well, look at the bright side...it's given you a really nice ass". He enjoyed the joke.
The meeting went well and I got the account.
Oh...and when we where parting I told him that is longer hair looked good.
I was in another meeting today with another client... when he saw me... the very first thing he said was "You look great!" (I was feeling particularly good this morning.)
People here compliment one another on looks all the time.... and it's appreciated.
I understand the difference with someone who is much younger... but I just don't think the OP was out of line.
|by Anonymous||reply 130||03/20/2013|
2/10. Good effort with the excruciating detail.
|by Anonymous||reply 131||03/20/2013|
r132, I'd like to see you in person. I bet I could tell instantly that you're someone normal people should avoid.
|by Anonymous||reply 133||03/20/2013|
Scores so far: 5/10 from [R128] 6.5/10 from [R129] 2/10 from [R13]
|by Anonymous||reply 135||03/20/2013|
R124 It must have been this line that made me picture "various stages of undress":
[quote]In fact, last night, I was getting dressed after showering
But not to worry, R124. The world is still an infinitely better place for your attempt at correcting me. Just don't give up that remedial reading class you're taking at night school just yet.
|by Anonymous||reply 136||03/20/2013|
You tell a seven year old in the presence of their parents they are going up into a handsome young man - WITHOUT - licking your lips and fondling your crotch. NOT a 17 year old. Perhaps it was the glimpse of your prolapsed anus when you "accidentally" flashed your hole?
|by Anonymous||reply 137||03/20/2013|
OP, I live in a small town; but it's possible to go for years without running into acquaintances. I can't count the times that I've been in similar situations. As far as I'm concerned it would border on bizarre NOT to comment on the difference in the boy in question since you last saw him. Was "handsome" going a bit far? Maybe. On the other hand, if your motives weren't inappropriate, neither was your comment; in which case their fantasies are their problem. The world includes gay people. We act and speak the way we act and speak; as do straight people. The difference only being that they can act and speak with relative impunity. If straights don't like the way gay people communicate, the chances are that they're homophobes. To be honest, I've never had a local parent react oddly in response to my interaction with their child. But if one should, I'd assume he (or she) to be an asshole.
|by Anonymous||reply 138||03/20/2013|
OP meant well and something was lost in translation. Sometimes gay men converse in different terms than straight men. I don't consider "handsome" as having an especially sexual connotation but to a decidely heterosexual person it might. Learn from the experience and don't dwell on it.
|by Anonymous||reply 139||03/20/2013|
Forget about it. Ignore them back. I work with alot of attractive young men (I'm 50 and they're in their 20's and early 30's) and I'm extremely careful not to say anything that could be considered flirty. Oddly enough, they say suggestive things to me in jest but I know if I said something back they would tell everyone I'm an old perv.
But, in your case, I would just let it go. Fuck them.
|by Anonymous||reply 140||03/20/2013|
I agree that "handsome" is an odd word to use, but there's nothing wrong with a compliment. Like some others, I believe there's anti-gay animosity underneath the reaction. If a female had made the statement, I can almost guarantee they would have remained friendly.
|by Anonymous||reply 141||03/20/2013|
It's not always about the words. Body language, facial expressions, and eagerness can add up to a flirtiness that words alone belie.
|by Anonymous||reply 142||03/20/2013|
[quote] If a female had made the statement, I can almost guarantee they would have remained friendly.
Possibly. But that is the world we live in.
You can't go around commenting about your colleagues' teenage sons' looks without their feeling awkward about it. Fair? Maybe, maybe not, but it's a fact. You and the OP have to learn to deal with it.
|by Anonymous||reply 143||03/20/2013|
Assuming this is a real post... you creeped the kid out. And if the kid was creeped out, he had every right to be creeped out. There's no saying that he had no reason to or that he shouldn't have, etc... because he just was and that's that.
Even your "friend" that was with you probably realizes how what you said came off as creepy which is why hes making fun of you.
People on here might not think it was bad to say the kid was handsome, that's fine. Regardless, it wasn't just what he said, but probably HOW he said it.
|by Anonymous||reply 144||03/20/2013|
When I was a teen, older people who met me in situations like that were always saying things like "I bet the girls won't leave you alone!" or more direct personal compliments along the same line -- all of them meaning "you're sexually attractive to the opposite sex."
It annoyed me because of the heterosexual assumption, but I certainly was never "creeped out" by it. You have to have some serious issues to be "creeped out" that someone finds you attractive. This is definitely an anti-gay thing.
|by Anonymous||reply 145||03/20/2013|
No it's not necessarily an "Anti-Gay" thing and yet some people around here are hellbent on making everything an "Anti-Gay" thing.
We have no idea HOW the OP made the comment or what he was doing. What we do know is that the friend with him obviously thought it was weird and therefore is making fun of him for it.
