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Let's cast Airport 2013: the Dreamliner

Jessica Chastain as the Stewardess,

Quvenzhane Wallis as the little girl in need of a kidney,

Jennifer Hudson as her mother/the Helen Reddy singing nun role,

Mark Consuelos as the Eric Estrada navigator with two lines

AnnE Hathaway in the Gloria Swanson role as the movie star who just sits there and talks about herself.

by Anonymousreply 8601/19/2013

Captain the sink is clogged again with anal hair

by Anonymousreply 101/16/2013

You can't have an airplane disaster movie without Jodie Foster.

by Anonymousreply 201/16/2013

Yes...r2....Jodie could play the Charleton Heston role and then get offended if any when asks if she is lesbianic like her character...."climb baby climb!"

by Anonymousreply 301/16/2013

"I can't fly this Dreamliner alone! I can't! I CAN'T!!!"

by Anonymousreply 401/16/2013

Viggo Mortensen as the Neo Nazi terrorist

by Anonymousreply 501/16/2013

Paz de la Huerta, as an international prostitute with a heart of gold.

by Anonymousreply 601/16/2013

Betty White as the passenger who speaks jive.

by Anonymousreply 701/16/2013


by Anonymousreply 801/16/2013

Zack Efron as the movie star's secretary, ready to take dictation as she relates her memoirs.

by Anonymousreply 901/16/2013

Don't be ridiculous, r8. The President is not one of the characters.

by Anonymousreply 1001/16/2013

B.D. Wong as the Dreamliner's in-flight psychologist

by Anonymousreply 1101/16/2013

Jane Lynch as the singing nun with an acoustic guitar.

by Anonymousreply 1201/16/2013

Beyonce as stewadress Nancy Pryor.

"There ain't nobody left to fly the plane, yo. Y'all betta help me out right now 'cause this shit's about to get REAL!"

by Anonymousreply 1301/16/2013

Karen Black in a cameo as the cross-eyed old lady who yearns for the by-gone days when airline stewardesses had a little bit of glamor about them.

by Anonymousreply 1401/16/2013

Jeremy Renner as the stoic flight attendant with a classified past and a broken heart

by Anonymousreply 1501/16/2013

Lena Dunham as the ocean floor.

by Anonymousreply 1601/16/2013

Lindsay Lohan as a gremlin on the wing of the plane.

by Anonymousreply 1701/16/2013

R17, I'm bored! I'M SO BORED!

by Anonymousreply 1801/16/2013

Dame Judi Dench as the cute little old lady who is really a pickpocket.

by Anonymousreply 1901/16/2013

Dame Maggie Smith as the tart little old lady who is really a detective.

by Anonymousreply 2001/16/2013

Bill Paxton gets the "We're all gonna die" line.

by Anonymousreply 2101/16/2013

Samuel Jackson could play Kareem's role

by Anonymousreply 2201/16/2013

No one could do it better R21!

by Anonymousreply 2301/16/2013

Amanda seyfried as the junior stewardess on her very first flight who Jessica chastain has to alternately coddle and bully. The terrorists will take her hostage at one point and she ends up falling in love with a rich elderly passenger played by Michael douglas, after her cheers her up by doing magic tricks with abag of peanuts and a barf bag

by Anonymousreply 2401/16/2013

Amanda Seyfried in the Christopher Norris role!!! Love it! r24!!!

by Anonymousreply 2501/17/2013

Gabourey Sidibe as the Dreamliner.

by Anonymousreply 2601/17/2013

And with Berenice Bejo as the sexy French stewardess Isabelle (aka the Sylvia Kristel role).

ISABELLE/BERENICE BEJO: "You pilots are such... [italic]men![/italic]"

CAPT. JOSEPHINE PATRONI/JODIE FOSTER: "Hey, they don't call it a [italic]cock[/italic]pit for nothing, honey!"

by Anonymousreply 2701/17/2013

Sarah Jessica Parker providing the glue that keeps the dreamliner together.

by Anonymousreply 2801/17/2013

R22 No, Samuel L. Jackson as a snake smuggler.

Gabby Sidibe as the passenger who bitches about having to buy two seats.

Cloris Leachman as a grandmotherly terrorist who talked her way past airport security with explosives in her diaper lining.

Abe Vigoda as her unsuspecting husband.

by Anonymousreply 2901/17/2013

Lisa Whelchel as the passenger who brings several bags from Whataburger aboard and proceeds to offend everyone around her by eating them loudly.

