Bernadette Ratzinger here!
Now that I'm back in private life, my red Pradas and I are gonna have a BALL! Maybe two (tee hee!)
I just HAD to come by to tell you that my first post-papal role will be in a TV Land reboot of "The Golden Girls!" I've been cast as Dorothy Zbornak, while John Travolta will play Blanche, Christopher Walken will be Rose, and - gasp - Barbra Streisand will be Sophia!
Can I get away with red Pradas in winter if I go to Ibiza? Oh, who cares! I'm the Dowager Popess - I can do what I want!
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 29||03/03/2013|
Post some dick shots of your um.... Manservant. Keep the Pope Hole shots to yourself. Thanks Ratt-Tat-Zinger.
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 1||03/02/2013|
Prada? Your popeness, did you say Prada?
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 2||03/02/2013|
Hi Ratzie! And what role does that gorgeous manservant of yours, Georg-asm have in the reboot? Will he be Lucas Hollingsworth a-comin' to sweep you off your feet?
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 3||03/02/2013|
I'm trying to wrangle him a part R3!
He's also trying to collect all of Bea Arthur's wardrobe from "Maude" for me! I'm so sick of plain white - a girl needs color!
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 4||03/02/2013|
Mother Angelica just texted me - she's SOOOOOO jealous!
Her wimple is wilted, I'm afraid. That sister's old dry snatch wouldn't be invited to play in a nursing home version of The Sound of Music, I'm afraid.
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 5||03/02/2013|
He isn't allowed to wear the $5,000 red shoes anymore.
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 6||03/02/2013|
Honey, that's all for show.
I don't DO brown.
I like color - JUNGLE RED!
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 7||03/02/2013|
Can Betty White make a cameo on your show?
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 8||03/02/2013|
Inizia a giocare, darling
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 9||03/02/2013|
I have been requested to do something about you, and have informed the requesting party that for a nickel bag and some cannoli (Shit's so good.) I shall be sending a special emissary to you in Castle Gandalf to see if we can get you closer to sainthood in a fast way.
BUT I shall rescind my plans if you will tell me where you put the keys to the Papal Liquor Cabinet. That conclave is looking like a soul sucker, and since I have to be careful about what color of smoke I'm sending up I have to rely on gin to get me through it. I am sooooo sick of Benedictine.
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 10||03/02/2013|
But you promised me a part, your sexcellency!
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 11||03/02/2013|
Oh Lawd, it has happened, as was foretold in the book of something starting with L, I think. This is the Apocalypse. Dionne, girl, you best be careful. Oh, pray for us, sweet baby Jesus in a handbasket. That gay Vatican Mafia is a powerful bunch. We all gonna die.
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 12||03/02/2013|
According to my visions, the next pope will be the last.
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 13||03/02/2013|
Dionysus Warwick, I pray for your ascension to the next seat of Peter.
And gurrrrrl, I DO know the way to blow Jose! He's my exquisite manservant!
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 14||03/02/2013|
R13, that's Saint Malarky.
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 15||03/02/2013|
The moment I wake up,
I put on Sister Angelica's makeup
And say a little prayer for YOU!
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 16||03/03/2013|
Come on, Bernadette you lazy bitch! We're going to be late for brunch! Yes, your outfit looks fine. The red shoes are a bit much, but just werk it.
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 17||03/03/2013|
I'm going commando dolls...no cassock here!
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 18||03/03/2013|
And please no more than two mimosas ... you promised you wouldn't make a scene this time!
I mean, who could forget your drunken rendition of "Dreamgirls" on the buffet table? I was beyond mortified.
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 19||03/03/2013|
That Georg Von Trapp puts dew on my lily, girls! A dominant Austrian military man.....mama's mussy is wetter than the Amazon in July!
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 20||03/03/2013|
Who's up for brunch, bitches?
I need my energy for the White Party tea dance!
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 21||03/03/2013|
What's your drag name, gurl?
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 22||03/03/2013|
This is not a sick man. It is an old man, but not an ill one.
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 23||03/03/2013|
He's a sick man, but not physiologically.
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 25||03/03/2013|
R25 Bernadette was throwing her hands in the air like she just don't care to her favorite song:
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 26||03/03/2013|
Are you up for a remake of "The Song of Bernadette"? If not, I have Bernadette Peters on line 3.
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 27||03/03/2013|
Bernadette Peters? Why do I want to talk to a Bernadette even older than me?
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 28||03/03/2013|
I have one thing to say - sashay, chante!
|by Lady Ratzi||reply 29||03/03/2013|