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I think my new primary care doc was overly critical of my sex life.

Moved from the city to Danbury CT a few months back for job reasons, so I dropped by NYC PCP and found one in Danbury. I had my first appt. for a physical with him this afternoon, and I think he went far and beyond the call in criticizing my sex life.

I had an HIV test, which thankfully was neg. During the exam, I told him that I was gay. He asked how many sexual partners I had last year and what my sexual practices were. I was totally honest, telling him I had receptive anal sex with 18 different guys (yes, those I count!) and that I couldn't recall how many guys I had receptive oral with. Yes, yes, yes, out of those 18 anal encounters, I wasn't 100% safe in 2 of them. My bad for being drunk, stupid, and horny. I'm not proud of it, but it happens.

He became very judgmental IMO and frankly told me that I need to be more discriminating in my sexual practice and not have so many partners. He didn't come right out and say it, but I'm sure he was thinking that I shouldn't be having anal sex at all. I half-jokingly told him that I've lived in NYC for the past 10 years and that most other gay men I know would find the number of partners on the conservative side. Again, half-jokingly I told him that hooking up is just part of gay culture in the city. He claimed to be shocked by that. He then essentially said that I've been really lucky this far not to catch an STD, but if I keep up my behavior, I'm bound to get one one of these days. No, he's not in NYC, but Danbury isn't exactly the capital of Sheltered Town USA. It's not some rinky dinky little town where there are no gay people. Plus, he's relatively young (mid-40s, I'd guess), so he couldn't possibly be THAT naive about what goes on between men in the city.

Anyway, I found his line of questioning very invasive and critical, not to mention borderline homophobic. I mean, do you think he asks these types of questions to his straight male patients, who undoubtably are not celibate??? I am thinking of writing him an email telling him as much. I am definitely going to punch/delete him and find a new PCP covered under my insurance plan.

by Anonymousreply 14601/24/2013

You're a whore, darlin' but you knew that, didn't ya?

by Anonymousreply 101/18/2013

It's none of his business.

by Anonymousreply 201/18/2013

You're a whore, darlin'.

by Anonymousreply 301/18/2013

He's right.

by Anonymousreply 401/18/2013

Dump him, get a new PCP and be 100% safe.

by Anonymousreply 501/18/2013

He did you a favor by telling you that. Ignore at your own peril and it is very much his business.

by Anonymousreply 601/18/2013

My doctor tells me not to smoke so much pot, OP. I don't listen to him, but I know he's right. Don't go looking for medical professionals to validate your risky behavior.

by Anonymousreply 701/18/2013

He is right. And very gay-uncle tomish (for lack of a better word) to blame it on the culture. It's a free country, take responsibility for it. Saying that makes it seem like you're not as okay with it as you seem.

by Anonymousreply 801/18/2013

He is just doing his job, and doing it well. You are very fortunate indeed to be HIV negative, so far, if the the tests are accurate.

by Anonymousreply 901/18/2013

your poor anus must be ripped to shreds!

by Anonymousreply 1001/18/2013

I remember the objective with my current doctor five years ago.

We teased out that I was gay very quickly. Also monogamous too. He wasn't judgmental about it.

It all depends on the doctor - if you don't like this one shop for another.

by Anonymousreply 1101/18/2013

Sometimes the truth hurts, OP.

by Anonymousreply 1201/18/2013

18 anal partners unh....... was that in a gang bang or separately ?!

by Anonymousreply 1401/18/2013

Jesus, OP, I am sure the doc wanted an overview, not details.

Did you do a goatse?

by Anonymousreply 1501/18/2013

If a doctor told you to cut down or quit smoking, would that be considered overly critical?

by Anonymousreply 1601/18/2013

He's trying to protect you and save you from himself.

He's the doctor. You're not.

by Anonymousreply 1701/18/2013

Face it hon, you're trash. And worse, if you're over 40.

by Anonymousreply 1801/18/2013

He's right. And you're lucky to have a doctor who's doing his job.

[quote]It's none of his business.

You're an idiot. Ever hear of Public Health? It's an entire field of study devoted to ... well ... public health and controlling infectious diseases.

by Anonymousreply 1901/18/2013

You should fuck the doctor.

by Anonymousreply 2001/18/2013

We learned nothing from the AIDS devastation of the 1980's. Absolutely nothing.

by Anonymousreply 2101/18/2013

r16, having a lot of safe sex is not the same. There's no such thing as a safe smoke.

by Anonymousreply 2201/18/2013

That doctor wants to be The Only Power Bottom in The Village.

by Anonymousreply 2301/18/2013

You should fuck everyone in the Greater Danbury Area.

by Anonymousreply 2401/18/2013

R22

1 OP is not having a lot of safe sex. They said so themselves.

2 The question asked can be answered with a yes or a no.

by Anonymousreply 2501/18/2013

R22, OP admits he doesn't always practice safe sex.

