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Helen Lawson's Off Their Rockers

That old bitch Betty White might be doing the nighttime version of this show, but I've got the hip daytime version!

I'll be playing tricks on unsuspecting people! Uh...either playing tricks or turning them....

by Anonymousreply 3210/19/2014

Give it a rest, hun. A long rest.

by Anonymousreply 101/24/2013

Huh? Who's Helen Lawson? And Betty White's doing some nighttime show? She's already barely functioning in Hot in Cleveland. Confused!

by Anonymousreply 201/24/2013

[quote] Who's Helen Lawson?

You've failed the Datalounge Proficiency Test. Please turn in your tiara and buttplug and sashay away.

by Anonymousreply 301/24/2013

Where's my hairdresser? This old broad needs a touchup and a spritz of Helenesque!

by Anonymousreply 401/24/2013

First up: Helen poses as a "Gillian Girl" and spritzes hairspray into the eyes of unkempt teenage girls in a skate park.

by Anonymousreply 501/24/2013

Then: leather clad guest star Joey Heatherton plays a prank on mosh pit punkers!

by Anonymousreply 601/24/2013

You can always tell when it's been on Primetime. The old people take over.

by Anonymousreply 701/24/2013

Eldergay jokes: something even more tired than a Helen Lawson joke.

by Anonymousreply 801/24/2013

The phrase Eldergay = Old man trying desperately to be clever.

by Anonymousreply 901/24/2013

The only star of a Helen Lawson thread is HELEN FUCKING LAWSON!

by Anonymousreply 1001/24/2013

These miserable little turds somehow also manage to be assholes at the same time. Talk about a chicken-and-egg quandary. Luckily I'm a star, not a philosopher.

by Anonymousreply 1101/24/2013

R11, I'm embarrassed for all of us, please let it go.

by Anonymousreply 1201/24/2013

Miss Lawson! Miss Lawson! May I have your autograph on this bottle of Helenesque??

by Anonymousreply 1301/24/2013

Coming up next: Helen takes Paris Hilton to the nail salon - except it's really the STD clinic!

by Anonymousreply 1401/24/2013

This segment has been brought to you by Helenesque - the combination cocktail and parfum.

For when you need a drink - or a splash of stink!

by Anonymousreply 1501/24/2013

In the seldom-seen pilot episode, Helen Lawson is slapped royally by the Empress Carlota when Lawson refuses to curtsy.

by Anonymousreply 1601/25/2013

Next week: The stars twinkle in heaven!

HELEN LAWSON.

ANNE HATHAWAY.

and LENA DUNHAM.

Three of your favorites all in one episode!

by Anonymousreply 1701/25/2013

.

by Anonymousreply 1801/25/2013

R12 eats young people's excrement.

by Anonymousreply 1901/25/2013

Helen and her production crew were kicked out of Sans Succi Retirement Villas when she called several residents "stupid old cunts" after they refused to film a scene with a clearly aroused pony.

by Anonymousreply 2001/25/2013

Next week Helen visits The Blue Store on 8th Avenue. A twink who's in on the joke lures a young muscle dude into an adjoining video booth, but it's Helen's ass the muscle dude ends up fucking through the glory hole, not that of the twink. Blue Store Cashier: Gedde Watanabe.

by Anonymousreply 2101/25/2013

What about the Helen/Johnny Knoxville scene?

by Anonymousreply 2201/25/2013

I only watched a little bit of Betty's show when it first came on. Actually it was pretty lame...

There was a bit where she was telling the viewing audience how a glass of wine a day is good for you. Then the camera panned back and she and this other lady were holding giant glasses that must have had an entire bottle's contents in each one.

It would have been better if the camera continued to pan out to reveal Helen sitting on a nearby sofa saying, "To each his own," before snorting a line of coke.

by Anonymousreply 2301/26/2013

I'd pay to watch Helen kick Betty's ass on live TV.

by Anonymousreply 2401/26/2013

Where's my wigs? I need my fall!

by Anonymousreply 2501/26/2013

I loved the episode where Miss Lawson told a group of people that she was the new spokesperson for Activia and after having them eat it for a new "commercial", she informed them it was actually horse semen. Hilarious!!

by Anonymousreply 2601/26/2013

There's going to be a special episode after the Super Bowl airs. Helen and the cheerleaders is all the TVGuide says.

by Anonymousreply 2701/27/2013

Next week's episode teases Helen brokering a reunion between Olivia & Joan.

by Anonymousreply 2801/31/2013

NEELY O HARA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Anonymousreply 2910/19/2014

R10 - " . . . And that's ME, Baby!!"

by Anonymousreply 3010/19/2014

[quote]There's going to be a special episode after the Super Bowl airs. Helen and the cheerleaders is all the TVGuide says.

Is it true there's a secret videotape floating around of Helen and the Clydesdales in an aborted Budweiser ad that went south really fast?

by Anonymousreply 3110/19/2014

"Give it a rest, hun."

Oh, DEAR.

by Anonymousreply 3210/19/2014
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