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Trash Familyn Robinson/Visiting the Ex's Family

Anyone here have white-trash in-laws? Do they ever want you to stay with them when your BF/GF/Friend/Ex brings you to visit them?

This is what happened to me.

My Ex's (we've known each other 20 years) family are all unsavory, "limited" types who exist in an apparent parallel universe to my own (and my ex). They're in a working class area near West Palm Beach and expect us to stay with them when we visit. We have other friends in Boca, but are required to stay with his folks.

This last trip his sister wanted us to stay with her too. She's a lesbian who lives with her GF and her GF's mother in a shack straight out of Tobacco Road -- with plywood for missing windows and an old Monte Carlo sunk up to its hubcaps in the front yard. All three drink continuously and when we visited them the last time, I felt really uncomfortable. Their place was filthy, with a wall of empty beer cans behind me, an ancient air conditioner rattling away trying to keep the temp under 90, and nonstop nonsensical drunktalk. The place was filled with cigarette smoke and smelled like and a wet dog. mAfter 10 minutes I wanted out.

Anyway, I told him no way would I stay there.

The sister complained to the mother that I thought I was "too good for them.") The mother told her husband (their stepfather, who is 6'8" and one of the nastiest bigots I've met) and that's how the trip started out.

The bigoted stepfather proceeded to make life miserable for us. He refused to turn on the a/c saying it was "iffy" and I tried to fall asleep on a futon in the living room with a collection of hundreds of dolls behind glass, mixed in with commemorative Elvis plates. I'm no snob, but his folks are almost unbearably bigoted. I have never felt comfortable with them. And the unblinking eyes of all those dolls were driving me nuts. The house, of course, was locked up at night, all the windows closed, and a fan in the living room.

After a day of this, the mother informed me that I was on her husband's "shit list." (Probably because I put the kibosh on staying at the sister's.) Then I realized they expected me to ride in their windowless van with no a/c to a family reunion, about 200 miles away, I got up in the middle of the night, called JetBlue, and changed my reservation.

The stepfather came in, wanted to know if I was making long distance calls on his dime, and when he found out I was talking to the airline on an 800 number and was flying out the next morning, he flipped on the a/c and went back to bed. (They went to bed at 7 pm and got up at 5 am.)

I'm very close to my ex, and he has defended me to his family but his sister, his stepfather, and his Mom all hate me now because I wouldn't stay in the sister's disgusting shack or travel in a windowless van with no a/c. My ex stayed and I went home.

I don't feel guilty and I was really hoping I'd never see them again, but I feel badly about the Ex. We're still real close, together a lot. He's accepted his family the way they are, and wishes I would too.

He's a sweetheart who is the least bigoted person I know. But he won't stand up to them.

They are coming up to NYC in the Spring. They will stay with him. He wants me to hang out with them and go to dinner, etc.

Would you go to dinner with them?

by Anonymousreply 703/10/2013

He's your EX, op. If the EX-in-laws are so bigoted, why do they want you to stay with them?

by Anonymousreply 103/09/2013

He's your EX! It's great that you want to stay friends, but that's all you are. You have no official connection to that family, and have no reason to impose on them. And believe me you are an imposition, they don't like you any more than you like them.

If you wish to travel with your ex, go elsewhere. His visits to his family should be made without you, as the your presence is neither required nor welcome.

by Anonymousreply 203/09/2013

Your Ex knows that it's useless to argue with his family; they'll never change. I would not have stayed with them at all. I would have brought them a present suited for their tastes, and then thanked them profusely for their very kind offer of hospitality. Then I would have created a "white lie" that I had developed severe allergies and that the doctor had dictated where I could sleep as a result. Sometimes it's best not to create waves.

by Anonymousreply 303/09/2013

Omg, this reminds me of visiting my partner's family. They're not so blue collar I guess, but the constant Jesus talk is gross. And all those creepy little figurines!

by Anonymousreply 403/10/2013

OP, you are describing 75% of Floridians. This state is far more white-trashy than I ever imagined prior to moving here. I've lived in the south most of my life, but I have never seen the Confederate flag displayed with pride until I hit central FL.

Everyone smokes and drinks beer, and "dressing for dinner" out means trading your flip flops for tennis shoes.

A hotel is the way to go.

by Anonymousreply 503/10/2013

you are a misguided person lost in your own illusion. you think you are doing someone a favor by staying with them? do everyone a favor and don't show up at all. others judge you unfairly because you're gay and yet you turn around and do the same. i wouldn't even want you as a friend. no wonder you're an EX. poor thing.

by Anonymousreply 603/10/2013

I'll risk being repetitive-

Why are you still on boyfriend duty? Let your ex find a new guy who will have to put up with the white trash in-laws.

by Anonymousreply 703/10/2013
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