I realize I'm in a (sort of, I guess) relationship with a guy I honestly love. But I'm the one who has to do all the work. I know that if I wasn't so invested in this he wouldn't be in my life.
He never says anything affectionate. I have to ask him if he LIKES me. He says yes. When I ask him if he really wants to be with me he says yes, but....
I don't know. I think I'm to him the "thing" you be with when you don't have anything better in sight. And such a stupid fuck for putting up with this, I know. But I don't want to lose him.
I already know you're going to crucify me for being stupid but I'll ask anyway. What am supposed to do? Do you think he's just the kind of person to whom it's difficult to be affectionate. Or do you think that he doesn't really care for me?
I'm feeling sad.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||03/02/2013|
That's sad OP. Sorry to hear. It sounds like "flogging a dead horse".
Just out of curosity - how old are you both?
|by Anonymous||reply 1||03/02/2013|
at least you have a boyfriend boo fckin Hoo
|by Anonymous||reply 2||03/02/2013|
You should move on. You seem to have bad self esteem. Do you not think you will find or get anyone else?
|by Anonymous||reply 3||03/02/2013|
"Love makes fools of us all."
|by Anonymous||reply 4||03/02/2013|
OP- just got out of the same sort of relationship (actually i think he was an aspie, so that might explain a few things)...to him, he was able to say he was in a relationship (like an item checked off a list) but never got over the "me" and into the "we"...he was always on the go: if I didn't plan an event for him to be part of he would find one with his friends (all female, so no worry about cheating) or family.
Our problem came about when events collided and he would double book. If he preferred the content of their event over mine, he would go with them: the relationship had no bearing, just the fun.
When this occurred on Christmas, I dumped him.
On the affection level, mine wasn't into it...he hated being touched or caressed (too ticklish)...so it seemed we were friends (except I paid for everything).
Even with him I did everything alone: watch tv, play video games, hang out with my friends, jerk off on the computer....I told him the difference between being with him and being single, was that single was cheaper.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||03/02/2013|
move on, life is too short.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||03/02/2013|
He's straight, sweetie. Anderson used to do this to Kathy ALL the time.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||03/02/2013|
[quote]What am supposed to do?
Leave him. I wish I had left mine, a man who "couldn't be gay," sooner than I did, and it was only two years.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||03/02/2013|
He is just not that into you.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||03/02/2013|
OP, the guy is probably just using you. He probably throws a bone (pun intended) to you once in a while just to keep the thing going, so he can continue mooch materialistic things from you.
You actually already answered your own question. Be strong. Don't get hurt.
|by Anonymous||reply 10||03/02/2013|
R10 Ditto. It happened to me, only I was the one to get dumped (via text-message!)
|by Anonymous||reply 11||03/02/2013|
I feel for you R11 watch some Kelly!
|by Anonymous||reply 12||03/02/2013|
He might be like me, which is contented enough in relationships, but fully aware that if the relationship were to dissolve... I would still be content.
I am just not a romantic. I enjoy spending time with a person (even for years), but I am keenly aware at all times that I am responsible for my own happiness, and that it can never be dependent on anyone else.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||03/02/2013|
Ask yourself why you don't want to loose him if he makes you unhappy and seems to not be particularly interested in you, let alone 'we'.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||03/02/2013|
Rule out Aspie and dysfunctional, selfish mother. It's not you.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||03/02/2013|
Are you a girl, OP? I can't really tell.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||03/02/2013|
This will help you in future relationships. You now know you need someone who is affectionate and let's you know you're wanted.
Let him know this is what you need and if it doesn't change you'll be better off alone. No threats just information you've learned about yourself.
Then follow through and treat yourself with some self respect. No more of the "Do you like me?" stuff. That's unbecoming and a turnoff.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||03/02/2013|
I've only been through this twice. Both times while working on long-term assignments in desolate rust-belt hellholes.
The things we do for an occasional warm body and someone to text "what's up" when you're bored out of your mind.
Thank God for big cities full of options.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||03/02/2013|
R17 has some good insight, OP.
Use this experience to know what it is you DON'T want in a relationship and what you really need in a relationship. It sounds simple but it's not. Write down the qualities you look for in a mate. Think about it. What's really important?
|by Anonymous||reply 19||03/02/2013|
People who claim they have difficulty with affection or even saying affectionate things have no business being in a relationship with anyone. A relationship should be your refuge. Dump him.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||03/02/2013|
Don't be sad. Get even. Do not show any sort of jealousy and stop the "do you LIKE me" stuff. Now here's where revenge comes in, my favorite part. I figured a guy I was in love was cheating on me. Not your case, at the moment, but, let's face it, it's only a matter of time. Find a guy who is better looking than your boyfriend. Spend the night with him and make sure your boyfriend finds out, not directly. When he does, he'll want you so badly, he'll commit and never look at another man again. At least that's the way I figured it would work out for me.
PS. It didn't.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||03/02/2013|
I know how you feel, OP. It must be exhausting to keep this relationship going.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||03/02/2013|