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My therapist keeps telling me to be positive.

He is like 65 year old cheerleader. Go out... get a job...get a boyfriend...I just nod like I'm being inspired then I go home and feel like jumping out the window.

Pills might be better!

by Anonymousreply 5903/09/2013

Does he give suggestions on how to do this?

by Anonymousreply 103/06/2013

You should choose a therapist with whom you have a rapport.

Give suggestions? There's a difference between a therapist and a life coach. Maybe you should figure out what you want, why you're there, what you want to work on. You should be generating the material in your sessions. Why do you wait to get home and tell DL that you want to jump out the window? Why aren't you speaking to this in your sessions?

Sounds like you have a "therapist" who is uncomfortable working with your issues - hence the attempts to rapidly change your behaviour. But change is only possible through developing an awareness of your current behaviour. You can't just swiftly move on without any investigation. Where did you find this therapist? Are they licensed?

by Anonymousreply 203/06/2013

Simple, OP. Switch to another therapist. It took me three tries to find a match. He sounds like an idiot.

by Anonymousreply 303/06/2013

My therapist is empathic, supportive, validating, and encourages me to be the best that I can be.

Plus he's great in the sack.

by Anonymousreply 403/06/2013

[quote] Simple, OP. Switch to another therapist. It took me three tries to find a match

Yeah, this. I agree.

No therapist is a miracle worker, though. You have to be willing to work through the issues that you have.

by Anonymousreply 503/06/2013

We learned in college philosophy class that an individual's happiness is more or less set. A person tends to hover around the same level of happiness throughout their entire life, regardless of what happens to them--good or bad. This was bad news for me, as I've never been a very happy person. And so far it's turned out to be quite true...over a decade since I took that class and I'm still pretty unhappy.

by Anonymousreply 603/06/2013

He's sick of your whining.

by Anonymousreply 703/06/2013

"Pills might be better."

Ha, ha, ha! I'll say.

by Anonymousreply 803/06/2013

Not true, R6. Sometimes depression is situational. People in terrible circumstances can be very unhappy. When they remove themselves from those situations, they can become very happy. Some examples:

1. leaving an abusive relationship

2. losing a significant amount of weight

3. quitting a soul sucking job

4. getting out of prison

5. coming home from war

6. moving away from a backwater, fundie town

7. emancipation from a dysfunctional family

8. recovering from major illness

by Anonymousreply 903/06/2013

Some counselors feel that that's their role, to inspire and motivate patients. You really need to learn WHY you're so unhappy, and what you can do to change your situation. Is it temporary sadness, from frustration with something that's happened? Or is it a longer term depression?

R6, Many are unhappy because they come from very negative, fearful families. They learn to be happier when they encounter those who have better coping skills and a completely different outlook on life. Others are great actors.

by Anonymousreply 1003/06/2013

I called 10 therapists one time when I was trying to find one. Only 1 called me back so he became my therapist.

Years later, I called 20, and about 6 called me back.

I gave them each 3 to 4 shots and went with the best one.

A friend who worked in reality TV said to me: "Who's your choice? America wants to know!"

by Anonymousreply 1103/06/2013

time for surprise anal!

by Anonymousreply 1203/06/2013

Tell him you'd smile if you could afford any teeth.

by Anonymousreply 1303/06/2013

Get the meds, OP. The philosophy major is wrong.

by Anonymousreply 1403/06/2013

There is something to being positive, even when you have no reason to be. I followed the advice in this lecture posted on a thread on DL (even though I thought it was silly) and it actually worked for me! Your mileage may vary.

by Anonymousreply 1503/06/2013

Your therapist is right, OP!

by Anonymousreply 1603/06/2013

Telling someone who is suffering from clinical depression to "cheer up" and think positive is an insult. It's like advising someone with a gaping wound to go get a Bandaid.

Equally cliche and ridiculous is the advice to work out. Depressed people barely have enough energy or motivation to get off the couch much less exercise.

