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My gay job recruiter told me to play the gay card with a prospective employer.

I thought that was kind of weird. He said that my potential supervisor is gay, and that I should draw some parallels between my coming out and why I want this job so much. Maybe even mention some bars I frequent. I know you're supposed to be yourself and be relaxed at interviews, but don't you think this is sharing a bit much? I mean, if I and the employer were black, I wouldn't draw parallels between overcoming racial obstacles with career obstacles. Anyway, wouldn't a potential employer be smart enough to see that as kissing ass/pandering to get the job? Not sure what was going through this recruiter's mind.

by Anonymousreply 5402/08/2013

Your recruiter is an idiot. You're interviewing for a job, not a new BFF.

by Anonymousreply 102/04/2013

Wear your earrings and caftans and flounce about a lot.

by Anonymousreply 202/04/2013

if it comes out organically, great.

otherwise, leave it alone.

by Anonymousreply 302/04/2013

I wonder if black folk use the parallel ls of their ancestors working on the plantation and in the cotton fields to illustrate their hard work ethic. "Yes, massa, I can get the job done."

That's a really strange recruiter.

by Anonymousreply 402/04/2013

It shouldn't R3. His work ethic and skills should come out organically.

by Anonymousreply 502/04/2013

Sure. While you are at it ask him if he wants head.

by Anonymousreply 602/04/2013

I think a personal connection always helps. If I knew a potential hirer was gay, I would find a way to work my own same-sex attraction into the conversation, like mentioning being in the gay men's chorus or the gay volleyball league. I think anything that helps humanize you beyond a list of professional achievements is always a benefit.

I was a sucker once for someone who was interviewing who happened to be from my (small) hometown in Kentucky, which was a little shocking given that I was now living and working in Los Angeles. We didn't know each other (I am 15 years older), but we knew a lot of the same people and same places, went to the same school, etc. No doubt about it, that gave him a big edge when it came to whether I wanted to hire him. Worked out great. Three years later, we're both still at the company and are great colleagues.

by Anonymousreply 702/04/2013

"Are you a top or a bottom or verse?" - interview question

by Anonymousreply 802/04/2013

Does the recruiter know the hiring manager?

The job market is brutal right now and if playing the gay card is going to give you an advantage, then you should do it. The question is: will it really give you the advantage?

by Anonymousreply 902/04/2013

Not a wise decision in my opinion.

by Anonymousreply 1002/04/2013

I think it's risky. If not done with extreme care and finesse, it could come off as pandering. OP doesn't know the guy. Maybe he would resent this kind of sucking up, no matter how subtle. If he's sharp, and has a good bullshit detector, he will hate that you're trying to manipulate him.

I have to agree with R7. If you must bring it up. Say something that is entirely appropriate to a job interview and will highlight your commitment/skills...... like your volunteer work for some gay cause or whatever. Definitely don't tell your coming out story (Mary!) or mention any bars.

by Anonymousreply 1202/04/2013

Personally, I always prefer the gay person. That's just how I am. I don't consider that playing a 'gay card'; if it's relevant to the job in any way at all, I'm fine with bringing it up, if you want to.

by Anonymousreply 1302/04/2013

Is your potential supervisor fully out?

If not, this could backfire, big time.

by Anonymousreply 1402/04/2013

These things are considered vastly inappropriate to a job interview. Just like talking about your church, your political beliefs, and stories about your kids. If there's a very subtle way slip it in, then okay. Like the answer to what's your worst trait. You can say you were talking it over with your partner, trying to decide between two traits, and he agreed with you that... Which is still not subtle at all, but almost passable.

It really has to flow in the moment. I would concentrate more on making a connection with the supervisor by being professional, warm and friendly.

Course, you could just wear bright lipstick and be done with it!

by Anonymousreply 1502/04/2013

Get a facelift for that "gay" look.

by Anonymousreply 1602/04/2013

Maybe the big boss is one of those gays who doesn't like other gays-or those who call themselves "gay." We've had that type stinking up DL lately. Or if OP is fem it could backfire because so many gay men hate that too.

by Anonymousreply 1702/04/2013

Isn't there some sort of hanky you can wear in these situations?

by Anonymousreply 1802/04/2013

As if he'd be able to hide it.

by Anonymousreply 1902/04/2013

Like others have said only bring it up if you can do it subtly. Do not bring up bars because he'll only imagine you coming into work inebriated or with a hang over. If you do volunteer or are in any kind of gay clubs then bring that up.

In my experience kissing up usually works and you probably can never take it too far. If you tell a boss how great he is he doesn't see it as kissing up, he only sees it as telling the truth. Trying to establish you have something in common can only help in a job interview.

by Anonymousreply 2002/04/2013

Just tell a (relevant) anecdote about a former boyfriend.

by Anonymousreply 2102/04/2013

[quote]Isn't there some sort of hanky you can wear in these situations?

