I accidentally shot a four-day load on the family seder plate.
The one my great grandfather risked his life to smuggle out of Germany when he came to the US in 1936. It's been passed down from generation to generation. My mother asked me to store it with some other things in my apartment until her new place is ready next month. It was on my dining room table. I was pleasuring myself to a fratpad video while on my couch, and the load unexpectedly shot a good 20 feet onto the plate. I'd been ill since Sunday, and I'd saved up a four-day load.
So I wiped it off with a tissue and washed it with dish detergent. Is that enough? Is there anything more I should be doing? My family plans on using that plate for Passover in March.
|by Ira K.||reply 25||02/16/2013|
0.0/0.0, sorry, Mary, or should I say Rachel?
|by Ira K.||reply 1||02/07/2013|
I'm going to call Benjamin Netanyahu and tell him about this.
|by Ira K.||reply 3||02/07/2013|
Did your meat mix with your milk?
Dishwasher and say a Hail Mary. Yea, I know but this may need a few religions to get you through. In fact, change that to say a rosary.
Anyway after 6 days I think you're in the clear.
|by Ira K.||reply 5||02/07/2013|
Such a big load from such a little pisher!
|by Ira K.||reply 7||02/07/2013|
Both you and the plate need to get to the mikvah immediately!
|by Ira K.||reply 8||02/07/2013|
Say one Hail Mary, three Our Fathers, and make a good Act of Contrition.
|by Ira K.||reply 9||02/07/2013|
May I suggest mahogony for your next plate? It is much more easily cared for than seder, and its deep rich tones will enhance any dinner setting.
|by Ira K.||reply 10||02/07/2013|
Are you HIV poz? I've heard that the virus can't exist once exposed to open air, but I don't know if that's true or not.
|by Ira K.||reply 14||02/08/2013|
Heap the plate high with sliced ham, pork sausage links and crispy bacon. Place a ring of chilled cocktail shrimp around the perimeter and bring it to the seder. When the family gasp in horror and exclaim that you've defiled the plate you can bow your head and nod in shameful agreement without supplying any other details.
|by Ira K.||reply 16||02/15/2013|
Is this a joke? Or are you a jerk?
|by Ira K.||reply 17||02/15/2013|
Too bad it didn't passover the plate.
|by Ira K.||reply 18||02/15/2013|
This is your offering? Oy!
|by Ira K.||reply 19||02/15/2013|
I was devastated when last Thanksgiving I pooped on the dinner table to clearly bring to light the lack of clean water and sanitation in third world countries, and I was misunderstood.
|by Ira K.||reply 20||02/15/2013|
20 feet? That kind of cum shot would pucker your asshole about 12" into your gut.
I'm a power shooter - most I can get is a few feet.
|by Ira K.||reply 21||02/15/2013|
You DO know you are now going to hell, don't you?
|by Ira K.||reply 22||02/15/2013|
It's a miracle. And onto a holy vessel--that's no coincidence.
Get pictures, rope off the area, and get a rabbi in!
Contact those fratboys too. They'll have become Reform.
|by Ira K.||reply 23||02/15/2013|
This represents the mortar that our ancestors used to hold together the bricks of Pharaoh's treasure cities they were forced to construct by the sweat of their brow.
|by Ira K.||reply 24||02/16/2013|
What's so special about a seder plate? And, can't you just wash off the cum?
|by Ira K.||reply 25||02/16/2013|