So, no, it isn't necessarily an "Anti-Gay" thing and could very well just be... "a creepy old guy hitting on a minor thing."
|by Anonymous||reply 146||03/20/2013|
r145, the very fact that you think being attracted to something attractive makes one "creepy" just brands you as a freak. Probably the typical old DLer pissed that he can't get any hot young dick anymore and is determined that no one else will either.
As others are saying, if it had been a woman, they wouldn't have had a problem with it.
|by Anonymous||reply 147||03/20/2013|
I think the kid is initially fine with it.
But it's most likely afterwards that the dad fed 'that predatory pervy old gay guy' into the boy's mind.
As most here noted, just move on OP.
|by Anonymous||reply 148||03/20/2013|
The mindset around here among some of the older people is definitely one where they try to separate their existence from that of young people - hence the constant obsessive attempts to convince others that young people are no longer attractive to them. Those are the ones who try to portray any lusting after hot guys as "inappropriate" because they know the same lust will never be coming in their direction.
|by Anonymous||reply 149||03/20/2013|
r147, I think you are talking about r146, not r145.
|by Anonymous||reply 150||03/20/2013|
R150 if R147 is referring to R146 then a reading comprehension test needs to be given because nowhere did that post say that. It said it COULD BE why the kid was creeped out. Or it could have been the OPs tone. I never formed a judgement on it one way or the other in that post.
|by Anonymous||reply 151||03/20/2013|
Bravo, OP. This one really has legs.
|by Anonymous||reply 152||03/20/2013|
OP does now come across as a little obsessed but unaware of it. Using the kids first name to us bitches? That's...unneeded.
|by Anonymous||reply 153||03/20/2013|
It wasn't so much what you said, OP, as it was the sequinned workout caftan you were wearing when you said it.
I want to tell total strangers, generally of a younger age than I, how great they look all the time, whether it's their stylin' fashion sense or physical attractiveness. BUT I DON'T.
|by Anonymous||reply 154||03/20/2013|
This thread is useless without pics. Or a webcam so we can see the son and dad changing in the locker room.
|by Anonymous||reply 156||03/20/2013|
r155, you're a barbarian. And probably an American.
|by Anonymous||reply 158||03/20/2013|
Leave it alone and don't keep saying 'hello' to them.
|by Anonymous||reply 159||03/20/2013|
Give it some time OP. If it doesn't get better then say something. Only if it will make you feel better. It could be a misunderstanding. I give you props for caring. I doubt I would.
|by Anonymous||reply 160||03/20/2013|
What an Extremely Sad Tragedy this must be for you.
|by Anonymous||reply 161||03/20/2013|
"Handsome young man" would have been a nice compliment to give to the kid's mother (if he has one?) or even grandmother. NOT to the kid himsel and dear God in Heaven NOT at a gym. And hello - he's not 18!
I don't think you meant any harm, though, OP. Don't beat yourself up (or off. Sorry; couldn't resist! THANK you; I'll be here all week!)
I'm a female; FAT now, but back in the day I suppose I wasn't horrible looking (good-sized chest, I was told:pretty face); I think I remember my parents' men friends saying complimentary stuff at my parents' home - cocktail parties, barbeques, that sort of thing.
You just spoke frankly; I do myself (and get in trouble sometimes!) AND you were just being complimentary. The son running away from you - that's HIS paranoia. Not really fair - but the world often is not.
(you could always maybe "crack wise" and say to them, "do I LOOK like I'm wearing a priest's collar?!")
(oops; probably in bad taste - see, I talk too much!)
|by Anonymous||reply 163||03/21/2013|
Cringe worthy, OP. How did you fuck up so badly and so easily? What other mistakes are you making in life? Jacking off in the office toilet and leaving marks?
|by Anonymous||reply 164||03/21/2013|
The age thing is the creepy part, not the gay thing.
|by Anonymous||reply 165||03/21/2013|
It's All In The Tone You Said It In Op. Were You Salivating When You Said It?
|by Anonymous||reply 166||03/21/2013|
[quote] I don't recall what the dad's reaction was when I made the comment, but it was obviously nothing out of the ordinary.
Is it possible you were so engrossed in the 'Handsome young man' that you weren't really paying attention to the dad?
|by Anonymous||reply 167||03/21/2013|
Maybe it was the erection poking out from under your towel that freaked them out.
|by Anonymous||reply 168||03/21/2013|
Just explain that the son makes your mussy moister than a snack cake.
|by Anonymous||reply 169||03/21/2013|
I think it's pretty standard to comment on the looks of a teenager that you haven't seen since since they were a child. 'my look how pretty you've gotten' or 'I bet you're a heartbreaker' 'look how handsome he is' 'i bet he has to beat the girls off with a stick' sounds like just some of the inane comments grown ups say to teens. If not then, there's the how's school going or ' are you going to be a ____ like your dad? etc.
