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My demonically annoying neighbor

He's the neighbor in my condo. I am so frustrated with this douchetard I could just scream.

He's a divorced guy. Late 30s. Handsome enough but seems to be semi-Aspbergers or something.

He got custody of his two semen stains with legs a few months ago and since then all of us in this building LOATHE his very being.

His two spawn spend the day running UP and DOWN the hallways as if they have cement shoes on. He never tells them to stop.

And because he doesn't have the sense God gave a squirrel, he decided to make matters worse by getting a dog. I love dogs but this is a barking bag of bones that cries any time he and the Children of the Corn leave their home.

What can I do? I've seriously thought about turning their electricity off, even for just a few moments.

I need help being a passive aggressive bitch!

by Frustrated as hellreply 5002/09/2013

Don't turn off the electricity. Why if he finds out and retaliates? Do you want to get into that kind of situation? Besides, it won't help with the noise.

If you want to be passive-aggressive, leave an anonymous note in his mailbox. Careful how you word the complaint about the dog though. You don't want him to just drop the dog off at the nearest shelter. (Well, I wouldn't want that.)

by Frustrated as hellreply 102/03/2013

^^ Why should be *what, obviously.

by Frustrated as hellreply 202/03/2013

Aren't there condo rules about noise and/or dogs?

by Frustrated as hellreply 302/03/2013

Your HOA is obligated to do something about them. Get involved, don't expect your neighbors to do the work for you.

by Frustrated as hellreply 402/03/2013

Kill him, leave the crotch droppings to starve and adopt the poor dog.

by Frustrated as hellreply 502/03/2013

Wait until summer when they're out of school and screaming their lungs out at all hours.

by Frustrated as hellreply 602/03/2013

Can you webcam it and post it here?

by Frustrated as hellreply 702/03/2013

I've always preferred things that make ME laugh. Syrup on the doorknob, superglue in the keyhole, rotten food under a doormat, soapy water on the windows. No one gets hurt, but it is a pain and so much fun.

by Frustrated as hellreply 802/03/2013

This is what condo associations are for.

by Frustrated as hellreply 902/03/2013

So many lines I am going to steal.

"two semen stains with legs"

"doesn't have the sense God gave a squirrel"

"but this is a barking bag of bones"

OK, first read your CC&Rs. There must be some covenant that covers this kind of nonsense. Then kindly inform him that while the semen stains are great kids, they really need to keep it down because people are beginning to grumble.

Most likely he will become hostile and then take it to the condo board as a complaint along with other neighbors.

Good luck. I've been through this.

by Frustrated as hellreply 1002/03/2013

People like OP and [R9] ANNOY THE FUCK OUT OF ME. You buy a condo and then just want to bitch and complain and demand that the "association" do something about it. Your Association only works if YOU participate, not sit back and do nothing until you want to demand something.

It is true that the Association should enforce the rules ... but you have to do your part to. Document things properly, attend meetings, volunteer for committees and offer ideas. Otherwise, STFU and stop complaining.

by Frustrated as hellreply 1102/03/2013

People like R11 annoy the fuck out of me because they make assumptions about other posters on the basis of such an innocuous statement as "That's what condo associations are for." I'm endlessly fascinated by presumptuous internet clairvoyants such as yourself.

[quote]just want to bitch and complain and demand that the "association" do something about it. Your Association only works if YOU participate, not sit back and do nothing until you want to demand something.

[quote]but you have to do your part to. Document things properly, attend meetings, volunteer for committees and offer ideas.

You are addressing the person who was my condo assoc.'s secretary three years running because no one else wanted to do it. Seriously, gently remove that chip from your shoulder for your own good.

by Frustrated as hellreply 1202/03/2013

I suggest you befriend the young'ns and invite them to join you in a rousing game of who can keep quite the longest. Maybe while walking their dog. And maybe you could talk to their dad and find out why his life is so fucked up now.

If that does not work then go to your condo board and call the police about the barking.

by Frustrated as hellreply 1302/03/2013

Unfortunately, no one these days is taught any sort of functional negotiation tactics, which is why passive aggressive, resentful people feel entitled to abuse everyone around them.

