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To Dataloungers with children

Is it true that there is this overwhelming sense of love that you can't describe. That you would lay your own life on the line for your child?

by Anonymousreply 6203/04/2013

I want to know of anyone feels that overwhelming sense of love for an older child, say, over ten.

Or over fourteen.

by Anonymousreply 103/02/2013

Yes. It is true. It doesn't matter how old the child is. The love I have for my child is more intense than I have ever had for anyone else.

by Anonymousreply 203/02/2013

Even when the child standing in front of your bed at night with a knife in hand because you confiscated his crack pipe the day before?

by Anonymousreply 303/02/2013

Would the feeling be the same for non-biological children? r2 is it your biological child?

by Anonymousreply 403/02/2013

Not always

by Anonymousreply 503/02/2013

Love fades

by Anonymousreply 603/02/2013

R6 just cracked me up.

by Anonymousreply 703/02/2013

yes, op.

it was a surprise to me; i knew i would love him but i had NO idea of the depth until he was a part of my every day life.

by Anonymousreply 803/02/2013

I wonder if the opposite is ever true. If you feel surprised by how the responsibilities of a child outweigh the love. People would never admit this though.

by Anonymousreply 903/02/2013

There was a woman in the news years ago who's son stabbed her to death. I believe he was drug addled, which explains how that happened. As she lay there dying, she told him she loved him. I read a similar story about a man who killed his grandmother. I can't speak for fathers, but as a mother myself, I understand this, when you become a mother, assuming you are mentally and emotionally normal, it's like you've never known what love is until that moment. No other love can compare, not love of other family, or romantic partner, none.

by Anonymousreply 1103/02/2013

R9, in my experience the stress and strain of parenting older children (teens) doesn't touch the underlying love I have for them. The weight of responsibility and trying to do the right thing for them just makes me feel old and tired.

by Anonymousreply 1203/02/2013

I would think it would be no different for adopted kids. I certainly feel that way. Once MOST people make the commitment to be a parent, you feel the responsibility pretty much 24/7.

On the other hand, I have a cousin who for 20 years has thought "me first, kids later if there is time/money". His daughter broke several ribs in a park once and I carried her to the car and drove her to the hospital- he couldn't be bothered to take off his ipod headphones. Just gave me a thumbs up and smiled. It was when I realized I wanted to be a parent.

by Anonymousreply 1303/02/2013

People get very offended when I tell them of how I loved my daughter.

by Anonymousreply 1403/02/2013

r4 i am the non-bio mom, and yes. it is clear the feeling is the same. i couldn't possibly love him more than i do, and it is a tad overwhelming.

by Anonymousreply 1503/02/2013

"The baby’s been easy — way easier than anyone made it out to be."

by Anonymousreply 1603/02/2013

I have stepchildren, an adopted foster child, and a biological child. I was surprised, actually, that I love them all with such intensity. My stepdaughter just had a baby (to whom I'm not genetically related at all) and I would kill anyone who tried to hurt that child...although I'd probably react the same way if someone tried to hurt any baby.

by Anonymousreply 1703/02/2013

Yes. One wants the best for children-their future matters more than anything you think you *need*.

by Anonymousreply 1803/02/2013

Yes, OP, the bond is so strong that you would give your life to save your child. It's also true that no one can really prepare you for the intensity of parental love. For me it was instant and hit me like a ton a bricks on the day he was born. I vividly remember putting his little hand in mine--against my palm (it was only about an 1 1/2 inches big) and thinking to myself, "one day this hand will be bigger than mine" and I felt such an overwhelming sense of responsibility to protect him and give him everything. I also remember looking at him and thinking, "you are pure potential, a blank slate. Shit, I better not fuck this up." I suddenly realized the big job I had taken on.

He's 21 now and a wonderful young man that I'm very proud of. He has given me plenty of trouble over the years, but it makes no difference. I still love him as much as I did on the day he was born. Maybe more so because all great memories as well as the bumps along the way make those bonds even stronger.

by Anonymousreply 1903/02/2013

[quote] I wonder if the opposite is ever true. If you feel surprised by how the responsibilities of a child outweigh the love. People would never admit this though.