The OP's compliment is fine. All teenagers are uncomfortable when any adults compliment them or talk to them. The fact this boy ran away quickly from you is pretty meaningless. Leave it alone.
The OP"s friend is just messing with his head probably because he knows this will drive the OP crazy. This is some people's idea of fun.
If OP goes up to the boy or his dad and try to explain or apologize, they'll really think he's a perv. Leave it alone OP and forget about it.
Of Course this could be an EST--that whole I was just out of the shower story seems to be leading to some bad porn.
|by Anonymous||reply 170||03/21/2013|
[quote]A simple, 'this can't be your son, he's so grown up. Been a long time. I'm your dad's friend Michael.' Is all that was needed.
I agree. You haven't seen the kid in years. The "all grown up" comment is neutral and something we have all heard from our parents' friends and acquaintances.
The comments on his looks are creepy, however innocent you meant them.
|by Anonymous||reply 171||03/21/2013|
R170--corresponding from 1957.
|by Anonymous||reply 172||03/21/2013|
"You're all grown up" is an incredibly lame thing to say. Just say "Hello. It's nice to see you again."
|by Anonymous||reply 173||03/21/2013|
OP i can only imagine your "I smelled cookies" face eyeing him up and down as you told him how hot he was.
|by Anonymous||reply 174||03/21/2013|
Well R172 no matter the year, teenagers are the most self centered human beings on the planet and the OP should not be wasting his time worrying about whether he offended this one or not.
He's supposed to care that some kid took offense at his harmless off the cuff compliment.
And if this kid imagines being called handsome is the worse thing that's ever going to be said to him, then he's going to be shocked off his ass when he joins the real world.
It's pretty LAME to tell an adult he needs to censor his words and he can;t say things like 'all grown up.' He's 43 years old and he's earned the right to say whatever the fuck he wants to say. And the kid will just have to deal.
|by Anonymous||reply 175||03/21/2013|
I feel I must jump in and stand up for the OP.
I was a bit of a late bloomer myself: I went from short haired 13 year old tomboy to 5'10 tawny tressed, about to head to NY at age 16 looker. Pardon the vile lack of humility, but I'm making a point. My parent's friends, men and women, would greet me in receiving lines or soirees at our home and say " You have turned into a young Rita Hayworth!" or "my god, if only I was 30 years younger!"..well you get the point. And the crowd they rolled with was far from the trailer park. I'm sad to say that I think OP is a victim of good old fashioned double standard thinking. Had the comment come from the father/son's hot 35 year old female neighbor, there would have been no creep factor. But there is no question that straight men are so insecure about there own sexuality, they literally FEAR being viewed as attractive by a GM. It's as though they feel their own masculinity has dropped a notch if one of "those guys" digs them.
In the future, I would just continue to give a friendly wave from a distance and keep it movin'. IMO you were just being friendly and complimentary.
|by Anonymous||reply 176||03/21/2013|
The saddest part of this whole situation?
OP thinks that he "apparently" creeped out a teenage guy when it's obvious to anyone with a modicum of social skills that he ABSOLUTELY creeped out a teenage guy.
After OP's encounter with the dad and kid, they've ignored him the next two times they saw him at the gym and the kid fled the locker room when OP said hi to him (as OP was getting dressed).
It's like the answer to a $100,000 Pyramid category called "Things People Do When They're Creeped Out by Someone" but somehow the OP thinks he "apparently" creeped the kid out.
I'm guessing there was an Asperger's diagnosis in the OP's past.
|by Anonymous||reply 179||03/21/2013|
I think R176 nailed it. Don't worry OP - I doubt the lad and his dad are as worked up about it as the Precious Patties in this thread. If you genuinely meant it as a harmless compliment, then that's how it would have come across. If they're homophobic or unaccustomed to gay people then there may be some anxiety that a 'gay guy called you handsome', but I wouldn't sweat it if I were you. Be polite and friendly. Don't try to explain it away - that'll just make it a bigger issue than it really is.
|by Anonymous||reply 180||03/21/2013|
[quote] soirees at our home
You sound completely nutty--but in a good way.
|by Anonymous||reply 181||03/21/2013|
OP got a mussy the size if an Alabama 'gator, and twice as snappy.
|by Anonymous||reply 183||03/21/2013|
[quote]Had the comment come from the father/son's hot 35 year old female neighbor
The operative word is "hot." We have no idea what the OP looks like.
|by Anonymous||reply 184||03/21/2013|
"My God, your features are striking. You resemble a young, virile Burt Lancaster."
|by Anonymous||reply 185||03/21/2013|
"Well gosh, he sure has his mother's nipples! Was that inappropriate?"
