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My 8 yr old son has jazz hands

He loves to play with barbies, baby dolls and all things related to girls. He has received "boy toys" for his bday and Xmas but he just tosses them aside. Last week he wore a pink hat with a big bow on it to school for crazy hat day and even though he took a razzing by the other boys at school, he loved wearing that hat. His favorite colors are pink and purple so of course he wanted to wear a pink hat to school.

He also likes to sing...at the top of his lungs..in whomever car he's in. His favorite singers are Dolly and Anne Murray. I'm thinking of buying him a karaoke machine for his bday.

I take a lot of heat from non-family members for allowing him to play with girl toys but I don't care. I love him the way he is and it's not like he will be playing with Barbies when he 16.

What say you datalounge? Should I start encouraging him to be more boyish or just leave him alone?

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 6603/21/2013

Celebrate the lad. He sounds fabulous!

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 103/14/2013

What R1 said.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 203/14/2013

MARY!

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 303/14/2013

Why do you care he wants to play with? Just be happy you have a healthy child.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 403/14/2013

What r1 and r2 said.

Just curious OP, if you had a daughter who enjoyed playing with action figures or cars and trucks, would you encourage her to be more "girlish"?

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 503/14/2013

At 50 I still feel the pain from memories of my dad telling me to man up and quit being such a little girl. Hope you can continue to make him feel good about who he is.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 603/14/2013

I don't care r4...but I'm getting a lot of heat from other people about it. He can play with whatever toys he wants. I've even bought him barbies.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 703/14/2013

No r5 I would not. I do have a daughter who is very girly. I was a Tom boy as a kid but I also loved dolls and barbies too.

I believe in "live and let live". I just wish others would too.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 803/14/2013

It sounds like you're doing the right thing, OP.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 903/14/2013

[quote] it's not like he will be playing with Barbies when he 16

Hopefully by that point he will have spent at least 4 years playing with with lots of Zachs, Nathans, Skylars, Justins, AJs, etc.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 1003/14/2013

You sound like a wonderful parent, keep doing exactly what you're doing, he'll turn out great.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 1103/14/2013

My son did that at that age, also...I used to wonder about it but I think they are just expressing themselves and the jazz hands are to accentuate what they are saying.

He's 15 now and hasn't done jazz hands in years. Anyway, your son sounds like a sweet little boy.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 1203/14/2013

At 52, I know of kids who went every which way without a hitch, because a lot of that stuff stays in childhood like you said.

Boys who played with dolls and ended up not just straight, but in the military straight. Girls who played with technology, dirt, or sports and are married housewives. Men who played with silk and are gay. Men who played football and boxing and are gay. Women who played with paint and frills and are very gay, etc etc.

It's stupid to be slapping their hands to encourage certain gender roles at such an early age. Let him have fun and fuck your nosy non-friends!

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 1303/14/2013

Watch Ma Vie en rose OP! (NOT the Edith Piaf movie...)

It's a nice movie and your kid should be happy just the way he is. Gender identity and sexuality are different things, and besides I'm sure you're happy to be a lez, so... why shouldn't he be happy to?

In the great words of Annie in Imitation of Life (also recommended viewing - well perhaps ma Vie en rose will suffice): it's a sin to be ashamed of who you are

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 1403/14/2013

OP, as a self-described lez, you, of all people, should know that your son's sexual orientation is probably pretty set by now and nothing you could do would be anything but enforcing the gender police on him. God love you, I know you want to keep him from being bullied and from feeling pain, but, I agree with other posters, the best thing you can do is let him know he is loved exactly as he is, and to raise him to be as fierce and proud about who he is as is possible. Middle and high school seem to be awful for most people who go through them, no matter what the sexual orientation, though LGBT kids have it worse usually, depending on where they are, but I am a college teacher and I was struck, in my freshman class this year, how many 18 year olds either come to college having been out in high school (one wonderful guy came out in 8th grade), or having had an openly gay relative accepted and integrated into their families, or just not seeing it as a big deal. One of my female students basically described her mother as the "fag hag of Cobbleskill, NY" (a small rural town an hour from Albany).

Maybe at fifteen he'll be designing Barbies and will be able to support his mom(s)!

Just get a gay male friend to teach him how to throw shade--the lunchroom bullies will never know what hit them!

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 1503/14/2013

What exactly is wrong with him playing with Barbies at 16?

