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Sex in Long Term Relationships

I read this article about mismatched libidos between straight couples and there's a bunch of comments from readers revealing their horrible sex lives. In almost all cases, the men are being starved of sex from their female partners, but are not admitting to cheating. Many have to 'schedule' sex sessions. Blech. Some comments:

"Havent had sex in over three years. Two children, 6 and 10. They the most important things in my life and I want to be there while they grow up. Trapped is was the feeling. Now it is more a realisation that I have chosen to stay. For me and the children. Still sucks tho."

"We still find each other attractive but the desire for sex is not the same as it was when we first got together. We probably have sex 2-3 times a month, she finds that adequate, for me it is not enough."

When I was in a relationship (3 years), it was sex pretty much every day or every other day. Does this hold true for guys when you reach 5, 10 or 15 years? Or do I have a barren sex life to look forward to post 40? Guys seem to want regular sex well after their female partners turn off once they have kids.

by Anonymousreply 14407/17/2017

I've been partnered for 6 years and we have sex 2-3 times a year.

by Anonymousreply 101/29/2013

Perhaps people should learn to have relationship without sex.

Why are some people so obsessed with it?

by Anonymousreply 201/29/2013

Eh, most men who say they aren't getting enough sex in the marriage are lousy lays, and won't help with the house or kids so the wives are exhausted at bedtime.

I know I know, lots of you don't want to hear the truth, you'd rather blame the wives.

by Anonymousreply 301/29/2013

Don't forget the horror of middle-aged spread! As a woman, I know that when I'm more than 10 pounds overweight, I feel so slothful and disgusting that my sex drive evaporates.

by Anonymousreply 401/29/2013

Sex in LTR's is boring. Doesn't matter if you are gay or straight. The bloom wears off, believe me.

by Anonymousreply 501/29/2013


Women don't lose their sex drive until they get married and then they lose 1/2. When the kids arrive, they lose the rest of it.

If R3 is right, why did they put up with a lousy lay and bad housekeeping before marriage? Makes a guy feel trapped to see sex disappear, and even worse, hunted down and trapped.

I won't leave her. It's 25 years and counting, and except for that, she is a beautiful person.

Not all women, of course, so no flames. If married straight guys posted here you would get a lot of agreement.

by Anonymousreply 601/29/2013

It would be nice to have sexy times once in a while, spanking it to porn can get boring.

by Anonymousreply 701/29/2013

Now in year 2 of (gay) marriage our sex life has plummeted. I am trying to figure out ways to bring it back. We used to have sex a LOT.

It's not realistic to return to that, but good lord... at the rate this is going, a year from now I'll be like 'Hey, is it almost time for my annual blowjob?"

by Anonymousreply 801/29/2013

I know a lot of gay couples 5 to 10 to 15 years in the relationship that still have lots of sex. (Or, at least they say they do.) Does this not happen at all with the straights?

by Anonymousreply 901/29/2013

Sex is highly overrated!

by Anonymousreply 1001/29/2013

15 years in...last sex was 6 years ago...his choice...he has ALOT of issues in that department ( it was never the glue that held us together anyway)...I have no intention of ever leaving because he is great in every other way...but have supplemented my huge online porn collection with the occasional trolling of Craigslist for hookups..only married men since they are in the same position of only wanting sex; not any kind of life change

by Anonymousreply 1101/29/2013

It's not acceptable to cheat, R11

by Anonymousreply 1201/29/2013

After a certain amount of time a relationship isn't about hot romance or wanting to fuck anymore... it's about companionship. One way to keep alive that intimacy is to feel comfortable enjoying sexuality in front of each other, even if it's not literally "with" each other. Watching porn together, or not minding at all if your partner enjoys some porn with you in the room... feeling free to jerk off in front of each other, even if the other partner isn't joining in... There are ways. You don't have to fuck all the time.

by Anonymousreply 1301/29/2013

21 years, weekly sex. Not always creative, but satisfying.

Went through a rough patch about 10 years ago--the sex became sparse. We didn't realize you have to keep active even if you don't really feel like it because if you don't, intimacy takes a dive. One partner cheated, the other would have, given the opportunity. We worked through it.

10 years later closer than ever. I sometimes miss hair-pulling sex, but I wouldn't trade him, lose him, or cheat on him for anything. Pretty sure he feels the same.

by Anonymousreply 1401/29/2013

Also: separate bathrooms!

by Anonymousreply 1501/29/2013

Interesting in how the woman is always blamed for a decrease in a sex drive in hetero relationships rather than an assumption the man is a horn dog.

I'm a gay man in my 40's. I love sex but my drive isn't near where it was when I was 21. I have a career, family and a whole lot more now. However my partner has the sex drive of a 17 year old.

