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How would Christianity be different if Jodie Foster was Jesus.


by Anonymousreply 5301/19/2013

Jesus gets banged on the pinball machine by all the apostles at the last supper.

by Anonymousreply 101/14/2013

Speaking in tongues would take on an entirely different meaning altogether.

by Anonymousreply 201/14/2013

"Our Mother, who art in Wranglers, how flowing be thy tang . . ."

by Anonymousreply 301/14/2013

Mel Gibson would be Satan.

by Anonymousreply 401/14/2013

"Hey, that prayer thing? Too Much information. Thanks."

by Anonymousreply 501/14/2013

Holy text would be the script for "The Beaver".

by Anonymousreply 701/14/2013

Jesus would have miraculously walked on carpet AND munched it at the Last Supper.

by Anonymousreply 801/15/2013

She already thinks she is--having sacrificed her privacy for our sins.

by Anonymousreply 901/15/2013

Christianity would never have gained a foothold because people would have become bored with it in the second century.

by Anonymousreply 1001/15/2013

There wouldn't be a New Testament: Non-Disclosure Agreements.

by Anonymousreply 1101/15/2013

The Sermon on the Mount would have been even longer and more rambling.

by Anonymousreply 1201/15/2013

I'm not saying anything about the Father. It's a private matter.

by Anonymousreply 1301/15/2013

The Second Coming Out

by Anonymousreply 1401/15/2013

"I said I was born of a VEGAN Mary. Mom couldn't swallow meat because of the freebasing."

by Anonymousreply 1501/15/2013

The Judas kiss would be as awkward as the kisses in Sommersby

by Anonymousreply 1601/15/2013

"As the Daughter of God and your Savior upon which all your hopes and the future of your immortal souls depend, I must demand that you give me my privacy because I'm such a special little cunt."

by Anonymousreply 1701/15/2013

The Book of Revelations would be written in the invented language from Nell.

It would finally make sense.

by Anonymousreply 1801/15/2013

Christianity is based on so many lies it isn't funny.

Just go look up the Book of Enoch and the Book of Jubilees for more.

by Anonymousreply 1901/15/2013

[quote]The Second Coming Out


Good one.

by Anonymousreply 2001/15/2013

Mel's movie would have been called "The Passion of the Lambs"

by Anonymousreply 2101/15/2013

The woman at the well would be a bad actress who fucked all of her directors.

by Anonymousreply 2201/15/2013

R19 is her own parody.

by Anonymousreply 2301/15/2013

She MIGHT still be a carpenter...

by Anonymousreply 2401/15/2013

After that speech at the Golden Globe show, Jodie has the the 'speaking in parables' down pat.

by Anonymousreply 2501/15/2013

R25...or speaking in tongues.

by Anonymousreply 2601/15/2013

The Gospel would be The L Word.

by Anonymousreply 2701/15/2013

The burning bush would be something entirely different.

by Anonymousreply 2801/15/2013

R14 wins.

by Anonymousreply 2901/15/2013

Nuns would all be lesbians, wear sensible shoes...oh wait.

by Anonymousreply 3001/15/2013

The loaves and the fish would include nutloaves and the fish would stink to high heaven.

by Anonymousreply 3101/15/2013

All I know is that when she called for loaves and fishes a Wonder Bread truck and the Bryn Mawr Class of 1967 showed up.

by Anonymousreply 3201/15/2013

Holy oil would be Coppertone suntan lotion.

by Anonymousreply 3301/15/2013

I would demand that you would sacrifice all or your wordly possessions and yet you can NEVER ask me any questions about my private life.

by Anonymousreply 3401/15/2013

Curly hair would be a curse from God!

by Anonymousreply 3501/15/2013

Aix en Provence would still be the seat of the Pope. Pope Joan.

by Anonymousreply 3601/15/2013

Christianity would die out, since the announcement of godhood would come a good decade after everyone stopped caring.

by Anonymousreply 3701/15/2013

She did that in Nell, R26

by Anonymousreply 3801/15/2013

r18 - you mean it ISN'T?

Well, bugger me...

by Anonymousreply 3901/15/2013

"And they clad her with purple, and platted a crown of thorns, and put it about her head...

Then she grabbed her toolkit and some wood and built her own damn cross

by Anonymousreply 4001/15/2013

Who cares? She's not glamorous at all so she doesn't deserve attention on Datalounge.

by Anonymousreply 4101/15/2013

He'd never come out of the closet. Ooops, wait.

by Anonymousreply 4201/15/2013

The cross would be a "tae in the 'win"

by Anonymousreply 4301/16/2013

[quote]Mel Gibson would be Satan.

This does not constitute a difference.

by Anonymousreply 4401/16/2013

Lots of lesbian nuns. Oh, wait...

by Anonymousreply 4501/16/2013

Robert Downey, Jr. would be lose his head.

by Anonymousreply 4601/17/2013

The miracle of the five loaves and two fish would end differently.

by Anonymousreply 4701/17/2013

Instead of just fish on Friday, it would be tuna melts all week long.

by Anonymousreply 4801/18/2013

the Garden of Eden's snake = Noodles.

by Anonymousreply 4901/19/2013

If Jodie Foster were Jesus she'd fix the main page.

by Anonymousreply 5001/19/2013

It was probably Jodie's minions who crashed it!

by Anonymousreply 5101/19/2013

R51 If you were Jodie Foster and your minions crashed the server what would you do?

by Anonymousreply 5201/19/2013

Over on Zetaboards they claim Brandon did it.

by Anonymousreply 5301/19/2013
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