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Men: looks is everything for them in love

Has anyone ever noticed that? Anything else doesn't matter, the mate (woman or man) would have to be good-looking. It doesn't matter if they are rich or poor just so long as their mate is a looker.

by Anonymousreply 4603/15/2013

How are you supposed to get it up for someone you're not attracted to?

by Anonymousreply 103/14/2013

Looks are everything for men in attraction. Love only starts with attraction.

by Anonymousreply 203/14/2013

The penis does the picking!

by Anonymousreply 303/14/2013

There are exceptions.

by Anonymousreply 403/14/2013

I'll bet you give him a boner, R4.

by Anonymousreply 503/14/2013

And yet so many gay men wonder why they end up alone when all they care about is trying to chase after the hottest guy they can get.

Yes you have to be attracted to the person you have sex with, but looks aren't the most important thing.

by Anonymousreply 603/14/2013

I agree with you up to a point. Certainly the first way we experience people is through the senses, and, for many, primarily the visual.

But a great many very attractive - at first glance - people can be huge turn offs on second glance and especially when one gets to know them. And by that I mean within 30 seconds when one realizes that even fucking this person with someone else's dick would be an ordeal. Other beautiful people can be extremely annoying and impossible to consider as partners, even if you would fuck them with your own dick in a heartbeat.

The flip side is that a great many people who are not necessarily our idea of hot - or what we think is our idea of hot - can be both fascinating and sexy as well as highly appealing as lovers and or spouses.

As the Marquise de Merteuil said, happiness and vanity are incompatible.

by Anonymousreply 703/14/2013

Most men will get it on with anything. I know there is a conceit now of twenty-somethings that they will only trade up, but that is brand new. Before about ten years ago any gay men would do anyone who would let them, regardless of how they looked. Straight men, it must be said, are the same. They would sleep with any woman at all, even one they ridiculed for her appearance, if she'd let them. And that makes sense because the range of human beauty is not so large that the penis can actually distinguish that much. Good enough is 90% of the people who aren't visibly sick.

So when you change the coversation to love, then you introduce the next level where men would rather only be seen with people who are attractive. That's an additional wrinkle, and it accounts for most male relationships, but I don't think you've actually crossed the "love" bar yet. And, as is often pointed out on DL, closet cases will take ugly women for partners just to get that hetero social status, which muddies the result a bit. And straight guys will take ugly women if they are rich; or if their parents are rich, which also muddies the pool.

But to get beyond partnership to actual love, I don't think looks has much role to play. Anybody will seem beautiful or ugly, depending on your mood. Anybody will seem entrancing or boring, depending on the situation. When you get to actual love, what really matters is 1) what the person thinks love is; and 2) whether the beloved satisfies the deep values inculcated in childhood, which are pre-sexual.

by Anonymousreply 803/14/2013

Tons of military men with Heifers for wives, not in the least attractive and some of the guys are hot. Explain that one OP.

by Anonymousreply 903/14/2013

[quote]Before about ten years ago any gay men would do anyone who would let them, regardless of how they looked.

Is there anyone who actually believes this?

by Anonymousreply 1103/14/2013

No wonder you're alone, r3.

by Anonymousreply 1203/14/2013

That's what ugly people say when they can't get a date/

by Anonymousreply 1303/14/2013

As gay man I have always been somewhat in awe of handsome or cute men. As I age I realize that these people are just as capable of being f**ked up as anybody else. I was cute when young and had sex with a lot of attractive guys. It got me exactly nowhere until I started focusing more on the personality. I do admit that a guy still has to be pretty attractive for me to want to have sex with him. Looks still have a power over me, and it can be a struggle, but it's worth the effort to get past them if you can.

by Anonymousreply 1403/14/2013

OP, that's a WISH for most men -- not a reality.

In fact, you will hear the most repulsive fat assed slobs talk about what they want like they can get it. It's a fantasy for 97% of them.

by Anonymousreply 1503/14/2013

[quote]How do you explain all the very unattractive women who are married and/or in a relationship?

There is a lot of societal pressure for straight men (especially military men) to get married.

Doesn't mean they are going to be faithful if some more attractive girl was an option.

Gay men have much less pressure to settle down prematurely.

by Anonymousreply 1603/14/2013

Most people are ugly. That's how you explain very unattractive men & women who are married and/or in a relationship, ditz.

by Anonymousreply 1703/14/2013

No, OP, no one has noticed that men's arousal is largely driven by visuals. This is why pornography is so unpopular that it's almost on the brink of extinction. There are only about three nude photos left on the Internet. No one thought men would ever want to look at photos of attractive sexual partners.

Until now. You're quite the trailblazer.

by Anonymousreply 2003/14/2013

I wish the OP was wrong, but he is right...at least 80% of the time. It's different among straights, I've seen the hottest guy (or girl) in love with a very average partner. Many gays seem to marry someone that looks like their twin.

by Anonymousreply 2203/14/2013

[quote]Tons of military men with Heifers for wives, not in the least attractive and some of the guys are hot. Explain that one OP.

This is true, because I work at a Hotel and see many good looking military guys with below average wives. I suspect these guys are looking for a partner to have a family with, and don't want to deal with the jealousies of having a beautiful spouse. They know their partner would never go out on them.

by Anonymousreply 2403/14/2013

Handsome gays tend to be jealous of other hot gays...too much competition. That's why you see a lot of single gay men who are devastating good looking with no gay partner.

by Anonymousreply 2503/14/2013

Men look for a big, healthy, hard-working heifer to bear his young. Then they cheat with sexy sluts on the side.

by Anonymousreply 2703/14/2013

Not for me!!!

by Anonymousreply 2803/14/2013

[quote]In fact, you will hear the most repulsive fat assed slobs talk about what they want like they can get it. It's a fantasy for 97% of them.

