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Rules of etiquette for gym newbies.

1. DO NOT say "I don't like to let other people work in" or "I like to work out by myself" when someone asks you to work in on a machine/bench you're using. DO let the person work in with you.

2. DO NOT change the channel of the TV that's playing in the weight room, especially if it's sports. And certainly don't change it to House Hunters International on HGTV. DO leave it as is, or if you must change it, ask others in the weight room if it's ok and make sure you change it to another sporting event.

3. DO NOT wander aimlessly on the gym floor looking in awe at all the machines and weights, like a flyover tourist staring at all the tall buildings in NYC. I and other gym vets are on a mission at the gym. We know what body part we're there to train and which machines/weights we need to use. You're clueless wandering takes time away from completing that mission. DO come to the gym with a mission each day and a decent idea of how you want to complete that mission.

4. DO NOT stand next to the water fountain and chat with your gurl friend about Lady Gaga or the Beverly Hills housewives. Again, we are on a timed mission, and your blocking the fountain in order to make inane chatter screws up our timing. DO take your stupid conversation somewhere else.

5. DO NOT make mindless chit chat with me or anyone. I don't give a rat's ass that you hate your job or that you got a great deal on your new gym membership for your new year's resolution. I am there to work out, not to hear about your dull, pointless little life. DO not talk to anyone unless it's about weight training and supplements.

6. DO NOT take a flat bench, place it the narrow aisle, and park your ass on it to adjust your ipod settings. This is pure stupidity. Not only is it dangerous, but you're using a bench for a trivial activity that could be used constructively by someone wanting to lift weights. DO stand in the corner if you must play with your ipod.

7. DO NOT lazily leave the weights on the barbell when you're done, or leave dumbbells on the floor to create an obstacle course. DO restock all weights when you're done.

8. DO NOT leave a bench without wiping it down, especially if you're coughing and sneezing all over it. DO take a power towel and the sanitizer provided and wipe down the bench.

9. DO NOT take up a full bench with your belongings in the locker room. Bench space is limited, and hogging a bench is just impolite. DO take a portion for the bench for yourself, leaving some room for another member to place his belongings on.

10. DO NOT stare at me on the gym floor. Yes, I work hard on my body and I understand the need to ogle, but this is a gym, not a bar. Save it for Boxers or the Eagle, or whereever it is you go to meet men. DO subtlely take a few peeks, if you must stare.

11. DO NOT even attempt to have sex with me in in the sauna or steam if you don't have a good body. You've been warned. Again, I work hard on my physique, and I only hook up with guys who are similarly dedicated to their bodies. DO hook up with the other out of shape trolls and leave the hot guys for each other.

12. DO NOT leave your jizz soaked towels on the sauna or steam floor. That's absolutely repulsive and reflects your character. DO toss them in the laundy receptacles when you're done taking care of business. That's what they're there for.

by Anonymousreply 15004/21/2015

Do NOT undress on a bench because you're afraid to go into the locker room!

by Anonymousreply 101/13/2013

OP, you sound like a real fucking winner. And I bet all your friends say you can still pass for 40.

by Anonymousreply 201/13/2013

Insufferable.

by Anonymousreply 401/13/2013

OP sounds horrible. This...

"DO subtlely take a few peeks, if you must stare."

Just about sums it, though.

by Anonymousreply 501/13/2013

How about people leaving their bags and coats on the floor and benches?

by Anonymousreply 601/13/2013

There is no way this wasn't written by the original Michfest "I am telling you NOW so I do not have to tell you THEN" poster.

by Anonymousreply 701/13/2013

Yo, my first name ain't "Baby," it's Janet...Ms. Jackson if you're nasty!

by Anonymousreply 801/13/2013

You just know everybody looks the other way when OP, aka "Miss Rules", enters the gym.

by Anonymousreply 901/13/2013

At least you are getting hit on, r10!

by Anonymousreply 1101/13/2013

[quote]I and other gym vets are on a mission at the gym. We know what body part we're there to train and which machines/weights we need to use.

[quote]Again, we are on a timed mission, and your blocking the fountain in order to make inane chatter screws up our timing.

[quote]DO NOT stare at me on the gym floor. Yes, I work hard on my body and I understand the need to ogle,

[quote]DO subtlely take a few peeks, if you must stare.