Speak. The. Fuck. Up. Children in the hall making noise? Go outside your door and politely and professionally and without malice, but in a way that enforces the idea that you are the adult and they are the children, and tell them that children are not allowed to play in the halls. Father get angry and come out and start yelling at you not to talk to his kids, tell him to take it to the board and that you are well within your rights to calmly speak to anyone, there are no laws about addressing children in a sane way, only against harming them verbally. It takes a village, and whether you like it or not, you are now living in a village and if you want a peaceful one, you need to negotiate peacefully.

What people often do is go into defensive mode instead of offensive mode, and defensive mode is the least productive way to handle a situation. You character assassinate the person and make them less than human so you can feel justified venting your frustration and anger and not have to take responsibility for how you treat people. This is all about you, and little about them. Your tendency to demonize people, literally, read your heading, is going to lead you into situation after situation like this for the rest of your life if you allow it.

These people are human. Children play, dads often don't pay attention. By treating them kindly and offering to be of service by guiding them, using non-violent but assertive communication, you might actually solve the problem instead of going about it the same old way you probably deal with everything in your life and giving your ego a free pass to make this all about how you are so special and everyone else is so horrible and torturing you and you are a victim.

Man the fuck up and handle this shit.

by Frustrated as hellreply 1402/03/2013

[quote] Kill him, leave the crotch droppings to starve and adopt the poor dog.

This is my FAVORITE so far.

Part of the complication in this is that his father is the owner/developer....a fact I wish we had known before buying.

I actually HAVE talked to our board and our property management company. They are reluctant to do anything. We have CC&R's that spell out dog sizes and the dog is under that weight. They need a few people to complain first, and since I work from home I hear more than most folks.

And I never SEE the kids. They are not running up and down the hall outside our door. The condos share one wall, which is a hallway in both of our units. So it's noise that sounds like it's in our unit, without actually being in it.

The neighbor underneath him has it worse soundwise and they got into a loud shouting match last week which involved F bombs and the cops being called.

[quote] same old way you probably deal with everything in your life and giving your ego a free pass to make this all about how you are so special and everyone else is so horrible and torturing you and you are a victim.

Bitch, please, you do NOT know me like that!

(always has to be one prissy cunt in the bunch.)

by Frustrated as hellreply 1502/03/2013

OP If his father is an owner/developer wouldn't he want to know that his son is pissing off the neighbors and could possibly cost him a lot of money.

by Frustrated as hellreply 1602/03/2013

They've sold all the units R16. The father probably doesn't give two fucks.

Supposedly he's putting his unit up for sale and that is the only thing giving me hope.

by Frustrated as hellreply 1702/03/2013

Cunt OP, you mistakenly *turned off the lights in the Superdome!* The Super Bowl is on hiatus!

by Frustrated as hellreply 1802/03/2013

lol r18

by Frustrated as hellreply 1902/03/2013

Do you live in a motel, OP?

by Frustrated as hellreply 2002/03/2013

Why be passive aggressive? Be an adult. Talk to him. If it doesn't help talk to you HOA. If that doesn't help next time the kids are disturbing your peace call the police.

by Frustrated as hellreply 2102/03/2013

Uh, OP? Why don't YOU move?

by Frustrated as hellreply 2202/03/2013

If you've spoken to the HOA/Condo board and can't get any action, it's time to up the ante.

Call animal control about the dog. They won't take it away but your demon neighbor will be visited by an officer and warned.

Call the cops/CPS regarding unsupervised children. Do it anonymously. They won't take the semen stains with legs away but your demon neighbor will be visited by an officer/social worker and warned.

That should calm things down until he sells his condo.

by Frustrated as hellreply 2302/03/2013

Thank you R12.

I've been to every meeting we've had. Problem is, we only have 10-15% buy in for any kind of meetings, communication amongst residents, etc.

by Frustrated as hellreply 2402/03/2013

OP - Hey, if he's moving, maybe the thing to do is invest in some noise-cancelling headphones until he goes. You can try approaching him calmly first, but don't expect anything to change. If it helps, great, but don't agonize if it doesn't. (And having had an upstairs neighbour who was a weekend dad to 2 screaming, thundering little fiends, I know how infuriating it is. But, like your neighbour, this guy's shit was falling apart in all kinds of ways, so he didn't stay for long.)

by Frustrated as hellreply 2502/03/2013

His two semen stains with legs,eh?

Are you sure you're not the one who's demonically possessed?