|by Anonymous||reply 186||03/21/2013|
OP has also creeped out this 59 year old.
|by Anonymous||reply 187||03/21/2013|
Unless you also wear a caftan in the gym they may not have recognised you, OP. When next in the locker room slip a sweet $100 in Derek's jock with a wink and say: "Treat yourself to something real nice. You deserve it." Whether you want to add "And there's more where that came from!" and your phone number on the bill depends on you.
|by Anonymous||reply 188||03/21/2013|
Tell Derek he looks like one of the limited edition Tom Bianchi prints you have on your bedroom wall. Then ask him if he's ever seen a Tom Bianchi print in silky finish up close.
|by Anonymous||reply 189||03/21/2013|
OP should offer to help spot Derek when he works out. That should smooth things over.
|by Anonymous||reply 190||03/21/2013|
take away: when adults compliment children of their friends for looking great, they should exercise care to not sound predatory.
|by Anonymous||reply 191||03/21/2013|
The dad was there alone last night without the son. We were working out in the same area, so I had to say hi. I said "how you doing?" He nodded, flashed a half smile, and said hi in return. He wasn't overly friendly, but he didn't ignore me either. To be honest, I felt a sense of relief when he responded. So maybe it's all in my mind, and my friend was just having a little fun with me. And no, I didn't ask if his son was there. I've learned my lesson.
|by Anonymous||reply 192||03/21/2013|
You probably didn't even realize you were doing it. I used to have a co-worker that I apparently flirted with shamelessly (we'll call him Tom). I was talking to another co-worker and stated that I thought Tom was cute and she said "Look, everyone here knows that Tom doesn't make a move without you knowing about it". I was shocked that I was being that obvious-Really. I was probably 37 at the time and he was 24.
|by Anonymous||reply 193||03/21/2013|
OP, ask the dad if he and son share the same cup size.
|by Anonymous||reply 194||03/21/2013|
1. It is acceptable in this culture when talking with a father and son, even if you are gay, to note that the boy is "handsome." There is no responsibility for the speaker to assume that the people are going to misinterpret or weird-out because of a man telling, in effect, the father that he has a good-looking son. The false-PC, everyone-is-a-pervert thrust of cunt-think doesn't get this one as a bonus to legitimate issues of abuse and creepiness.
When I was a teen men (including gay men) would comment on my appearance in front of my father, who was rather homophobic, and even he never was so stupid as to misconstrue what is a time-honored and normal dynamic. It is homophobic, in fact, to think anything of it beyond the superficial nicety. Since you did not have your tongue hanging out (your friend was not a friend here), you know you were okay.
2. If, for reasons beyond one's control, people take socially appropriate comments the wrong way, it is simply a matter of avoiding them and being on guard against slander. One MAY approach the father, out of the son's presence, and mention that you are concerned something was misunderstood, but it seems unlikely that these are people who would understand the decency of the approach.
3. Teens do get weird over all kinds of things. Don't be too concerned about a teen running away. I ran away from men I found attractive when I was 17, for heaven's sake. It's not necessarily a sign the kid is freaking out about what you think he's got on his mind. But always be pleasant and say hello and then turn away. Enough's enough.
|by Anonymous||reply 196||03/21/2013|
"I ran away from men I found attractive when I was 17, for heaven's sake."
r196 has finally hit the nail on the head - Derek was running away from you because he couldn't handle his attraction to the cock you were in the process of drying off. His running away is a clear and obvious signal that you should press the issue further. A few well-timed "YUMMMM"s the next time you see in the gym, with your eyes lingering on his crotch, are the logical next steps in your courtship.
|by Anonymous||reply 197||03/21/2013|
The next time you see Derek in locker room, lick your lips and ask him about his 18th birthday.
|by Anonymous||reply 198||03/21/2013|
Love you R21!
OP there's no story here. You're 43? Dad knew you were a perv when they were neighbors. Maybe the child even sensed it. Seeing you after all these years, for them it"s only "oh, that guy". They are former neighbors, not your friends. They might not think of you at all. You were right to be polite and say hello to them. But you are giving this a gay twist. Had your friend not teased you about anything you said, you'd not be posting. Forget it.
|by Anonymous||reply 199||03/21/2013|
Obviously R201 did not mean "join a new join." He meant "join a new on-line chat board."
|by Anonymous||reply 202||03/21/2013|
[quote]join a new join
Is that like "walk the walk and talk the talk?"
|by Anonymous||reply 203||03/21/2013|
[quote]It is acceptable in this culture when talking with a father and son, even if you are gay, to note that the boy is "handsome."
Obviously a lot of people disagree with you, so I'd say its really not acceptable "in this culture".