Sex is fun, but I don't understand why it should be the be-all, end-all, pinnacle of every evening. I don't think the decrease has to do with exhaustion as much as finding satisfaction when you get older in other areas of life as well.

by Anonymousreply 1601/29/2013

...and you wonder why so many men wearing wedding rings wait in steam rooms for head.

by Anonymousreply 1701/29/2013

They're closeted, R17. Despite your fantasies.

by Anonymousreply 1801/29/2013

11 years here. We have sex 3 times a year? Mostly due to him. He just isn't interested. :(

We both also work all the time, which doesn't help.

That said, and this is something a lot of people just can't understand - I wouldn't trade him or this for the world. I'm madly in love with him...he says the same about me.

We're both in our 40s and sex just isn't the point of everything anymore.

Side note: we've done the 3-some a few times. They were fine but in the end not worth the amount of time and effort involved.

by Anonymousreply 1901/29/2013

Cheating in a gay male relationship is stupid. If you can't be honest with each other that you lust after other men and can't bring that energy back into your shared bed in whatever form, you shouldn't be together as a couple.

I jack off to watching my partner watch Cam4. Hottest thing ever.

by Anonymousreply 2001/29/2013

Having kids does a number on your sex life. Plain truth.

Your focus changes and your fatigue increases. Your "number one" priority becomes the child/children, rather than your beloved. Even though you are still in love with that person and find them attractive. You are often just too mentally and physically exhausted.

by Anonymousreply 2101/29/2013

r20, you're a republican, right?

so angry and judgmental.

by Anonymousreply 2201/29/2013

Fine with us, R17. We get the money and the house. You get blow job duty. It's a match made in heaven.

Oh, and thanks for offering your services for free thereby allowing our family finances to remain intact. If our husbands cheated with women, they would run off and leave us and start having more kids with the new whore........which would drain the bank account.

by Anonymousreply 2301/29/2013

Straight woman here. In a long marriage with no sex for the last six months. His libido has diminished over the last three years due to, what appeared to be, a bout of depression that he wouldn't seek help for. Now he just doesn't feel attractive due to his weight and won't even discuss the subject, says he will feel better when he loses weight. Otherwise, our marriage has greatly improved in the last year but the fact that it looks like I'm never going to have sex again is pretty damn miserable. The love is still there, on both sides, and neither of us will ever cheat. What's the point in trying if you know that you are going to be rejected time and again?

by Anonymousreply 2401/29/2013

Kids complicate the relationship for straights, and then about the time the kids are out of the house and the husband has visions of screwing his wife on the dining room table again, menopause hits.

Menopause is something no straight guy (or even most straight women) really understand or are prepared for. Hot flashes, night sweats, mood changes, physical changes, the list goes on and on.

by Anonymousreply 2501/29/2013

Cheating is stupid in any relationship, R20, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't be together. It means you have work do to.

by Anonymousreply 2601/29/2013

LT gay relationship here. Sure it was good at the start, it has waned off, but what I don't understand is how it has become so awkward to try and get back in the groove. It used to be the look in the eyes, or the raising of the eyebrow that set it off, now sometimes it just ends up as "is something wrong with your eye?"

We are still mad in love, but oh boy, things sure have slowed down.

by Anonymousreply 2701/29/2013

These women simply do not know how to treat their men. Men are the kings of the house. They should be cooked for, waited on, and fed delicious foods. It is of vital importance to stroke their egos whilst also satisfying their sexual appetites.

by Anonymousreply 2801/29/2013

17 years together and sex at least 2 to 3 times a week, usually more. He has the sex drive of a 18 year old. me, I'm calmer. I peruse porno to get in the mood and definitely like a hit of pot before. It is possible to keep it going. When we're both in the mood, it can still be explosive. And we can still be honest about sex needs, and try new things (though there isn't much left to try after 17 years).

I went into this relationship thinking to myself that I wanted someone I was very attracted to, so that I'd enjoy always having sex with him, and for the most part, that came true.

by Anonymousreply 2901/29/2013

I'm in the same boat as you, r1. Same amount of time & everything. Both of us have put on weight, but my husband is 350 lbs, and he has not been taking good care of his body at all. I just cannot find that attractive any more. He knows that this is the problem. He also doesn't keep himself as clean in those "important" areas. We've also had a discussion about that, but that was months ago. Sometimes you're just stuck with what you have.

by Anonymousreply 3001/29/2013

[R23] it sounds like you are the whore. And probably voting against gay marriage as that would threaten your dream of alimony.

by Anonymousreply 3101/29/2013

Why can't you just do it yourself?

by Anonymousreply 3201/29/2013

It's different for everyone. I was in a 13 year relationship where I was the younger partner. Our sex drives didn't match in that his was lower than mine, which I totally get now that I'm older, but we still had sex about 3-4 times a week. I jacked off to supplement but did not cheat.