In the past, I've had MDs point out that some of my behavior is risky. It's what they do.

OP is being defensive. He knows he got called out by someone who told him the truth. He can't handle the truth, so he's attacking the other person. It's a common diversionary tactic.

by Anonymousreply 2601/18/2013

Find a gay friendly doc.

I don't disagree with what the doc said, but it is all about how he says it. He should be able to deliver relevant and important advice in a non-condescending way.

You need to be open and honest with your PCP, and having a good dialog / relationship with him / her is important.

by Anonymousreply 2701/18/2013

[quote]He became very judgmental IMO and frankly told me that I need to be more discriminating in my sexual practice and not have so many partners.

You shouldn't have so many partners for anal sex, especially if you're not always going to be safe.

[quote]He didn't come right out and say it, but I'm sure he was thinking that I shouldn't be having anal sex at all.

How do you know what he was thinking?

by Anonymousreply 2901/18/2013

Well, clearly he wants you to make more sensible choices, and I don't blame him for that.

But you also need to have an approachable physician, so if this is a bad match, find a new doctor.

Mental health is a good suggestion on R28's part.

by Anonymousreply 3001/18/2013

I get that part of it, r26.

An STD/safe practice lecture is not my problem.

I'm just shocked that a PCP would tell someone whether or not they should fuck at all.

I also live in a small town with a lot of passive aggressive bigotry, disguised as concern. My mind went instantly to the "this guy's an asshole homophobe" place.

by Anonymousreply 3101/18/2013

I don't think anal with 18 guys in one year is a lot. I'm a relatively good looking young 35-year-old guy with a healthy sex drive. If you do the math, it's less than 3 guys per month, so it's not as though I'm looking to bottom my ass 365 days a year. No, I'm not proud of those 2 slips, but were more than 3 months ago, so I'm 99% out of the window period to get a poz test. I definitely have had a lot of oral sex, yes, too many to remember. Some of those were with the guys I bottomed for, but others were very random (gym, etc.), and I've been around long enough to know that it's practically impossible to get HIV was oral. Honestly, I don't think I'm any worse than your average gay guy in a metropolitan area.

by Anonymousreply 3201/18/2013

You're a whore, OP!

by Anonymousreply 3301/18/2013

I'm pretty sure OP is a troll. There's something about his posts that ring false, particularly at r32. "so it's not as though I'm looking to bottom my ass 365 days a year" ...

by Anonymousreply 3401/18/2013

[quote] I'm a relatively good looking young 35-year-old guy

35 is young?

No, 18 guys in a year is a lot. If you're adding in way more oral than you can count, then you're talking about a LOT of COCK.

If YOU feel OK with it, more power to you. But don't try to claim it's nothing. You are having an excessive amount of sex (with men who are not a single partner, or a group of the same fuckbuds) for any age.

by Anonymousreply 3501/18/2013

yes I agree with R27. Find a gay-friendly doc and then he'll tell you the same thing. Maybe you'll listen to him.

by Anonymousreply 3601/18/2013

[quote]He didn't come right out and say it, but I'm sure he was thinking that I shouldn't be having anal sex at all.

Sounds like this was all in your mind. Everything else seems to be appropriate for your doctor to discuss with you. He's doing his job.

And what's with all the "half-jokingly" responses, OP? It's a doctor visit, not an opportunity for you to practice your stand-up comedy routine. Also, it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing. Listen to his advice.

He probably wouldn't have mentioned the number of partners if he felt you were safe EVERY time.

by Anonymousreply 3701/18/2013

OP/R32, he's concerned about more than HIV. I'm sure he has either seen or heard about oral STDs.

HPV (believed to be a cause of throat cancer), gonorrhea, hep-B, herpes and syphilis are transmitted orally. Although it's not the usual method of infection, HIV can be contracted orally.

The more partners you have, the riskier the behavior. It would be neglectful for a health care professional not to warn you.

by Anonymousreply 3801/18/2013

[quote]It's none of his business.

WTF

As OP's PCP of course it is.