Depression is not "the blues" that normal people get every so often. It is a deep feeling of emptiness and hopelessness.

by Anonymousreply 1703/06/2013

R17, I agree. OP needs to ask himself if he is temporarily depressed because of the situation that he is in, ie his life is not going the way he wants or he's had to deal with heavy duty trauma, or if it's a longer term issue that may require meds.

by Anonymousreply 1803/06/2013

How do you make someone want to live?

by Anonymousreply 1903/06/2013

R19, Sometimes you can point out one thing positive in their life, even if it's only that a pet's survival depends on their well-being.

by Anonymousreply 2003/06/2013

r19 screams "Jump!" when he sees someone standing on a ledge.

by Anonymousreply 2103/06/2013

This person is not a qualified therapist. He's a life coach. Therapists know that you have to make the connection yourself for things to change.

by Anonymousreply 2203/06/2013

See a good psychiatrist. Get some meds.

It worked for me after seeing psychologists for several, frustrating, fruitless years.

Many psychologists simply do not want the competition from psychiatrists because they know deep-down that talk therapy is becoming a thing of the past.

by Anonymousreply 2303/06/2013

OP? Get the meds.

by Anonymousreply 2403/06/2013

[quote]Most depression is the product of a chemical imbalance, not situational

There is no scientific evidence to support this claim. The "chemical imbalance" theory is just something that has been repeated so often everyone started started taking it as fact. More and more studies are coming out now that show depression meds are mostly ineffective.

by Anonymousreply 2503/06/2013

OP, I myself see a therapist and a shrink. BUt I think yours needs to do more than just be a cheerleader! Hell, I'll be happy to "cheerlead" you in cyberspace, and I won't charge your or your insurance $85-200 or whatever.

I would see if you can get a different therapist. Mine - certainly not perfect; in a clinic; small upstate city; I'm on Medicare/Medicaid (not ancient, just disabled) - gives me some specific concrete things to work on. ANd a daily calendar (I mean, we evolved a daily calendar: 8:wake up, blah-blah chore, bla-blah eat, blah-blah exercise, blah-blah spend tim on the computer, etc.

I don't always follow it - bad!! But is helpful.

I'm HIDEOUSLY a slob. SHe (therapist) pleasantly poinetd out, I didn't want bugs or worse, mice. That helped!

And one thing that sticks; she says: DO something - one task, no matter how small - and THEN write down that you did it.

Is helping somewhat; I have a long way to go.

Best wishes.

by Anonymousreply 2603/06/2013

OP, ask yourself: Are you happy or at least content with how things are? Do you want things to change for the better or worse? What steps do you have to take to get where you want to be? Ask for guidance to come up with a roadmap (though you should know best what you want for yourself) and look for ways to accomplish your goal. For some drugs are fine and good, but others prefer to not depend on chemicals or even other people (and still manage to reach their goal).

by Anonymousreply 2703/06/2013

Cut out sugar and flour for two weeks and see how you feel.

by Anonymousreply 2803/06/2013

[quote]Go out... get a job...get a boyfriend...

Did you tell him it's not that easy to get a job or a boyfriend?

by Anonymousreply 2903/06/2013


by Anonymousreply 3003/06/2013

[quote]More and more studies are coming out now that show depression meds are mostly ineffective.

Tell that to the millions of people who say they help.

I don't know why some people bitch about psychiatric drugs. If you don't want to take them, fine. But don't tell other people what's right for their bodies.

by Anonymousreply 3103/06/2013

[quote]Tell that to the millions of people who say they help.

That's because the placebo effect is very strong. We should just tell people that broccoli is the miracle cure for a "chemical imbalance" in the brain. Think how healthy (and happy) everyone would be.

by Anonymousreply 3203/06/2013

[quote]Tell that to the millions of people who say they help.