I have two friends who are a couple. One of the men is hardly at all interested in sex. He lets the other partner find it elsewhere. Dangerous to do, though, as the other partner has now fallen for someone else. We'll see how that goes.

I also know a lot of straight women who lose interest because of what another poster wrote. The men are lazy, don't help with the kids, expect the women to do everything, and the women are so tired they don't want to have sex anymore. Also, some of the straight guys are two pump chumps. Contrast that with some straight couple I know where the men take on an equal share of the work with the kids and their sex lives are better, although with kids it seems the frequency always drops no matter what.

by Anonymousreply 3301/29/2013

I don't know how you can be "mad in love" with someone you're not having sex with. Sure, you can deeply love a long-term partner even if you're not intimate but use of the word "mad" connotes at least some level of physical passion. And while I know every one is different, at 54 I still want sex every day. I have to think some of you in long-term relationships who only have sex two or three times a year are staying together for financial or social reasons, not because of a genuine desire to be with the other person. I can think of four couples I know right off the bat who give plenty of lip service to their "devotion" to each other but barely tolerate each other's presence when together. What kind of a relationship is that?

by Anonymousreply 3401/29/2013

I think to have sex on a regular basis you have to have a series of medium-term relationships.

by Anonymousreply 3501/29/2013

[quote]I have to think some of you in long-term relationships who only have sex two or three times a year are staying together for financial or social reasons, not because of a genuine desire to be with the other person.

I can only speak for myself, but:

I still love him deeply, and believe I always will. We share life together. There is a lot of laughter and affection, day to day, in our relationship. We are always cuddling/spooning in bed. But it somehow doesn't translate into the urge to do actual sex acts. It used to. But now, maybe we are so merged in life that the "urge to merge" carnally is made redundant. I don't know. All I know is that the love is strong, we are deeply fond of each other, but... not much sex anymore.

by Anonymousreply 3601/29/2013

R34, You were right about one thing: Everyone is different. Let's try not to judge.

by Anonymousreply 3701/29/2013

Those saying they don't know how a relationship can survive without consistent hot monkey sex are very young and naive.

Forever love/lust is a fairytale, gaylings. It can not be sustained. Sorry to burst your bubble.

by Anonymousreply 3801/29/2013

21 years together, gay male couple. We have not even been intimate in any way, shape, or form for over five years. This is mainly due to him becoming severely depressed and stressed over finances. I'm ten years younger than him but my libido has plummeted in recent years. I still jerk off a few times a week and once in a while hook up with a guy off Grindr.

by Anonymousreply 3901/29/2013

"Also, some of the straight guys are two pump chumps."

Foreplay would be nicer. Cialis is NOT the old guy's friend.

by Anonymousreply 4001/29/2013

R38 is right. The fortysomethings and other eldergays need to learn that that 'forever lust' just can't be reproduced in their gyms and saunas. Break out those sensible caftans, bitches, and eat your gruel.

by Anonymousreply 4101/29/2013


by Anonymousreply 4201/29/2013

I think kids fuck it up

by Anonymousreply 4301/29/2013

41yrs...Once a week like clockwork. He still turns me on. So warm, so loving, so safe. Not as exciting as in the beginning but better in many ways.

by Anonymousreply 4401/29/2013

Once I hit 50, I doubt I'll care how much sex I'm having. At that point in my life, I'll be more than happy with just companionship. Someone to talk to, travel with, and to be by my side as we grow older together. And at that age, I won't have to worry about them cheating or leaving me for someone else.

by Anonymousreply 4501/29/2013

[quote] So warm, so loving, so safe


by Anonymousreply 4601/29/2013

R45, and you would be wrong.

by Anonymousreply 4701/29/2013

ALL long term relationships sound miserable. Schmucks.

by Anonymousreply 4801/29/2013

Now I'll be waiting all day for an opportunity to use the phrase "two-pump chump."

Thanks, DL

by Anonymousreply 4901/29/2013

I am a straight woman in a 17 year marriage with a hot blooded Hispanic man. Here's the deal... I am not interested in sex every day while he still is. So, we compromise. I give it up lots of time when I'm not interested to make him happy, and when I am interested, he fucks me without mercy for as long as I want it. Tah-dah!

We also have two kids... I will say that stress takes more of a toll on our sex life than the kids ever did.

by Anonymousreply 5001/29/2013

Why are heterosexuals posting here? No one cares about your boring, ordinary, uninteresting lives.

by Anonymousreply 5101/29/2013

r 51, the question was about long term relationships... who else is going to answer the question?

by Anonymousreply 5201/29/2013

We're almost together ten years and still have sex at least twice a week, more on vacations.