Surely Brooks Bros. must have a lavender pocket square with a tiny embroidered Dorothy emblem!

by Anonymousreply 2202/04/2013

My recruiter is good friends with one of the HR people at the company, so he knows through her that my potential boss is gay. Essentially I want to leave my current job because I'm unhappy there, but of course I can't say it. He feels that I should say that I want to make a change in my life and just draw some parellels how I needed to effect change in my life by coming out. Sounds kind of heavy handed, but recruiter is sure it'll appeal to the potential supervisor on a human level. I could see this going over real well or totally blowing up in my face. I'm going to the interview tomorrow, so I'm just going to gauge the situation when I get there. If the guy gives off a friendly down to earth vibe and not asking me questions out of interviewing 101, then I might play the gay card.

by Anonymousreply 2302/04/2013

Okay, OP! Here's an idea, then. For why you're leaving your job, give parallels about 'being honest about who you are' and what drives you (relate aspects of current job as things that aren't 'you' and aspects of potential job as a aligned with who you really are).

Awhile back, I decide I wanted to live authentically, follow my passions, etc., because life is much better. Something like that.

You don't have to say gay at all, but he is welcome to read into it.

by Anonymousreply 2402/04/2013

Do NOT follow that advice R23 /OP.

The only mention you might make of sexual orientation is an oblique one, as others suggested- volunteer work in a gay organization, or an interest group.

If you want to make mention of needing a job change, link it to the new opportunities and challenges you will find at this company.

I do think that even if you do land this job, following inappropriate advice will bite you in the end.

by Anonymousreply 2502/04/2013

[quote]Sounds kind of heavy handed, but recruiter is sure it'll appeal to the potential supervisor on a human level

This is why human resources is such a complete failure. Back when it was personnel, it was about what appealed PROFESSIONALLY. It should first and foremost be about how well your skills, education and work history match the position. All of this pandering to be people's best friend is just too much. This almost guarantees a future work environment full of favoritism and ass kissing. Aint nobody got time for that!

by Anonymousreply 2602/04/2013

OMG--Do not talk about coming out in a job interview, especially linked to why you want a new job. Terrible advice.

by Anonymousreply 2702/04/2013

In addition to my previous advice I forgot to advise to mention that you pre-lubed for the interview.

by Anonymousreply 2802/04/2013

I was interviewing for a job once and the guy makes a point of telling me how gay friendly he is.

I appreciated that, I suppose, but at the same time I wanted to say: That's mighty white of you.

I didn't get the job and I was just as glad. My old boss ended up hiring me back a few months later.

Things work out the way they're supposed to.


by Anonymousreply 2902/04/2013

This thread is useless without context. Is the job working in a stuffy corporate environment or are you auditioning for a fluffer's position at Sean Cody?

by Anonymousreply 3002/04/2013

It's a small, niche advertising firm. Besides using it to parallel why I want to leave, I suppose the recuiter wants me to play the gay card to humanize me somewhat so that I'll fit into the close-knit, family culture this place evidently has. Like I said, I'll size up the situation when I go there tomorrow, and then determine if I should employ this strategy. It could work.

by Anonymousreply 3102/04/2013

I think the recruiter's an idiot. If you were a Black person applying for a job where the prospective boss is also Black, would he advise you to casually slip into African American vernacular to connect "one brother to another"?

If it's a small firm with a close-knit culture, they should respect and accept you regardless of whether you are gay or straight. Why doesn't the recruiter just tell you to go ahead and blow the guy to land your job?

by Anonymousreply 3202/04/2013

sashay back and forth!

by Anonymousreply 3302/04/2013

R14 is so, so right. Worst job situation I ever had came from misreading a not-out boss.

by Anonymousreply 3402/04/2013

[quote]I should draw some parallels between coming out and why I want this job so much. Maybe even mention some bars I frequent.

Your recruiter is an asshole.

Coming out was a big deal - to you. Assume everyone else knew. Demonstrating self respect as a human being in mixed interactions is something you will do throughout the interview process.

You don't bring up bars, drinking, partying or anything else of a recreational chemical nature when discussing employment because that discussion is for a 22 year old irresponsible college student.

by Anonymousreply 3502/04/2013

OP, will this be an interview alone or with others besides the supervisor? All the job interviews I've ever had, except 1, have been with at least 2 people. It is not a subject you want to discuss in a group. If he brings you back in alone for a second interview, then maybe, if there is a smooth way to do it. But it is likely that if the supervisor knows your recruiter is gay and typically brings in gays, he'll have already figured it out.

by Anonymousreply 3602/04/2013

In the 80s a friend went homne with a trick but didn't stay over because he had job interview the next day. The interviewer turned out to the be trick. And, no, he didn't get he job.

by Anonymousreply 3702/04/2013

trick with the recruiter

by Anonymousreply 3802/04/2013

I need a gay job recruiter! What's his name?

by Anonymousreply 3902/04/2013

OP, you should let any segue into the gay world during the interview come from the interviewer, not you. Any recruiter who would tell you to "talk up the gay" on a job interview should not be employed as a recruiter.

by Anonymousreply 4002/04/2013

Well, OP? Interview was yesterday. How did it go?

by Anonymousreply 4102/06/2013

You people are morons.

The only thing a hiring manager cares about is hiring somebody who is a good fit. Do you think anybody wants to be the guy who hired the guy they had to fire?