Placebo Effect. Very effective.

by Anonymousreply 3303/06/2013

My stupid therapist told me to go to college in my first visit. I promptly went home and signed up for a college I had no interest in and no money to afford. He was constantly interrupting my sessions to fight with his contractor on the phone about cost overruns on the construction of his mansion. I gave up on the concept of analysis.

by Anonymousreply 3403/06/2013

r32, the drug companies don't sell broccoli. And they are paying shrinks and doctors to tell patients how they need pills to feel better.

There is nothing worse for drug companies and doctors than a healthy human being. So, when one sick individual is in their grasp they never let him go and make him pay for all sorts of 'cures' and therapy sessions.

by Anonymousreply 3503/06/2013

I've fallen in love with my latest psychiatrist. I really don't think it's transference because he has so many qualities that I have found attractive from men in my past. Should I change doctors and pursue a relationship with him instead?

by Anonymousreply 3603/06/2013

R6, that's not true for everyone. My overall happiness has slowly increased over the years by working on myself. I've worked on my self-esteem and my physical health. I've learned to stand up for myself and not be taken advantage of, regardless the cost, and to love and accept myself. I decided to believe that I deserve better. I deserve happiness and love. And then those followed.

I'm getting a little better at managing physical health, though I struggle with addiction. Self-work has made an appreciable difference in well-being. I still have a ways to go, but I'm happy (and happier) with who I am and where I'm going. That was not the case 10 and 15 years ago, due to situations, choices, willingness to accept abuse, and imbalances. I'll talk to OP next post.

by Anonymousreply 3703/06/2013

OP, your therapist might be good for some people, but you need someone who can help you get where you need to go. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes persistence in trying several out until you find one who not only fits with your personality, but helps you get somewhere.

Next, meds are a good idea. BUT, some people do better with convention depression / anxiety meds, and some people do better with homeopathic and naturopathic medicine. I did SSRIs 20 years ago for a year, and they made me worse, despite trying various ones. I gave up when the psych wanted to put me on Lithium with weekly blood tests.

With naturopathy and homeopathy, I have personalized remedies that don't have any side effects. They work for me, enough so that they take the edge off of my anxiety and help my wound up personality to settle down, particularly through stressful situations. I notice the difference if I forget to take them for a day or more. They bring me more to the middle, which is nice since I'm an intense person.

Not saying what would be right for you - regardless if you go with conventional or natural medicine, it would help you greatly to be pulled to balance. Also, look up GAPS diet online and read lots about it. This doctor's methods have cured many issues (including depression) through healing foods, more like what our ancestors ate. I'm just beginning this myself. You can get most of the information online free.

by Anonymousreply 3803/06/2013

I saw a therapist for two months a few years ago, and she was completely useless. She was like talking to a robot and she had no helpful suggestions. She was just "there" to listen. Waste of time.

by Anonymousreply 3903/06/2013

I agree that if it isn't situation depression, meds could help. However I've seen friends go through extreme difficulty until they find the right dosage.

by Anonymousreply 4003/06/2013

The last therapist I went to actually made me feel worse.

I left one session almost ready to commit suicide. Never went back to another session.

by Anonymousreply 4103/06/2013

Your therapist is 65. He's going to die soon. Of course he's happy.

by Anonymousreply 4203/07/2013

R39 is my same experience. Except I've been in therapy for twenty years. I've had many therapists, and almost none of them offered real tools I could use, they just sat there as my insurance co. paid them $180 an hour to listen to me talk.

Fuck it. Exercise is way better.

by Anonymousreply 4303/07/2013

Meds do not work.

I've noticed that when people are taking them and they start to feel better they attribute it to the meds. If they don't feel better they say, "I must be on the wrong meds or the wrong dose." Then they fool around taking all different combinations/doses until they feel better. Then they attribute the cure to the 'right' meds.

