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Just to be clear, my bf and I MAKE LOVE; we FUCK our tricks.

We have a modern open relationship. We love each other immensely and have a very strong emotional bond, but we also realize that we are men and that our powerful sexual appetites necessitate that we look outside the relationship for sexual satisfaction at times. When we hook up with other guys, it's just pure base, animalistic fucking and nothing more. It's just getting off with a hot ass. However, when we're together, it's called making love. Our emotional bond elevates our fucking to love-making, and there's nothing more satisfying than when we make love.

I believe our relationship should be the model for gay as well as straight couples...realizing you can love someone so much yet be honest about the fact that you won't always practice fidelity.

by Anonymousreply 17510/14/2013

Your "powerful sexual appetites?" You both sound like giant douchebag apologists. "Getting off with a hot ass?" Who TALKS like that? You are an ASS, that much is clear.

No one wants to use you for anything other than "Please, dear God, don't let me turn out like that."

by Anonymousreply 102/11/2013

That's nice, dear.

by Anonymousreply 202/11/2013

YOU are truly the voice of your generation.

by Anonymousreply 302/11/2013

"and there's nothing more satisfying than when we make love."

Then why bother with "tricks?"

by Anonymousreply 402/11/2013

blog much?

by Anonymousreply 502/11/2013

Oh look, Tom Bianchi Jr!

by Anonymousreply 602/11/2013

r4, we're able to separate sex from love. We see nothing wrong with acting on a sexual attraction to another guy. It's what feels right at the moment. No emotions, just fucking. Of course it's the best when we're together because of the emotions, but that doesn't preclude us from wanting to trick around with other guys. It's kind of analogous to the bars I prefer to go to. I have a deep place in my heart for G Lounge in NYC because that's the first gay bar I felt comfortable enough to set foot in. That's my go-to bar, and the place I feel most at home. But as time marched on, I decided to try other bars. I still occasionally go to these other bars, but my heart always brings me back to G.

by Anonymousreply 702/11/2013

MARY, you are telling us NOW so you don't have to tell us THEN!

by Anonymousreply 802/11/2013

You make fuck, not love. Do you know what LOVE iS, OP?

by Anonymousreply 902/11/2013

Thank you for sharing.

by Anonymousreply 1002/11/2013

"I believe our relationship should be the model for gay as well as straight couples...realizing you can love someone so much yet be honest about the fact that you won't always practice fidelity."

Translation = WE'RE MASSIVE WHORES.

by Anonymousreply 1102/11/2013

For those who like that sort of thing, that is exactly the sort of thing that they like.

How vulgar.

by Anonymousreply 1202/11/2013

What are your rules when it comes to tricks, OP? How do you deal with the risk of catching STDs?

by Anonymousreply 1302/11/2013

OP - Can I have your number?

by Anonymousreply 1402/11/2013

Lots of guys on this board say that monogamy is not natural, and we happen to agree with that. We think we have an evolved relationship. We demonstrate that it's possible to sustain a loving relationship while recognizing that we are sexual beings whose sex outside the relationship has nothing to do with our relationship. We know a lot of couples like us, and we seem to be happier over the couples who practice monogamy or who claim they're monogamous but are cheating right and left behind their bf's backs.

by Anonymousreply 1502/11/2013

This has to be a parody of something. The G Bar reference is just hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 1602/11/2013

OP/r15, I'd respect your beliefs more if you just admitted that you and your supposed, if he even truly exists, boyfriend are massive whores and quit making excuses that you've "evolved" into some sort of supreme beings. Quit putting on airs and just admit you're gutter sluts.

Have fun defending yourself when you get some disease.

by Anonymousreply 1702/11/2013

No parody, r16. When I first started coming out about 10 years ago, G was the only place I felt comfortable going because it wasn't some dingy bar, but an upscale lounge. I learned so much about how to interact with other gay guys in that place, so, yes, it does hold a close spot in my heart, and I still love going there. It's like a comfortable pair of shoes.

by Anonymousreply 1802/11/2013

I love it when unsolicited opinions are started by OP's like our OP on a Monday morning at 11am.

Can we say "weekend meth bender?"

by Anonymousreply 1902/11/2013

Meanwhile, I SWEEP THINGS UNDER THE RUG, but I HOOVER MY CARPET.

by Anonymousreply 2002/11/2013

And how do you take your HIV meds?

Wash them down with Cosmos?

by Anonymousreply 2102/11/2013

I agree with R6. The more OP runs his gaping pie hole, the more he sounds like TB.

Soul mates, anyone?

by Anonymousreply 2302/11/2013

I concur with OP. I am a nun and am married to Jesus, who fills my heart with true love, but I recognize my body has needs. So from time to time I go the the Lez Be Friends bar and have at it with some hot ass. Funny, you wouldn't think it would shock the priest at confession the next day but it always does.

by Anonymousreply 2402/11/2013

[quote] G was the only place I felt comfortable going because it wasn't some dingy bar, but an upscale lounge.

Upscale lounge?!?!?!?! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Thats the place I saw someone projective vomit all over the bar and some douche pulled a knife on my BF in the restroom.

by Anonymousreply 2502/11/2013

I love how OP just decides that he and his (non-posting) bf are so much happier than everyone else. Presume much? but I'm sure he is supremely capable of such discernment, given his remarkably tone deaf performance on this thread. If he is so happy, why the hard sell? I guess that's pretty normal for someone who see his gay bar selection process as a valid analogy for his relationship.

by Anonymousreply 2602/11/2013

[quote]YOU are truly the voice of your generation.