James Franco as the sensitive flight attendant who's exploring his sexuality in the lavatory with the passenger in 28A, played by Tobey Maguire.

by Anonymousreply 3001/17/2013

Jean Dujardin as the French gigolo traveling with retired musical theater star Helen Lawson.

by Anonymousreply 3101/17/2013


by Anonymousreply 3201/17/2013

Jamie Foxx as the flight engineer who bites the dust on the very first explosion, which occurs in the first 10 minutes of the movie.

by Anonymousreply 3301/17/2013

And with the tired mention of Helen Lawson, the whole thread grinds to a halt.

by Anonymousreply 3401/17/2013

Viola Davis as the maid who finds the bomber's plans at home and spends the movie rushing by bus to the airport and then weeps when it is too late.....(a la Maureen Stapleton)

by Anonymousreply 3501/17/2013

Harvey Fierstein as a Jewish mother.

Wendy Williams as a passenger who refuses to shut down her cell phone.

Jason Alexander as a lovable loser who mistakenly goes to the wrong airport and can't carry out his hijackiing as planned.

by Anonymousreply 3601/17/2013

Sienna Miller as the stewardess who annoyunces she's pregnant in act 1, by married pilot Ben Affleck.

by Anonymousreply 3701/17/2013

Marion Cotillard as the stewardess who's having the affair with the pilot (though she really loves him).

Meg Ryan as the once glamourous but now frumpy wife trying to hold to youth for dear life (as her competition holds to plane debris for the same reason). She kinda knows what her husband is up to but chooses to ignore it so she can remain the proper Mrs. Airplane Pilot.

by Anonymousreply 3801/17/2013

Meryl Streep as sextuplets, separated at birth and raised in different countries.

by Anonymousreply 3901/17/2013

Katy Perry as the groovy pop star in first class.

She will be asked to write, record, and release the movie's original theme song which will kill at the Oscars.

The Singing Nun will have a cover version, which will get plenty of airplay (no pun intended) as well.

by Anonymousreply 4001/17/2013

omg r39...that sounds wonderful...lets make one of them a singer so I could do a number a la Carol Lynley.

by Anonymousreply 4101/17/2013

Ellen and Rosie as a pair of lesbians headed to their first Michfest event.

by Anonymousreply 4201/17/2013

Bjork as a reporter getting punched in the face by Justin Bieber.

by Anonymousreply 4301/17/2013

Jodie Foster as the mysterious woman in a hat and veil.

by Anonymousreply 4401/17/2013

Matt Lauer and Ann Curry play themselves. Matt is unknowingly seated directly in front of Ann, who is suffering from a terrible head cold. She sneezes her way through the flight with Matt ultimately going insane running naked through the cabin.

by Anonymousreply 4501/17/2013

The little girl from "The New Normal" and the younger son from "The Middle" play overly precocious seatmates who yammer at each other non-stop until the passengers in the surrounding rows duct-tape their mouths shut and stuff them in an overhead bin.

by Anonymousreply 4601/17/2013

Ewan McGregor plays the co-pilot who invites a cute young boy, played by Jaden Smith, to the cockpit to "see how we fly one of these things."

by Anonymousreply 4701/17/2013


by Anonymousreply 4801/17/2013

Glen Close as a senile great-grandmother who hasn't made any kind of response in 10 years until she starts pointing at the terrorists and saying they are going to blow up the plane. Of course noone believes her but her great grandson Zac Efron who notices one of the terrorists giving him the eye. So he seduces him hoping to get to the truth. Instead Zac becomes the first victim.

by Anonymousreply 4901/17/2013

Liza Minnelli as the drunk passenger who keeps hitting on all of the gay flight attendants.

by Anonymousreply 5001/17/2013

Florence Marly as ?

by Anonymousreply 5101/17/2013

Sean Hayes and Jack McBrayer as flight attendants.

by Anonymousreply 5201/17/2013

Maureen McGovern sings "I Dreamed a Dream Before The Morning After" Love Theme from Airport 2013: The Dreamliner!

by Anonymousreply 5301/17/2013

Gosh but we're good :)

by Anonymousreply 5401/17/2013

Ben Affleck is the Senator who has to get back to DC in time to cast the all-important vote in favor of the Aid to Working Families Act.

by Anonymousreply 5501/17/2013

Faye Dunaway as the down on her luck film diva who has to fly coach but is demanding a free upgrade.

by Anonymousreply 5601/18/2013

Betty White as the drunk, doddering passenger who keeps asking how she can get to the upper deck lounge.

by Anonymousreply 5701/18/2013

Paz de la Huerta in the Lee Grant role as drunk widow Karen Wallace.

by Anonymousreply 5801/18/2013

Megan Mullally as Karen Walker as the Skybar cocktail hostess.

by Anonymousreply 5901/18/2013

[quote]Karen Walker as the Skybar cocktail hostess.

