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Does your physique influence the way you see yourself in terms of gender?

Weird issue, maybe, but this has always been an issue for me that I could never quite resolve. I'm a grown man in my late 30s with the body template I believe that more resembles a woman than a man: smallish, oval face, small, soft facial features, soft whiskers, narrow shoulders, wide hips, short torso/long legs, some gyno, and a fat ass. I am on the tall side, though, at 6 feet. I know that my more feminine build has influenced how I see myself in terms of gender. Part of me feels like a man, the other part like a woman.

I was a very late bloomer. I didn't begin shaving what wispy facial hair I had until I was a sophomore in college. I always felt intimidated by the other guys in high school and then even in college, because they looked like men. I still feel that physically different...and am very awkward socially, especially around men, straight and gay. They just look so much more developed than me in every possible way. I have absolutely no self-esteem. Having to look at myself in the mirror or have a photo taken terrifies me to no end. In my mind, I never really completed puberty or had a puberty that went totally wrong. My brother and father both look like men physically, so I don't think it's a genetic thing.

I've always been afraid to bring this up with my doctor, because it's embarrassing and a part of me doesn't want this all confirmed for me, if that makes sense.

I like guys. I've been attracted to guys for as far back as I remember, even before all of this started, so that's not an issue. I feel like I'm the only person who's gone through this. I can't even find anything online about it, except stuff on body dysmorphia and gender identity disorder, which are not the issues. Those are psychogical issues. I know what I look's not a misperception.

I just want to cry when I think about this. I definitely feel more like a man than a woman, and have fought this my entire adult life, lifting weights etc to get my bod to look more like a man's, but with little result. Does anyone else feel like this. btw, I'm not an EST. This is actually something very painful to even deal with.

by Anonymousreply 3003/22/2013

OP, I look like that, too, and throw in a little dick to complete the picture. I don't know if it was therapy or simply growing older that allowed me to more or less accept myself, but that's really all there is to do. Good luck!

by Anonymousreply 103/05/2013

Could be chemical, OP, or maybe you're just on one end of the normal range. If bringing it up with your doctor scares you, just remember s/he's noticed, too. It's not going to be a surprise for the doc, and it'll be a great relief to you. Either way, I hope you won't let an effed up society make you feel worse.

Having said that, I thank the FSM for my early puberty, especially since I skipped the 6th grade and was thrown into PE with boys a year older than me. My physique absolutely influenced how I and others saw me. Early or late count for a lot.

by Anonymousreply 203/05/2013

r1, I have a tiny dick too. I've never had sex with anyone. I'm too embarrassed to take my clothes off. The more masculine the guy, whether gay or straight, the more I'm attracted. I've become so jealous of other guys because of their manly look. I've tried to accept this, but I can't. I'm embarrassed to go to a therapist. Sometimes I am so embarrassed by myself, that I don't want to leave the apartment. I want to cry a lot, because I feel so cheated out of a normal development, something that 99.99% of men just take for granted as natural.

by Anonymousreply 303/05/2013

I feel the same way.

by Anonymousreply 403/05/2013

forgot to note I'm OP

by Anonymousreply 503/05/2013

I'm not into drugs - at all - but maybe some low dose HGH might kick your shit into gear?

by Anonymousreply 603/05/2013

I kind of like soft guys with big asses. I bet you have nice skin. Would love to see you stripped and on your belly.

by Anonymousreply 703/05/2013

r5, I've tried testosterone boosting supplements but none of those has ever seemed to work. I don't even know if low testosterone is even the problem.

by Anonymousreply 803/05/2013

OP, you sound like a very beautiful gay, gay, gay man. You are a certain type, and a nice one at that. I'm sure that many men ( and some women) would love to be with you.

Listen, if you were a straight guy then honestly, I would say that you had a few mountains to climb. But that's not what women are thinking, becasue I see your type married with kids everywhere.

Op, get a grip on yourself. You may have some kind of chemical imbalance, like the above poster said, tho harbor such ill feelings about your appearance.