Or at least, a voice of a generation.

by Anonymousreply 2702/11/2013

Open relationships are nice in theory. The disease possibilities have always kept me from pursuing one.

by Anonymousreply 2802/11/2013

And to be clear, while we BROWSE in BLOOMINGDALES, we BUY at ALEXANDERS!!!

by Anonymousreply 3002/11/2013

You wouldn't have written this is you believed it.

by Anonymousreply 3102/11/2013

Aha, does this sound like Anderson and Ben? When is the Benfreak to explain how logical this is?

by Anonymousreply 3202/11/2013

[quote]I believe our relationship should be the model for gay as well as straight couples

Which actually makes you no better than someone's meddling aunt.

by Anonymousreply 3302/11/2013

Ok - so I'm not judging you on your open relationship or the amount of sex you have, like most of these hard-up crones. I am judging you for your pompous, self-important airs. Promoting your relationship as a model for all other relationships is high queen narcissism.

by Anonymousreply 3402/11/2013

OP, your boyfriend is not that into you that's why he doesn't care who you fuck. This is the secret to a lot of open relationship. What he's doing is using you as his safety net. You're the guy he's settled for.

He'll hook up with other guys and maybe in the back of his mind hope to finally find someone he can really connect with, but in the meantime he thinks why not have some fun.

What you are is the guy that he has to prevent him from being alone on new years eve, at holidays and on his birthday.

Congratulations on being the back up plan.

by Anonymousreply 3502/11/2013

Long as OP is happy is what matters for him. His partner as well.

I just don't understand why the big announcement. Is there a reason for it?

by Anonymousreply 3602/11/2013

[quote]I just don't understand why the big announcement. Is there a reason for it?

Trolling?

by Anonymousreply 3702/11/2013

Well alrighty. File under random.

In other news, my boyfriend went to work before me and ate a bagel. I had some fruit and an English muffin. When we eat together I usually make omelettes for us.

by Anonymousreply 3802/11/2013

Couples can do whatever the fuck they want. There is no model or should, just whatever works for people. I'm in a long term relationship and I fool around sometimes even emotionally. More often emotionally and kissing than any kind of sex. He fools around too. Who gives a fuck? We're happy and love each other. No one else has to live like us though and we don't care what people on DL think.

by Anonymousreply 3902/11/2013

Just to be clear, my husband and I MAKE LOVE; oh, and we FUCK each other too. And to be really clear we have sex with no others. You see this way we can be as filthy sexually as we are...with no worries.

We've been together likely longer than the OP has been in existence. Regardless, he is the sexiest person I've ever known or for that matter I've ever been with. When you have that you don't need to look elsewhere.

Respectfully, An Eldergay

by Anonymousreply 4002/11/2013

If the OP didn't care what people on DL thinks, R39 then he needs to stop being the fool that posts about his love life on DL.

Obviously, if he was extremely happy in his relationship he wouldn't feel the need to be so defensive about it all. Truly happy people aren't looking for the approval of strangers.

There are many people though, who choose these types of relationships because there'd rather do anything than be alone.

by Anonymousreply 4102/11/2013

[quote] I learned so much about how to interact with other gay guys in that place

No, you didn't.

by Anonymousreply 4202/11/2013

Marry me, r35

by Anonymousreply 4302/11/2013

What happened to the idea that we don't need to conform to archaic "heteronormative" ideas of what makes for a relationship?

by Anonymousreply 4402/11/2013

2 whores have found love together. How sweet!

by Anonymousreply 4502/11/2013

[quote]we're able to separate sex from love

Until one of you isn't. Oops!

by Anonymousreply 4602/11/2013

You keep telling yourself that, OP.

by Anonymousreply 4702/11/2013

I'm totally for an open relationship in theory. I just couldn't get over the STD fear. How do you get past that OP?

This is a serious question.

by Anonymousreply 4802/11/2013

We use protection when we screw around. You do know that you can be the biggest whore known to man and not get any STDs if you play safe? And it's not as though we're cruising the Port Authority men's room for hustlers. We're extremely selective in whom we hook up with.

by Anonymousreply 4902/11/2013

OP: I give you guys six more months.

by Anonymousreply 5002/11/2013

"We have a modern open relationship. We love each other immensely and have a very strong emotional bond, but we also realize that we are men and that our powerful sexual appetites necessitate that we look outside the relationship for sexual satisfaction at times."

OH BULLSHIT. Why even bother to have a relationship if you two are tricking around? Why is there this constant need for fresh dick? Why can't you two enjoy monogamy? I think you have psychological issues. Just forget boasting about your "relationship." It's not that. You're living together and tricking together. That's FRIENDSHIP, not marriage.

by Anonymousreply 5102/11/2013

OP has as much self-described machismo is that dipshit who used to be on his terrace in New York City with his ripped bod.

You remember, the Greek god over all he surveyed.

by Anonymousreply 5202/11/2013

Keep telling yourself that Mary!

by Anonymousreply 5302/11/2013

So Open relationships are strictly a Homosexual phenomenon?

What are swingers then?

I think you need to readjust your stereotypical view of homosexuality.

IF you want to fuck around, by all means, do so- But just to proselytize about it!

Not all of us are interested in your bullshit, and we never will.

Stop trying to broaden your sexual pool of partners.

by Anonymousreply 5402/11/2013

I am whore, darlins, but I'm single and I can do whatever I want. And when I meet the right guy,I'll stop my trashy ways.

In the meantime, I avoid douchebags like OP and his boyfriend like the plague. I may be cum slut but I'm sure not trashy enough to want to be a living sexual surrogate for jaded, bored queens like OP (and others with the same outlook like OP)and their "open" relationships.

by Anonymousreply 5502/11/2013

BTW, there is nothing wrong with Variety, it is the spice of life...

I just happen to want a variety of sex in my monogamous relationship...

What is to stop me from "making love" with my boyfriend on Tuesday, and then "Hard Fuck" him on Wednesday? Or have sex in a variety of public places with him!?!

Nothing. I just don't want outside bitches trying to ruin a good thing!

by Anonymousreply 5602/11/2013

[quote] We use protection when we screw around. You do know that you can be the biggest whore known to man and not get any STDs if you play safe? And it's not as though we're cruising the Port Authority men's room for hustlers. We're extremely selective in whom we hook up with.

THIS.

This is proof that your relationship is doomed. Sure, you "love" each other enough to "trust" each other when you "fuck" your tricks. And then your BF, whom I'm still not convinced is real, or you, will continue pushing the envelope until all the temporary and unenforceable rules you came up with are non-existent. I've seen it happen before in open relationships. Some "trick" winds up sliding in and all hell breaks loose... jealousy, accusation, tears, all that drama, follows closely your whoredom.