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 1603/14/2013

Just so that he can fit in with other boys, he does need to have some boy toys he likes.... but don't discourage him from playing with girl toys. But I guess my feeling is what is healthy is if children pick toys that interest them because it is interesting to them, not because it is a boy's toy or a girl's toy. I do have a little concern about a child who can be seen consciously rejecting toys because they are toys for the sex they themselves are.... .

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 1703/14/2013

My nephew wanted a doll house for his birthday. You bet I bought him the biggest one I could find. Doorbell worked, lights worked, and my sister bought him the barbies that went with it. It was awesome. He was 8 at the time. Now he's 13. Seems straight, rides motorcycles, does the usual boyish things. He's also very accepting of gay people, because my sister told him at an early age that his auntie was gay. No probs whatsoever.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 1803/14/2013

Play some liza for him and see if he starts singing

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 2003/14/2013

R17 is confused and I wouldn't listen to him. A kid chooses the toys he likes end of story.

He won't be friendlier with the other boys if he has "boy" toys he's unhappy about.

There's just no point to that.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 2103/14/2013

r17 isn't confused at all. He's correct, especially with the last sentence. If the kid is consciously rejecting something because he sees it as an expectation, he's not doing it because he WANTS to, he's doing it as a reaction to the perception of others.

To truly be yourself, you can't get stuck making choices based on whether they align with or against others.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 2203/14/2013

What's the "jazz" reference about? You mean like playing the piano?

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 2303/14/2013

OP never ever live YOUR life by what others think. You are in control of you. Never give someone that kind of control.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 2403/14/2013

So reacting against something isn't allowed because that's not being "yourself".

Kid likes what he likes.

We are projecting way too much on what his behaviour may or may not mean. Just let him live.

Unless, of course, he's not living the way he should, like R22 said.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 2503/14/2013

Good for you OP, for wondering and being concerned; that seems like the mark of a smart parent.

As you well know from your own growing up, it can be hard to stand athwart societal orthodoxies and their strong expression in family members' views, but he is yours.

I would have loved a karaoke machine when I was 8! And it's neither boyish or girlish. It's humanish.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 2603/14/2013

Your son is NOT a fag... and I'm the dame who can prove it!

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 2703/14/2013

Sounds like my nephew, Justin. He was more interested in clothes than I was, and I worked at a fashion magazine.

He turned out fine. Don't worry.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 2803/14/2013

r25, I don't think you're getting it. The point in r22 is that he should be able to be himself. And if he's making choices based on what others expect (or just reacting against it), they're not his choices.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 2903/14/2013

[quote]He turned out fine.

He sure did hunni x

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 3003/14/2013

"I'm not gay, I'm nothing yet!"

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 3103/14/2013

I wish we could get to a point where all hobbies and interests are considered "humanish."

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 3203/14/2013

R14 has good advise with the move recommendation.

Let him be.

Support him and love him just the way he is. I'm sure it's tough sometimes, but you being a lesbian mom should embrace the difference and relate. In all likelihood he will leave the dolls and jazz hands behind.

If not, then lead him to the Datalounge!

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 3303/14/2013

Get him a set of clip-on earrings. I used to wear my mothers only because it was so much fun to have to take one off to answer the phone. Like they used to do on old T.V. shows. I thought it was so glamorous to do that!

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 3403/14/2013

Why is any of this controversial or open to questioning, here on the DL? Even if it's a troll thread (which it doesn't sound like)?

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 3503/14/2013

Whatever you do, don't give him pencils.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 3603/14/2013

OP, is this your son?

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 3703/14/2013

OP: Leave a set of press on nails in his bedroom where he can find them. If they disappear, you have a problem.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 3903/14/2013

R38. ...and the inevitable anti-lesbian post. Thanks for not disappointing us, asshole!

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 4003/14/2013

[quote]i GUARANTEE that this dyke mom is deliberately making a gay son. Butch dykes hate men, they want to feminize men

Is that what happened to you, hon? I'd suggest you run along and work that out with your mom, instead of taking out your bitterness on DL.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 4103/14/2013

A mother doesn't need to tell her son to butch up, because there are so many other people who will give him that message. Other boys on the playground, all the relatives who are giving you "heat", teachers, etc. He WILL be told to butch up, whether momma likes it or not.

Your choice, OP, is to decide whether to reinforce that message, or to be the person who tells him it's okay to be exactly who he is.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 4203/14/2013

For one thing r38, I'm not butch in the least. I'm very feminine and only like feminine woman. I am not anti men either.