You're talking about yourself, we take it.

by Anonymousreply 2903/14/2013

I do believe that on average male-male couples have the highest ratio of HOT:HOT than MF or FF couples, so there is something to this "looks is everything" thing.

However, being attracted to a physically appealing partner doesn't make it impossible to find love with that person, too.

by Anonymousreply 3003/14/2013

I think it really varies....I'm no great bargain in the looks department myself, so I've always tended to be attracted to (or to feel I had a chance with) men in my own (self-determined) attractiveness bracket (and often men older than myself)--also, as a college teacher, I've never found the appeal of youth (for a partner) compelling--I experience 20-somethings at their most whiny (and, to be fair, as they are still developing intellectually--and it can be pretty wonderful to see their growth--no pun intended--but not particularly erotic--lucky for me). So, brains, wit, personality, and character are always what make me interested in pursuing someone. Probably a combination of my hard wiring, experiences when I was younger, and a certain degree of self-protection. What I never understand are older men who are only attracted to those much younger than themselves (just in practical terms, talk about narrowing your field) or men of any age who, as they move into middle age, don't get beyond the superficiality of looks. I mean, yeah, I understand how visual stimuli play a role in initial attractions (especially from a Darwinian perspective), but I would think compatibility would just simply become a higher priority as one matures. Not for the NSA hookup, I guess, but for anything beyond that.

And I agree, I suspect that's why there may more older lonely and/or single gay men than lesbians. I hardly want to become the attraction police--people should feel free to go whichever way they want--but I have been grateful to have had two life partners, one with severe physical-motor disabilities that would have made many men ignore him (he was brilliant, but turned out to be a prick--which helped disabuse me at a young age of stereotyping people with disabilities as saintly) and my current partner (almost 18 years), 19 years older than I and he looks like your Uncle Morrie from a Sendak illustration. Couldn't love him more if he looked like (fill in the blank) and my heart still melts when I see him at the end of the day.

by Anonymousreply 3103/14/2013

That's cute, R31.

Also, R21 made me laugh.

by Anonymousreply 3203/14/2013

Looks aren't the only thing that matter to the average man, looks are just a starting point.

It's like an algoritm: Is s/he hot? If yes, hit on. If no, forget they exist. And the next level of the algorithm is something like: Is there some dealbreaker immediately obvious, like psychosis or children? If yes, proceed with seduction. If no, look for another hottie. Etc.

Looks only start things, they don't sustain a relationship. But it's very hard to start things with a man, unless he's attracted to how you look.

by Anonymousreply 3303/14/2013

It's a cliche for straight men to "fall in love" with women based strictly on their looks, without giving any thought to the woman's character. Then he's shocked when it turns out she doesn't have the personality he wants.

I understand wanting to be attracted to your partner, but at least be mature about your choices. If you value the wrong things in a partner and things don't go the way you want, you have no one but yourself to blame.

by Anonymousreply 3403/14/2013

Can this whole 'men are visually stimulated women are not' myth just die a slow painful death already? I'd rather have my clit gnawed off by a rabid woodchuck than fuck a guy I'm not attracted to. I don't care how much money he has....

by Anonymousreply 3503/14/2013

R35 is very young.

by Anonymousreply 3603/14/2013

Money seems most important to certain Canadians.

by Anonymousreply 3703/14/2013

I know where R35 is coming from. I've never even considered a rich man I'm not attracted to, and that includes the days of my youth when I was inundated by older men, often friends/acquaintances/business associates of my mom's wealthy parents. In fact, they seem to have given me an aversion to rich men.

Much better a beautiful poor man. I don't care about money, as long as I have the basics and a clear conscience.

by Anonymousreply 3803/14/2013

In the world I live in people tend to pair off with people who fall on a similar level on the looks scale. I keep hearing about ugly old men who have gorgeous young things crawling all over them, and that may well happen in the upper echelons where money and power are everything, but I don't really see it among the lower and middle income crowd.

by Anonymousreply 3903/14/2013

No OP. It's fun to look at good looking guys but that is not essential when picking a mate.

by Anonymousreply 4003/14/2013

I also agree with r35. I make my own money and don't need a man's "power" or "status." In the modern age, women can be self-sufficient and free to focus on men's looks and personality rather than what's in their wallet.

by Anonymousreply 4103/15/2013

Canadians are goldiggers? I never knew that.

by Anonymousreply 4203/15/2013

We would pleasantly beg to disagree.

by Anonymousreply 4303/15/2013

Isn't it more common to fall in love with some and then see the good looks that wasn't so obvious at first sight like how they have beautiful eyes or a great crooked smile? Love makes you see your partner as better looking.

Also it's how you hook up. If you're meeting from online or elsewhere you'll probably naturally pick the person with the best combo of good looks & personality. But sometimes you fall in love with a friend or someone you got to know slowly. In those cases you're not basing love on just looks.

by Anonymousreply 4403/15/2013

R19, R21, R23, R26 (same poster) is a fucking nut job.

by Anonymousreply 4503/15/2013

Westboro Baptist Church Founder Fred Phelps May Be Gay, Suggests Former Member Lauren Drain

by Anonymousreply 4603/15/2013
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