This will all work out badly for you, but frankly, you sound like you deserve it, OP. It's one thing to do what you do, another to brag about it as if you're the Margret Mead of gay whores.

by Anonymousreply 5702/11/2013

[quote] We use protection when we screw around. You do know that you can be the biggest whore known to man and not get any STDs if you play safe? And it's not as though we're cruising the Port Authority men's room for hustlers. We're extremely selective in whom we hook up with.

Until you get something. People can get too neurotic about this, but intimate physical contact comes with risk. Herpes (1 out of 3 gay men in NY) and HPV are pretty unavoidable with your behavior, but I'm certain you are tested regularly and could be counted on to disclose to the men you describe as fellow animals. Syphillis isn't prevented by condoms, and very common in the Northeast. Last fall, several men in Brooklyn died from meningitis transmitted by making out. And you must be using condoms for oral, right?

You can be a whore and avoid disease by sheer luck, or you can catch something on your first outing. And you may be only "fucking" "pieces of ass" in acceptable zip codes, but are they?

by Anonymousreply 5802/11/2013

[quote]I believe our relationship should be the model for gay as well as........

"And nobody has EVER put forth this idea before. It's me and my love-makin'partner's original idea. I know, we'll call it 'Free Love'! That sounds good"

by Anonymousreply 5902/11/2013

[quote]And it's not as though we're cruising the Port Authority men's room for hustlers. We're extremely selective in whom we hook up with.

FACT: People who dress well don't have diseases.

by Anonymousreply 6002/11/2013

Why does everything come down to fear of disease with you guys? You sound like overly paranoid types who are afraid to shake another guy's hand for fear of picking something up. There's nothing wrong with recreational sex in a relationship as long as the other person is aware and as long as you're protecting yourself. Live your lives and stop worrying about something that most likely won't happen.

by Anonymousreply 6102/11/2013

OP will learn the hard way that this will end in tears eventually.

If the two of you were so happy with eachother, you wouldn't need to fuck other people.

by Anonymousreply 6202/11/2013

Condragulations hunty, on your stretched out pooters and bacteria laden wieners.

by Anonymousreply 6302/11/2013

R61, I don't fear diseases in some irrational way. I just don't want one if I can avoid it. And one of the great things about having a partner is knowing that the "disease factor" that comes with one night stands is gone. So, if you're open in your relationship, that factor comes back into play, so to speak. I'd rather not have to deal with it, frankly.

by Anonymousreply 6402/11/2013

Whores! Next...

by Anonymousreply 6502/11/2013

Not into your lifestyle of trying on new shoes, looking for a more comfortable pair. Eventually one of you is going to really click with that new pair & you or he are going to ditch the other. Keep looking & 1 of you will find a better chemistry & have nothing more than a friendship, if you can even salvage that out of this mess. Get back to me when it all goes south.

by Anonymousreply 6602/11/2013

My bf and I have been together for several years. Not being monogamous is what actually helps to keep us together. Honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship, and a relationship such as ours is about as honest as you can get. If you think the self-labeled monogamous couples aren't secretly straying or longing to stray, then you have another guess coming. There is very little honesty in those relationships. Ours is totally honest, open and forthright, which only strengthens our love. I find it highly ironic that having sex partners outside the main relationship serves to solidify that relationship.

by Anonymousreply 6702/11/2013

As long as you're safe and you both agree I don't see a problem because sex is not about love anyway. Sex is sex just like with all other animals it doesn't require love. It's a primitive urge. Maybe if you're in love it's better but it's still just sex.

by Anonymousreply 6802/11/2013

Thank you, r68.

by Anonymousreply 6902/11/2013

Your relationship is not becoming more solid by having outside sex partners. You've just reduced your relationship to one that's really friends with benefit. If that's what you want then fine but don't try to elevate it into something more.

by Anonymousreply 7002/11/2013

To be even more clear, in the bathroom in our home my bf and I DO OUR BUSINESS; but in the bathrooms of our tricks WE TAKE DUMPS.

by Anonymousreply 7102/11/2013

I think Dan Savage says that open relationships can be fine if you both agree but I doubt he's talking about bringing filthy rent boys into the arrangement.

by Anonymousreply 7202/11/2013

You're having sex with your roommate. Big deal. Who hasn't?

by Anonymousreply 7302/11/2013

[quote]we also realize that we are men and that our powerful sexual appetites necessitate that we look outside the relationship for sexual satisfaction at times. When we hook up with other guys, it's just pure base, animalistic fucking and nothing more.

You realize you are men but I can almost hear your boring, screechy voices. Toots, you can pretend you are modern and free of heterosexual norms, but yet you're still obsessed with fucking as validating your sex life and masculinity.

by Anonymousreply 7402/11/2013

Can you imagine your parents or grandparents openly having sex with other partners? It would be traumatizing.

by Anonymousreply 7502/11/2013

Bullshit, r61. Not everyone is the same. I've been in open relationship for 19 years and we're very happy. Doomed for tears? I don't think so.

by Anonymousreply 7602/11/2013

[quote]we also realize that we are men and that our powerful sexual appetites necessitate that we look outside the relationship for sexual satisfaction at times. When we hook up with other guys, it's just pure base, animalistic fucking and nothing more.

