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I accidentally shot a four-day load on the family seder plate.

The one my great grandfather risked his life to smuggle out of Germany when he came to the US in 1936. It's been passed down from generation to generation. My mother asked me to store it with some other things in my apartment until her new place is ready next month. It was on my dining room table. I was pleasuring myself to a fratpad video while on my couch, and the load unexpectedly shot a good 20 feet onto the plate. I'd been ill since Sunday, and I'd saved up a four-day load.

So I wiped it off with a tissue and washed it with dish detergent. Is that enough? Is there anything more I should be doing? My family plans on using that plate for Passover in March.

by Ira K.reply 2502/17/2013

0.0/0.0, sorry, Mary, or should I say Rachel?

by Ira K.reply 102/07/2013

Mazel tov!

by Ira K.reply 202/07/2013

I'm going to call Benjamin Netanyahu and tell him about this.

by Ira K.reply 302/07/2013

Such mishegas!

by Ira K.reply 402/07/2013

Did your meat mix with your milk?

Dishwasher and say a Hail Mary. Yea, I know but this may need a few religions to get you through. In fact, change that to say a rosary.

Anyway after 6 days I think you're in the clear.

by Ira K.reply 502/07/2013

And such small portions!

by Ira K.reply 602/07/2013

Such a big load from such a little pisher!

by Ira K.reply 702/07/2013

Both you and the plate need to get to the mikvah immediately!

by Ira K.reply 802/07/2013

Say one Hail Mary, three Our Fathers, and make a good Act of Contrition.

by Ira K.reply 902/07/2013

May I suggest mahogony for your next plate? It is much more easily cared for than seder, and its deep rich tones will enhance any dinner setting.

by Ira K.reply 1002/07/2013

Shalom Shabbat, indeed!

by Ira K.reply 1102/07/2013

negative 5 out of 10

by Ira K.reply 1202/07/2013

L'chaim!

by Ira K.reply 1302/07/2013

Well are you?

by Ira K.reply 1502/15/2013

Heap the plate high with sliced ham, pork sausage links and crispy bacon. Place a ring of chilled cocktail shrimp around the perimeter and bring it to the seder. When the family gasp in horror and exclaim that you've defiled the plate you can bow your head and nod in shameful agreement without supplying any other details.

by Ira K.reply 1602/15/2013

Is this a joke? Or are you a jerk?

by Ira K.reply 1702/15/2013

Too bad it didn't passover the plate.

by Ira K.reply 1802/15/2013

This is your offering? Oy!

by Ira K.reply 1902/15/2013

I was devastated when last Thanksgiving I pooped on the dinner table to clearly bring to light the lack of clean water and sanitation in third world countries, and I was misunderstood.

by Ira K.reply 2002/15/2013

20 feet? That kind of cum shot would pucker your asshole about 12" into your gut.

I'm a power shooter - most I can get is a few feet.

by Ira K.reply 2102/15/2013

You DO know you are now going to hell, don't you?

by Ira K.reply 2202/15/2013

20 feet!

It's a miracle. And onto a holy vessel--that's no coincidence.

Get pictures, rope off the area, and get a rabbi in!

Contact those fratboys too. They'll have become Reform.

by Ira K.reply 2302/15/2013

This represents the mortar that our ancestors used to hold together the bricks of Pharaoh's treasure cities they were forced to construct by the sweat of their brow.

by Ira K.reply 2402/17/2013

What's so special about a seder plate? And, can't you just wash off the cum?

by Ira K.reply 2502/17/2013
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