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Does it take a "special person" to be an out gay?

I don't think every gay-oriented person can do it. I've had several married/str8 fuckbuddies who I thought would make hopeless gay men, wouldn't know how to successfully navigate the world, etc.

For one thing, they'd have to lose most of the life they created prior to coming out: spouse, friends, children, status and sometimes job. After that, they'd have to find a gay relationship in a world of users and losers, body nazies and social climbers. I feel they'd get victimized so many times they'd grow jaded and bitter.

It's no wonder people cling to the closet. At a certain point, you have to know whether you have the balls to pull it off (most don't).

I feel you have to be creative and clever; courageous and brash; stubborn and thick-skinned.

You have to be tough.

by Anonymousreply 2403/01/2013

Good lord

by Anonymousreply 102/27/2013

Well the closeted already have the "user" and "social climber" parts down.

by Anonymousreply 202/28/2013

OP lives on Mars. For myself and virtually all of my friends (my age)- we've been out since the mid 70s- Big deal.

by Anonymousreply 302/28/2013

OP, you're so very, very brave!

by Anonymousreply 402/28/2013

Gay men are still men and, as such, can be a self-centered and greedy as any other man, straight or bisexual or whatever. Many closeted men marry women knowing full well they are gay. They want all the societal approval. I thought this kind of stuff would happen less and less (and on the whole it does) but that it's still going on at this point doesn't surprise me but saddens me. For those of us who have been out for years and who did not trick some woman into marrying us as cover, it seems sad.

by Anonymousreply 502/28/2013

We each have different wants and needs in life. If a gay man is satisfied living within a traditional nuclear family who are we to judge? Different strokes for different folks.

by Anonymousreply 602/28/2013

[quote]For one thing, they'd have to lose most of the life they created prior to coming out: spouse, friends, children, status and sometimes job.

This is a Bullshit black and white scenario, OP. One that is used to justify your fear and perpetuating the closet mentality. Furthermore. it poses the idea that any drama or discomfort caused to other people by someone in the closet is all the GAY person's fault. Bullshit.

Children of gay parents love them Because they love their parents. Period.

Parents of gay people should love them if they're good parent, Period. It may take some time to adjust - that's understandable

But if a parent is an awful parent - it's their "lose." You will find your own family. And a chosen family can be 1000% more powerful, more supportive, and REAL than the accident that gave birth to you.

Friends of gay people should be their friends - period. Anyone else isn't a real friend. If you have to build your friendship by evading and hiding who you are- You're not really "Lose"ing anything real. Period.

It's true that in CONSERVATIVE & CLOSE MINDED circles, some people will walk away but those people never cared for you in the first place. For others, it will take time but they will come around.

No one should want to live the rest of thier life tied down to the worse case scenario nor should they want to tie themselves down to people who would treat you any differently for being honest.

[quote]After that, they'd have to find a gay relationship in a world of users and losers, body nazies and social climbers. I feel they'd get victimized so many times they'd grow jaded and bitter.

This idea assumes that all gay people are "losers, body nazies and social climber": Who the fuck are YOU, OP, that you would surround yourself with any of these people? Maybe you need to check yourself. Look at your life, look at YOUR choices.

I have been out for years and I don't surround myself who comes close to this description. It took some time for my family to understand that being gay was no drama. I have a great deal of wonderful friends, a good job and a good life full of love and happiness.

Get over your worst case scenario lies.

by Anonymousreply 702/28/2013

There are plenty of "losers and users" and social climbers in the straight world.

It's really hard for guys who are married to just "come out" - especially if they had kids. I think that's part of the reason why Revolta is still clinging to the closet. If he ever comes out I don't think it will be until the "miracle baby" has graduated from high school.

by Anonymousreply 802/28/2013

OP, you have a point. But navigating the conventional straight life you describe is not easy either, even for people who actually are straight.

by Anonymousreply 902/28/2013

^ Yes. A lot of straights complain about the straight dating scene.

by Anonymousreply 1002/28/2013

Oh dear.

OP made a bet with his friends as to how many people would post on his troll thread.

Don't feed the silly little troll.

by Anonymousreply 1102/28/2013

Hit a nerve, #11?

by Anonymousreply 1202/28/2013

A lot of us have been out for decades. And the traction gay rights has now is due to that. Closets are passe.' Some can "hide" their orientation, some can't. That's why I always loved drag queens. They're fierce because they had to be, all through their lives.

by Anonymousreply 1302/28/2013

OP I think you are confusing being an out gay man with being a gay man in the gay "scene" (for lack of a better term). There are a lot of us who are out but never encounter the users and losers, body nazies and social climbers.

by Anonymousreply 1402/28/2013

R14 is correct.

The way some of you talk about being gay makes me think you really do live in your parents' basement and have no friends.

by Anonymousreply 1502/28/2013

Here, here, OP.

by Anonymousreply 1602/28/2013

Oh please. I'm a neurotic mess, selfish, a huge pothead and 50 pounds overweight. I've also been out for 15 years, been with my partner for 6 years and have a successful career (totally out at work, too).

OP has invented some sort of strange little fantasy world and is hoping other people will endorse it.

by Anonymousreply 1702/28/2013

I echo r14.

There's a gay life, OP, and then there's the gay version of the Jersey Shore. Not everyone has to star in it and it's certainly not unique to any minority group.

In fact I find the people who are more the most drawn to party-scene-trash are usually the closeted and self-loathing gays. They hate themselves and don't want anyone to attach tot hem so they invest no energy in establishing meaningful relationships - romantic or friendly. They want to pretent the gay thing is just a weekend trick and partition that aspect of their life off from the rest. This closeted mentality is what drives them to seek out the most unhealthy and self-destructive connections.

by Anonymousreply 1802/28/2013

Oh, really r19. You must not get out much.

by Anonymousreply 2002/28/2013

FF the freeper troll at r19. She's stinking up threads across the board.

YOU DON"T BELONG HERE r19.

by Anonymousreply 2102/28/2013

It doesn't take a "special" person to be an out gay, just a person with some guts.

by Anonymousreply 2202/28/2013

Str8 guys who come out as gay think they're going to meet Heath Ledger in a cowboy hat, but all they find is Richard Simmons in hotpants.

by Anonymousreply 2403/01/2013
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