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Gwyneth Paltrow Is Trying To GOOP-ify Cameron Diaz

Cameron Diaz is single, hops from dude to dude and spends her money on booze, pussy lube, booze, pussy lube, booze, pussy lube and booze that doubles as pussy lube. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we don't see any problems with this. But I guess Cameron Diaz wants to grow as a person or whatever, so she's asked GOOPY Paltrow to be her life coach, because if anybody knows how to rid the shit from your life, it's her. GOOPY Paltrow is practically a human colonic. Also, when you ask GOOPY to be your life coach, be prepared to escort "Fun" to your front door and hug it while saying, "Fun, I probably won't see you for a while, but it's been you. Try not to have too much YOU without me. Bye, girl."

The Sun says that Cameron thinks she's having some kind of mid-life crisis, so she asked GOOPY to sort her life out. GOOPY showed up to Cameron's house and after she poured all the booze into the sink and threw away all the bottles of pussy lube, she put a CLOSED sign over Cameron's sex parts. GOOPY banished the dick from Cameron's cooch for a full year. The source put the sad news like this:

“Gwyneth’s sorted out everything from finances to hooking her up with her trainer. She has also forced her to swear off sex for a year, saying men distract her focus.”

Having seen The Green Hornet, I know that Cameron makes a lot of bad decisions and maybe she should settle down a bit, but taking a sabbatical from peen for a whole year?! How in the hell is that going to help her to focus? That's going to make things worse. When Cameron is chanting with the Dalai Lama and GOOP in the mountains of Thailand, it's going to be really awkward when she stops OM-ing to ask one of the monks if he wants to go behind a rock for a quickie since she hasn't been laid in 6 months and her coochie has gone into starvation mode. When Cameron is training with Tracy Anderson, it's going to really ruin their workout when she starts humping one of Tracy's arms since Tracy's arm looks like an extra veiny dick shaft. Any doctor will tell you that quitting dick cold turkey is not recommended. You have to wean off the peen

by Anonymousreply 801/26/2013

It would be nice if you credited Micael k or Dlisted as your source since you cut and pasted his whole blog entry.

by Anonymousreply 101/24/2013

Michael

by Anonymousreply 201/24/2013

The problem isn't that CD hops from man-to-man, it's that she actually falls in love with every single one, and none of them want to marry her. She's lonely.

by Anonymousreply 301/24/2013

It's like a pre-Henry Higgins Eliza Doolittle (My Fair Lady) trying to give charm lessons to a pre-Edward Vivian (Pretty Woman).

by Anonymousreply 401/24/2013

Oooh does this mean Beyonce is off of Gwyneth's Best Friends Forever list? Gywneth run thru them like middle schooler.

by Anonymousreply 501/24/2013

I'm sure GP has dropped B & J for CD.

by Anonymousreply 601/24/2013

IMO there was nothing wrong with Cameron Diaz to begin with. Last thing the world needs is Goop lite

by Anonymousreply 701/26/2013

Cameron Diaz hasn't changed much really, same old slut she was back in high school in Long Beach area of L.A. according to one of my close friends. about 12 years ago this friend told me all about Cameron including that time where she let a photographer take pictures of her semi-nude. fast forward 10 years and then we hear of her accusing and suing said photographer for alleged extortion.

by Anonymousreply 801/26/2013
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