You shouldn't compliment someone's physical attributes, unless you're signaling attraction. Note I said physical attributes. I'm not talking about telling someone they look "good" or "nice" in a general sense, I mean zeroing in on a specific physical attribute (like muscles, or handsomeness). It's inappropriate in the office, it's inappropriate among casual acquaintances, and it's inappropriate to direct such compliments to a minor. Contrary to what some are insisting, these rules apply regardless of the gender or sexuality of any if the parties. It's just sleeve and gross to compliment a person's body
You can whine and cry about "PC nazis" all you want, but this is the culture we live in.
|by Anonymous||reply 204||03/21/2013|
OP, I have no problem taking your word that you were just trying to compliment the kid on being a fine young man and had no sexual motive. Everybody makes social faux pas occasionally without meaning to and sometimes you can be behaving within the realm of appropriateness and someone just takes it the wrong way. These things happen.
I recently blurted out to a female friend that she reminded me of a Bratz doll. I meant it as a compliment but she was seriously offended and gave me a talking-to about how they promote offensive ethnic stereotypes and anorexia. I ended up feeling like shit and worried that I had lost a friend. I'm guessing your experience was closer to mind than some sort of Jerry Sandusky incident.
|by Anonymous||reply 205||03/21/2013|
I have difficulty believing you have any "friends" at all since you are a judgemental negative puritannical shithead R205.
|by Anonymous||reply 206||03/21/2013|
OP, you're forty fucking three years old. Act like it.
|by Anonymous||reply 207||03/21/2013|
R204 You're being ridiculously over PC. I can assume you were never an attractive teen. If you're good looking, attractive, extremely cute you're getting compliments from everyone. I certainly got my share as a teen and I was just regular cute. This guy might have been embarrassed by the compliment but secretly got a real ego boost out of it.
I worked with a co worker who bought in her daughter to work and the male boss came over to go on and on and on about how beautiful she was. If you're attractive you expect this to happen once in a while & probably disappointed when it doesn't happen
|by Anonymous||reply 208||03/21/2013|
Yesterday, President Obama showed how OP could've handled the situation with a bit of class (instead of coming across as a dirty old man).
After noting that Prime Minister Netanyahu's sons have grown into "incredibly handsome young men" he added "...clearly they take after their mother."
OP, you could've won father AND son over while stoking the natural rivalry that probably exists between them at this stage.
|by Anonymous||reply 209||03/21/2013|
It's sad when you realize you can't get away with behavior you could when you were younger. When I was young and gorgeous, I could do or say just about anything. I could make bitchy, suggestive, inappropriate comments all day long and guys tripped over themselves to get with me.
Not any more. Now I have to be hyper vigilant about projecting a church lady image (not just with young people--with everyone) or people will think I'm a creepy old sea hag.
|by Anonymous||reply 210||03/21/2013|
R136 I don't mean to hijack the thread, but perhaps you should take the original post to your Graduate English Lit class and have them parse OP's opening message. The original comments about the "handsome" sone were not made when OP was getting dressed after the shower, that happened much later. Follow the narrative thread, dear. But thanks for suggesting that either night school or remedial reading classes are something to be ashamed of.
|by Anonymous||reply 211||03/21/2013|
R210, it's like that football guy...Brett Farve.. er...ah
he was this hottie turning women away, but didn't he text photos of himself to someone much younger girl and it was interpreted as icky icky?
|by Anonymous||reply 212||03/21/2013|
"Obama later spoke with Yair Netanyahu, the prime minister's eldest son who is a university student in his early 20s. Obama called Yair smart and handsome."
If the President can call someone's son 'handsome' and not be called a Perv, then you know this is all about the OP being gay.
So straight man calling someone's son handsome=OK Gay man calling someone's son handsome= what a strange word to use you must be a pervert.
|by Anonymous||reply 213||03/21/2013|
[quote]take away: when adults compliment children of their friends for looking great, they should exercise care to not sound predatory.
Otherwise known as "common sense."
|by Anonymous||reply 214||03/21/2013|
[quote]I worked with a co worker who bought in her daughter to work and the male boss came over to go on and on and on about how beautiful she was.
R208, that your whole argument consists of "you must be ugly because pretty people love compliments" speaks volumes about your mindset.
|by Anonymous||reply 215||03/21/2013|
Of course I like it when people tell me that my kids are good looking. I usually deflect it by saying something like "don't be so surprised! It's genetic, you know!" But were I to understand that one of my contemporaries thinks of my teen aged son as "a quite good looking young man with a jacked body," I'd find it very disturbing. And regardless of what OP said aloud, that's what he thinks of the kid; the father and son evidently picked up on it.
|by Anonymous||reply 216||03/21/2013|
[quote]So straight man calling someone's son handsome=OK Gay man calling someone's son handsome= what a strange word to use you must be a pervert.