The fact is, most depressions ebb and flow and clear up on their own, so the meds are doing nothing. It's just that you are coming out of it on your own....all the while suffering with horrible side effects.

by Anonymousreply 4403/07/2013

I think people also need to realize, R44, that it's okay to be an emotional wreck once in awhile. I don't know why we're so afraid of having 'feelings' sometimes. I know there are people who truly have depression and do need meds, but I have to think the vast majority of people on anti-depressants such as SSRIs don't need them. If a GP is giving you those drugs, then you have to wonder if you really do need them. Happiness doesn't come from a pill. Cliche, yes - but so very true.

by Anonymousreply 4503/07/2013

Another thing about meds is the docs always say it takes several weeks to kick in. Well, in several weeks time your depression is likely to lift on its own.

It's not like when you have a headache, you take an Advil and 15 mins later you feel better. So how can you possibly measure the effectiveness of antidepressants? Recent studies are indicating that half of depressed patients feel better, half don't after 30 days on SSRI's. That's no better than a placebo.

by Anonymousreply 4603/07/2013

The last few replies are dumb. Profound depression does not 'lift' by itself and life for someone suffering from it is agonizing. If you didn't need therapy then you were a narcissistic fool for indulging in it, often, and an honest therapist should have suggested you stop and see how you felt after a few months. If s/he wanted to prescribe a pill or a combination for 'bad mood', 'the sulks', the "I am a true asshole but why don't you love me anyway?' syndromes than you could have tried them and found out that they make only a tiny difference in a small number of people, rarely for very long, and they wouldn't have helped you in any case. That therapists put up with you suggests that they may not have been the most ethical imaginable; or if you're the idiot your posts make you seem they should have and probably did give you practical advice on dealing with your issues, which you of course ignored, since your purpose was ripping off your insurance company.

For severely troubled people, unfortunately, therapy is about the best they can do. How effective it is depends on the skill of the therapist, and the willingness of the patient to move past game playing and preening into a confrontation with real problems. Talent is as rare among therapists as it is in the arts, but if the symptoms are terrible, it's worth a shot, and in a big city a sufferer with means or good insurance can try a few to see if one helps. Most good analysts that I know are skeptical about typical medications but sometimes feel a combination may make a small difference and be worth a try. If someone is bi-polar or borderline schizophrenic the medication issue becomes more important.

OP has trivialized his/her experience for DL purposes (for this is what this board has become); there's no way of knowing what drove him/her to seek help, or what his/her ongoing problems might be. The therapist sounds like a fool, but then again, without more info, it's hard to make a judgment.

by Anonymousreply 4703/07/2013

He's encouraging you to become a bug chaser. Go for it, OP!

by Anonymousreply 4803/07/2013

R44, OP, have you tried finding "substitute parents" that appear to have their life together, and have dealt with depression on traumatic events in the past? Perhaps they can offer solid advice on how they learned to be happier.

R44, Why do you recommend a low carb diet, as everyone I know that even temporarily feels "the blues" craves sugar, chocolate, or high fiber starches? I know, I know, just don't over indulge.

by Anonymousreply 4903/07/2013

I've seen two therapists over the past 15 months after struggling with immense depression for a few years and having quite a few concerned friends/family members urge me to try it. The first one, who I saw for six months, was a HUGE waste of time and money. Looking back, there were lots of red flags from the start that should have told me she wasn't the one for me, but I stuck it out for as long as I did because I was new to the process and assumed she knew more than I did. She was frequently condescending, and the only "solutions" she ever offered involved some version of trying to push spirituality on me even though I told her I was an atheist. When I disagreed with her, I was accused of being "defensive." It was like her idea of "helping" me to overcome depression was to try and change core aspects of my personality that weren't part of the problem and that I had no interest in changing. After finally realizing how useless she was, I took a break from therapy not knowing if I'd ever go back since that first experience did nothing for me, and got some books on cognitive behavioral therapy. Eventually I decided it was worth a shot to see a therapist who specialized in CBT. I already believed in the basic principles of CBT at that point so she didn't have to work to win me over as far as that was concerned. She really did help me to develop useful tools for seeing myself and the world in a much less negative light. The main idea behind CBT is that once you overcome negative beliefs that are irrational and replace them with more realistic beliefs, you're going to feel a lot less crappy as a general rule. Like everything else, it's no magic bullet, but it's something that truly has benefited me and that I would recommend trying to anyone with severe depression.

