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I had incredible sex this morning

With my dildo. I was able to imagine being impaled by every hot guy I spotted this past week. After banging my prostate into ecstasy, I came buckets, showered and repaired to the veranda in my robe (no caftan! lol) with my tea and The Times. No muss, no fuss, no std's. No awkward brunches or walks in the park afterwards...

Heaven

by Franckreply 4703/04/2013

how sad for you..

by Franckreply 102/24/2013

Sounds like a good deal to me!

by Franckreply 202/24/2013

Bless your heart, OP.

by Franckreply 302/24/2013

But will the dildo call you tomorrow?

by Franckreply 402/24/2013

Do you have one with a suction cup so you can stick it to the wall?

My favorite is the one molded after Johnny Hazzard's dick. So thick.

Sometimes I deep-throat it while I'm plowing myself with a vibrator.

Better orgasms than I've ever had with a person, and no STD fears.

by Franckreply 502/24/2013

Sometimes a guy just has to take matters into his own hand.

And I totally agree with you, OP.

by Franckreply 602/24/2013

This afternoon I was raped by a lucha libre.

by Franckreply 702/24/2013

Well, isn't that special.

by Franckreply 802/24/2013

I had that dildo last month,OP.It gave me scabies.

by Franckreply 902/24/2013

Why do I suddenly hear a new version of Heart's song: "He's a plastic man!"

by Franckreply 1002/24/2013

The way DL people describe sex never ceases to gross me out. Erotic writers we are not.

by Franckreply 1102/24/2013

Dildos mean never having to say you're sorry.

by Franckreply 1202/24/2013

Just call me angel of the morning ....

by Franckreply 1302/24/2013

[quote]Do you have one with a suction cup so you can stick it to the wall?

Dear god I hope the wall in question is tastefully decorated and the color compliments the color of the dildo. Imagine being fucked by clashing colors. The horror, the shame.

by Franckreply 1402/24/2013

I joined PFLAG for this?

by Franckreply 1502/24/2013

R14 "Compliments"? Oh dear...if you are doing to be the doyenne of taste, you need to review the difference between "compliments" and "complements." Glass houses, dearie...

by Franckreply 1602/24/2013

Did you and the dildo do the Times Sunday crossword together?

by Franckreply 1802/24/2013

I just use him for the necessary friction.

by Franckreply 1902/24/2013

Doesn't that cause cancer?

by Franckreply 2002/24/2013

This guy makes sex toys with common household objects.

by Franckreply 2102/24/2013

It was kind of Meh, actually

by Franckreply 2202/24/2013

A dildo is preferable, no need to get turned off my washing out your hole.

by Franckreply 2302/24/2013

Now I also have a strange rash

by Franckreply 2402/24/2013

*by

by Franckreply 2502/24/2013

I just wanted it over with so I could get back to my Sudoku.

by Franckreply 2602/24/2013

Not the gay cancer, R20.

by Franckreply 2702/24/2013

Did it cum inside you

by Franckreply 2802/24/2013

If I wasn't an inanimate plastic object I would be out of this relationship in a New York minute.

by Franckreply 2902/24/2013

[repaired to the veranda]

WTF?

by Franckreply 3002/24/2013

OP = Peggy Noonan, former Reagan speechwriter

by Franckreply 3102/24/2013

How nice that you have found a sex partner with whom you can talk on your own level.

by Franckreply 3202/24/2013

Do not click the link at r21. You'll need to dip your head in bleach afterwards.

by Franckreply 3302/24/2013

I can relate OP

by Franckreply 3402/24/2013

Bravo, OP! Your post made me hard. And it gave me plans for the rest of my evening.

by Franckreply 3502/24/2013

Truth be told, I was faking it.

by Franckreply 3602/24/2013

Ringlets!

by Franckreply 3702/24/2013

truth be told, it's harder than the last date I had

by Franckreply 3802/24/2013

I did too. I wish my bf wasn't into waking my ass up too early though. I was sleeping nice and sound and here he comes bringing out the toys and flipping my ass over.

I really just wanted to sleep though.

by Franckreply 3902/25/2013

Akon just had sex, too.

by Franckreply 4002/25/2013

Does your dildo spurt fake cum and what is the fake cum made out of? Don't tell me it's yogurt with half a cup of sea salt......

by Franckreply 4102/26/2013

OP, what color was the dildo?

My guess would be black, because if you're that lazy seeking out sex , I imagine you're even lazier when it comes to washing your dildos.

by Franckreply 4202/26/2013

My God, The mind boggles when trying to imagine what the OP must look like.

by Franckreply 4302/26/2013

If I were OP's dildo, I'd claim to have a headache.

by Franckreply 4403/01/2013

R39, you can't rape the willing

by Franckreply 4503/01/2013

did you offer the dildo turkey meatballs after?

by Franckreply 4603/01/2013

congratulations.

by Franckreply 4703/04/2013
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