In the age of the internet, people admit it all the time. Just a few days ago someone posted a link to an essay by a father who doesn't like his three-year-old and flat-out admitted that he never wanted children. A few months ago there was a woman yapping on TV about how she gave up her parental rights because motherhood "just wasn't doing it" for her.

by Anonymousreply 2003/02/2013

Typical DL. Point to a few rare extremes of parents who hate their kids and call it a "trend."

by Anonymousreply 2203/02/2013

I feel that way about my niece & my nephew. Their parents are a-holes to the 3rd power but those kids mean more to me than life itself. They are just too precious. After the Sandy Hook shooting, I cried myself to sleep for 2 nights after my 6-year old niece told me if a mass shooter came in to her class, she would just play dead. A kid shouldn't even have to think or prepare for the unthinkable. They just are so perceptive and have no filter so it's endearing to have conversations with them. I've always said little kids and animals are more perceptive than we think and that they are the best judges of character. Yes, Mary! i know but its true. I live by that statement. The smallest among us sometimes know the most.

by Anonymousreply 2303/02/2013

You've been spreading your woman hating crap over every thread, r21. Careful, or someone may start to think you have mommy issues.

by Anonymousreply 2403/02/2013

I love my daughter to death.

by Anonymousreply 2503/02/2013

Absolutely. I never wanted children and was terrified when I found out that I was pregnant. Grew up in an abusive home and don't speak to my mother. Have a great relationship with my now almost 21 year old daughter. I could not believe how much I loved her right away and still feel the same. It is a different love than any other kind. Scary at times with the thought of what life will bring and you only want the best for your child ( happiness, health , love etc...) I don't understand a parent that could disown a child or abuse them.

by Anonymousreply 2603/02/2013

Having a child is like walking around with your heart outside your body.

by Anonymousreply 2703/02/2013

R24, I am just tired of hypocritical women bashing men. I used to bite my tongue but since Iv'e been at DL I realized I don't have too. It's been liberating. Don't dish what you can't take. Oh and THANKS Datalounge for setting me free.

by Anonymousreply 2803/02/2013

Sorry you got a raw deal with a shitty mother, R28, but you can't then generalize about all mothers because you got one that was terrible.

by Anonymousreply 2903/02/2013

R30, you're the only one in the room who doesn't realize you're showing your ass on this thread. Stop embarrassing yourself.

by Anonymousreply 3103/02/2013

Being a mother means sacrificing for your kids. Why, I remember one day when I was feeling a bit blue, my children wanted to go to the lake, so I drove them right over there.

by Anonymousreply 3203/02/2013

R32 no one under 75 uses the word "why" as an exclamation at the beginning of a sentence that is not a question.

by Anonymousreply 3303/02/2013

yes, r27.

by Anonymousreply 3403/02/2013

I'm considering having children. I still have to find the right woman, though.

by Anonymousreply 3503/03/2013

I would lay down my life for my partner of many years. Is this any different?

by Anonymousreply 3603/03/2013

My sister once told me that if she had to do it all over again, she would choose not to have kids. She's a decent mom and she loves her children, but deep down she resents them for changing her life so much. I think her emotions are probably common but few parents would ever admit it.

by Anonymousreply 3703/03/2013

It is hard, OP. They grow up and dissapoint you.

by Anonymousreply 3803/03/2013

The moment my child was placed in my arms, I knew I would never love anyone or anything more than I love him. Yes, you absolutely know instantly that this is the most powerful love you will ever know, and that you would give your life to protect him or her.

by Anonymousreply 3903/03/2013

I have a hard time believeing this mother/child bond business, because my mom always tells me she wished she never had kids

AND she recently told me if I ever commit suicide she will make sure that I do not R.I.P., that my ghosts will walk the streets, all because I owe her some money.

by Anonymousreply 4003/03/2013

yes op. look at Fantine!

by Anonymousreply 4103/03/2013

I don't have bio children but i feel this way about my nieces and nephews. One of my younger nephews was floundering in the sea once - with no lifeguards and no other adults around. Without even thinking,I jumped in to pull him out. And I can't swim. Lucky for both of us the water was not too deep.

by Anonymousreply 4203/03/2013

Isn't it a chemical thing? Oxytocin, I think. It helps create parental bonds. Maybe bad parents don't have much of that chemical in their bodies.

by Anonymousreply 4303/03/2013

Lots of pedos in this thread. Yikes.

by Anonymousreply 4403/03/2013

r37, I know several folks who say this. In fact, when I've mentioned that I never wanted kids, they always say "do NOT have them."

