Adult Stifles Child's Creativity by Not Allowing Her to Put Stickers on Her Dead Grandmother's Face
DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away recently. My sister, who lives in another state, flew in with her 4-year-old daughter, "Nikki," to attend Mom's wake.
When the wake ended, Nikki began to place stickers on Mom's hands and one on her face. The stickers had been given to her by another guest before the service started. When my 18-year-old daughter saw what her cousin had done, she removed them, and Nikki threw a tantrum and refused to leave the casket. My sister spoke quietly to her, trying to get the child to leave, then allowed her to put at least two more stickers on my mother's hand. Finally, I gently picked Nikki up and took her away from the casket. My father is a mild-mannered man and, although he frowned in disapproval, he said nothing.
This has caused a huge rift between my sister and me. I feel a 4-year-old is too young to attend a wake. Nikki should not have been allowed to put stickers on my mother. My sister says I "undermined" her parenting and had no right to intervene. What are your thoughts? -- SADDENED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR SADDENED: If one defines parenting as teaching a child appropriate behavior, your sister wasn't parenting at all. Although the child was well-intentioned, unless the stickers said "Return to Sender," they had no place at the funeral. My condolences to your family.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||01/20/2013|
Wow. Can all of the parties mentioned be interred with the mother?
|by Anonymous||reply 1||01/18/2013|
That somebody let their kid do this... it defies logic.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||01/18/2013|
"My sister says I "undermined" her parenting and had no right to intervene."
It that's not the ultimate in it's-all-about-me-ism, it's damn close.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||01/18/2013|
See? A normal, decent, sensitive woman and a cunt. Get the difference?
|by Anonymous||reply 6||01/18/2013|
It takes a village to slap the shit out of a misbehaving niece.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||01/19/2013|
Guys, this did not fucking happen.
They have writers for these Miss Lonelyhearts advice columns. People do sent shit in, but the columns get "supplemented" from time to time.
I expect this is one of those times.
It did have me ROFL, though.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||01/19/2013|
A 4 y/o at a wake/viewing/what-EVER? That sounds damned morbid to me!
|by Anonymous||reply 10||01/19/2013|
Give the little beast a swift kick in the ass.
|by Anonymous||reply 11||01/19/2013|
That's right r7; she would've gotten her little ass whooped when she got home. Matter fact, I would've had a switch waiting in the car just for those occasional uncalled for tantrums. You gotta know how to talk to these kids in a language they can understand.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||01/19/2013|
OK, even Dear Abby used to occasionally write, "I don't think this is real, but I'll respond as it might help others." And then she'd give some practical advice about, say, parenting.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||01/19/2013|
"My feelings ARE your responsibility!"
|by Anonymous||reply 15||01/19/2013|
I don't think 4 is too young. From a Catholic family here - basically everyone in the family goes to a wake. The little kids might not go the funeral itself or the graveside, but I was at my first wake when I was about 4.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||01/19/2013|
Catholics love dead people more than live ones.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||01/19/2013|
Not necessarily true, r16. First wake I went to was at age 8, and only because the deceased was a classmate at my Catholic School.
Had it been a parent or grandparent, the kids would not have been asked.
Case in point, my father died three short years afterwards, and most of my classmates did not attend, but their parents did.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||01/19/2013|
If that girl had been allowed to work in a warehouse hauling heavy boxes, she would have had Tits of Legend (judging by my own hairy knockers).
|by Anonymous||reply 19||01/19/2013|
I don't think the kid was too young to be at the wake, but applying stickers to a corpse? Kick the mother's ass!
|by Anonymous||reply 21||01/19/2013|
I've seen 4 year-olds at wakes and none of them was allowed to misbehave like this.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||01/19/2013|
This is bullshit.
How would a little 4-year-old girl be tall enough to put stickers on her dead granny who's laid out in her casket?
Caskets are usually on draped biers and easily waist-level for an adult.
I think the EST has struck again.
Been prolific lately ….
|by Anonymous||reply 23||01/19/2013|
My favorite Dear Abby column was when somebody obviously wrote in an EST about how her husband was dying of cancer, but the seasons were changing and if her husband died in the spring, she couldn't possibly wear black, but currently her navy blue suit was in storage. What to do, what to do?
To which Abby tartly replied, "Why don't you kill your husband now while black is still in style?"
|by Anonymous||reply 24||01/19/2013|
R23, if it was a Catholic wake, there would have been kneelers.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||01/19/2013|
In my view, Nikki wasn't doing any harm in putting on the stickers - little kids give people things (like stickers) to show their love and to make people feel better.
The cousin who interferred is the key problem.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||01/19/2013|
Even though the child acted out of love, the cousin was still right to interfere.
A GOOD parent would gently redirect the child's kindly desire to give dead Grandma something pretty, by tucking the stickers into a pocket or giving her some flowers to put in Gradma's cold dead hand, something like that. Only the most addled parent would insist that children should be encouraged to deface corpses!
Or a complete idiot, like R27.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||01/20/2013|
And there you have the problem with children and their parents today - parents are too afraid to actually 'parent', and instead let their kids get away with shit.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||01/20/2013|
10/10. Excellent Dear Abby EST.
Datalounge: take note. Keep yor ESTs short and sweet, concisely outrageous.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||01/20/2013|
Jews have it so easy. No open caskets.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||01/20/2013|