If OP went into his doctor and said he ate McDonalds everyday and the Dr. Told him he should cut back because he will suffer health problems, would that be inappropriate?

by Anonymousreply 4001/18/2013

We counsel all whores on safe sex. You are not special for being gay. What did you expect, a high five?

by Anonymousreply 4101/18/2013

I second r20, he's got it coming

by Anonymousreply 4201/18/2013

The big question here is, "OP, are you still getting that much cock in Danbury? If so, HOW and WHERE?"

by Anonymousreply 4301/18/2013

[quote] I know guys my age, younger, and older who could put me to shame with their number of sex partners.

But what other people do doesn't mean FUCK ALL when you get infected with an STD or HIV.

Sadly, you sound like a guy whose whole existence and self-esteem is in comparing yourself to other people. Nothing anyone says here in a loving or helpful way will make a difference.

by Anonymousreply 4401/18/2013

Exactly r44, classic NPD.

by Anonymousreply 4501/18/2013

OP, what you call being judgmental is actually sound medical advice. Your promiscuous and non-restrained sexual practices have placed you at an increased statistical risk of not just HIV, but STDs in general. That is the truth. If that makes you feel bad, then change your behavior. If you don't have the sound judgement to change your behavior, the physician still has a duty to give you sound advice.

by Anonymousreply 4601/18/2013

LOL @ R10.

by Anonymousreply 4701/18/2013

He's a doctor, not a priest.

I would never confide in a mere physician that way.

And I would find another GP stat. One who knows how to mind his own business.

by Anonymousreply 4801/18/2013

I hate it when some gay men try to make themselves not look so bad by asserting that their promiscuity is normal amongst gay men. Please don't try to deflect your behavior by defaming gay men in general. You are willing to throw gay men in general under the bus by reinforcing a negative stereotype just to keep yourself from looking bad. Take responsibility for your own choices. Many gay men are not promiscuous, some are monogamous. Your actions are your choice.

by Anonymousreply 4901/18/2013

r48, the number of sexual partners one has and their choice of sexual acts is very much a medical issue and appropriate matter to discuss with a physician.

by Anonymousreply 5001/18/2013

Even I think your behavior is risky, OP. ME!!!

I would be so scared if I was a gay guy. You'll get AIDS.

by Anonymousreply 5101/18/2013

Of course it's his business, just as obesity and smoking are. The main reason to see a doctor regularly is disease prevention. However, you do need to find a doctor who is more familiar with gay patients.

by Anonymousreply 5201/18/2013

R46 Good call.

R48 What if the OP was fifty pounds overweight and told the doctor he was stuffing his face with junk food all day? The doctor should tell him to change his diet and lose weight. By the same time, the doctor should advise the patient to refrain from high risk sexual practices. It would be irresponsible for the doctor to do otherwise. Adding insult to injury, the OP admitted that he was penetrated anally without protection two times.

by Anonymousreply 5301/18/2013

Homophobia is a big problem with doctors (so is fat phobia for that matter). The plain truth is that every time I've visited a doctor for any complaint they insist on an AIDS test and they only think about what else could be wrong until they have those results. Antigay bigotry in the medical profession is very real and very dangerous to us all. It is not wise to pooh-pooh it, but you know a large portion of datalounge are boot-licking nazis who think corporations, doctors, and other authority figures are the most victimized segment of society. They hold these views even though none of them has profited much fro all the ass-kissing to authority they do. It's just part of the whole herd instinct. They are subhumans, and out in force in this thread.

by Anonymousreply 5401/18/2013

OP--You are fooling yourself to think other people are worse so you don't have to worry. I am sympathetic, but you should think about the risks. Not just HIV-herpes, warts, parasites, syphilis, gonorrhea. You could arrange your life to have just as much sex with fewer men.

by Anonymousreply 5501/18/2013

That's why many people have suggested an LGBT or LGBT friendly doctor, R54.

I had to switch doctors a few times when I experienced physicians that were not LGBT friendly or appeared uncomfortable.

[quote] The plain truth is that every time I've visited a doctor for any complaint they insist on an AIDS test and they only think about what else could be wrong until they have those results.

You desperately need to find a more LGBT friendly or knowledgeable physician, then.

by Anonymousreply 5601/18/2013

[quote]He probably wouldn't have mentioned the number of partners if he felt you were safe EVERY time.

He probably would have. The standard line from the CDC and the medical establishment is that you should limit your number of sexual partners, whether or not you practice safer sex.

by Anonymousreply 5701/18/2013

It was unprofessional of the doctor to put his opinion in a moralizing way.