My [italic]Mary![/italic]-o-meter just exploded, OP.

by Anonymousreply 1201/13/2013

3/10

by Anonymousreply 1301/13/2013

OP: You look so youthful! Was AARP doing a promotion with Abercrombie & Fitch?

by Anonymousreply 1401/13/2013

Anybody who takes the gym this seriously has a sadly empty life.

by Anonymousreply 1501/13/2013

DO kick the OP in the twat if you run into her cruising in the showers.

by Anonymousreply 1601/13/2013

OP laments the demise of Connexion...

by Anonymousreply 1701/13/2013

This is the same troll who used to talk about admiring his body in the mirror while standing on his Central park terrace "in the City," imagining his sexual possibilities.

by Anonymousreply 1801/13/2013

OP, no one probably wants to have sex with you anyway. You sound like a major asshole, and probably have a butterface since you're so obsessed with looks.

by Anonymousreply 1901/13/2013

"I and other gym vets are on a mission at the gym. "

OP, you really do need your ass kicked. Get over yourself, you prissy bitch.

by Anonymousreply 2001/13/2013

I work out 7 days a week and this list is bullshit. Obvious trolling.

[quote]You're clueless wandering takes time away from completing that mission.

Riiight. I'm there to work out, that's what I'm focused on. Some random walking around taking in the amenities isn't going to bother me one bit, because I'm not even focused on anything other than my workout at the gym.

by Anonymousreply 2101/13/2013

Rule 2. get rid of the fucking sports events. If you change the tv make it anything but idiots being payed to play games.

by Anonymousreply 2201/13/2013

"being payed"

oh dear.

by Anonymousreply 2301/13/2013

...what's a "power towel"?

by Anonymousreply 2401/13/2013

OP sounds miserable.

by Anonymousreply 2501/13/2013

DO NOT spray your itchy taint with Desenex and needlessly overbroad tugging gestures when standing next to my locker OP. I'm trying to smoke over here.

by Anonymousreply 2601/13/2013

What's an ipod?

by Anonymousreply 2701/13/2013

People who have to work out so much tend to have butter faces.

by Anonymousreply 2801/13/2013

You should have your own gym at your house, honey.

by Anonymousreply 2901/13/2013

A gym is not an office. I get so tired of people sitting on equipment scrolling through their emails. "Resting" between sets does not take five minutes.

by Anonymousreply 3001/13/2013

Sounds like OP might be the sort to have plastic covers on his sofa.

DO NOT tell otherwise.

by Anonymousreply 3101/13/2013

What is it with men and spray deoderant? One quick squirt is enough. Holding the button for 30 seconds doesn't make you any less stinky.

by Anonymousreply 3201/13/2013

Who the hell is still using spray deodorant?

by Anonymousreply 3301/13/2013

OP. You're just showing us and confirming what an asshole you are. You should just be glad that there are a lot of people (not just you) who are interested in working out. what a fucking douche you are.

by Anonymousreply 3501/13/2013

op, you are 'straight' acting, aren't you?

by Anonymousreply 3601/13/2013

[all posts by right wing shit-stain # a removed.]

by Anonymousreply 3701/13/2013

OP cannot be for real! He types with an old-fairy mindset, his material is highly exaggerated, While there's truth to some of his points, there's no need to go on and on and be so fag-bitch and petty. He isn't amusing, probably doesn't have that good a body, well, maybe good for his age, his advanced age, and is wasting DL space. I think R15 has it right! R10, I've got one at my gym; always wanting to work in. I think he is just hitting on me, so I always say no and point to anybody and say anyway I'm in love with that guy. Usually he'll slunk off. And if I even look at the steamroom, he's there! Anyway, I think OP is trolling.

by Anonymousreply 3901/13/2013

I'm so, so, so sorry, Mother...I mean, OP.

by Anonymousreply 4001/13/2013

What does it mean to "work in?" Sorry, I don't go to gyms, I have my own equipment at home. Gyms atttact jerks like OP.

by Anonymousreply 4101/13/2013

Keep it up, OP. Looking good!

by Anonymousreply 4201/13/2013

R41, "working in" is where 2 people alternate sets. It allows them to work out continuously while resting when the other person is doing their reps.

