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Things Flyover Queens Say

Oh look mother, that new Reese Witherspoon comedy is playing at the mall. Let's have supper at The Olive Garden and make a night of it?

by Anonymousreply 6503/19/2013

Those east coast and west coast queens are all bitches!

by Anonymousreply 103/15/2013

NYC is a cuntrag!

by Anonymousreply 203/15/2013

I untucked my penis to take a whiz, and it was so cheesy.

by Anonymousreply 303/15/2013

Will we see you at the Friday night fish fry at the cafe?

by Anonymousreply 403/15/2013

Hey guys! Put your keys in the fishbowl!

by Anonymousreply 503/15/2013

I was DeMolay, but I really wanted to be a Rainbow Girl!!!!

by Anonymousreply 603/15/2013

I don't do anal. That's an exit- not an entrance. Although I'm perfectly fine with 69-ing.

by Anonymousreply 703/17/2013

Let's fly to New York for the weekend. We can watch the sad Chelsea queens in their too-tight clothes wander the streets for sex fruitlessly.

by Anonymousreply 903/17/2013

[quote] wander the streets for sex fruitlessly.

Oh, dear

by Anonymousreply 1003/17/2013

One would think that queens in non-flyover locations would have lives too full and busy to mock others. But one would be wrong. Right, op?

by Anonymousreply 1103/17/2013

Ooh, Earrings!

by Anonymousreply 1203/17/2013

These non-flyover queens have little in the way of any real senses of humor or grasp of any for form of it other than sarcasm.

by Anonymousreply 1303/17/2013

Ooh, Caftans!

by Anonymousreply 1403/17/2013

[quote]Let's have supper at The Olive Garden and make a night of it?

Flyover queens want to know if all New Yorkers end imperative statements with question marks.

by Anonymousreply 1503/17/2013

NYC is over. Everyone is fighting back against its hegemony.

by Anonymousreply 1603/17/2013

The title is "Things Flyover Queens Say", not "Things Flyover Queens Say- only east and west coast queens may post here" If Flyover Queens have sense of humor about themselves, they should be posting.

by Anonymousreply 1703/17/2013

"New York kinda scares me. And San Francisco is great but too cold."

by Anonymousreply 1803/17/2013

Where the hell are you now, R18?

New York is NOT the bastion of sophistication it's purported to be.

by Anonymousreply 1903/17/2013

Uh, r19, yes it is. I don't live there and rarely visit anymore, but is a bastion of sophistication. And style. And art.

by Anonymousreply 2003/17/2013

I just blew my paycheck at H&M. They have really high quality clothes, so it's worth the 3 hour drive to Peoria.

by Anonymousreply 2103/17/2013

I don't understand why all the gay men in NY were so unpopular in high school?

by Anonymousreply 2203/17/2013

Oh how I wish we had a Magnolia Bakery in the Pick 'N Save strip mall on rte 35.

by Anonymousreply 2303/17/2013

You pay THAT MUCH for this shitty apartment?!!?!?

by Anonymousreply 2403/17/2013

R24, I think it would be more like, "You pay that much for an apartment? Why bless your heart..."

by Anonymousreply 2503/17/2013

Don't let the bed bugs bite!

by Anonymousreply 2603/17/2013

I'm moved here from Staten Island ...

by Anonymousreply 2803/17/2013

I don't want to travel. Why travel when you've got the Travel Channel, Netflix and the internet? I can see it all on my HDTV!

by Anonymousreply 2903/17/2013

You haven't been to the opera or the museums or the theater or the ballet in the last four years, but you know a lot about TV. So why exactly are you talking about the cultural advantages of living here?

by Anonymousreply 3003/17/2013

Mother gave me her complete set of Gone with the Wind collector's plates. She knew I was the only one who would really appreciate them.

by Anonymousreply 3103/17/2013

Why is the bathtub in the kitchen?

by Anonymousreply 3203/17/2013

I love my yard. The garden tomatoes are wonderful! Next week we're putting in a pool!

by Anonymousreply 3303/17/2013

DL-NYers are obviously the bottom of the barrel in an otherwise fine city.

by Anonymousreply 3403/17/2013

[quote]Why is the bathtub in the kitchen?

Those exist in old NY apartments! I saw it once in an otherwise very decent apartment in the W 70s. This was about 10 years ago.

by Anonymousreply 3603/18/2013

Elitists like OP and the others on this thread are the reason why terrorists aim for NYC.

by Anonymousreply 3703/18/2013

r10, is this a valid 'oh,dear'?

Which is odd because you omitted punctuation.

by Anonymousreply 3803/18/2013

*click* "Fat"

*click* "Fat"

*click* "Hole presentation: bruised and watery with acne haunches"

*click* "Fat - in panties"

by Anonymousreply 3903/18/2013

R38, I am just a Flyover Queen, what would I know?

by Anonymousreply 4003/18/2013

"golly gee! i wish i was 42 and living with two roommates in a walk-up studio apartment and working as a waiter! i mean, it would be so fabulous. i would be in NEW YORK!"

by Anonymousreply 4103/18/2013

Why would anyone pay $3k/mo in rent to live somewhere with shit weather?? NO THANKS.

by Anonymousreply 4203/18/2013

I really don't get the defensiveness of the rest of you. Sorry, we in the flyover states ARE different. Have a sense of humor about yourselves.

Gays who collect Gone with the Wind crap. Gays who collect all things Disney and go once a year. Gays of a certain age who have decorated their 1930s wooden bungalow in Louis XV. Gays and the Masons, Eastern Star, Rainbow Girls. Gays and County Fairs Gays and 4H club Interior decorators that are married with kids, but need lead Dr Scholls to keep them from flitting away. Gays with Christmas sweaters and cord trousers embroidered with snowmen and Christmas trees.

