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Let's Pretend we're a direct-to-DVD movie.

I am Jenny McCarthy, star of the movie. Also the caterer.

by Anonymousreply 2501/29/2013

Sounds boring, OP.

by Anonymousreply 101/28/2013

I'm Bai Ling, brought into the cast for international sales and currently on the roof.

by Anonymousreply 201/28/2013

I'm Billy Zane, with 119 acting credits (11 films in 2012) and nothing worth watching going all the way back to a forgettable role in Twin Peaks (1991).

If you see my name in the credits, run.

by Anonymousreply 301/28/2013

I'm Corey Feldman, I'm the lead male role. I'm getting paid 50 bucks a day and 5% of the gross earnings for my role as a has been drugged up father. My wife and daughter are both played by Lindsay Lohan (2 bucks a day and 0.01% of gross earnings). We play a dysfunctional family trying to make it in showbiz.

by Anonymousreply 401/28/2013

I'm the cover art. I look just enough like the poster of a Hollywood blockbuster for a frau at the supermarket to buy the DVD.

Cut to her kids faces at home, watching Star Track.

by Anonymousreply 501/28/2013

I'm the female lead's big boobs, which are prominently displayed on the DVD cover of this "erotic thriller"

by Anonymousreply 601/28/2013

I'm Martin Lawrence. Remember me? Even Tyler Perry won't return my calls these days.

by Anonymousreply 701/28/2013

I'm Jake Silbermann. I am the producer and in order to get this movie completed we will need your help. We take PayPal and all major credit cards, as you already know.

by Anonymousreply 801/28/2013

I am a cheap gay comedy, with cliche characters and a few obligatory, full-frontal, male nude scenes.

by Anonymousreply 901/28/2013

I'm David DeCoteau. Now take your clothes off.

by Anonymousreply 1001/28/2013

I am the stock footage of a hilarious explosion.

by Anonymousreply 1101/28/2013

I'm Richard Grieco and although I am listed as the "Name Above The Credit" star of this film, I am actually only in it for about seven minutes.

by Anonymousreply 1201/28/2013

I'm the generic, muzak-like "rock" music playing in the background. There wasn't enough money in the budget to get the rights to a well-known song.

by Anonymousreply 1301/28/2013

I like you, R5.

by Anonymousreply 1401/28/2013

I'm Lindsay Lohan, the STAR.

by Anonymousreply 1501/28/2013

Star Track, hee, R5.

by Anonymousreply 1601/28/2013

I'm Shauna Sands. I keep the crew satisfied.

by Anonymousreply 1701/28/2013

I am Cincinatti. I stand in for New York, London, and Constantinople.

by Anonymousreply 1801/28/2013

I'm the stock footage of exotic locations or famous landmarks, because we couldn't afford to shoot this movie on location

by Anonymousreply 1901/29/2013

I'm TLA releasing. Care to rent the latest gay comedy shot at a coffee shop in WeHo?

by Anonymousreply 2001/29/2013

I'm the plot. I've been heavily altered from the writers original idea to be more economically viable.

by Anonymousreply 2101/29/2013

I'm the director's mother, regretting taking out that joint credit card.

by Anonymousreply 2201/29/2013

Oh Hello! it's me, Fabrice Fabrice, the craft services coordinator.

by Anonymousreply 2301/29/2013

This movie was brought to you by Here TV.

If you don't get Here TV, call your cable or satellite provider and tell them you want Here TV.

by Anonymousreply 2401/29/2013

I'm the Syfy channel. I love these movies.

by Anonymousreply 2501/29/2013
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