Exactly, the homophobia here is very telling.
|by Anonymous||reply 218||03/21/2013|
"But there is no question that straight men are so insecure about there own sexuality, they literally FEAR being viewed as attractive by a GM. It's as though they feel their own masculinity has dropped a notch if one of 'those guys' digs them."
I agree that's true of many straight men, maybe even true of MOST straight men, but certainly not true of ALL straight men. Which makes it even more difficult to know what's "appropriate" to say and what isn't.
One point to underline: Since the OP complimented the young man on his looks IN THE PRESENCE OF HIS FATHER, I'm pretty sure OP was careful to do so in a respectful, non-salacious way -- in which case it's sad that the kid and/or his father were "creeped out" by the comment, because THE COMMENT ITSELF WAS NOTHING LIKE AN OVERT COME-ON.
And again, I still think there might have been no problem whatsoever if the OP had delivered the same compliment in the same way WITHOUT the dad present.
|by Anonymous||reply 220||03/21/2013|
It's both the age and sexual preference. 17 year old straight boys don't want to be hit on by old gay men. Especially in front of their dad. Learn from it and move on. Or approach him and ask him directly if he thinks you're a creep trying to hit on him. Or approach his dad and ask him to ask his son if he thinks you're a creep trying to hit on him. Or get your friend to ask them.
|by Anonymous||reply 221||03/21/2013|
You're SURE he directed the comment in a careful way? How can you be so sure when OP isn't? OP was in such a daze he wasn't even aware that he had told the kid he was handsome twice.
|by Anonymous||reply 223||03/21/2013|
Did Obama really say "incredibly handsome young men?"
|by Anonymous||reply 224||03/21/2013|
Well, I shouldn't say I'm "sure." But since the father was RIGHT THERE, I would think OP would have been careful and would have tried to adopt a straightforward, complimentary tone rather than a leering, seductive tone. I could be wrong...
|by Anonymous||reply 225||03/21/2013|
[quote]One point to underline: Since the OP complimented the young man on his looks IN THE PRESENCE OF HIS FATHER, I'm pretty sure OP was careful to do so in a respectful, non-salacious way
Oh please, I've seen guys openly cruise my teenage son on several occasions. They knew I could see it and didn't care. Doesn't bother me. It's not like they're going to kidnap him, so what's the harm. I'm proud of the fact that people (all ages, male and female) seem to think he's attractive. He thinks it's funny the same way he would if an old lady leered at him.
|by Anonymous||reply 226||03/21/2013|
r226, tell us more about your attractive son.
|by Anonymous||reply 227||03/21/2013|
R222 I think it speaks directly to homophobia that you're so quick to assume the OP said it in a lecherous way. The OP didn't think he said it any wrong way & wasn't having salacious thoughts when he said it. That's the best you can do. You can't walk around as a Gay man terrified that every word you say could be misinterpreted. And the bottom line is it's a compliment. Normal people just brush those off.
|by Anonymous||reply 228||03/21/2013|
r226, how big is your teenage son's cock? Cut or uncut? Does he trim or shave his pubes or leave them natural?
|by Anonymous||reply 229||03/21/2013|
LOL @ R227. He's in college now. Several of his friends (girls mostly) call him "Rob" because they think he looks like Rob Pattinson. Eh, I sort of see it, I guess. He's also freakishly tall.....6'5".
|by Anonymous||reply 230||03/21/2013|
Let's face it, we still live in a homophobic society in which any compliment given from a gay man to a young kid is going to be misinterpreted.
I think OP should seriously think about dumping that so-called "friend," though. He obviously likes trying to make the OP feel insecure and question himself. Who the hell needs friends like that?
|by Anonymous||reply 231||03/21/2013|
You did hiss at him did you?
|by Anonymous||reply 236||03/21/2013|
[quote]What man, gay OR straight calls a kid "handsome"? It's just not done.
Um, the POTUS just did to the son of a Head of State, and it went over fine.
|by Anonymous||reply 237||03/21/2013|
What a load of nonsense. People are attracted to other people and something it pops out in ways you don't intend. It's only inappropriate if OP had made a thing of it. It's not a thing just because OP felt something in his gonads.
Young attractive women put up with truly inappropriate behavior from men on a regular basis (ever had your ass grapped?). I can't believe there are people debating the OP's scenario was inappropriate. Move on.
|by Anonymous||reply 238||03/21/2013|
Didn't Obama say it to the father and not in front of the son? And his tone in saying it was a joke.
There's a difference.
|by Anonymous||reply 239||03/21/2013|
What's wrong with "Handsome young man" I say it to my Cat all the time.
|by Anonymous||reply 240||03/21/2013|
r240, that's entirely appropriate.
|by Anonymous||reply 241||03/21/2013|
It all depends on how uncomfortable it makes your cat feel, r240.
|by Anonymous||reply 243||03/21/2013|
This wouldn't even be a topic if a 43 year old woman had said it.