Instead, he should just say even with safe sex practice, errors do happen (condoms break, are contaminated with precum on application, etc) and that the odds an error go up the more you times you have sex.

People need facts, not lectures.

by Anonymousreply 5801/18/2013

I'd dump him as quickly as I could.

I've run into this a few times with doctors. I'm 54 and watched a lot of friends die. I've always practice safe sex, get tested outside of my health care providers system.

I've had doctors assume that anytime I've had anything wrong with me that it was HIV related despite my being negative.

You have to feel comfortable with your doctor. If he's going to get all judgemental on you, he's not going to be able to provide you with the care you need.

by Anonymousreply 5901/18/2013

[quote] You have to feel comfortable with your doctor. If he's going to get all judgemental on you, he's not going to be able to provide you with the care you need.

More importantly, if you don't have a great relationship, or a very honest one, with your doctor....then you won't have the openness you need to ask questions or seek help when it IS really needed (and not just a check up).

by Anonymousreply 6001/18/2013

I'm wondering if I've fucked OP in the bathroom of Triangles.

by Anonymousreply 6101/18/2013

[quote] OP is not having a lot of safe sex. They said so themselves.

No need to play the pronoun game. I think we can safely infer that OP is a he.

by Anonymousreply 6201/18/2013

I have always gone to gay doctors up until recently, with both men and women. I can tell you this..

The straight doctors might be a little more apprehensive actually to ask about your sex life. First, they cant always tell if your gay unless you brig it up.

Second, they might not have a lot of personal friends that are gay, or talk about gay sex.

That being said, if I went into my gay doc office and said what you said, he would probably say a lot more then the one just talked about. He knows what it means to get ass fucked. He might not say you are a whore, which you are, but he would still say you need to be more selective or try to find a single partner. And he would not let the bullshit line you gave about all men in the city being promiscuous slide. He would probably tell you he has been with the same partner for 20 years.

Bottom line, a gay doctor is better, they know what it's like being gay but they will also call you out on your shit. However, you are still a whore and no matter what doctor you go to that ass is going to prolapse by the time you are 45.

by Anonymousreply 6301/18/2013

I got HIV from the very first guy I slept with when I was 19. The OP is very lucky.

by Anonymousreply 6401/18/2013

Beautiful sensitive post r63

by Anonymousreply 6501/18/2013

r57 made the biggest point of all: The standard line from the CDC and the medical establishment is that you should limit your number of sexual partners, whether or not you practice safer sex.

by Anonymousreply 6601/18/2013

The OP is in some kind of denial. I know a few guys who are very sexually active like that. The thing is they own up to it and don't blame anyone else.

One of my friends who is known around town for the monster size of his dick flat out said to me "Im a whore, so I play around a lot!" I was shocked he said what everyone thinks, but at least he owns up to it. Of course, even as a top he is POS.

by Anonymousreply 6701/18/2013

OP is the Town Bike. Think I rode him once, can't remember.

by Anonymousreply 6801/18/2013

Thank you R65. The OP needs to be bitch slapped a little bit into reality. I am sure he can take it, his ass certainly can.

by Anonymousreply 6901/18/2013

OP Didn't you ever discuss this with your old PCP? How did he handle it?

by Anonymousreply 7001/18/2013

18 guys is about how many I have been with total in my life and I am 48. I thought I was kind of a pig but apparently I am a almost virgin.

by Anonymousreply 7101/18/2013

OP, are you depressed? Were you ever abused?

by Anonymousreply 7201/18/2013

The OP sounds like he is going for Dawson style weekend.

by Anonymousreply 7301/18/2013

Perhaps you just should have said that you're sexually active and not told him the exact number of partners.

Granted, it's not his business to offer a commentary, but it is his business to advice that you practice safe sex...just as he would advise you how to care for yourself if you had the flu or to suggest that you shouldn't smoke if you were a smoker.

by Anonymousreply 7401/18/2013

OP you know what you are doing is bad for you. Otherwise you would have not tried to make jokes about it and try and clam "everyone" dose it.

Jokes and Excuses about your sex life = Things that make you go Hmmmmmmmm.

by Anonymousreply 7501/18/2013

Present your slutty little hole and ring a little bell to show you're clean and ready.

by Anonymousreply 7601/18/2013

My partner is a chief surgical resident at a level one trauma center. Although a surgeon by trade, he spends a lot of time functioning as a primary care physician and donates a LARGE number of hours to the free clinic there. I just made him read your post and he was unquestionably on the side of your doctor. See, as patients, OP, we don't have to take our doctor's advice, but it's their job to make us aware of what's in our best medical interests, and your lifestyle CLEARLY does not comport with what's in your best medical interests.