Yes, we do schedule sex, but we love that. We know certain times are about sex first.

Having said that, sex, while still fantastic, is more like 45 minutes a round instead of 3 or 4 hours. But that's okay.

Having been in sexless LTRs before, I refused to accept that this time. Thankfully we're on the same page.

by Anonymousreply 5301/29/2013

One word: kink.

Mild (or not). You'd be surprised how much the introduction of something new can reinvigorate the bedroom.

You can also try introducing others into the mix. Not my thing, but some friends claim this is great.

by Anonymousreply 5401/29/2013

Bump (he he)

by Anonymousreply 5501/30/2013

'sexless marriage' needs to be an oxymoron. why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free but also when you do buy the cow you should get all the milk you want. i just couldnt be in a sex deprived marriage. it's called a sexual appetite for a reason and like any appetite it requires regular feedings.

by Anonymousreply 5601/31/2013

[quote]Interesting in how the woman is always blamed for a decrease in a sex drive in hetero relationships rather than an assumption the man is a horn dog.

Well, you ARE on Datalounge. Blaming women is the default setting here.

by Anonymousreply 5701/31/2013

OP, it's different for every couple.

by Anonymousreply 5801/31/2013

"I have to think some of you in long-term relationships who only have sex two or three times a year are staying together for financial or social reasons, not because of a genuine desire to be with the other person."

and let me read btwn the lines here: you are single, and have never been in a relationship longer than a few years, right?

thought so...

by Anonymousreply 5901/31/2013

"I have to think some of you in long-term relationships who only have sex two or three times a year are staying together for financial or social reasons, not because of a genuine desire to be with the other person."

I actually think this is true. And it is really true for straight couples.

by Anonymousreply 6001/31/2013

I actually think there are a lot of people on this thread who have never been in a relationship for more than a year or so. And are equating sex with love.

I'm married, we've been together for 11 years. Our sex life has its peaks and valleys. Lately mostly valleys. But we are truly in love with each other. I know. So incomprehensible. Though in the end it isn't for anyone else to understand or sanction but the two of us.

by Anonymousreply 6101/31/2013

I don't get this. My husband and I have been together for 17 years. We got together when we were young. We're in our 30s. We still have sex at least 3-4 times a week. When I talk with my friends, they can't believe it. Many still have kids sleeping in bed with them and rarely have sex. I'm pragmatic & realize my husband is attracted to other women & that's part of life. But why would I send him out into the world everyday sex-starved and resentful? Seriously, unless you have an illness or something, for god's sake

have sex!

by Anonymousreply 6201/31/2013

fish whine about sex. Men have sex. Topic is boring.

by Anonymousreply 6301/31/2013

Typical frau @ R62, who thinks all you have to do to keep your man from straying is stay fit and put out on the regular. Honey, if you've been together for 17 years, trust me, you husband most likely has cheated.

Men cheat because they want variety and conquest. Having sex with the same person for years and years gets boring. If it were as simple as just scratching an itch or feeding an appetite, people wouldn't be compelled to cheat because those urges can be satisfied with porn. But men do cheat----a lot, and the primary reason they do is because they want something different and new.

by Anonymousreply 6401/31/2013

R64 You're over generalizing. Men come in all different varieties and definitely do not all have the same sex drive or need for difference like you state.

Many men are content with their partner and many men do not cheat if only because they love the person they're with and don't want to hurt them. Human beings function on a higher level and aren't just a collection of bodily urges. We're able to think before we act and have self control.

Sex drive also changes depending on life situations. For example, due to health issues, aging, stress, job situation etc. For some people, putting up with a little boredom in their sex life is a small price to pay for having someone who's there for them through life's great trials and tribulations.

by Anonymousreply 6501/31/2013

What r65 said -- the guys I worked with over the years were pretty tired after each day of office shit, so just wanted to get home at the end of the day.

The cheaters tended to be those who had other mental problems that they thought sex would cure.

I never saw a man who cheated do so for fun.

by Anonymousreply 6601/31/2013

There are as many reasons for cheating as there are cheaters.

by Anonymousreply 6701/31/2013

R62 here. As I said, I'm pretty realistic and pragmatic. I realize 17 years is a long time & of course I'm sure my husband would love to have sex with someone else. That's just human nature and I get it. I don't know if he's ever cheated. My point is, I don't get the women who refuse sex all the time. How can you expect to have a happy relationship? We've also never allowed our kids to sleep with us unless it was an extreme situation - sick or a nightmare. I know a lot of couples whee the kids are in their bed nightly and a lot where they don't even sleep in the same room. I don't think there was a reason to attack me R64. I'm not a typical Frau. I'm realistic but happy.

by Anonymousreply 6801/31/2013

A lot of straight men need to realize that women who work outside the home, have kids and do all the housework are often tired. Maybe if they'd get their fat asses out of the recliner and away from Sport Fishing and the Military Channel and actually help fold laundry, cook and vacuum they might get laid more.

by Anonymousreply 6901/31/2013

[quote]My point is, I don't get the women who refuse sex all the time.