Handsome is a fine word to use as long as it's not used to compliment a woman.
Teenagers dont' have the attention span to worry or care what adults tell them. If you're over 30 you're too old to even bother with.
If you go up to the dad and say you're worried that his teenage son doesn't like you--that's one way to raise red flags.
If you see the teenager again ignore & pretend you don't even remember him.
|by Anonymous||reply 244||03/21/2013|
I would just stare at the kid and lick my lips. That will get them to quit the gym, and then the problem is solved!
|by Anonymous||reply 245||03/21/2013|
Not long ago my aunt's new boyfriend called me "handsome" and then "good looking" in the space of a few hours at a family event. It was really uncomfortable since the relatives that heard it both times thought it was funny, if a bit weird. I assume the man is straight, but he wasn't going around commenting on any other relative's looks.
My dad in particular was giving him the stink-eye.
|by Anonymous||reply 247||03/22/2013|
R246 Wrong in so many ways.
|by Anonymous||reply 248||03/22/2013|
I know a handsome older guy who could get him. He can get anyone. I watched in amazement as he made love to these young straight guys at a gas station simply with his face: they couldnt believe it first, his brazenness (the guy has solid brass balls), then started laughing, then started blushing, then got really into it. He did it all merely sitting in his car mouthing what he'd like to do to them "I want to fuck you so hard" etc, but it was the way he did it -- it was an absolute masterclass in seduction by a dazzlingly charming sociopath. In his label-free world everyone is up for fun with him.
|by Anonymous||reply 249||03/22/2013|
Call this play, The Paranoid Queen and His Beautiful Twink.
|by Anonymous||reply 250||03/22/2013|
I'm too impatient to scan the entire thread, but I assume this is a recent version of the classic DL nephew troll, right?
|by Anonymous||reply 254||03/22/2013|
Al Sharpton and liberals didn't invent sexual harrassment theory Jett. It was invented by conservatives.
|by Anonymous||reply 255||03/22/2013|
Yes r254, complete with the requisite hand-wringing.
|by Anonymous||reply 256||03/22/2013|
No, R254; this isn't a nephew. It's the son of a neighbor, an entirely different thing. Apparently OP saw the need to note how nicely the boy fills out his jeans....
|by Anonymous||reply 257||03/23/2013|
I know an older guy who says "hello young man" and smiles at me every time I see him. I wonder if he wants to do me...
|by Anonymous||reply 258||03/24/2013|
When I was a teen, I would get the creeps when an apparent gay man twice my age made comments about my looks or body. It's just not appropriate, it gives the impression you're being lecherous. You may see it as paying the young man a compliment, but it's rarely taken that way. I wouldn't apologize, it would make your comment look worse than it is. Just play it cool when you see him, just say hi and leave it at that.
|by Anonymous||reply 259||03/24/2013|
In defense of the OP, teenage guys are pretty easily creeped out.
|by Anonymous||reply 260||03/24/2013|
It's just that what is normal to us isn't to them and you meant no harm. I don't agree that if you were straight and the 17 year old were a girl it would have been received the same if you said what a beautiful young woman you are - if anything the dad would have joked and said "hey watch that stuff" or something and laughed. He would understand that it's perfectly normal for a guy to find his daughter attractive and if there were any discomfort, would have addressed it with joking. Not sure you can repair it, but it's not like you're all friends now anyway. If you get a chance to talk to either one I guess you could say that you're sorry if you said something to upset him/them - you meant nothing by it and leave it at that. stop kicking yourself OP, other people will do that enough for you.
|by Anonymous||reply 262||03/24/2013|
I do not blame you OP - after all, how many Dads go to the gym with their sons? It sounds VERY homoerotic. It sounds like a porn film plot. You obviously hit on something deep in their psyche.
|by Anonymous||reply 263||03/24/2013|
Is this a regional thing? Where I'm from, it most definitely would be considered creepy if a middle-aged man "flirtatiously" complimented a teenage girl on her looks once let alone twice. Tone is at least as important as the words used. In OP's case, it's hard to know how this really all went down since we don't know exactly how the OP said it. But since the boy and his father did seem to be at least somewhat uncomfortable around OP afterwards, at least accept the possibility that your friend may be telling you the truth about how you said it.
|by Anonymous||reply 264||03/24/2013|
[quote]how many Dads go to the gym with their sons?
Excellent point! I knew there was something else I was missing that gave this whole story that 70's pron twist, and I can't believe no one had brought it up yet.
In all my years at gyms worldwide, I think the only time I've seen people who could be a father and teen son working out together is when the father is the coach of a team (and usually the whole team is there) or when it's a YMCA situation and the whole family is in the facilities. I've never even seen workout partners at that age bracket and difference, for it would probably be deemed creepy by stupid outsiders like a lot of people on this thread.
