It's over: The four problems NO marriage can survive (and having an affair ISN'T one of them)
Micki McWade is a divorce expert and psychotherapist
Says problems in marriage must not be left too late
Explained theory in blog on Huffington Post
By MARTHA DE LACEY PUBLISHED: 15:57 GMT, 21 February 2013 | UPDATED: 15:57 GMT, 21 February 2013 Comments (91) Share
There are four insurmountable problems no marriage can survive, according to a leading divorce expert.
And just having an affair isn't one of them.
Blogging on the Huffington Post, psychotherapist and author Micki McWade said cheating on a spouse is often just a symptom of one of four deeper underlying issues - issues which, she says, are the ones to ultimately end a marriage.
McWade - who describes herself as a collaborative divorce coach, a parent educator and collaborative trainer - outlines these marital dead-ends as: partners ceasing to be partners; chronic complaining and blame-throwing; narcissism and addiction.
Ceasing to be partners: When one partner feels the other is immature, irresponsible, untrustworthy or selfish, the marital dynamic will crumble, destroying intimacy and sexual attraction. One partner will then 'detach'. Domestic abuse is the most extreme version of this. There's often no turning back from detachment, so it's important to recognize and start marriage counseling before breaking point. A marriage counselor can't manufacture a connection, only strengthen it.
Domestic abuse is the most severe form of 'detachment', when one partner no longer feels equal to the other
Chronic complaining and blame-throwing: When marital problems are not resolved to the satisfaction of both, resentment builds - and this erodes relationships.
Solving a problem by compromise is more important than being 'right'. Individuals who cannot accept accountability are doomed to fail in relationships.
Narcissism: Everyone is narcissistic to some extent, but this is problematic when partners are unable to empathise with each other and instead compete over issues such as who works harder, who spends more time with the children, who had a tougher day. When partners don't understand the other's contribution, each assume the other has it easier and neither feels understood.
Addiction: Addiction will always be an addict's main focus above marriage and family, and their partner will feel angry and embarrassed by their lack of consideration for others.