Regarding the antidepressant debate - First of all, I don't believe that depression is truly chemical in its nature, so I definitely don't believe that antidepressants are a cure all. That being said, they can be useful as a temporary tool to help you get over the really bad spots. Sure, maybe exercise is more effective (and cheaper), but you can't say to someone who's so depressed they can barely get off the couch that they just need to get some exercise. That's where the pills come in. They should definitely be used in conjunction with some kind of practical, long term plan on how to change, but they're a short term tool that's available to us, so I figure, why not? (I guess I should add a disclaimer here that I know they're not all created equal and that some have much more disastrous side effects and are MUCH harder to get off of. There are some I would never agree to take for those reasons. Obviously, do some research and know what you're getting into before starting to pop whatever pill a psychiatrist hands you a prescription for.)

I also don't buy the whole "they're no better than a placebo" argument. They're designed to produce an abundance of certain "feel good" neurotransmitters in your brain. Many illicit substances do the same thing and I don't see anyone calling that a placebo effect. Granted, every medication doesn't work for everyone; it all depends on the individual person and their bodily chemistry. Again though, I think it's worth a shot. I've taken ones that did nothing aside from create undesirable side effects and others that worked amazingly well. I can only speak for myself, but if I was merely being susceptible to a placebo effect, then I think I would have deemed them all at least somewhat helpful and I definitely didn't.

I know this is a divisive issue and I'm probably not going to win over anyone who's already fully against them, but there's my two cents.

by Anonymousreply 5003/08/2013

Unlike a headache, depression usually goes on for much more than a few hours or days.

by Anonymousreply 5103/08/2013


by Anonymousreply 5203/08/2013

My psychiatrist, lovely, but direct. She told me that looks do matter in society. This was back when I had packed on a few, and wasn't going on about it. She never says, "You're not good enough." or anything like that, but she doesn't sugarcoat anything. She probably also knows I can handle it. If my psychiatrist was like OP's, I'd get nowhere.

by Anonymousreply 5303/08/2013

[italic]Meds do not work.

I've noticed that when people are taking them and they start to feel better they attribute it to the meds. If they don't feel better they say, "I must be on the wrong meds or the wrong dose." Then they fool around taking all different combinations/doses until they feel better. Then they attribute the cure to the 'right' meds.

The fact is, most depressions ebb and flow and clear up on their own, so the meds are doing nothing. It's just that you are coming out of it on your own....all the while suffering with horrible side effects.[/italic]

Time to make a psychiatric appointment, dear.

by Anonymousreply 5403/08/2013

[quote]Another thing about meds is the docs always say it takes several weeks to kick in. Well, in several weeks time your depression is likely to lift on its own.

Where did you get your medical degree again? We'll wait.

by Anonymousreply 5503/08/2013

[quote]There is no scientific evidence to support this claim. The "chemical imbalance" theory is just something that has been repeated so often everyone started started taking it as fact.

Bipolar disorder is classified as a chemical imbalance.

Also, there are two schools of thought when it comes to psychiatry. Some psychiatrists feel that talk therapy is unnecessary, and if you just tweak the brain chemistry, that will solve the individual's problems. The other school of thought is that both medication and talk therapy are best for patients.

BTW, if you don't believe in 'chemical imbalance,' Google 'bipolar disorder chemical imbalance.'

Next time, do your homework.

by Anonymousreply 5603/08/2013

[quote]We learned in college philosophy class that an individual's happiness is more or less set.

Philosophy as science = Intelligent Design

by Anonymousreply 5703/08/2013

Tell him your blood type is B-Positive. That should be good enough.

by Anonymousreply 5803/08/2013

Well, you certainly cleared that up, r56. Bipolar disorder is "classified" in the DSMR as a chemical imbalance, and Google produces copious results repeating this. Discussion resolved!

by Anonymousreply 5903/09/2013
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