Patricia Heaton wrote a book about doing that, then went on talk shows celebrating her success.

It was odd...

by Anonymousreply 7001/31/2013

Women get turned off by resentment. If she resents you, she is not fucking you. No resentment, good sex life.

If a woman has young kids and never wants sex, either she's tired all the time from working all day and taking care of kids every other waking moment, or she's pissed off because Daddy Dearest expects her to work all day and take care of kids every waking moment, then spread her legs whenever he's ready. There is such a thing as needing down time, instead of being treated like a sow with every family member constantly sucking at your teat.

Too many men act like they're just another child to be serviced. Then they wonder why their wife doesn't see them as a romantic partner instead of just another chore.

by Anonymousreply 7101/31/2013

More straight females complain to me about their husbands' lack of interest in sex than vice versa. These are women in their 40s and 50s, the kids have left home and their libidos are going strong. But they tell me their husbands don't want sex nearly as much as they do.

by Anonymousreply 7201/31/2013

R72 a lot of women like sex more when the kiddies are out of the nest. Their libido increases while, sadly, their husbands start developing prostate and performance issues. That's why quite a few older women divorce or have affairs.

by Anonymousreply 7301/31/2013

I am amused by this frau at work. She's in her early 30's, married, 4 kids. Very involved in kids activities after work. Whenever anyone mentions sex, she exclaims, "Gosh, with everything going on in our lives, my hubby and I only have sex 7 or 8 times a year." I laugh in my head and always think, "Honey, YOU may be having sex only 7 or 8 times a year, but I guarantee that hot-ass husband of yours is having sex a lot more often than that." Her hubby is one hot slab of beef. If she thinks he's not getting it on the side, she's delusional. He "travels" a lot with his job (wink, wink).

by Anonymousreply 7401/31/2013

How are we defining sex?

by Anonymousreply 7501/31/2013

I think gay men looking from the outside onto a hetero marriage are often not seeing the full picture.

For example, MF sex lives are different than MM simply because women can fake it. And sometimes in these marriages the men have never been able to satisfy their wives.

The wives fake it so whatever the husband is doing that's not working, he continues to do. She puts up with it until she has kids but then their sex lives start dwindling because she's really not getting anything out of it . After all, there are between 10 to 15 percent of women that's never experienced an orgasm. And about 15 percent of women find sexual intercourse painful.

by Anonymousreply 7601/31/2013

Heh heh, R2 is a Twitard!

by Anonymousreply 7701/31/2013

77 replies and no mention of LBD? Amazing.

by Anonymousreply 7801/31/2013

This "men from mars, women from venus" bullshit is just that. Yeah there are generalities, but, just look at US presidents to see the variety among men.

Obama for example, despite good looks and charisma, there is not a single credible rumor of affairs outside his marriage. There is, by all accounts, a very strong love relationship between him and Michelle.

On the other extreme, Bill Clinton who had a nonstop swirl of such rumors from the very start of his campaign.

Some men seem more wired and suited toward monogamy. Others, definitely want sex with a lot of partners and will pursue it no matter what. Many are somewhere in between.

This goes for gay men as well as straight. I know some gay men who can't imagine monogamy, ever, and I know other gay couple for whom monogamy is both assumed and easy to uphold.

by Anonymousreply 7901/31/2013

[quote]This goes for gay men as well as straight. I know some gay men who can't imagine monogamy, ever, and I know other gay couple for whom monogamy is both assumed and easy to uphold.

This is absolutely true. Monogamy is both gratifying and effortless for me. I don't know if it's genes or upbringing or a combination of both, but I've always been this way -- as have my four straight brothers.

I also know more women who have cheated on their men than men who have cheated on their women. So while the generalities may have a basis in fact, I've learned not to ascribe the stereotypes to individuals.

by Anonymousreply 8001/31/2013

[quote]I'm not a typical Frau. I'm realistic but happy.

I'm not like a regular frau, I'm a cool frau!

by Anonymousreply 8101/31/2013

Monogamy was also effortless for me, too. It's not like I didn't look at other men, but I never felt some overriding desire to sleep with someone else. It takes time to forge the intimacy of a long-term relationship. I work better within the bounds of that intimacy. Sex with people I don't know was always just OK.

by Anonymousreply 8201/31/2013

R80 and R82, I admire and thank you for saying it. Sometimes when I read the posts on threads like this I am left feeling there's no hope of every finding a decent guy.

by Anonymousreply 8301/31/2013

Sex with my partner can be complex as he is +'ve, he over worries about infecting me and I worry that his orgasms are not very fulfilling. However, he makes me cum like I have never cum before. Five years together and very very much in love, and last weekend he made me cum like I have never cum before.

by Anonymousreply 8401/31/2013

Another effortless monogamous here (11 years, since early 20s).

by Anonymousreply 8502/01/2013

I resent the suggestion that infrequent sex in heterosexual relationships is the fault of the woman.

