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Adult Stifles Child's Creativity by Not Allowing Her to Put Stickers on Her Dead Grandmother's Face

DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away recently. My sister, who lives in another state, flew in with her 4-year-old daughter, "Nikki," to attend Mom's wake.

When the wake ended, Nikki began to place stickers on Mom's hands and one on her face. The stickers had been given to her by another guest before the service started. When my 18-year-old daughter saw what her cousin had done, she removed them, and Nikki threw a tantrum and refused to leave the casket. My sister spoke quietly to her, trying to get the child to leave, then allowed her to put at least two more stickers on my mother's hand. Finally, I gently picked Nikki up and took her away from the casket. My father is a mild-mannered man and, although he frowned in disapproval, he said nothing.

This has caused a huge rift between my sister and me. I feel a 4-year-old is too young to attend a wake. Nikki should not have been allowed to put stickers on my mother. My sister says I "undermined" her parenting and had no right to intervene. What are your thoughts? -- SADDENED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SADDENED: If one defines parenting as teaching a child appropriate behavior, your sister wasn't parenting at all. Although the child was well-intentioned, unless the stickers said "Return to Sender," they had no place at the funeral. My condolences to your family.

by Anonymousreply 3101/20/2013

Wow. Can all of the parties mentioned be interred with the mother?

by Anonymousreply 101/18/2013

That somebody let their kid do this... it defies logic.

by Anonymousreply 201/18/2013

OMG that's horrible.

by Anonymousreply 401/18/2013

"My sister says I "undermined" her parenting and had no right to intervene."

It that's not the ultimate in it's-all-about-me-ism, it's damn close.

by Anonymousreply 501/18/2013

See? A normal, decent, sensitive woman and a cunt. Get the difference?

by Anonymousreply 601/18/2013

It takes a village to slap the shit out of a misbehaving niece.

by Anonymousreply 701/19/2013

Guys, this did not fucking happen.

They have writers for these Miss Lonelyhearts advice columns. People do sent shit in, but the columns get "supplemented" from time to time.

I expect this is one of those times.

It did have me ROFL, though.

by Anonymousreply 801/19/2013

Stifle!

by Anonymousreply 901/19/2013

A 4 y/o at a wake/viewing/what-EVER? That sounds damned morbid to me!

by Anonymousreply 1001/19/2013

Give the little beast a swift kick in the ass.

by Anonymousreply 1101/19/2013

That's right r7; she would've gotten her little ass whooped when she got home. Matter fact, I would've had a switch waiting in the car just for those occasional uncalled for tantrums. You gotta know how to talk to these kids in a language they can understand.

by Anonymousreply 1201/19/2013

OK, even Dear Abby used to occasionally write, "I don't think this is real, but I'll respond as it might help others." And then she'd give some practical advice about, say, parenting.

by Anonymousreply 1301/19/2013

"My feelings ARE your responsibility!"

by Anonymousreply 1501/19/2013

I don't think 4 is too young. From a Catholic family here - basically everyone in the family goes to a wake. The little kids might not go the funeral itself or the graveside, but I was at my first wake when I was about 4.

by Anonymousreply 1601/19/2013

Catholics love dead people more than live ones.

Fact.

by Anonymousreply 1701/19/2013

Not necessarily true, r16. First wake I went to was at age 8, and only because the deceased was a classmate at my Catholic School.

Had it been a parent or grandparent, the kids would not have been asked.

Case in point, my father died three short years afterwards, and most of my classmates did not attend, but their parents did.

by Anonymousreply 1801/19/2013

If that girl had been allowed to work in a warehouse hauling heavy boxes, she would have had Tits of Legend (judging by my own hairy knockers).

by Anonymousreply 1901/19/2013

r19, are you lost?

by Anonymousreply 2001/19/2013

I don't think the kid was too young to be at the wake, but applying stickers to a corpse? Kick the mother's ass!

by Anonymousreply 2101/19/2013

I've seen 4 year-olds at wakes and none of them was allowed to misbehave like this.

by Anonymousreply 2201/19/2013

This is bullshit.

How would a little 4-year-old girl be tall enough to put stickers on her dead granny who's laid out in her casket?

Caskets are usually on draped biers and easily waist-level for an adult.

I think the EST has struck again.

Been prolific lately ….

by Anonymousreply 2301/19/2013

My favorite Dear Abby column was when somebody obviously wrote in an EST about how her husband was dying of cancer, but the seasons were changing and if her husband died in the spring, she couldn't possibly wear black, but currently her navy blue suit was in storage. What to do, what to do?

To which Abby tartly replied, "Why don't you kill your husband now while black is still in style?"

by Anonymousreply 2401/19/2013

.

by Anonymousreply 2501/19/2013

R23, if it was a Catholic wake, there would have been kneelers.

by Anonymousreply 2601/19/2013

In my view, Nikki wasn't doing any harm in putting on the stickers - little kids give people things (like stickers) to show their love and to make people feel better.

The cousin who interferred is the key problem.

by Anonymousreply 2701/19/2013

Even though the child acted out of love, the cousin was still right to interfere.

A GOOD parent would gently redirect the child's kindly desire to give dead Grandma something pretty, by tucking the stickers into a pocket or giving her some flowers to put in Gradma's cold dead hand, something like that. Only the most addled parent would insist that children should be encouraged to deface corpses!

Or a complete idiot, like R27.

by Anonymousreply 2801/20/2013

And there you have the problem with children and their parents today - parents are too afraid to actually 'parent', and instead let their kids get away with shit.

by Anonymousreply 2901/20/2013

10/10. Excellent Dear Abby EST.

Datalounge: take note. Keep yor ESTs short and sweet, concisely outrageous.

by Anonymousreply 3001/20/2013

Jews have it so easy. No open caskets.

by Anonymousreply 3101/20/2013
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