My friend, you need to exercise a great deal more caution. And as my partner said, if you are being lackadaisical in your efforts to keep yourself safe sexually, you are most likely being less than diligent in other areas of your life.

by Anonymousreply 7701/18/2013

I think the DR has the duty to ask how many. Just like asking how is your diet. If you say "I eat a lot of burgers", he cant evaluate what "a lot" means unless he ask the fallow up question, "just how many is that?"

If we were talking about other addictions like alcohol, it would be how much, how often, what kind, have you ever blacked out, do you binge drink, etc.

by Anonymousreply 7801/18/2013

LITTLE hole, R76??? I suspect that hole is large enough to swallowing our Sun one day soon.

by Anonymousreply 7901/18/2013

Agree, little Hole? That thing is probably lie a hallway. I could throw a bowling ball down that lane.

by Anonymousreply 8001/18/2013

r79, you made me spit out my water. Well done, sir.

by Anonymousreply 8101/18/2013

When I moved and found a new doctor, he asked my orientation. When I said "gay" he went to the next question. He hasn't mentioned it over ten years of visits.

by Anonymousreply 8201/18/2013

OP rents his anus to amateur theatrical groups as Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors.

by Anonymousreply 8301/18/2013

OP, it's really interesting to me how you're trying to qualify your choices by slicing and dicing the numbers.

Either you're comfortable with your choices or you're not, whether your with two guys in a year or two hundred.

It's obvious you've got some doubts. I wonder if you're doing what you do because you want to or because you think it's what everybody's doing. Just sort out what's right for you.

If you were offended by your blunt doctor, find another one.

by Anonymousreply 8401/18/2013

[quote]My partner is a chief surgical resident at a level one trauma center. Although a surgeon by trade, he spends a lot of time functioning as a primary care physician and donates a LARGE number of hours to the free clinic there.

R77 spends most of her time swanning around the pool and mixing Mai Tais for the garden club. The question here is whether or not you are safe with your sex partners. The number does not matter.

by Anonymousreply 8501/18/2013

Some of you girls need to unclench.

by Anonymousreply 8601/18/2013

"By the same time, the doctor should advise the patient to refrain from high risk sexual practices."

In general, but what's to be gained with the doctor getting the specifics on the OP's sex life?

Sounds like he just wants lurid details for his own gratification.

by Anonymousreply 8701/18/2013

I've had enough bad experiences with medical professionals to not trust them at all anymore. Many are psychos just in it for the money, and couldn't possible care less about you, even though it's their job to care about you. You'd think that personality type would be weeded out when they're trying to get their degrees. I mean couldn't they devise personality tests that would identify sociopaths who are likely to commit malpractice? But apparently little to nothing is done regarding that.

by Anonymousreply 8801/18/2013

Don't listen to these judgmental queens, OP.

by Anonymousreply 8901/18/2013

Sounds like you need a new primary care doc. I applaud him for telling you that you are putting yourself at great risk by getting drunk and having unsafe sex. That's part of his job description. Or should be.

But he has no business judging you for how many men you sleep with. He should also realize that by appearing judgmental he will be potentially alienating you from being completely honest with him in the future without the risk of incurring his judgment.

by Anonymousreply 9001/18/2013

R85, I'm afraid I haven't "swanned" in forever, and I have to confess that know zip about garden clubs. I DO know that I'm in the final days of my doctorate in psychology, and one of my practicum subjects believes that she's Eleanor Roosevelt. As such, I am constantly regaled with stories about tea parties in the Rose Garden. That's about as close to garden clubs as I come. There's always tomorrow, though.

And yes, I agree that the issue is whether the OP is safe. Clearly he isn't and I sort of thought my post spoke to that. Perhaps I'm mistaken.

You know, R85, every once in a great while some of us do indeed put forth an effort to help someone on this site. I thought my post attempted to that, too, so I suppose I'm at all time low tonight.

OP, I hope you make a serious commitment to practice safe sex. Bad things can happen to you, too, you know. You're not exempt from the shit that life can dish out.

by Anonymousreply 9101/18/2013

[quote]The question here is whether or not you are safe with your sex partners. The number does not matter.

