I told you that this diva would head for Rome to sort some of this shit out, and me and my entourage have made it just in time.
I figured, hell, I'm between gigs and there's a pile of rich men assembling - even if they've got more red dresses than a whore's wedding party - and I am sick of all the mess in the news, taking attention away from me. Someone needs to sort it out, and since I have been called divine I figured what the fuck.
So Cindi, Damont, Nippy and me settled into a cabin - well, a life boat, okay? - on a trawler and then with Nippy's help convinced the crew to take a detour. Got it across to the Mediterrwhatever and up the Tiber until it scraped bottom.
As I said, people (I'm looking at you, Anna Mae) complained about my plans. They say I'm not Catholic. Well, I'm a Baptist and so was that head John, so it all comes to the same thing. Plus it seems to me the last bunch to leave this decision to is the bunch of Holy Marys who've been running things. I mean, what's next out of them? Some humpback Dago with callouses on his nose from how far it's been up the Ratz' ass?
Damont got him a Swiss Guard outfit and a red wig. Nippy is stored in some marble box in the Big Church till we need her. John Paul something is on the lid - and she's got something to chew on until it's time for her reveal. Cindi is my Holy Moley Assistant although I keep telling her a short black nighty is NOT standard cassock material. And I am in my Crimson Glory. I just added some fringe to one of my red sweatshirts and popped on a Cardinals baseball cap with the rim cut off. Although I have my trousseau ready for the Camp Out in the Sistine.
Since these assholes are so racist they don't even know how many Afro Cardinals there is, I am posing as Dionysius Cardinal Warwick of the Zulu Nation. Had trouble getting it all on my name tag. I skipped my weekly lip wax and the effect is perfect. No problems yet. They're all drunk with the big farewell party - and such fancy cups on that fancy table.
I'm singing later - I was going to do "Do You Know the Way to San Jose" but when I mentioned it they kept saying which one cuz there are twelve of them in Rome. WTF? So I fixed on "Say a Little Prayer" and "Heartbreaker" and I'll slip in a "Sacred" in front of it for context. I might just sit in Ratz' lap, if I think it will break his hollow hips.
Gotta go. Some old man in purple with yellow skin (bad combo) is feeling Cindi's hem with a nasty look in his eye.