This probably sounds more impressive when you type it while not wearing your earrings and caftan, OP.

by Anonymousreply 7702/11/2013

That was for r62 not r61

by Anonymousreply 7802/11/2013

Yeah, I personally don't trust the "as long as you're safe" thing. It's not all about HIV. Call me paranoid, but wondering about all the biological exchanges and mixing thereof would make me uneasy.

by Anonymousreply 7902/11/2013

To R57 and all the other drones/crones--

WTF is wrong with you? The OP might have been a bit heavy-handed in his self-proclamation (or even bogus), but I am surprised so many of you doubt the possibility of such a union being viable. It IS. I approve, endorse, and CRAVE ths life. Not for myself but for my partners. Most of my break-ups with men evolved from my rejection of their ownership of me as the source of their sexual satisfaction. I don't want cum on my face but if you want that-- find some other bitch who does. I'll still be here; just don't do it to me. Women are worse (I know this is a gay male board and some of you are misogynists and/or Nellies, so I'll stop there). I've been queer since adolescence and have rarely found a partner who was comfortable with the idea that if I loved them it didnt mean i was going to get my panties in a bunch if they went out and got some strange-- as long as it was safe, and as long as it wasn't inappropriate in mutually pre-defined terms ( a friend, one of our relatives; you get the gist). And even on the one occasion that rule was transgressed (boyfriend fell in lust with my exquisitely beautiful friend) I broke up with him, warned him about her, and watched her tear him up. Admittedly I wasn't in love with him, but I remained friends with them both throughout and afterwards, and refused to take sides as she ripped him to shreds.

That's not the best anecdote with which to end this post, but it is apt in its way-- each of us are individuals. Even the most mature love can be contravened by random desire. Why pretend? That's for unevolved Christers and unthinking heterosexuals.

by Anonymousreply 8002/11/2013

To OP and others like him:

To paraphrase the old guy agent in the movie "Sid and Nancy:" you really do think that dick is made out of gold, no?

Keep in your pants, pal. It's not like you may bring the 2nd coming of Jesus Christ every time you cum, despite your enormous ego thinking otherwise.

by Anonymousreply 8102/11/2013

Thank God their both gay, imagine all the baby mama's their would be.

by Anonymousreply 8202/11/2013

[quote]Even the most mature love can be contravened by random desire. Why pretend? That's for unevolved Christers and unthinking heterosexuals.

Actually, there was a study a year or so ago that revealed that the smarter you are, the more likely you are to be monogamous ... and an atheist.

by Anonymousreply 8302/11/2013

Boys fuck, boys have sex. MEN make love. You and your husband sound hot.

by Anonymousreply 8402/11/2013

R79, I'm the one who said "as long as you're safe." You can't be too safe. I didn't mean to imply that it's okay to be careless in any way. If you're just picking up men off the street who you know nothing about that seems very dangerous to me. And since he used the word "trick" I guess that's what he's talking about. That's very risky behavior, imo. I was thinking more of an open relationship with someone you know and even then you have to always be very careful. I certainly don't want to be flippant about the dangers of sleeping around. I just don't think you have to be in love to have sex.

by Anonymousreply 8502/11/2013

Just to be clear, my bf has a CHOCOLATE STARFISH; my tricks have TWITCHING ASSHOLES.

by Anonymousreply 8602/11/2013

[quote]When we hook up with other guys, it's just pure base, animalistic fucking and nothing more. It's just getting off with a hot ass.

OP, that may be what's happening with you but there's no way to predict what's happening with your bf. We're people not animals and our emotions easily become involved. That's why people have affairs and fall in love with online friends and co workers. It's very easy to fall for the next guy you get naked with. Either that or you or your boyfriend will pick up a nice STD. Condoms break & there's no such thing as perfectly safe.

by Anonymousreply 8702/11/2013

[quote]Our emotional bond elevates our fucking to love-making, and there's nothing more satisfying than when we make love.

That's simply not true because you are out whoring around with other guys.

I know couples like you. Sexual predators - so cloyingly desperate that it shines through in their eyes. Everything you do is about sex and fucking the next guy. Real predators.

Judging from your defensive posts - you also sound like a real fuckwit OP.

by Anonymousreply 8802/12/2013

Nice job, OP. 10/10. You've got all the prisspots wringing their hands, clutching their pearls and reaching for the smelling salts.

by Anonymousreply 8902/12/2013

In your dreams, r89. You're obviously patting your sex-positive back for triumphing over these totally imagined sex-negatives. Who you just happen to describe in exclusively female terms - what a coincidence.

by Anonymousreply 9002/12/2013

OP, you need to look up the word "rationalisation" in the dictionary. Get to know yourself a little better.

by Anonymousreply 9102/12/2013

r87, we're not going to pick up an STD. Believe me, we are very careful and make sure to play safe. And neither of us is going to fall in love with a trick. If that were the case, it probably would've happened already. Believe me, we are 110% devoted to each other. Plus, we've got our daughter to think about.

by Anonymousreply 9202/12/2013

Daddy, daddy, who is my new uncle in your bed, and why are you trying to beat him up?

by Anonymousreply 9302/12/2013

Bravo, OP/R92, bravo! Adding the kid was an exceptionally sensitve tactic to add to an already extremely sexual topic.

by Anonymousreply 9402/12/2013

This thread isn't going quite the way OP wanted...

by Anonymousreply 9502/12/2013

You're getting less sexy with each detail. From wild animalistic passion to careful, safe selectiveness. And a daughter. Yeah, I'm betting you guys are so very hot in bed.

by Anonymousreply 9602/12/2013

"I believe our relationship should be the model for gay as well as straight couples...realizing you can love someone so much yet be honest about the fact that you won't always practice fidelity"

I don't. But if it works for you fine- go for it. I'm 59 years old and I have yet to see an open relationship survive the long term. I wonder how long your's has been? I tend to believe the goal is monogamy, but that perhaps that is perfection, and perfection is nearly impossible. I would never leave a partner over one or two incidents I found out about. I would over an affair perhaps. That is sort of my model, and if it works for others, good. If not, do your best. In general love IS the answer, and it does not have to be in the form of a "lover" or partner. It comes from all sorts of places.

by Anonymousreply 9702/12/2013

That is just gross.

by Anonymousreply 9802/12/2013

It's showmanship, OP. Quit while you're ahead and leave on a high note. It'll always make them want more!

by Anonymousreply 9902/12/2013

So let me get this right: your boyfriend whom you love has no problem with stick his pecker in your nasty used pooter that is dripping with a stranger's cum you fucked 10 minutes ago, right?

You two are LOOKING TO GET HIV with your promiscuous ways. One of the many points of a monogamous relationship with another guy is to avoid exposure to the plague.