I'm female, currently in a heterosexual relationship, and I am the one with the higher sex drive. My partner feels up to sex about once a week at most, and just likes to cuddle the rest of the time. It's not that he doesn't love me or find me attractive, he just doesn't feel the need for sex as often.

Yes, it is frustrating.

by Anonymousreply 8602/01/2013

For all those who need sex just a couple a times a week more than your partner, can't you masturbate in the shower?

by Anonymousreply 8702/01/2013

Why does it always bother me when one half of a couple lets everyone know that "he would never cheat on me/I know he loves me/we will be together forever/just because we haven't had sex in years and years, I know he loves me and would never stray...ever."

You don't know that and you know that you know that you don't know that! Telling people how you feel is fine, but stop speaking for someone else.

by Anonymousreply 8802/01/2013

Thank you, r88. Your words were music to my ears!

by Anonymousreply 8902/01/2013

Any gay man that desires monogamy is either too unattractive to sleep around or is a sex negative puritan!

by Anonymousreply 9002/01/2013

R88 You cannot have a relationship if you don't trust your partner. Why would I be involved with someone where I'm constantly second guessing what he thinks or believes and worrying about if or when he'll stray. That's a huge waste of time and energy.

The reason you're together in the first place is that you believe this person would not lie to you or won't deliberately hurt you. And if your partner tells you they would never cheat on you and love you etc you either choose to believe them or not. If you have doubts then your relationship has zero chance of working out because you'd always be looking for suspicious activities.

From your post I'm going to assume you've never had a successful relationship. When you do, you'll see that's the only way it can work is if you have absolute faith and belief in your partner.

by Anonymousreply 9102/01/2013

Been in a relationship for 11 years and now it's reduced to us having to watch porn. He (top) doesn't even look at me - just watches the movie. Doesn't touch me at all. Suggestions?

by Anonymousreply 9208/30/2014

Interesting to think about...

by Anonymousreply 9308/30/2014

I know a young couple (both in their mid-20s), and they only have sex a few times a year. The wife thinks her husband might be gay, but whatever the case, I honestly believe she's on the cusp of having an affair...if she doesn't go ahead and just divorce him first.

by Anonymousreply 9408/30/2014

[quote]Now in year 2 of (gay) marriage our sex life has plummeted. I am trying to figure out ways to bring it back.

Try prancing around the house in nothing but fuck me pumps and a feathered boa

by Anonymousreply 9508/30/2014

Men need sex and women don't. It's as simple as that.

by Anonymousreply 9608/30/2014

Off-hand, the married couples I know and are close friend with, stopped having sex years ago. I am thinking about 5 couples. Some straight, some gay.

I couldn't do that. I was in a 3-year relationship and if one or two weeks went by without sex, anxiety set it, and I felt disconnected. (I had a higher sex drive). I would be happy mutually masturbating though. As long as it wasn't totally barren.

by Anonymousreply 9708/30/2014

The title of the article - Mismatched Libidos - explains the problem.

Two low-libido people can live very happily together without sex. The problems arise when one partner backs away from sex which the other one wants. If someone starts feeling that, by being with you, they are being deprived of something that is very important to them, then your relationship is heading, sooner or later, for the rocks.

If you aren't parents and aren't married, then it's straightforward - split, you aren't compatible.

If you've married them, then you have a legal and moral duty to stick around if they can't have sex due to disability or sever illness. If they just withdraw, then, well, enjoy that messy divorce or, try and negotiate getting sex outside the relationship.

If you have kids, and the sex slows to a trickle or stops, then suck it up. Everyone knows this is common. A straight male friend of mine told me that his kids brought him a lot of joy, but they ended all the joy he used to feel for anything else in his life.

by Anonymousreply 9808/30/2014

[quote] If R3 is right, why did they put up with a lousy lay and bad housekeeping before marriage?

r6 you are apparently under the false impression that these women could just choose to drop their bfs and then all grab a straight guy who is a great lay and dutiful housekeeper. There aren't many straight guys around who are either one of these things let alone a combination of both, and those few that are tend to be taken already.

And even if straight guys make some sort of efforts before marriage while their partner is still exciting and someone to impress that doesn't mean that limited effort won't disappear after marriage or that the guys will step up to take a full share of the less pleasant aspects of child care.

