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Bernadette Ratzinger here!

Hey gurrrrl!!!

Now that I'm back in private life, my red Pradas and I are gonna have a BALL! Maybe two (tee hee!)

I just HAD to come by to tell you that my first post-papal role will be in a TV Land reboot of "The Golden Girls!" I've been cast as Dorothy Zbornak, while John Travolta will play Blanche, Christopher Walken will be Rose, and - gasp - Barbra Streisand will be Sophia!

Can I get away with red Pradas in winter if I go to Ibiza? Oh, who cares! I'm the Dowager Popess - I can do what I want!

Any questions?

by Lady Ratzireply 2903/03/2013

Post some dick shots of your um.... Manservant. Keep the Pope Hole shots to yourself. Thanks Ratt-Tat-Zinger.

by Lady Ratzireply 103/02/2013

Prada? Your popeness, did you say Prada?

by Lady Ratzireply 203/02/2013

Hi Ratzie! And what role does that gorgeous manservant of yours, Georg-asm have in the reboot? Will he be Lucas Hollingsworth a-comin' to sweep you off your feet?

by Lady Ratzireply 303/02/2013

I'm trying to wrangle him a part R3!

He's also trying to collect all of Bea Arthur's wardrobe from "Maude" for me! I'm so sick of plain white - a girl needs color!

by Lady Ratzireply 403/02/2013

Mother Angelica just texted me - she's SOOOOOO jealous!

Hahahahahaha!

Her wimple is wilted, I'm afraid. That sister's old dry snatch wouldn't be invited to play in a nursing home version of The Sound of Music, I'm afraid.

by Lady Ratzireply 503/02/2013

He isn't allowed to wear the $5,000 red shoes anymore.

by Lady Ratzireply 603/02/2013

Honey, that's all for show.

I don't DO brown.

I like color - JUNGLE RED!

by Lady Ratzireply 703/02/2013

Can Betty White make a cameo on your show?

by Lady Ratzireply 803/02/2013

Inizia a giocare, darling

by Lady Ratzireply 903/02/2013

Your Hole-In-Ass,

I have been requested to do something about you, and have informed the requesting party that for a nickel bag and some cannoli (Shit's so good.) I shall be sending a special emissary to you in Castle Gandalf to see if we can get you closer to sainthood in a fast way.

BUT I shall rescind my plans if you will tell me where you put the keys to the Papal Liquor Cabinet. That conclave is looking like a soul sucker, and since I have to be careful about what color of smoke I'm sending up I have to rely on gin to get me through it. I am sooooo sick of Benedictine.

by Lady Ratzireply 1003/02/2013

But you promised me a part, your sexcellency!

by Lady Ratzireply 1103/02/2013

Oh Lawd, it has happened, as was foretold in the book of something starting with L, I think. This is the Apocalypse. Dionne, girl, you best be careful. Oh, pray for us, sweet baby Jesus in a handbasket. That gay Vatican Mafia is a powerful bunch. We all gonna die.

by Lady Ratzireply 1203/02/2013

According to my visions, the next pope will be the last.

by Lady Ratzireply 1303/02/2013

Dionysus Warwick, I pray for your ascension to the next seat of Peter.

And gurrrrrl, I DO know the way to blow Jose! He's my exquisite manservant!

by Lady Ratzireply 1403/02/2013

R13, that's Saint Malarky.

by Lady Ratzireply 1503/02/2013

The moment I wake up,

I put on Sister Angelica's makeup

And say a little prayer for YOU!

by Lady Ratzireply 1603/03/2013

Come on, Bernadette you lazy bitch! We're going to be late for brunch! Yes, your outfit looks fine. The red shoes are a bit much, but just werk it.

by Lady Ratzireply 1703/03/2013

I'm going commando dolls...no cassock here!

by Lady Ratzireply 1803/03/2013

And please no more than two mimosas ... you promised you wouldn't make a scene this time!

I mean, who could forget your drunken rendition of "Dreamgirls" on the buffet table? I was beyond mortified.

by Lady Ratzireply 1903/03/2013

That Georg Von Trapp puts dew on my lily, girls! A dominant Austrian military man.....mama's mussy is wetter than the Amazon in July!

by Lady Ratzireply 2003/03/2013

Who's up for brunch, bitches?

I need my energy for the White Party tea dance!

by Lady Ratzireply 2103/03/2013

What's your drag name, gurl?

by Lady Ratzireply 2203/03/2013

This is not a sick man. It is an old man, but not an ill one.

by Lady Ratzireply 2303/03/2013

Sofonda Boise, R22!

by Lady Ratzireply 2403/03/2013

He's a sick man, but not physiologically.

by Lady Ratzireply 2503/03/2013

R25 Bernadette was throwing her hands in the air like she just don't care to her favorite song:

by Lady Ratzireply 2603/03/2013

Are you up for a remake of "The Song of Bernadette"? If not, I have Bernadette Peters on line 3.

by Lady Ratzireply 2703/03/2013

Bernadette Peters? Why do I want to talk to a Bernadette even older than me?

by Lady Ratzireply 2803/03/2013

I have one thing to say - sashay, chante!

by Lady Ratzireply 2903/03/2013
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