No. The number does matter, but not nearly as much as being safe.

by Anonymousreply 9201/18/2013

No, Op it is not homophobic. When I was in college I as very sexually active and straight ( I am a woman). All the gynos I had were woman and ask about my partners. And suggested I be more discriminate and always use protection.

He is doing his job. You can listen or not.

by Anonymousreply 9301/18/2013

18 sexual partners in a year is not conservative by any means. Not in this culture and certainly not in any previous culture. STD and HIV are very much a concern and he did the right thing advising you to slow down and be safe. Not to mention how your anus is going to be in 20 years from now.

by Anonymousreply 9401/18/2013

Yes, R92. You're absolutely right.

by Anonymousreply 9501/18/2013

How old is the OP?

by Anonymousreply 9601/18/2013

Oh don't be a tool R94. Getting fucked by different guys doesn't wear out the anus any more than the same partner fucking it for years.

by Anonymousreply 9801/18/2013

R90, any patient, male or female, straight or gay, who goes to their PCP talking about being sexually active is going to be asked how many partners that means, the kind of sex they're having and whether safe sex is being practiced.

That goes for all patients, male or female, straight or gay.

If OP were a woman who went to her PCP with that sexual history, she would have gotten the same response from him.

by Anonymousreply 9901/18/2013

OP, ignore the overly critical responses. Truth be told, all people make mistakes. Just learn from them, and be safer in the future, even if it means you cut yourself off when you are out drinking.

And get a new doctor that you can feel comfortable talking about this with. You def. need a doctor that will run the necessary tests if you are at risk for STIs or other ailments.

by Anonymousreply 10001/18/2013

"I found his line of questioning very invasive"

How did you feel when he slipped his rubber glove-covered finger up that oft-plowed anus?

by Anonymousreply 10101/18/2013

I was the one who posted the number doesn't matter.

Of course it does, in retrospect, but only from a perspective of a) whether the number represents a mental health issue and b) the exponential risk of exposure to STD increases the more people you sleep with. It doesn't sound like OP is doing a lot of screening if he can't remember how many cocks he's sucked.

I said the number doesn't matter in terms of the slut factor. The only person who can call OP a slut and have it matter is OP. I got the feeling he was trying to rationalize his behaviour, implying he's actually not that comfortable with it himself. Either that or somehow he's stunned somebody might think 18 fucks and the inability to count the number of cocks you've sucked is something to get called out on. I say it doesn't matter if OP owns it. Only he knows that. It does kind of sound like he's doing it in part because he thinks all the other kids are doing it.

I'm surprised I said it. I'm Mr. Monogamous LTR.

by Anonymousreply 10201/18/2013

OP, you are awfully sensitive for a dude that takes it raw up the ass so often. If you had been safe all those times then you would have a valid reason for switching docs.

by Anonymousreply 10301/18/2013

You DO need to be more discriminating in your sex life. 18 different guys in a year is nuts. And the fact that you are not ALWAYS wearing a condom makes you sound like an immature fool.

by Anonymousreply 10401/18/2013

[quote]How did you feel when he slipped his rubber glove-covered finger up that oft-plowed anus?

For once the doctor wasn't lying when he said 'You won't feel a thing.'

by Anonymousreply 10501/18/2013

Let's not forget the fact that doctors are also taught to have a keen eye on potential liability issues. If they act nonchalantly toward any high-risk behavior a patient might describe, that same patient may decide to sue later on if he suffers some consequence. "Well, the DOCTOR never told me there was anything wrong with it!"

by Anonymousreply 10601/18/2013

[quote]You DO need to be more discriminating in your sex life. 18 different guys in a year is nuts.

R77, 18 guys in a year is definitely not nuts. It's completely normal for a sexually active man.

[quote]And the fact that you are not ALWAYS wearing a condom makes you sound like an immature fool.

I would agree that OP needs to use a condom every time for anal sex. Although not for oral sex, he is taking a risk for STDs.

by Anonymousreply 10701/18/2013

OP by indicating that you had unprotected sex with two men you also basically admitted that you might be a factor in transmitting the virus, should you have been positive. Any doctor would be uncomfortable with that.

by Anonymousreply 10901/18/2013

Keep blowing those countless random dudes, OP.

by Anonymousreply 11001/18/2013

You tell him that you've had 18 different sex partners in the past year and didn't use protection 2 of those times, and you're angry that he was "overly critical"? Did you expect him to clap and say "Good job!"? He didn't do anything but tell you the truth. Go to any other doctor with that same story and you'll get the same "overly critical" response.

by Anonymousreply 11101/18/2013

OP has not "come down with an STD (or worse)" uptight repub cunt at R112.

by Anonymousreply 11301/18/2013

Wow. I don't feel so bad now. I'm 47 and I have only been with 12 guys in my entire life. I thought I was kind of a slut... Guess not. LOL.

by Anonymousreply 11401/18/2013

OP

Having anal sex with a new partner nearly every week is a lot.