I remember seeing a sex researcher on a show a few years ago who said that research found that doing a good share of the housework was the trait that correlated most strongly with the level of sexual interest wives of straight males maintained towards their husbands.

by Anonymousreply 9908/30/2014

r92 Leave.

by Anonymousreply 10009/06/2014

this is so common with straight couples.

the men will stray after about a year of sporadic or no sex.. Ladies he will step out on you don;t be naive. He's staying w/you only until the kids are in HS/college.

by Anonymousreply 10109/06/2014


by Anonymousreply 10206/26/2017

Partnered for 25 years and we've always had sex at least once or twice a week. And it's gotten better.

by Anonymousreply 10306/26/2017

It's not always the women who don't want the sex. Amongst my straight female married friends and family, it's 50/50.

Examples: My sister's husband stopped sleeping with her for almost two years before they conceived my niece. Then he worked hard to get her pregnant (fertility issues), and as soon as she was, he stopped again. My niece is 7 now. Siblings and I are convinced he is either gay or having a long term affair. Sister won't leave for child's sake.

Best female friend is mid 40s, and has been bitching about the obligation to have sex since she gave birth in her late 30s. She is also an alpha female and can emasculate her husband. I don't understand why she does it.

Sex is important. I've always felt that the advantage of a long term relationship was the guaranteed sex partner. I don't buy the companionship angle alone - if you want a life-long friend, get a dog. I believe something hormonal happens to women's sex drive when they reproduce. Having sisters, I do know that straight men don't get how their anger and attitudes kill a woman's sex drive stone cold dead. If she's pissed at you, she will not fuck you. If you hurt her feelings, she will not fuck you. Diminish her? It's you and your hand. For women, it's how they feel towards their partner as a whole. The emotions are never separated in that respect.

Furthermore, married straight men have grooming issues. Hygiene and middle aged-spread are not cute. Friends from college who were hot in their 20s look like someone's grandpa at 45. What's the male equivalent of a housefrau? Because I see them everywhere.

by Anonymousreply 10406/26/2017

"We ve always had sex..once a week...."

With each other?

by Anonymousreply 10506/26/2017

Yeah, believe it or not R105

by Anonymousreply 10606/26/2017

A lot of these straight men end up having affairs with other men out of their own frustration. Let's be honest men are just hornier.

[quote]They're closeted. Despite your fantasies.

What an idiot. Straight married men are more likely to cheat on their spouses because the sexual drive is different for men and women. Lady, go check on your man. He's probably sucking cock at the nearest truck stop.

by Anonymousreply 10706/26/2017

" I don't buy the companionship angle alone - if you want a life-long friend, get a dog"

Jesus, what kind of fucking inbred are you to say something so stupid?

by Anonymousreply 10806/26/2017

[quote] A lot of these straight men end up having affairs with other men out of their own frustration.

Keep dreaming about that you stupid fag. Straight men fuck women period.

by Anonymousreply 10906/26/2017

There is a very old story that an elder tells a couple to put a bean in a jar every time they have sex the first year; then take one bean out every time they have sex after that. The story goes that they will never end up taking all the beans out of the jar.

by Anonymousreply 11006/26/2017

R109, you are what is wrong with this site nowadays

by Anonymousreply 11106/26/2017

^ anger?

by Anonymousreply 11206/26/2017

[quote]Keep dreaming about that you stupid fag. Straight men fuck women period.

R109 is anti Hillary. Figures a dried cunt like you would be this insecure. Sorry lady, your husband must be enjoying all the cock he can't get at home.

by Anonymousreply 11306/26/2017

Kiss my ass R108. Maybe companionship trumps sex in a relationship for you, but it doesn't for me. I don't want a fucking roommate for the rest of my life.

And yes, I've lived it motherfucker. Sexless relationships are unacceptable for me.

by Anonymousreply 11406/26/2017

If you don't service your man regularly, he is going to look for it somewhere else.

by Anonymousreply 11506/28/2017

Is it all Hillary's fault? I forget.

by Anonymousreply 11606/28/2017

Most sex is just providing a hole for a horny penis. Hold still while he uses your body to masturbate into. A human pocket pussy.

by Anonymousreply 11706/28/2017

Jesus,R117,were you molested as a kid or something ?!? Sex is fantastic,especially when love is involved. But its pretty damn good without love too.

by Anonymousreply 11806/28/2017

We have been together 22 years. I just got home from the market to find him jerking off to porn. I asked if he wanted some help and he replied Um, can you go pick up the dry cleaning? This is me time.

by Anonymousreply 11907/08/2017

About 4 1/2 years into an LTR here. I'm late 40s, he's mid-50s. We have sex about 1-3 times per week. Now that I'm in my late 40s, that's enough for me. Some weeks I'm a bit hornier. I think with daily life--work, taking care of the pets, dinner and other household duties, etc.--it can wear down the sex drive. I notice when we go on vacation, we usually do it every single day. We're both more relaxed and we can focus on each other.

by Anonymousreply 12007/08/2017

If you don't service your man regularly, he is going to look for it somewhere else.