You sound like a crazy druggy tweeker

by Anonymousreply 10002/12/2013

R82. Learn they're, there and their before posting again.

by Anonymousreply 10102/12/2013

[quote]Believe me, we are 110% devoted to each other. Plus, we've got our daughter to think about.

Oh you're a fucking disaster OP. Really embarrassing. I wouldn't post again if I were you.

by Anonymousreply 10202/13/2013

"Make love" is something my great-grandmother would say.

by Anonymousreply 10302/13/2013

[italic] "That's my go-to bar,..." [/italic]

Oh, dear.

by Anonymousreply 10402/13/2013

sweetheart, if it was real love then you wouldn't be able to share. i know this for a fact.

by Anonymousreply 10502/13/2013

I love the term 'Make Love' - it implies complete physical pleasure, not to mention foreplay.

by Anonymousreply 10602/13/2013

I hate the term ever since a rape victim in "Broadcast News" referred to the act as "making love" during the interview with William Hurt.

My great-grandmother used "making love" because she couldn't say fuck.

by Anonymousreply 10702/13/2013

'Fuck' is a vile term. It implies something akin to 'vomit' - like a solely physical act without any emotion or humanity involved.

by Anonymousreply 10802/13/2013

For us, "making love" implies giving ourselves over body and soul and connecting with someone on an emotional and physical level (yes...MARY). It's a term that transcends sex. "Fucking" is just that: getting a dick in your ass for physical pleasure only, with no emotions at play. It's just another bodily function, like peeing, but with increased pleasure. Don't see what the big deal is, really. It's an evolved way of looking at love and relationships.

by Anonymousreply 10902/13/2013

There's nothing wrong with the term make love. The OP just has no clue what it means. He's willing to take chances on his partners' health just for the chance to get off after 5 minutes with some stranger. He's unwilling to sacrifice any chance of sexual gratification within some meaningless encounter. He's selfish as in all about his self and his pleasure. Love is not about self. It's about this person meaning so much to you that you're willing to do anything that benefits them. What the OP has is a perversion and an imitation of love.

by Anonymousreply 11002/13/2013

Wow, some uptight prudes around here. He's not risking his partner's health because he wouldn't risk his own health. Some of you are little popesses in training.

by Anonymousreply 11102/13/2013

Nobody gives a shit what you do, OP.

by Anonymousreply 11202/13/2013

Of course he's risking his partner's health. He's having multiple sexual encounters outside his relationship. The more partners you have, the higher the risk for STDS. Condoms are not fool proof and he's fucking tricks who aren't coming to him with their clean bill of health papers. And what happens when he runs into someone really hot who wants to bareback and he or his partner does it just that one time?

by Anonymousreply 11302/13/2013

Why not just use porn and a fleshlight (or dildo), OP, if your hook ups are purely physical and just about...friction?

Because it isn't that simple and you know it. Sex, even with a trick, is much more complicated than scratching a physical itch. There is a lot going on emotionally and mentally: conquest, affirmation, comfort, power/role play....on and on and on.

by Anonymousreply 11402/13/2013

I'm friends of a couple that sounds similar to OP's and they are fantastic. They're just so full of love, and lust, and generous with both. Everyone in their circle, plutonic friends to fuckbuddies, feel better around them.

I never fully understood how an open relationship could work, but being around them has brought me around.

by Anonymousreply 11502/13/2013

[quote]He's not risking his partner's health because he wouldn't risk his own health.

If people wouldn't risk their own health, we wouldn't have 50,000 Americans infected with AIDS every year -- or the millions who are annually infected with other STDs.

by Anonymousreply 11602/13/2013

Sorry to disappoint, but there doesn't need to be an emotional connection to a fuck partner. Sometimes sex is just sex, fulfilling a need that is independent of emotions. Sure my bf could be one only sexual partner, and as we age and are not found as attractive to the outside world, that will probably be the case, but right now while we're able, we see nothing wrong with getting off with a shiny new toy for the night. That's really all it's about. I really don't understand all the puritanical philosophy from some of you guys, and it's pretty disheartening to know that our fellow gay brothers/sisters have such backward thinking.

by Anonymousreply 11702/13/2013

PS, stop bringing the threat of STDs into this. We are incredibly careful with our "tricks." No, we don't ask for proof that they're neg, and maybe some are poz, but again, we are very diligent when it comes to protecting ourselves. Sure, can the condom break or slip off? Sure. I can also walk outside my apartment and have an air conditioning unit fall on top of me. The risk is so negligible, and we're not going to stop enjoying our lives for a risk that is so remote. I mentioned upthread that we have a young daughter. We love her and intend to see our great grandchildren, so we wouldn't do anything to risk that not happening.

by Anonymousreply 11802/13/2013

What makes you think your daughter will reproduce, OP?

by Anonymousreply 11902/13/2013

R111 are you serious?

OP, you give your tricks STD tests and then monitor their behavior until the test results arrive? Everything else is at some level, a risk - especially if you are meeting the skanks who hang out at that cesspool G.

by Anonymousreply 12002/13/2013

That's a silly question, r119. Why wouldn't she? She's 10, so we have no idea if she's straight or gay, but either way I'm sure she'll want to have kids. She's a very loving, maternal, nurturing young lady (we see that in her interactions with her friends), so am guessing she'll want to have kids.

by Anonymousreply 12102/13/2013

There does seem to be a lot of uptight prudes here.

People are different. Just because you wouldn't want to be in a open relationship doesn't mean it isn't what other people want.

Him and his partner both understand the risks and they are obviously okay with it. Life is about choices, they have made a choice that they are happy with for now.

This is still a gay board right? Hope all the judging isn't coming from straight females.

by Anonymousreply 12202/13/2013

Well, smell you!

by Anonymousreply 12302/13/2013

Sorry, OP, but when I get approached by some clown like yourself lookin' for a little action on the side, I bolt.

