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Any one here scared of social situations?

Do you ever get scared of embarrassing yourself or someone else in public? I sometimes have a fear of appearing in public because of this fear. How do you remedy it?

by Anonymousreply 2502/02/2013

I drink.

I can get so nervous, I'll stutter, turn red, sweat and then start babbling incoherently. People will smile but I can tell it's one of those "oh dear" smiles.

So I guzzle a glass of wine and it makes all the difference. I'll never get over the social awkwardness any other way.

Unless, I'm super tired. Then I'm too tired to care how I come off.

by Anonymousreply 102/01/2013


by Anonymousreply 202/01/2013

I do. I avoid them at all costs.

by Anonymousreply 302/01/2013

I do the same, r1. My partner recently commented on how his friend is like me in the sense that "he gets wasted because he is so socially awkward and needs to drink to deal with people". I guess I didn't realize that other people noticed.

by Anonymousreply 402/01/2013

OP, are you an Aspie? That's a common spectrum fear.

by Anonymousreply 502/01/2013

I thought aspies didn't even notice such things, whereas OP seems highly attuned to it.

by Anonymousreply 602/01/2013

I've always been a loner, shy, introverted. I take meds that make work tolerable, but social situations, yep, I gotta have a few drinks. And, even then, I'm still incredibly uncomfortable in social situations.

by Anonymousreply 702/01/2013

social anxiety is hard to overcome. had it for years. meds - a light antidepressant works wonders

by Anonymousreply 802/01/2013

Not scared, just void 75% of them.


There's a LOT of pressure for non-people persons to love people. It's bullshit. Do what works for you. It took me 20 years to learn this.

by Anonymousreply 902/01/2013

I've started crying in anticipation of some upcoming situation or outing. Days before...crying. I pull it together & pull it off most of the time. During functions or social situations I am unfamiliar's Xanax & a cocktail.

When smoking was still acceptable, I constantly smoked to calm my nerves. To light it though...I had to turn away or leave the room sometimes because I shook so badly that I couldn't get the match up to the cig if others were watching.

It's misery.

by Anonymousreply 1002/01/2013

Ten years ago my ex was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder. He struggled with it for years. It can manifest in many ways and show up differently for different people.

Some people with SAD can't socialize. Others can't make eye contact when they talk to others. Some have specific issues, such as they can't write in front of another person (My ex could never write a check in public.)

The irony was that he 'presented' well in public and came across as comfortable around people. Most people who knew him would have been shocked at the level of internal anxiety he experienced to be around people he didn't know well or any novel social situation, i.e. first day of classes, going to a party where he didn't know anyone, job interviews, etc.

His therapist told him about a doctor who has a website that focuses on SAD. It was a good resource for my ex. He got the series of tapes/CD's that this doctor made and it really helped him. (See link)

And, no, I'm not shilling for the site. I just saw that it helped my ex tremendously when a lot of therapy and meds only did so much for him.

by Anonymousreply 1102/01/2013

This might sound awful, but my social anxiety is usually the absolute worst when I'm in the presence of other gay people, like at a gay bar. I feel (probably rightfully so) like they're all judging me. But I can be around other types of people and be okay. Gay environments always send my anxiety through the roof.

by Anonymousreply 1202/01/2013

I get so nervous that I start slapping people's faces randomly and viciously!

by Anonymousreply 1302/01/2013

I agree with you r9, most social situations aren't a matter of fright, it's a matter of boredom. I find most people tiresome and shallow and function well on my own. Quite often when going to someone's house for some sort of party (and it's not often I'm glad to say), relatives getting together, etc. I head for their bookcase, if they have one, which by the way is becoming more of a rarity these days. What else is there when, if men segregate themselves and blab on about cars and sports and women yap about kids and the never ending quest to find the right hair salon? Even if I am among gay men it can sometimes be a drag and that's saying something. It tends to be a male trait to try and outshout each other, whether gay or straight.

by Anonymousreply 1402/01/2013

Painfully shy. In 10th grade I said to my parents, "I think that boy who was killed in the car crash two months ago may have been in my homeroom. The desk next to me has been empty since that happened."

About eight years later, just for fun and to meet people, I volunteered to work backstage with an area music theater group that staged big productions in three cities. In the middle of a run, one of the performers became ill just before a pick-up rehearsal. I mentioned that I heard his 8-line solo so many times that I could fill in just for rehearsal while they got someone for the show that night. It would be just among people I knew so my shyness didn't kick in for the rehearsal. They heard my voice and (just like in a movie musical), they said, "You're going on!" They kept me so busy getting a costume refitted and doing makeup (added a beard) that I didn't have time to think. I still had backstage stuff to do and then had to go out in that scene and sing. It was a sell-out crowd at the Mosque Theater (now the Landmark Theater) in Richmond, VA. At a party later that night, someone mentioned that there were about 3,800 people in the audience. OMG, that freaked me out.

It finally sank in that I can stand in front of thousands of people and still function. I've never been shy in any situation since then.

by Anonymousreply 1502/01/2013

I am super-confident and articulate in work situations, when talking and keeping a conversation going is all about the job at hand.

But at a party I am hopelessly at sea and unable to make decent frivolous small talk. It's like I lose my identity when not in a working situation.

It's gotten worse as I've gotten older...or maybe now that I'm older I'm less hard on myself and don't try as hard to socailize and often leave parties early.

by Anonymousreply 1602/01/2013


by Anonymousreply 1702/02/2013

I manifested severe Social Anxiety Disorder from early childhood, when I was little everyone thought I was just shy and that I'd eventually outgrow it but the older I got the worse it got till by 16 I had to drop out of high school. I was pretty much a recluse for 5 years till at the age of 21 my mom insisted I see someone. I've been on more medications than I can recall and none have helped much or for long and what's worse is I also suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and chronic depression so along with the fear of people I also suffer from near constant anxiety punctuated with the occasional panic attack, in other words I'm all kinds of fucked in the head!

by Anonymousreply 1802/02/2013

I sincerely recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

Get rid of or reduce the thoughts/distortions that hold you hostage.

Wishing you peace.

by Anonymousreply 1902/02/2013

I hear you, R12. I've been struggling with social anxiety for as long as I can remember. It definitely gets worse when I'm around other gay women -- and to a lesser extent gay men.

by Anonymousreply 2002/02/2013

I am Aspie and I am highly attuned to my social awkwardness now, was less so when I was a child but still knew I was different and socially awkward.

by Anonymousreply 2102/02/2013

I posted this on another thread, but it might be appropriate here. A friend of mine put here kid on suntheanine. It's a non toxic over the counter supplement. Good for Stress, depression, concentration. ADHD. Since the kids been on it, she's much improved. I'm thinking about taking it for anxiety.

by Anonymousreply 2202/02/2013

I used to think that I was just woosey.

Then a shrink suggested that I have Avoidant Personality Syndrome. The DSM description is me to a T.

I am not much better now, but I am more forgiving of myself. And because I know this is especially hard for me, I now make a special effort in social situations. It may never be comfortable, but knowing why makes it easier to get through.

by Anonymousreply 2302/02/2013

this is a typical gayling thread. Be glad OP isn't talking about the ever-vexiing choice of venti or gande // nofoam double splenda or regular half-decaf... and DONT get him started on scones!

by Anonymousreply 2402/02/2013

I'm scared of social networking situations.

by Anonymousreply 2502/02/2013
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