Were this a real story, the father and son duo would certainly look foolish freaking out, when in reality to anyone in the gym looking at them, who don't know they are father and son, THEY would be the ones deemed creepy.
|by Anonymous||reply 265||03/24/2013|
This sounds like something George would obsess about in an all-gay version of Seinfeld.
|by Anonymous||reply 266||03/24/2013|
R264, quit lying. Nobody's buying. No scandal here except homophobia. Move on.
|by Anonymous||reply 267||03/24/2013|
OP, have you seen either the father or son changing in the locker room or taking a shower? I'd be curious to know if the father and son shower at the same time.
|by Anonymous||reply 268||03/24/2013|
OP here. First of all, I just want to say that it's not unusual for fathers and sons to work out together. There's another guy, a fireman who works out with his EMT son because they're on the same schedule. And no, the father and son I know don't shower. The father's not much to look at anyway, and despite what you think of me, I'm not attracted to 17 year olds (despite how purty this one may be), so I have no interest in seeing the young man naked.
|by Anonymous||reply 269||03/24/2013|
Well, let's be honest... you were attracted enough to comment to him and then to mention his "jacked body..." Hey, you're not blind!
|by Anonymous||reply 270||03/24/2013|
No, I'm not blind to the fact that he has a jacked body. I'm also not blind to the fact that a Monet painting is beautiful. Doesn't mean I want to fuck it.
|by Anonymous||reply 271||03/24/2013|
That's what you say but we know that your tone conveys otherwise.
|by Anonymous||reply 272||03/24/2013|
[quote]I have no interest in seeing the young man naked.
I'll take "Lies I tell myself" for $1,000, Alex.
|by Anonymous||reply 273||03/24/2013|
R271, are you sexually attracted to men or paintings?
|by Anonymous||reply 274||03/24/2013|
[quote]OP here. First of all, I just want to say that it's not unusual for fathers and sons to work out together. There's another guy, a fireman who works out with his EMT son because they're on the same schedule.
Is the EMT son 17 years old? I doubt it!
How many 17-year olds do you see working out at a public gym, with weight belts too boot? Is the guy a Freshmen College Football player or something?
|by Anonymous||reply 275||03/24/2013|
The gay always gets vilified.
|by Anonymous||reply 276||03/24/2013|
A straight buddy of mine, whom I've known for a long time and have always been attracted to, has a really good-looking son who has grown up to look just like his dad. A few years back I stumbled across several nude pics of his son on Tumblr (his son must have been in his early 20s at the time). These were pics he had taken of himself on his iPhone, completely nude holding his erect cock. I couldn't believe it. They gave me an instant hard-on and I jerked off almost immediately. My buddy knows I'm gay, but I feel strange (and slightly turned on) knowing that I had seen nude pics of his offspring. Since I had always been attracted to my friend I was quite turned on by the fact that his son has a such an impressive cock. Has this ever happened to anyone else?
|by Anonymous||reply 277||03/24/2013|
Please turn yourself in, R277.
|by Anonymous||reply 278||03/24/2013|
r275, if you ever go to a gym, which seems highly doubtful, then you'd see that teens do work out these days and they do use weight belts. Some of them train hard for whatever sport they play and some, believe it or not, work out with their dads. The EMT is in his early 20s, but I just wanted to make the point that dads and sons do work out together. Some of you queens are so jaded by your porn addiction that you sexualize everyone and everything, and it's pretty disgusting.
|by Anonymous||reply 280||03/24/2013|
Yes, it is pretty disgusting... but just slightly less disgusting than a grown man telling a 17 year old how handsome they are... twice.
|by Anonymous||reply 281||03/24/2013|
Just get home from church, r281?
|by Anonymous||reply 282||03/24/2013|
OP, next time you see him, just say:
"Don't worry, I don't bite ... unless you ask nicely!"
|by Anonymous||reply 286||03/24/2013|
That's what you get for staring at the son.
|by Anonymous||reply 287||03/24/2013|
" There's another guy, a fireman who works out with his EMT son because they're on the same schedule. And no, the father and son I know don't shower"
Well don't you frequent a classy gym! How VERY blue collar - meaning the potential for homophobia is that much greater. OP, switch gyms to a different branch - go to one near the Theater District or in Chelsea where you will find fewer blue collar homophobes, that's for sure!
|by Anonymous||reply 288||03/25/2013|
Dude, never compliment a child on their looks. You're lucky his dad didn't slug you.
There's always that creepy uncle your parents tell you to avoid. You're that creepy uncle.
Move past it, don't do it again. Learn from it.
|by Anonymous||reply 291||04/08/2013|
Yeah um that's kind of creepy.
|by Anonymous||reply 292||04/08/2013|