If you service your man regularly, he is still going to look for it somewhere else.

by Anonymousreply 12107/08/2017

I would look for it at the dry cleaners!

by Anonymousreply 12207/08/2017

Where can I purchase the duvet in OP's photo?

by Anonymousreply 12307/08/2017

[quote]Furthermore, married straight men have grooming issues. Hygiene and middle aged-spread are not cute. Friends from college who were hot in their 20s look like someone's grandpa at 45. What's the male equivalent of a housefrau? Because I see them everywhere.

This. And as much as people want to deny it, this happens with gay men too.

by Anonymousreply 12407/08/2017

We went to Puerto Rico and had a couples massage together. Happy Endings for both! It was something we would never do and we had a ball.

by Anonymousreply 12507/11/2017

I feel ya, R119. Had a similar discussion a couple of weeks ago and was told to back off when he's "in the zone."

by Anonymousreply 12607/11/2017

Finally got around to reading these articles and holy cow are they full of whiny MRA reddit bros. There are women in the comments who say they're okay with open marriage and who have let their husbands go because they knew they couldn't give their husbands all the sex they want, and these bros are STILL complaining about how women just want to take all men down. If a wife is okay with the hubby getting it on the side, what's the problem?

The heteros who have a scheduled once-a-week sex time crack me up, though.

by Anonymousreply 12707/11/2017

r126 119 here. I don't get it at all.

by Anonymousreply 12807/11/2017

When the wedding ring goes on, the blow jobs stop.

by Anonymousreply 12907/11/2017

The posters who say that a woman's emotions are inextricable with sex are absolutely right. My sister's husband bitched about his sexless marriage. He was not a bad guy and actually easy on the eyes, but his untidiness, carelessness with her possessions, and the fact that my sister earned every dollar that came into their household made her wary of him. She was not turned on. Straight men expect women to just set their feelings aside and put out when the relationship is in trouble, but it rarely works that way.

by Anonymousreply 13007/11/2017

Most of the men I met over the years an ABS were either married or living with their girlfriends. A common complaint I've heard is, "We don't have sex anymore."

by Anonymousreply 13107/11/2017

^^^in an ABS^^^

by Anonymousreply 13207/11/2017

so how does a good looking fit gay guy pursue a seemingly hopelessly straight married man? he's 15 yrs. into marriage, 2 small kids, so doubtful much sex is occurring at home. I've shown controlled interest, compliments; don't come on strong or stalk him. He seems to like me but never gives off any signals. Wondering if he just is ALL straight, which I didn't think was real. This one's a challenge.

by Anonymousreply 13307/11/2017

Sex is intended for strangers. Anyone expecting something else is being pussy whipped.

by Anonymousreply 13407/11/2017

Some people are just sexually lazy.

by Anonymousreply 13507/11/2017

Dont have to dress up for my hand.

by Anonymousreply 13607/11/2017

It's just another part in the horror of getting older. Losing interest in sex is quite jarring but remember losing control of your bowels isn't that far off in your future.

by Anonymousreply 13707/11/2017

We have been together 18 years. Didn't lose interest at all but prostate cancer struck.......

by Anonymousreply 13807/17/2017

My partner and I have been together for 16 years. We spiced it up by having three ways and by having an open relationship.

by Anonymousreply 13907/17/2017

Why are brides always smiling on their wedding day?

No more blowjobs!

by Anonymousreply 14007/17/2017

Most men's and women's sex drives are never equal.

On average, men have 60 to 80 times more testosterone than women and far greater sex drives than women as a result.

Women will never want sex as much as men do; it's something straight guys just have to accept.

Which is why straight people should accept legalized prostitution, open relationships and porn — men need an outlet for all the sexual activity women aren't willing to do and that should be okay.

In ancient times, men had carte blanche to be promiscuous outside their marriages, so long as they weren't taking another citizen's wife.

The women stayed at home and tended to children and the other things they were interested in, but they didn't refuse men their hookers, mistresses or concubines.

And the men didn't have to lie about extramarital affairs, either. It was expected.


by Anonymousreply 14107/17/2017

My partner and I have had amazing sex for 20+ years then as we approached our 60s it began to fade mainly due to the changes of aging, lower testosterone levels among other things. Now sex is a pleasant memory.

by Anonymousreply 14207/17/2017

That ia so sad, grampa.

by Anonymousreply 14307/17/2017

R143 if you live long enough it will happen to you too.

by Anonymousreply 14407/17/2017
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