I'm not expecting to fall in love every time I hook up (far from it), but I'm sure as hell not looking to be treated like shit by some asshole lookin' for a hole for his cum dump either.

by Anonymousreply 12402/13/2013

OP sounds very.....Miss Thingish.

by Anonymousreply 12502/13/2013

OP....you've said fucking (as opposed to making love) is just about physical pleasure. But in my experience it's also about psychological gratification as well. I'd personally find your declarations far more authentic if you talked more about the psychology at stake in tricking and "making love."

by Anonymousreply 12602/13/2013

R114, who interjects power and conquest into his trick experiences, represents everything wrong with post-millenial western civilization. Sex is not about power. Get over it, bitch.

by Anonymousreply 12702/13/2013

This is why they hate us.

by Anonymousreply 12802/13/2013

OP and his boyfriend = douchebags.

I really do pity the poor kid with these two asshats as parents.

So when getting your side piece, do you order in or do you always do take-out? If you only do take-out, that's my clue to split. Like R124, I don't fuck guys in relationships, and I don't care what the arrangement is with the partner.

by Anonymousreply 12902/13/2013

Thanks op you have made valentines special this year Enjoy the love making

by Anonymousreply 13002/13/2013

Wait, OP has a kid? OMG, this takes it to a whole new level. Gross.

by Anonymousreply 13102/13/2013

I don't see anything wrong with that. Do you use protection?

by Anonymousreply 13202/13/2013

[quote] I can also walk outside my apartment and have an air conditioning unit fall on top of me.

See how the first thought is about you and what can happen to you. It's supposed to be about caring about what happens to the person you love and protecting them from harm.

But you give no thought to the risk to your BF or even the tangental risk to your child. You're inviting strange men into their lives. There's safety issues with that as well. Wasn't there a story about a man who's killing gay men he hooks up with in NYC? Hope you're not bringing your tricks to where you live.

I

by Anonymousreply 13302/13/2013

Sounds a lot like straight guys who fuck around. Just a pseudo righteous version.

by Anonymousreply 13402/13/2013

Here's the story about the recent slayings.

"Gay slay mystery: Fears grow as 4 gay men killed in NYC Online dating may be the common thread among four murders that have spurred community activists and the New York City Council to issue an alert. It targets all New Yorkers, but focuses on one particular at-risk group.

All four victims were gay men, in their late forties or fifties, and most, if not all of them, may have met their attackers online.

“For everyone who has never experienced online violence, people are frightened,” said Ejeris Dixon, deputy director of the Anti-Violence Project about the severity of the situation. ”For people who have [experienced online violence], it’s a triggering experience.”

Her organization has seen thousands of cases of violence against gay victims over its 30-year history, but the latest string of killings stands out even for veteran advocates for violence prevention.

The most recent murder of a gay man took place at the Crown Motel on Sunday, a business on Queens Boulevard in Elmhurst that rents rooms in four-hour blocks at a time. Cleaning staff found the body of Joseph Benzinger in the room he’d rented the night before.

“[He was a] very good guy,” motel desk clerk Mariela Ortiz said. ”He was a regular customer here. …Very quiet. Normal. He would say, ‘Hi, how are you, how’s your day.’” His was the latest in a string of homicides that are sounding an alarm.

The weekend before his murder, David Rangle, 53, was found dead in his apartment in Jackson Heights, Queens, less than a mile away from where Benzinger was murdered. Less than a week before that, on January 28th, Charles Romo, 48, was murdered at his apartment in Hamilton Heights, Harlem. Detectives believe he allowed two men he knew into his apartment, who robbed and killed him.

It is quite possible that all three victims met the people who would become their killers online. It’s also why City Councilmember Daniel Dromm, an openly gay legislator who represents Central Queens, held a news conference Tuesday to warn people interested in hooking up online.

“They need to exercise extreme caution while dating,” Dromm said at the news conference. He also mentioned the murder of Queens gay activist Lou Rispoli. Two suspects have been on the loose since Rispoli’s late October killing.

by Anonymousreply 13502/13/2013

Op, are you and your eternal beloved both bottoms?

by Anonymousreply 13602/13/2013

"There does seem to be a lot of uptight prudes here."

Oh shut up, you idiot douchebag. There's nothing "prudish" about being disgusted by the moronic OP, who is in all likelihood just a pathetic troll.

"Powerful sexual appetites?"

"Animalistic fucking?"

"Hot ass?"

"Our relationship should be the model for gay as well as straight couples?"

If that isn't the blathering of a troll, I don't know what is.

by Anonymousreply 13702/13/2013

Whatever mutually agreed upon terms two consenting adults have for their relationship is their business and if it makes their relationship stronger then more power to them. Some people are wired to seek sexual variety and some are content with monogamy. Just because I lean toward monogamy doesn't mean I think all people who don't are immoral or emotionally damaged and can't understand love (I just wouldn't date them and that's that).

Now the problem I have with the OP and people like him is the self-righteous attitude that having an open relationship is somehow more "modern" and "evolved" than monogamy. In actuality, the only convincing argument you're making is that you're defensive, insecure, and narrow-minded. Completely transparent, OP.

by Anonymousreply 13802/13/2013

One of the best trolls or one of the worst human beings to show its turtlehead in a long time.

It's clear that your head is so far up your ass that you have nor trouble ingesting the shit coming out of your mouth. A perfect system!

by Anonymousreply 13902/13/2013

r138 summed it up nicely.

by Anonymousreply 14002/13/2013

R110 really nailed it. OP, you and your partner’s lives are extremely toxic and very destructive. Ultimately you have a sexual addiction problem because you place sex as the pinnacle of your life and you don’t put it in the right perspective. A family friend of ours who is a therapist was once talking about sexual addiction. He said, it’s on the same level like being a drug addict and alcoholic. That person or persons are sexually addicted like a drug addict. They go through sex partners to gain sexual orgasm and self-gratification. And once those two sex partners a the moment, who are done with sex, they walk away unsatisfied and unfulfilled feeling empty inside searching for the next sex partner like a drug, to give them that high. This is a vicious cycle, which sexual addicts brainwash themselves telling themselves this is normal when on the contrary sexual addiction will eat you for lunch, and will destroy your life. Sex isn’t just sex, but it’s a form of communication between two people expressing unconditional love, and unselfish love. It isn’t about how much sexual gratification can you get from another and then split, which is animalistic behavior. Furthermore, just to have sex with someone to use that person because you are in lust with that person, and then when you both go your separate ways is depressing, sad, and it’s a very unfulfilling way to live. I notice you have a consistency on this thread being in denial about your life. You can’t accept the truth of your destructive behavior. You are mixed up about what love is because you are in such in deep denial to the point that you believe in fiction. In addition, third person, that human being, that you are using like a sex toy is being discarded like a used condom. It’s very cruel.