Having oral sex with more than one new partner every week is a lot.

Not always practising safe sex, particularly with anal sex, is risky.

Being drunk and having sex is risky.

Your doctor is probably worried about your mental health, as well as your sexual health.

by Anonymousreply 11501/18/2013

Having sex with a large number of random partners is risky even with a condom. There are many nasty things people get from the skin contact around the area not protected by latex. There isn't enough eye bleach in the world for the things I've seen, and it is very depressing to tell guys they got something that will never go away. It's best to get to know someone before you get to that point.

by Anonymousreply 11601/18/2013

[all posts by right wing shit-stain # a removed.]

by Anonymousreply 11701/18/2013

[quote]If OP were a woman who went to her PCP with that sexual history, she would have gotten the same response from him.

Exactly. Woman and gay men are sluts. Straight white men are fucking GODS with that sexual history.

by Anonymousreply 11801/18/2013

Your doctor is trying to save your life, not your feelings. To your fantasy-induced mind, being "judgmental" (which he isn't)is a brutal crime, while having unsafe butt sex is just a goofy detail of a drunken fun night out! You are irresponsible, and it's not your doctor's job to make you feel good about it.

by Anonymousreply 12001/19/2013

"18 guys in a year is definitely not nuts. It's completely normal for a sexually active man. "

in 1978.

by Anonymousreply 12101/19/2013

OP should be grateful he's still around to see a doctor.

by Anonymousreply 12301/20/2013

He's his doctor not his clergyman, moral guide or mother.

A doctor has to be able to respectfully and non-judgmentally treat people of all degrees of sexual promiscuity.

That being said, OP, there is every reason for your doctor to object to specific unsafe sex practices and counsel you against them.

by Anonymousreply 12401/20/2013

The doctor needs to fuck him and show him how real men have sex

by Anonymousreply 12501/20/2013

There is a way to delivery medical advice without coming across as critical or judgemental. Never let anyone (especially someone you're paying) to let you feel anything less than you deserve. Never hand over that kind of power. If you do people will run with it.

by Anonymousreply 12601/20/2013

Stop bitching, you've got a good doctor! He was right!

Dude, 1 in 5 carry the HIV virus and don't know it, current stats say. You're playing Russian Roulette with your life.

Take it from me (I have full-blown AIDS), you don't want this disease. The Protease Inhibitor meds they give you will screw up your blood chemistry, causing a change in fat distribution (lipodystrophy), alter your sugar levels in your pancreas causing you to develop diabetes, and with that comes peripheral neuropathy nerve damage in your feet (constant burning), your chloresterol and triglyceride levels will rise and go off the charts and then you'll develop high blood pressure -- all of which will damage your internal organs and cause a stroke or heart attack.

GET IT?

Toxic meds, despite them prolonging your life. Oh sure you'll live, but have to take oodles of pills every day in addition to your HIV meds.

Is a cock up your ass worth all that? At least use condoms and don't swallow cum!

--Signed, Miss Waiting to Die

by Anonymousreply 12701/20/2013

You need a more professional doctor.

by Anonymousreply 12801/20/2013

Yes OP, you're a risk-taking whore but blame the doctor.

by Anonymousreply 12901/20/2013

He's not blaming the doctor. He said he thinks the doctor is being critical. Doctors need to have a good bedside manner. There is a way to explain things without being critical and judgemental. It is an important step.

by Anonymousreply 13001/20/2013

OP, you're a whore who needs to see a therapist. Clearly you know that having receptive anal with 18 guys in a 12 month period is NOT normal behavior, and that's why you're so unsettled by his reaction. Get a life.

by Anonymousreply 13101/20/2013

r127, there is a difference between a dr. explaining and strongly advising against unsafe sex and a dr. showing contempt for a patient's sex life. The former is important, the latter is not his or her role and potentially counterproductive. Trying to positively change future behavior is of course commendable. Blaming or denigrating a patient for what has been done in the past is a completely different thing. It is neither the dr.'s job to do so, nor is it beneficial. The dr. is not in the profession of using emotional negative reinforcement techniques to change behavior. The dr. is there to advise as to how the patient can lead a healthier life in the future.

