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Can growing up gay cause arrested development?

The older I get, the more it becomes apparent that I'm still emotionally and mentally stuck in my middle school years. Needless to say, this is a huge problem for me with all sorts of negative ramifications. I cannot live to my full potential with what is essentially a 12-year-old's brain. Sure I have moments of maturity, but whenever I become stressed or challenged I feel myself revert right back to a little kid inside (I'm in my 30's now).

Lately I've been researching arrested development, and have read that it's usually caused by some sort of trauma or abuse curing childhood. I was never abused or molested or anything though...the only "trauma" I can think of is the torture I endured throughout middle school for being gay. Those were the absolute darkest days of my life, and if I could completely erase those years from my memory I could. Would that be enough to cause arrested development though? And if so, why don't more gay men have it? Or do they?

I also can't seem to find any information online about how to reverse it! Am I fucked for life?

by Anonymousreply 2103/19/2013

no, you just sound fucked up, OP

by Anonymousreply 102/28/2013

I'm not a therapist, OP, but there is a lot of validity to what you're saying and going through. I remember a plotline in some work of fiction that had to deal with the hero(ine)'s inability to date anyone their own age because of trauma suffered during their teenage years, as if they had to go back and keep trying to get it fight.

It may have a lot to do with why we all chase youth.

The one who sounds fucked up, R1, is R1.

by Anonymousreply 202/28/2013

Cheap Psychology Thread #999

by Anonymousreply 302/28/2013

R2, I believe the work of fiction you're looking for is Lolita.

And the logic of this is fucked up.

by Anonymousreply 402/28/2013

Ridiculous OP. You've realized that maturity is a myth promoted by older people. Good. That is unusually insightful. People don't change.

by Anonymousreply 502/28/2013

Op, I completely understand what you're saying and where you're coming from. Sometimes I feel the exact same way and I think that it does have something to do with growing up gay, not having the "normal" formative years that straight people have.

by Anonymousreply 602/28/2013

[quote]Would that be enough to cause arrested development though? And if so, why don't more gay men have it? Or do they?

You must be new to the DL.

by Anonymousreply 702/28/2013

This thread is hitting home for me

by Anonymousreply 802/28/2013

Brian Grazer and Ron Howard caused "Arrested Development" and they are both straight.

by Anonymousreply 902/28/2013

Some of us were born without a spine. But I think you're pinning the tail on the wrong donkey.

by Anonymousreply 1002/28/2013

Isn't it coming to Netflix in May?

by Anonymousreply 1103/16/2013

OP? I've said that about lesbians for a long time. Most of them act like 14-year-old girls, running in cliques and snubbing anyone who doesn't "fit in" for whatever reason.

Because I'm not anything like that, I never have "fit in," and most of my friends have been straight women. The blessing is that I stopped caring a long time ago.

by Anonymousreply 1203/16/2013

"Because I'm not anything like that, I never have "fit in," and most of my friends have been straight women."

You think straight women don't act bratty and clique-ish? Ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Gotta love the self-loathing gays who brag about how all their friends are straight. I bet most of your straight "friends" have voted for anti-gay politicians.

by Anonymousreply 1303/16/2013

If you were bullied or otherwise abused for being gay, then you might suffer a post-traumatic stress disorder. Your brain sort of goes dormant until the nightmare ends. Then your maturing process picks up where it left off (if you survive).

by Anonymousreply 1403/16/2013

I think so.

I didn't get to go through the gay version of the boy/girl stuff straight 14-year-olds go through until I was 24.

Ten years = pretty arrested.

by Anonymousreply 1503/16/2013

[quote]If you were bullied or otherwise abused for being gay, then you might suffer a post-traumatic stress disorder

I saw a study a few years back showing that many gay men exhibit symptoms of post-traumatic stress. Even without actual abuse or bullying, the very real fear that you could be rejected by those you love because you are secretly something they may find abhorrent is trauma enough.

by Anonymousreply 1603/16/2013

[quote]Even without actual abuse or bullying, the very real fear that you could be rejected by those you love because you are secretly something they may find abhorrent is trauma enough.

The first time a gay guy I had fallen in love with broke up with me, I went absolutely nuts. I tried to kill myself. I got so despondent I lost a job for the first time in my life--my first so-called professional job. I ended up moving away from the city where we both lived so I didn't have to run into him anymore.

Somehow, I had it in my head that if I just fell in love with a guy who was actually gay, he would fall back in love with me, and life would be perfect. I'd gotten the job, had the apartment, and thought I had the boy. Then the boy wanted another boy, a boy who wanted me and whom I brought into the relationship.

I had to move away. Drugs and alcohol ensued. I'm not sure I ever really, truly, completely got over this first loss. I actually still think of him from time to time, as well as what my life might have been like if he hadn't dumped me.

When I date someone, I'm very circumspect about introducing him to anyone else I know, except women.

Oh, I could go on and on. But being dumped by my first gay boyfriend was, yes, "trauma enough" for PTSD.

by Anonymousreply 1703/16/2013

If you suffered abuse, trauma, or social isolation as a result of being gay, then it could definitely leave you with a lot of psychological issues. Many gay people do not go through the same rites of passage that straight people do at certain ages, i.e. dating, marriage, etc. Even nowadays, many gay people do not get a lot of experience with relationships until they are much older than their straight counterparts who started dating in their teens, because they haven't had the same opportunities for the kinds of social experiences that are considered traditional for straight people.

by Anonymousreply 1803/19/2013

OP, I don't know that growing up gay can cause arrested development. Issues that an individual cannot resolve at a certain age, when people tend to resolve them, will leave them emotionally at that age. However, many people don't fully develop. According to Erikson's stages of development, the final stage involves sharing of knowledge and life experience through working with younger people or people in need. Many older people never complete this life cycle.

There are therapists who work with this type of problem, but resolving these issues doesn't happen overnight.

by Anonymousreply 1903/19/2013

R19 please see R18 he covered it and it can take decades to get through it. Almost makes you want to ask for reparations of a sort.

by Anonymousreply 2003/19/2013

Those of us who went through AIDS death scenes are on the contrary much more mature than straights with their petty little status scenes and their inability to understand that life is short and a lot of the competition in it is bullshit.

by Anonymousreply 2103/19/2013
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