Damn, can't we laugh at ourselves?

by Anonymousreply 4303/18/2013

Way to stereotype, R43. I'm not sure who you're associating with, but I've never met any of the people you just described.

by Anonymousreply 4403/18/2013

R44, and of course your personal experience is everything. I have known all of those people. The do exist.

And the Disney gays, are not few and far between. I have know several gay guys and couple who live for all thing Disney. Their homes are Disney in every room. They go to Disney resorts and on Disney cruises.

The Masons, may be a bit geography specific, but I have found this in both IN and MI.

Gays and Christmas sweaters? You have never experienced this? Ever? Really?

Basically, lighten up. Some stereo types as true. Get over it.

by Anonymousreply 4503/18/2013

Must be an elder thing, R45.

by Anonymousreply 4603/18/2013

Right, OP, because that only happens in flyover states.

by Anonymousreply 4703/18/2013

[quote]The Masons, may be a bit geography specific, but I have found this in both IN and MI.

Isn't that a little like the Dorothy Parker quotation: "She ran the gamut of emotions from A to B"?

Too many on this thread (including "Evansville, IN") are confusing geography with class. "Flyover" is simply the wrong category for these distinctions. That's why we get R44's confusion vs. R45's vehement conviction, when both are presumably representing a "flyover" point of view.

by Anonymousreply 4803/18/2013

r43, there's a difference between "laughing at yourself" and "playing up to DL-NYers' irksome, queeny, self-congratulatory stereotypes."

by Anonymousreply 4903/18/2013

Things Flyover Queens Say:

"Damn, I'm so thankful that I don't live in New York or L.A. - I can breathe fresh air, walk around without bumping into rude people every third step, and I don't have to deal with superficial, self-serving cunts every minute of the fucking day."

by Anonymousreply 5003/19/2013

Those Steubenville boys are so cute! I would've found them not guilty! That girl was a slut anyway.

by Anonymousreply 5103/19/2013

LA Disney queen checking in--an hour from Disneyland (if traffic's ok). Season passholder too. Suck it snooty bitches!

by Anonymousreply 5203/19/2013

R52= a very proud Minnie Mouse.

by Anonymousreply 5303/19/2013

I play the organ at church every other Sunday. The little old ladies are always asking me when I'm going to settle down. I just smile. They don't have a clue. Besides, I wouldn't want to embarrass mother.

by Anonymousreply 5403/19/2013

R52, I hate to burst yourrbubble, but you do know that Disneyland is infested with huge roaches, don't you?

The Pirates of the Caribbean especially. Roaches are now frequently seen walking on the top of the seats in front of guests. Often hitching a ride on people's hair. the warm, moist, dark environment has made POTC giant-roach central.

Disneyland fumigates as much as possible and sometimes you will smell the pesticide if you ride in the morning.

The It's a Small world is the other giant-roach infested ride that has left guests stunned by the boldness of said roaches. These roaches are actually waiting for you on the seat! They will also crawl up your pant leg in a desperate attempt to get away from the repetitive singing.

I hope you enjoy your stay at Disneyland, the World's Happiest Place!

by Anonymousreply 5503/19/2013

Disney is disgusting. The last thing on earth I want to do is be around ten thousand screaming, germ-spreading, unruly children. Fuck to the no.

by Anonymousreply 5603/19/2013

R50 you forgot the advantage of being able to travel instead of spending that money on an expensive apartment.

by Anonymousreply 5703/19/2013

R56, Most families cannot afford to take their children there. It very expensive, and they don't allow guests to bring in any food.

What you see are mostly adults and teenagers. Recently, the guests have become overwhelmingly obese and Latino. No one is allowed to run around let alone act unruly. Many of the rides are temporarily inoperable due to the obesity of the guests.

The Disneyland Hotel is so infested with giant roaches--I'm talking nuclear here--that guests are seeking reservations in nearby cities.

If one is squeamich about bugs I suggest one stay on rides that are outdoors only and cannot accomodate bugs.

I say this because if you jump up in fright you may be DECAPITATED.

by Anonymousreply 5803/19/2013

The shows at the Sheboygan Community Dinner Theatre are Broadway quality! And not nearly as expensive!

by Anonymousreply 5903/19/2013

I love your new Dockers. Is that a new color?

by Anonymousreply 6003/19/2013

It gets battered.

by Anonymousreply 6103/19/2013

R43 sounds like a more level-headed guy than most of the men I meet in NYC.

by Anonymousreply 6203/19/2013

I have a 5 acre "compound" with a spectacular view of the Atlanta skyline. In the summer I grow tomatoes, corn, yellow squash, lettuce, carrots and scallions, among other things. I have an herb garden in big pots. I have a little barn and a chicken coop. Twenty chickens. I barter the excess eggs to my neighbor's restaurant.

Last summer, the zoning review board finally OK'd me building a garage. It will be big enough to house my cars, and space for a car repair shop. It will eventually pay for itself.

I know none of you NYC people have what I have, or even want what I have. I know I sure don't want what YOU have.

The other day, I turned over the soil in the garden for the first time this year. The dirt is black. My flyover friends will confirm how good turned over dirt smells.

by Anonymousreply 6303/19/2013

California is awful and SF is a complete shithole where the wall to wall homeless fling their feces at those poor unsuspecting tourist victims. "Louisville" is so much more exciting.

by Anonymousreply 6403/19/2013

[quote] "Louisville" is so much more exciting.

Only if you are brain dead. But, hey, it feels good to laugh again.

by Anonymousreply 6503/19/2013
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