That being said, I'm glad I don't. I can't imagine loving something so much that can die. I have a hard time even having pets for this reason.

by Anonymousreply 4503/03/2013

it IS the worst part about it. the constant worry and concern.

but the beauty of it far outweighs the bad.

by Anonymousreply 4603/03/2013

I have to roll my eyes at some of the over-the-top comments about love for children. Too much, people. You're trying too hard.

While I do understand unconditional love for children, the whole "I'll lay my life for you," and "Having a child is like walking around with your heart outside your body," is just cringe inducing.

Love is love. Many people would lay down their lives for their significant others; and for people they love deeply. Such feelings are not exclusive to ones child(ren).

by Anonymousreply 4703/03/2013

47 it is a totally different love. I rolled my eyes too until I had a child.

by Anonymousreply 4803/03/2013

Of course it's different r48 and that's not what I meant. Non-parental love is just as strong. If anything, the person you love really lifts you off the ground and make you feel like you can do anything. Some people are driven mad by love.

I haven't heard it from anyone in this thread, but there are some parents who think the love they have for their children is far superior/unique/deeper than anything a non-parent has experienced. That is what I call BS on.

With children, it's a mixture of obligation, intense protection because you brought them into this world, biological bond, and nurturing a new life.

by Anonymousreply 4903/03/2013

R47/49 = childless

by Anonymousreply 5003/03/2013

It's not always hearts and flowers.

And that's OK.

by Anonymousreply 5103/03/2013

I do think there is a biological basis for the parent-child bond.

But that is not to say that other relationships can't have similar emotional bonds, or that every parent feels that kind of bond with their child.

by Anonymousreply 5203/03/2013

I'm going to say something controversial. I am not convinced that guys or adopted parents can have the same kind of intense throw themselves in front of a moving car kind of love for a child that biological mothers can. I know there will be a billion posts saying I'm wrong, but I don't think anyone can ever love you like your mothers. Sure, there are some shitty moms, but I think sharing a body with another human that you made, for 40 weeks, creates an unbreakable emotional tie.

by Anonymousreply 5303/03/2013

Is anyone saying the child/parent love is somehow "better"?


We are answering the OP's question. It is different and more powerful than I ever imagined. And I too did not 'get' that until it happened to me.

People who want to be parents should be parents and people who don't want to be parents don't have to, but shouldn't get all defensive about it.

by Anonymousreply 5403/03/2013

Furthermore, this instant-at-birth love-fest does not always happen, and parents should not be alarmed or ashamed by this.

(PPD symptoms excepted, of course.)

by Anonymousreply 5503/03/2013

r40 - sounds like we had very similar mothers. Mine was an abusive narcissist. She used to tell me that once she died, she would come back to haunt me. She's been dead 5 years and so far, no ghosts that I know of! I'm glad she's gone.

by Anonymousreply 5603/03/2013

I don't have any kids, but I got my dogs when I was just a little kid myself

14 years later, and Ive had my dogs for longer than some people have had their children. To me, they are my kids. I know they are only animals but I love them all the same. I get the emotions that parents feel. They need me (at least sometimes), so I care for them and worry about them, cry if they get injured, feed them and worry if they are being picky eaters, bathe them, and (lmao) teach them to be independent so they can help themselves (they let themselves out into our fenced off backyard to go pee and run around, in between our daily LONG hikes)

Maybe im not qualified to answer OP's question, but it's an indescribable love, sort of like the type of love you have for your siblings. You care about them and want the best for them

by Anonymousreply 5703/03/2013


by Anonymousreply 5803/03/2013

I agree with R53. There is something hormonal that goes on that insures a strong bond. It's instinctive and out of your control. The maternal bond was/is necessary for the survival of the species. If mothers didn't have a fierce desire to protect their young, our species would have died out.

by Anonymousreply 5903/03/2013

r53. You are wrong, but it's clear you're not open to that possibility.

by Anonymousreply 6003/03/2013

Most of this thread is bullshit. Yes, there are some parents out there that love their kids with this kind of fierce passion, but overall most people with kids treat them like crap. If it weren't so, we wouldn't have so many fucked up kids in this world. I get that you THINK you have this kind of love, but your behavior is not in line with what you say. I've seen too many "parents" have a kid and then drop them off at daycare for their entire childhood to be raised by strangers. If you truly loved your child, you would raise him/her yourself 24/7. And if you can't afford to do that, then you have no business having a child.

by Anonymousreply 6103/03/2013

Home-schooling, r61?

Definitely not the best option for most children, so, no.

by Anonymousreply 6203/04/2013
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