"We're losing altitude and we're all gonna die!!"

"Ha ha HA HA! Aaaaah, Smitty! You always know how to cheer up a girl who's feeling down..."

by Anonymousreply 6001/18/2013

Matt Bomer as the nervous accountant who warned everybody that the batteries were dangerous, but nobody would listen.

by Anonymousreply 6101/18/2013

Abe Vigoda plays the horny old guy with one wish before he dies: join the mile high club - and works the aisle to fulfill his dream.

by Anonymousreply 6201/18/2013

Mira Sorvino as the quirky, kooky, somewhat loose girl who fulfills Abe's dream

by Anonymousreply 6301/18/2013

John Goodman plays the arrogant chamber of commerce man who silenced all concerns about the aircraft in order to promote tourism in the town.

by Anonymousreply 6401/18/2013

Lindsay Lohan as the FA with a secret.

by Anonymousreply 6501/18/2013

Meryl Streep as the ... woman who is told she has to purchase two seats.

by Anonymousreply 6601/18/2013

Angelina Jolie as the drunk married to Ian McKellan but having an affair with Zac Efron. When the Dreamliner sinks to the bottom of the Bermuda Triangle and she witnesses McKellan's death, Jolie gets trashed and tries to open the exit door, thus drowning herself and everybody else; she's punched out by FA Mo'Nique, who's having an affair with Captain Leonardo DiCaprio.

by Anonymousreply 6701/18/2013

Matt Damon as the tail.

by Anonymousreply 6801/18/2013

Debra Messing as Ida Wilma Morganstern-a kvetcher who ends up having a romance with co-pilot Jeremy Hollander (James Franco).

by Anonymousreply 6901/18/2013

I so wish Hollywood would make this movie. I'd be first in line.

by Anonymousreply 7001/18/2013

Gabourey Sidibe as the stewardess.

by Anonymousreply 7101/18/2013

Dev Patel as the baggage handler, who leaves half the luggage on the tarmac.

Don Cheadle as the transgendered traveller from Central Africa, carrying a burgeoning infection of Ebola.

by Anonymousreply 7201/18/2013

And George Kennedy as Petroni.

by Anonymousreply 7301/18/2013

Freida Pinto as the harried Bangalore call center employee who works at the outsourced airline customer service operation.

by Anonymousreply 7401/18/2013

Excuse me, I don't mean to intrude, but could you move your ass, dear?

by Anonymousreply 7501/18/2013

Ok, which one of you queens made this video?

by Anonymousreply 7601/18/2013

Dev Patel as the computer geek who ends up saving everybody's asses.

Kellan Lutz as a surfer boy who wears a tank top and flip flops.

by Anonymousreply 7701/18/2013

And All MALE cast would be ideal.

by Anonymousreply 7801/18/2013

And Charlotte Rae as Mrs. Edna Garrett

by Anonymousreply 7901/19/2013

Blake Lively making matters worse by mumbling when calling for help through the ship's communication device.

Ke$ha as patient zero. You knew she was sick and trouble the moment she entered the ship, but did anybody listen? No!

Viola Davis trying to overcome her fear of water by taking that cruise. Meryl Streep as the woman who slaps her and screams 'Snap Out of it!' when Viola has a panic attack.

Victor Garber as wealthy but lonely man who has hired Evan Peters to be his escort on the trip. But the simple minded Evan falls in love with the ship's entertainment act, Ke$ha. Victor has to make the difficult decision whether to cut off all contact with Evan or risk infection with whatever disease Ke$ha carries.

by Anonymousreply 8001/19/2013

Miss Diane Ross as the huffy, has been diva who storms out of the plane after having a hissy fit because the airline won't give her a free upgrade to first class even though she bought economy.

by Anonymousreply 8101/19/2013

When did this become The Poseidon Adventure or Speed II, r80?

Do you even know what the Dreamliner is? OP's use of the Airport franchise movies should be a hint.

by Anonymousreply 8201/19/2013

Christina Ricci (naturally!) as the world-weary stewardess (yes, I said it) witha heart of gold who tries to snatch the briefcase bomb away from narco-terrorist Javier Bardem but ends up with a faceful of aluminum shards for her heroic efforts. She spends the rest of the movie writhing in pain with a clump of torn pillowcases wrapped around her bloody pulp of a face, coddled in the arms of co-pilot Harry Connick, Jr.

by Anonymousreply 8301/19/2013

Sally Field is The Flying Nun

by Anonymousreply 8401/19/2013

Glenn Close as Gloria Swanson

by Anonymousreply 8501/19/2013

Kate Bosworth as Jean Seberg

by Anonymousreply 8601/19/2013
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