I want to add, to make the claim that basically all people are happier if they live their lives like the destructive life that you live would be happier in their relationships verses mahogany is very insulting. There are myriads of people who are living monogamous committed lives and they are very happy. Just because you have physiological problems being fulfilled in a monogamous relationship doesn’t mean everyone else is. You posted this thread because you are really looking for justification and validation for the mess that you are living in. You can post all you want to but it won’t change the fact that you have a major void inside and putting on a facade for people on DL or in your everyday life is a major fail because as you can read on this thread, you are very transparent to many wise posters. Most of the posts on this thread are from people who seem very level headed, and who know BS when they read them.

BTW, I think you have an even greater responsibility when have a child. That is really selfish that you are not making your kid’s priorities #1 over your own. Aside from all of this, you can bring Hepatitis to your daughter, which is very contagious and dangerous and STD’s that can bring bacteria to your daughter’s environment, which is unfair to her.

Again, I think you two have a sexual addiction problem that will eventually destroy you if you don’t seek help form a therapist.

by Anonymousreply 14102/14/2013

R141 = The frauiest frau who ever fraued.

Honey, you've lost your way. Their are plenty of websites out there where you can indulge your teenage girl fairy tale fantasy of forever springtime "puppies and unicorns" romantic love. DL is not one of them.

Here let me help you.

by Anonymousreply 14202/14/2013

Oh! I see R142, so it is true that gay people can't commit to anyone and they can't handle marriage because they have myriads of sex partners like many have claimed in our society?

The frauiest frau who ever fraued.

Honey, you've lost your way. Their are plenty of websites out there where you can indulge your teenage girl fairy tale fantasy of forever springtime "puppies and unicorns" romantic love. DL is not one of them.

No R142, I'm not interested in joining your group you lovely scrap booking queen.

by Anonymousreply 14302/14/2013

Won't somebody think of the children!

Or the daughter in this case...

by Anonymousreply 14402/14/2013

I fix all my Uncles' drinks this way.

by Anonymousreply 14502/14/2013

Just to be clear, my bf and I have MUSSIES; our tricks have POOP CHUTES.

by Anonymousreply 14602/14/2013

Another thread that devolves into gay men screeching "frau!" at each other.

by Anonymousreply 14702/14/2013

r141, I'd hardly label us sex addicts. We're not out every night prowling the city for guys to fuck. We have a normal family life with our daughter. All three of us have dinner together, we help her with her homework (I'm the history buff; my bf is the math wiz), and make sure she goes to bed on time. Like many couples, both gay and straight, we enjoy going out on the weekends at night, and we have a couple of babysitters we rotate. When we play around, that's when we do it. Straight couples swing too. And lawd help me, no one is bringing hepatitis or any other STD home. I learned a long time to stop worrying about things that will never happen. You sound like a nervous nelly, so I suggest you apply the same philosophy to your life. I promise you'll feel a whole lot better.

haha, r145. We don't "trick" with other guys in our apartment. That's one of our rules. She's still a child and we don't believe she's mature enough to be exposed to the nuances and complexities of adult relationships.

by Anonymousreply 14802/14/2013

OP how would you feel about your daughter being married and having a couple of kids, and knowing that she was screwing around outside of her marriage?

by Anonymousreply 14902/14/2013

Ugh, this thread is still going on? Just tell OP what he wants to hear. OP, you're a visionary. Nobody understands human love and lust like you do. Please don't catch the herp.

by Anonymousreply 15002/14/2013

[quote]She's still a child and we don't believe she's mature enough to be exposed to the nuances and complexities of adult relationships.

Lots of fancy words when you just mean she's too young to see her daddies slutting around. I'm sure she'll be pleased that you waited until she was a teenager before she runs into you sucking face and other body parts with some stranger or hears about it from her friends. Hope you're budgeting in her future therapy bills.

Also swinging and open marriages had a surge in popularity for heteros in the 60's and 70's. But the offsprings from those relationships thought it sucked for them. So many of them grew up to be very anti open marriage. The fact that a lot of those marriages and relationships also broke up didn't help either.

At this point fidelity equals stability which is why governments reward marriages. It's two people supporting each other who are less likely to pick up and spread deadly diseases, more likely to financially support each other and their kids and are less likely to introduce violence & molestation into the family. It's not perfect but it somewhat works.

Your relationship has very little to offer except very shallow satisfaction. You get more rewards from using that time to take up a hobby or spending more time with your lover and kid.

by Anonymousreply 15102/14/2013

R150 nails it.

by Anonymousreply 15202/14/2013

THis is a wonderful thing, OP, that you and your partner are able to do together and fulfill those urges. I admire your tenacity and honesty.

by Anonymousreply 15302/14/2013

r149, when our daughter becomes an adult, she can do whatever she wants to with her life and relationships. My bf and I believe in unconditional love. You may not realize it, but that's a very insulting question. You may as well be a homophobe asking my bf and me if we are afraid that our daughter would "enter a gay lifestyle" because she has gay parents. Think about that.

r151, we don't and have never brought other guys home. We practice discretion. We either go back to their place or rent a room in a motel. Our little girl need never know about our sex lives because it's none of her business and our playing around in no way affects her emotional or physical health. We belong to and are very active in the gay and lesbian synagogue as a family, so that she gets spiritual guidance as well. We are pretty good parents, if we do say so ourselves.

by Anonymousreply 15402/14/2013

I think you're a little delusional about your little girl. This is not something you're going to be able to keep secret from her. Someone will see you, someone will be indiscreet, you may run into tricks somewhere else, there could be cellphone pictures, text messages etc. The more mobile she becomes, the more her friends can drive around town the more likely it will happen so you may as well get your speech prepared now.