I think one of the reasons my son prefers to be around girls and play with girls toys is because he is small for his age. He isn't athletic at all and is going thru the uncoordinated stage of his life.

He likes Legos but prefers the girl sets to the boy ones. I don't see what the big deal is. Why can't he play with what interests him?

BTW his ears perk up when he hears Liza and is a big Judy fan as well.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 4303/14/2013

[quote]play a sport like soccer

There are good social and team things about playing soccer, but it is in no way a boy sport or a girl sport. It's just a fun sport.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 4503/14/2013

I understand your concern r44, but what she needs to do is tell him 2 very true but non-contradictory things: 1) that she loves him for who he really is and that won't change. and 2) that the rest of the world who doesn't know him may not feel that way and that he may find it useful to adapt in various ways to make his life smoother. It's kind of like learning a new accent or language, it doesn't take away what you already have it just adds to what you are.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 4603/14/2013

Forget soccer. Diving or gymnastics.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 4803/14/2013

r17 is misguided. I tried to "fit in" by choosing some appealing "go along" things, toys and hobbies, and I was miserable until I said, "Oh, screw it!"

In all seriousness, get him into a beginner tap class! He will LOVE IT, and it will give him discipline, a skill he can enjoy his whole life, and help him exercise and blow off steam. Plus, he will constantly be challenged. On the down side, all he will want to talk about is why Tommy Tune got to play Lisa Kirk's role in "Mack and Mabel" on the road, and ask you if you think his own at-home version of "Tap Your Troubles Away" is better than both of theirs!

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 4903/15/2013

This has got to be a troll post. A lesbian concerned about having a gay kid? Worried about what other people think of her for letting her child be non-conforming (as if she's never experienced that before...being a lesbian and all). Really??

The Liza and Judy bit gave it away...love for those two is by no means innate in gay men. Liza and Judy are obvious elderg*y fascinations. I'm in my 30's, and with the exception of The Wizard of Oz, I can't tell you a single thing either of those people have done. Don't care, either. And I don't know anyone my age who's into them either.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 5003/15/2013

Holly Robinson-Peete said this morning on Access Hollywood Live that her son was born with jazz hands and a headshot and resume.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 5103/15/2013

What does "jazz" have to do with this?

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 5203/15/2013

Get out, r52. Just get out.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 5303/15/2013

Is answering the question that hard r53? I know what jazz is, but how does it relate to what OP is talking about?

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 5403/15/2013

r52:

Jazz hands frequently accompany certain styles of jazz dance, particularly those dating back to the 50's/60's/70's.

Used frequently by the likes of Bob Fosse, Michael Kidd, Michael Bennett and others, on gay icons like Liza Minelli, Cyd Charisse, Joey Heatherton, Ann Margrett and others, the technique consists of holding your hands firm and flat in the air with fingers spread open in an indication of strength or "hotness."

The move is frequently accompanied by fancy footwork and the quintessential white gloves/top hat/derby.

If a little kid is already striking Liza/Fosse poses ... you finish that thought.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 5503/15/2013

A jazz hand bouquet

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 5603/15/2013

I was one of those boys who played with barbies and purses. My Mom was the coolest and didn't try to force things on me.

You're doing the right thing by letting your son follow his interests. I also agree that tap dance classes would be a good idea. (He might even like some judo/karate/tae class - they're as much performance as exercise.)I was in gymnastics and it was a good way for me to socialize with other boys outside of school.

Speaking of school, I think you should sit your son done and explain that some people aren't as accepting about boys with barbies as you are. Teach him to be okay with himself. It will serve him well for his whole life.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 5703/15/2013

Thank you r55, that's a good explanation.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 5803/15/2013

My mother didn't care about my fascination women's hair when I was four or 5. She didn't panic until I asked her draw a vagina on my butt. She read way too much into that request. I was going as a naked boy on one side and a naked girl on the other side, for halloween, but she thought I was interested in using my butt as a vagina. I didn't know about such things, I was only 11. She compromised and allowed me to be naked from the waist up and drew tits on my back.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 5903/15/2013

Jazz hands:

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 6003/15/2013

Buy him a sewing machine.

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 6103/15/2013

Jazz hands!

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 6203/15/2013

Girly men are annoying

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 6303/15/2013

WTF, R59?!?!?!?!??!?!?

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 6403/15/2013

J'adore R62!

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 6503/15/2013

Get him this magnet:

by Lez who's raising a girly-boyreply 6603/21/2013
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