Go tell the condo association about this. If they aggravate you this much then take action. Don't be so passive BE aggressive instead.

by Frustrated as hellreply 2602/03/2013

This is why people who can afford houses buy houses. All in all a better value and, unless the semen stains are produced by you, you don't have to deal with them. And when you try to sell it because no one will do anything, you will also wish you had bought a house.

by Frustrated as hellreply 2702/03/2013

You misspelled Aspergers.

by Frustrated as hellreply 2802/03/2013


by Frustrated as hellreply 2902/03/2013

Write an anonymous note that says,

"Children who run around and make lots of noise when not at a playground or similarly appropriate venue are trying to communicate that they are not getting the love and attention they need from their parent. FYI."

That will sufficiently shame him and I guarantee the kids will shut the fuck up.

by Frustrated as hellreply 3002/03/2013


You've obviously chosen a bad place.

Next time take into consideration all the things that have annoyed you about this place and make sure you don't make the same mistakes again.

by Frustrated as hellreply 3102/03/2013

Move. You're lamely bitching on DL. You'll never do anything about it, as much as you may want to. You're not the type. You'll bitch about it to anyone who will listen. You'll talk about it endlessly, but you'll never actually make a move. You've lost.

Though, I guess there's a chance your neighbors will do something and you'll benefit.

by Frustrated as hellreply 3202/03/2013

Beat her.

by Frustrated as hellreply 3302/04/2013

Two children? Well, it's a bit more complicated, but I have some advice...

by Frustrated as hellreply 3402/04/2013

LOL at R33 and R34!

Yeah, I know, I had to vent. I will be at the next HOA meeting and speak about it. (He never attends so I won't have to confront him directly.)

by Frustrated as hellreply 3502/04/2013

Frau alert at R13. I'll call the police about noisy curtain climbers but I'd be very careful not to put a mishandled barking dog's life at risk.

These spawn can grow up to be serial murderers and rapists and get a slap on the wrist.

a dog can be euthanized for NOTHING.

by Frustrated as hellreply 3602/04/2013

[quote] a dog can be euthanized for NOTHING.

I love dogs, R36. It's not the dog's fault.

It's simple common sense not to adopt a small puppy and then leave it alone for eight to ten hours a day in a crate. You MIGHT be able to train a dog and get it adjusted to a schedule like that over a few months. But puppies have separation anxiety and this one is very lonely.

As annoying as his howling is, I don't want him to be punished. (Hell, if this asshat even had half a personality and spoke to people in the building we'd take the dog for a walk and a pee at least once a day!)

I just don't understand the leap of logic (or lack of it) where a single dad overwhelmed with two urchins, decides the best plan of attack is to get another almost entirely dependent being and pull that poor beast into that house. It's sort of like getting knocked up to save a marriage, and that seldom works.

by Frustrated as hellreply 3702/04/2013

I completely agree with you, OP. No, it is not the poor dog's fault.

by Frustrated as hellreply 3802/04/2013

At least he isn't a gargoyle.

by Frustrated as hellreply 3902/04/2013

This is why co-ops were invented. Buy one next time.

by Frustrated as hellreply 4002/04/2013

I've put a giant note on his door.

It reads


by Frustrated as hellreply 4102/05/2013


by Frustrated as hellreply 4202/05/2013

Nana, that you?

by Frustrated as hellreply 4302/05/2013

If you can't stand having neighbors, don't buy an apartment or a condo.

Shared walls and floors are always going to have drawbacks along these lines.




by Frustrated as hellreply 4402/06/2013

[quote] Buy. a. HOUSE.

And live in suburbia? No thanks.

by Frustrated as hellreply 4502/06/2013

Trip the children

by Frustrated as hellreply 4602/06/2013

You can buy houses in college towns or cities, OP.

Not all houses are in SUBURBS.


by Frustrated as hellreply 4702/06/2013

Oh and p.s.

Since you chose to put yourself in that shared walls and floors situation, stop whining when you hear your neighbors.

by Frustrated as hellreply 4802/06/2013

It's the mothers fault OP. Why in the world does the father have custody? Courts always discriminate against men. The mother is obviously trash. If she were'nt they would be with her. I feel for you.

by Frustrated as hellreply 4902/06/2013


by Frustrated as hellreply 5002/09/2013
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