And what fathers do ALWAYS affects girls and their self esteem. Wait till she hits puberty and have the incredible mood swings and crying that little girls get between 11 and 13 and finds out about how you swing on top of that!!! Please post on DL when this happens.

And she will use you as her example too. If you're promiscuous that's probably where she will want to be. And she'll throw in your face that you're a hypocrite if you try to stop her.

by Anonymousreply 15502/14/2013

r155, exaggerate much? We actually don't hook up all that much. Believe me, there are no cellphone pix or text messages. When I say we practice discretion, I mean it. She won't find out about it. Hypothetically, would it be so terrible if she does? We would just explain to her that adult relationships are complex and that not all marriages are the same, in the same way we'd explain that human beings are complex and different in so many ways. Not to sound so NYC-centric, but one of the many advantages of raising a child in NYC is the ability to get exposed to many different types of people and relationships. She would be fine on the remote chance she were to find out.

We are all set for puberty. We had her via surrogate, and the birth mother is very much involved in her life. She lives in NJ just a short ride away from us and sees her as often as she wants. She has a family of her own, including two daughters, so she'll know how to deal with the ups and down of female puberty when the time comes. Our mothers are also involved in our daughter's life. They've both raised daughters, so they'll be involved as well. We made a conscious decision to have women in our daughter's life.

by Anonymousreply 15602/14/2013

I don't want to judge OP based on the fact that he and his partner practice an open relationship. However, I will say this and I am speaking from personal experience: you may have rules and play by them for a long time but you cannot foresee if or when you will want to bend them. What happens when what is supposed to be a one-off becomes a many-off? Or when you actually start having feelings for someone who is supposed to be disposable and go on a *gasp* date? Or, when you realize that he is someone you want to spend time with? I thought it would never happen but it did. It took very close to two long lasting relationships (both over 10 years) to be almost destroyed, couples therapy, and rebuilding the trust between me and my partner, to weather the aftermath. My point is, no matter how rationally you approach the whole thing, these are still very much dangerous waters you are sailing in.

by Anonymousreply 15702/14/2013

Is it bees Eddie ?

Why would anyone go to a gay bar?

I am very grateful to not have to associate with people like you.

I'm going to take a shower now.

by Anonymousreply 15902/14/2013

There's no such thing as making love. Sex is not love, period. OP sounds like a puss.

by Anonymousreply 16002/14/2013

Many poignant, rational, and well thought out comments on the nature of exclusivity in committed relationships have been made on this thread and OP hasn't even acknowledged the validity of most of them.

Are you just so deluded and narcissistic that you can't understand that one size doesn't fit all when it comes to relationships? We're waiting.

by Anonymousreply 16102/14/2013

Say hello to Mr. Goodbar for me Op, he's out there waiting for both of you !!

by Anonymousreply 16202/14/2013

OP...re yr daughter, please read what maggie knew by henry james

by Anonymousreply 16302/14/2013

Geez, some of your are really defensive about the need to be monogamous. Seriously, it sounds like maybe you guys are a bit jealous of what I have with my bf...the fact that we can have a loving, emotionally commited relationship that is not limited by some artificial heteronormative standards. We've encountered that before, so we're used to it. Just that much sadder when that type of thinking is coming from gay guys as opposed to hets.

by Anonymousreply 16402/14/2013

Judgmental bitches, aren't they?

by Anonymousreply 16502/14/2013

OP - are you also the author of the other whore thread - "I got fucked 7 times by 5 different guys this weekend"???

Well?

by Anonymousreply 16602/14/2013

Um, no, r166. Where did I say we fuck around with multiple partners every weekend? You (and others) made that leap from my post, as you, with your limited, simple-minded, black-and-white belief system, thinks that anyone with such an unconventional relationship must take it over the top and fuck 100s of guys in any weekend. That's hardly the case. It's just random one-off hookups from time to time. Try to think with more complexity, hon.

by Anonymousreply 16702/14/2013

Poor OP. It's almost as if he didn't voluntarily share his business and said he was a model that all Gay men should follow. I'm not sure why no one is bowing to him yet.

I especially love how he's evolved from slut into animalistic fucking anytime, anywhere to responsible church & synagogue going, LGBT volunteering, family man complete with sophisticated NY daughter who stays in complete touch with his child's surrogate mother. Wait, I think I've seen this show before--it's called The New Normal.

I can't wait to find out which other show the OP will crib from to come up with his new personality and how he'll further educate us on how to live.

by Anonymousreply 16802/14/2013

Well, R112 pretty much nailed it, didn't he?

OP, I have no interest in judging you or your relationship, but the mere fact that you started this thread to brag about how "evolved" you are screams insecurity. You knowingly, willingly put yourself in the position of being on the defensive without needing to (or having ANY good reason to do so, really). If, in fact, you don't have any underlying insecurity about your sex life (which I'm kind of inclined to doubt at this point), then you are still - at the very least - an attention whore.

by Anonymousreply 16902/14/2013

OP what is it like making love to your bf in front of the fireplace on a bearskin rug?

by Anonymousreply 17002/14/2013

OP's life captured on film

by Anonymousreply 17102/14/2013

TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLLINA TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL

by Anonymousreply 17202/14/2013

R163. It's What Maisie Knew. Great novel.

by Anonymousreply 17302/14/2013

A story for the OP.

"Just in Time for Valentine’s Day, the CDC Issued a Warning About Super Gonorrhea and an Epidemic of STDs

"The continued threat of multidrug-resistant gonorrhea makes protecting against [gonorrhea] more important than before," said Dr. Lindsey Satterwhite, an epidemiologist in the CDC's Division of STD Prevention."

The Doctors advice: "As for how to prevent super gonorrhea and STDs in general? You have a few options, according to Dr. Satterwhite, the first study's author: "Wear a condom correctly, think about abstinence, practice monogamy, and get appropriate screening if you're high risk"

by Anonymousreply 17402/14/2013

Make Love Not War I Think Is Right, Because War Costs Millions of Dollars, And Love Just A Few Bucks A Night. -----Nipsey Russell

by Anonymousreply 17510/14/2013
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