Also, as someone who is also HIV positive, and certainly share your concern in telling negative people that having HIV, including treatment, are challenging and present difficulties that should not be ignored, most people who become infected now are not treated with protease inhibitors, but rather with a combination of nucleoside and non-nucleoside reverse transcriptase inhibitor which affect the body differently than protease inhibitors.

by Anonymousreply 13201/20/2013

OP, the doctor failed.

AIDS educator here. Talking to people about their sex lives, the one thing you don't do is judge them for it. Moment you do, they shut down and never see them again. The goal is to give you the tools information and tools to make better choices. It's a Harm Reduction Model, not a Moral Condemnation one.

I would have expressed concern about getting drunk and having unprotected sex -- and I would have done that if you said you did it with 100 guys or your partner. Those two things together would give me pause. I'd want to talk more about your alcohol use... if you wanted.

You are someone who needs to ask their doctor about a PrEP prescription. Since you sometimes don't use condoms, taking Truvada would be a great added layer of protection. It's my belief that within 5 years, daily or monthly PrEP will be the mainline prophylaxis against HIV infection.

As far as oral sex, yes, you can choose to have less oral sex. You can also choose to have more. Or the same amount. Don't really care. I want you to do what you want to in a safe way. That, for you, would be regular, quarterly STD tests. That way, if you get something, we can stop it before it does any harm to you or you inadvertently spread it to others.

Lastly, it's okay to want a health professional who respect your choices and help you to be as safe as possible with those choices. Yes, part of that is having you see if the amount and type of sex you are having really works for you; if you are getting out of it what you want, both emotionally and sexually. But if it is, or if you think it is, then it's good care to give you all the tools you need to keep yourself and your partners as safe as possible.

Good luck.

by Anonymousreply 13301/20/2013

Very well said, r133.

by Anonymousreply 13401/20/2013

Find a gay doctor. And then don't be surprised to hear or feel similar things.

by Anonymousreply 13501/20/2013

[quote] He didn't come right out and say it, but I'm sure he was thinking that I shouldn't be having anal sex at all.

By luck(?) of the draw, OP has stumbled upon the DataLounge house physician. For your next visit, expect a lecture and brochures on "The Joy of Frottage!"

by Anonymousreply 13601/20/2013

What do you think a Doctor would do if a patient, on their way to becoming morbidly obese,started telling him they ate 3 whole pies a night yhis week & last week they ate 7 pizza's every night. Would you expect the Doctor to lecture the patient on how they are hurting themselves & putting their health at risk, or say nothing?

by Anonymousreply 13701/20/2013

OP, dahling, when I lived in Hollywood I went to an all gay clinic, Pacific Oaks in BH. This was not the first time I had a gay Dr. but it was the first time in years it was a Dr. who did not know me prior.

The exam was like yours squared. I was asked questions about things I never I had never been asked before. Had I bottom fisted, no, had I top fisted, yes, and on and on.

Be happy your Dr. was comfortable enough 'to go there'. That's what he paid to do.

by Anonymousreply 13801/20/2013

Eighteen sex partners in a year is too many?

What's the permissible number, then? I mean if you old ladies can take a break from reading the latest issue of CAT FANCY or dusting off the Hummel figurines and let me know.

by Anonymousreply 13901/20/2013

The problem is not that he had anal sex 18 times, but that two of the times were unprotected because he's a complete idiot.

If the OP were careful and used protection every time, 18 (or more) would not be a problem.

by Anonymousreply 14001/20/2013

having unprotected sex with CAT FANCY is unpermissible.

by Anonymousreply 14101/20/2013

Try having your father as your PCP. Your father who is blunt and thinks nothing of asking you the most embarrassing questions in the world. FML

by Anonymousreply 14201/20/2013

You had unprotected sex twice cuz "it just happens"?

You're an idiot - your doctor is right.

by Anonymousreply 14301/20/2013

Wanna be #19, doc-toor?

by Anonymousreply 14401/23/2013

OP's doc lost his watch in OP's hole.

by Anonymousreply 14501/23/2013

This is in all likelihood just a stupid troll post. I mean, nobody can be THAT stupid can they, to think that a doctor is being "judgemental" when he's simply speaking the truth? The OP is a troll or a retard.

by Anonymousreply 14601/24/2013
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