Anyway, stay beautiful my friend.


by Anonymousreply 903/05/2013

OP, a T-boosting "supplement" is nothing compared to a dose of natural testosterone or an analog. GET YOUR ASS TO THE DOCTOR.

by Anonymousreply 1003/05/2013

OP, not everyone is attracted to the same thing. Also, this may not be the best place to post something like that. People here have some really warped views of attractiveness. Some of what's called "hot" here would turn off most people. They don't seem to realize that what they're exalting is exaggerated cartoonish caricatures of something they falsely call "masculinity." To the rest of the world it looks like effeminite drag.

by Anonymousreply 1103/05/2013

Are there any famous guys with physiques resembling OP's?

by Anonymousreply 1203/05/2013

I nominate Isaac Mizrahi, R12.

by Anonymousreply 1303/05/2013

Maybe you're intersexed, OP and R1. And no I'm not being cunty. I knew someone whose parents never told him he also had some female internal organs that were producing lots of estrogen.

by Anonymousreply 1403/05/2013

The OP has a good point. I've always seen myself as a combination of masculine and feminine qualities, but as a big strong woman rather than a feminine man. I've never seen the need to bat my eyelashes and ask a man to do stuff for me, I'll pitch in with the grunt work and heavy lifting, and my physique has definitely influence my actions there.

I'm quite okay with my gender expression, and wish more people felt free to be both masculine and feminine.

by Anonymousreply 1503/05/2013


by Anonymousreply 1603/05/2013

I am trying to cum on to the OP, I like that type. It makes my dick hard. Truth is I have no interest in muscle studs. Give me the guy next door.

by Anonymousreply 1703/05/2013

OP, I think every guy has issues they deal with in living up to what they consider the "ideal male."

I am 5'5". I feel I never hit any kind of growing spurt. I see little kids and think some day they are all going to be taller than me. That has affected the way I feel about being a "real man." Everyone has issues surrounding that.

What I have come to learn though is that it is all in your head. I have met men I would think would have all their shit together and they are more fucked up in the head about something than I am.

My bf is tall, 6'2", attractive, educated. But he is fucked up over his size 9 feet. He has no reason to be, but it is all mental.

We all feel less than. You just have to figure out how to deal with it and as cliche as it sounds, find some way to love yourself.

And testosterone supplements won't do anything. You need at least a shot in your ass. And if you're in NYC, I know a doc who does it.

by Anonymousreply 1803/05/2013

Interesting question. I'd have to say the answer is yes.

I was very "slight" growing up. I had little discernible musculature as a teenager and into my early twenties. That deficiency undoubtedly influenced my perception of how masculine I felt (or rather, didn't feel). I see pictures from that point in my life and I hate the way I looked. Scrawny doesn't begin to describe it.

I didn't play sports and was attracted to theater and the arts. Hell, I'm more athletic now -- later in life -- than I ever was back then.

For me, I wouldn't say that the lack of perceived masculinity made me feel feminine, but rather more neutral in terms of gender, if that makes any sense. Not one or the other, sort of betwixt and between. A safe place to be for a closeted gay teen and young adult because I could look and observe, but not feel the need to participate.

Then, I came out, found a partner, started some athletic pursuits, and somewhere in my 30s, my body just sort of caught up or adapted. And, so did my perception of myself.

by Anonymousreply 1903/05/2013

"Are there any famous guys with physiques resembling OP's?"


by Anonymousreply 2003/06/2013

Intriguing thread

by Anonymousreply 2103/07/2013

You tiny dick people need to stop hiding it, some of us love the tiny ones.

by Anonymousreply 2203/07/2013

I'm a gay male but I couldn't care less about the size of a guy's dick.

by Anonymousreply 2303/07/2013


by Anonymousreply 2403/08/2013

I'm a fairly average looking gay man. Years ago I used to be friends with another gay man who did drag. The preparation was extensive before he dragged up, fake tan, endless hair removal etc. I suppose my "drag" was going to the gym to try and muscle up. I remember saying at the time that he wanted to look more like a woman and I wanted to look more like a man.

by Anonymousreply 2503/08/2013


by Anonymousreply 2603/09/2013


by Anonymousreply 2703/22/2013

I completely understand what you're saying, OP, but I'm at the opposite extreme. I'm 6 foot, lanky, with narrow shoulders and wide hips. If I could pass for a woman I'd be living in Milan and raking it in as a supermodel. When I was younger I hated my body and wanted to be that other extreme - the naturally V shaped hunk. But those bodies are pretty rare as well and comparing yourself to some 20 something ideal male body is a recipe for failure.

Being gay, I think a lot of us are constantly policing how well our gender identity, gender expression, sexual desires and body coincide. I'm not sure what to suggest other than to say that the constant checking, reflecting and policing is part of the gay experience.

by Anonymousreply 2803/22/2013

OP, what do you mean you have "a little gyno"?

by Anonymousreply 2903/22/2013

He has tit-tays.

by Anonymousreply 3003/22/2013
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