This wink wink nudge nudge advice is a long shot at best. There's every chance it could come across as inappropriate or bizarre.

As near as I can tell you're getting this advice because somebody knows somebody who knows something about the person doing the hiring.

Go in, be professional, articulate your skills.

by Anonymousreply 4202/06/2013

Headhunters are on par with used car salesman and real estate agents. They're mostly idiots who couldn't do anything else.

by Anonymousreply 4302/06/2013

The interview went well, thanks for asking, r41. My first impression of my prospective supervisor was that he was very serious and all business, so I thought it best not to mention anything about being gay. I think I made the right choice. We met for about 1/2 hour, and pretty much discussed my background and the company. We had good give and take, so I think I have a fair share of being called in for a second round of interviews.

I called my recruiter when I was done to let him know that I think it went well. I told him that I didn't play the gay card because I felt the guy was super serious and wouldn't appreciate that personal touch. He casually responded that he appreciated my feedback and that he'll mention that to other applicants that he places there. He didn't even apologize for giving me poor advice. Yes, he's an moron, but he's got a very aggressive personality, so if I get the job, I'm depending on him to negotiate salary and vacation days.

by Anonymousreply 4402/06/2013

Tell him you think you could fit in a variety of positions and ask if the opening has been filled yet. Followed by a cheesy wink.

by Anonymousreply 4502/06/2013

Did the manager to be sound like a closet case? If so, run for your life!

by Anonymousreply 4602/07/2013


This is such terrible advice, it made me laugh.

There are better ways of convincing them you'll fit into their corporate culture then a maudlin, "It gets better" tale. For instance, mention that you want to work in a "family" business, that you want to handle responsibilities that might not be part of your job description, that you believe in getting the job done, no matter who has to do it. Small business types are renegades from the corporate world, and they tend to hire candidates with a similar philosophy. (Note: WORK philosophy, not sexual philosophy.)

You can allude to being gay--as other posters said, by mentioning charity events, etc--but nothing more.

Don't mention bars unless staging events at bars is part of the job.

PS The recruiter is either an idiot or trying to sabotage your interview with bad advice.

by Anonymousreply 4702/07/2013

[quote] he's got a very aggressive personality, so if I get the job, I'm depending on him to negotiate salary and vacation days.

I think you've got this backwards, OP. He's aggressive FOR HIMSELF, and since he has other applicants, he will sell you down the river to place ANYONE at the job. He will not "negotiate" salary or vacation days for you--he will offer you what they suggest, and if you refuse, will remind you that he has 5 other applicants willing to step in your place.

by Anonymousreply 4802/07/2013

I put an ice cube on my ingrown pube.

by Anonymousreply 4902/07/2013

>>I mean, if I and the employer

Oh, dear.

OP, I would never hire someone who said something like that. I'd want someone who speaks (and writes) like a grown up.

BTW, in a note-so-subtle way, the recruiter was telling you that the supervisor is using a "casting couch" to make his decision.

by Anonymousreply 5002/07/2013

Has it occurred to you, OP, that the interviewer might not be gay, but be straight and homophobic and that the recruiter was trying to make sure that you didn't get the job?!?

by Anonymousreply 5102/07/2013

My guess is, OP, that the recruiter knew something you didn't. He probably sends people there all the time. I don't agree that he would purposely try and sabotage you. Gay or straight, he doesn't get paid unless you get the job. If he didn't want you to interview there, he wouldn't have sent you because it makes him look bad.

However, I'd never bring that up apropos of nothing during an interview. This did happen to me once but it was a very interesting case.

1. I went on the interview with a major TV network and I knew the guy I was interviewing with was gay because I did my homework.

2. He looked at my resume saw where I was from, mentioned he was from the same place and asked me questions about life there since he hadn't been back in years. He asked me where were my favorite places to go and he mentioned that he liked to go to a certain bar which I knew was gay. I mentioned I'd been there too.

Then we went immediately back into the interview. Yes, I got the job (it was a production gig so it only lasted a few months.) However, he has remained a contact for years.

The trick is here, he brought it up. I didn't. I took him asking what kinds of things did I get up to there as him trying to figure out what kind of personality I had. If I wasn't gay I wouldn't have known what bar he was talking about.

by Anonymousreply 5202/07/2013

[quote] I took him asking what kinds of things did I get up to there as him trying to figure out what kind of personality I had.

Uh, no, R52. It was his wildly inappropriate, heavy handed attempt at asking a question that is illegal to ask of a job applicant: "are you gay."

There is a reason it's illegal to ask it. It isn't relevant to the job and that kind of personal info is often used to discriminate against people.

It doesn't matter that the man himself was gay. It was still unprofessional and inappropriate.

by Anonymousreply 5302/07/2013

R53, I can't think of a single interview I've had where the interviewer at some point and at some time didn't ask a question about me that didn't have to do with my resume or the job.

I've had interviewers tell me about their college experiences, ask me what I thought about celebrities, talk to me about sporting events, complain about their children ... etc. Once, I actually had an interviewer (for a major, major company) ask to read my palm. It was the most bizarre thing ever but I'll chalk that up to, "because I work in the arts."

by Anonymousreply 5402/08/2013
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