by Anonymousreply 4401/13/2013

Nice job, OP, 6/10

I truly laughed out loud at this little nugget: [quote]DO hook up with the other out of shape trolls and leave the hot guys for each other.

by Anonymousreply 4501/13/2013

Do NOT share buttplugs on the Ellipticals. It's simply unsanitary

by Anonymousreply 4601/13/2013

Do admire my shaved mangina with protruding butt plug when I bend over in the locker room.

by Anonymousreply 4701/13/2013

[all posts by right wing shit-stain # a removed.]

by Anonymousreply 4801/13/2013

[all posts by right wing shit-stain # a removed.]

by Anonymousreply 4901/13/2013

I hate when someone asks to work in. I just walk away and let them take the machine.

by Anonymousreply 5101/13/2013

[all posts by right wing shit-stain # a removed.]

by Anonymousreply 5301/14/2013

Sounds like OP goes to a real shitty gym. I have never encountered even ONE of those problems, and I am in my gym everyday. And I also suspect OP is not as hot as they like to think they are. In fact, their words tell me they are very very ugly.

by Anonymousreply 5401/14/2013

Fuck you. I'll put on HGTV if I want. There's no reason sporting events have to be on all the time.

by Anonymousreply 5501/14/2013

[quote]DO NOT change the channel of the TV that's playing in the weight room

Your gym has only one tv? Sounds like a real dump.

by Anonymousreply 5601/14/2013

OP all that testosterone you take is affecting your brain. Drink something sugary and listen to Diana the goddess Ross for a few hours. When you go back to the gym next time you ll be wanting to reach out and touch every fellow gay you meet, no matter how fat or flabby he is,

by Anonymousreply 5701/14/2013

I always put Jeopardy! on the t.v. and nobody has ever complained.

by Anonymousreply 5801/14/2013

Are there gym newbies?

by Anonymousreply 5901/14/2013

DO NOT GRUNT!!!!

by Anonymousreply 6001/14/2013

Long list. OP seems more interested in who is he working out with than the actually workout itself. Might I suggest P90x DVDs and a chin-up bar in a doorway in your flat?

by Anonymousreply 6101/14/2013

R61, the P90x is a good idea. But the ceilings in his mom's basement are probably too low for a chin-up bar in the doorway.

by Anonymousreply 6201/14/2013

I cannot fathom why someone would get "annoyed" that there is anything other than sports on some television somewhere. There are lots of people (including me) who find no enjoyment in watching sports. I don't find it annoying that some of the TVs are showing sports. Why can't you share the world with others who don't think like you do?

by Anonymousreply 6401/17/2013

Maybe you need your full wits about you to run on a treadmill, but I can run fast without tripping and watch Meet the Press.

"in any event, sports are energizing and exciting"

To you, perhaps, but watching golf or baseball is hardly "energizing" to me. It's like watching paint dry. I enjoy playing sports, but I'm not the type who likes to just watch someone else do something. I'd rather engage my mind if a TV is on. Even a garden renovation show is more interesting.

And luckily at my gym, there are plenty of TVs, so everyone can get along fine. No one there seems to want to force their view of the world on everyone else.

by Anonymousreply 6601/17/2013

Why are shop bottoms like OP such miserable cunts?

Is it the result of living with 5 other people in a 5th floor studio walkup?

Is it the knowledge that, despite his alleged good looks and fit body, he'll never make more than 30K a year?

It is the fact that since he's so miserable, he will die alone (not to mention broke).

by Anonymousreply 6901/29/2013

I do not care about most of these but... Do not put hundreds of pounds Of plates on the squat/bench press bar, do a rep or two and leave the plates on the bar for me to unrack. I'm neither your maid nor your Mommy. Clean up after yourself.

by Anonymousreply 7201/29/2013

[quote]DO NOT take a flat bench, place it the narrow aisle, and park your ass on it to adjust your ipod settings.

I've never seen anyone do this. You're reaching.

[quote]DO NOT make mindless chit chat with me or anyone. I don't give a rat's ass that you hate your job or that you got a great deal on your new gym membership for your new year's resolution. I am there to work out, not to hear about your dull, pointless little life. DO not talk to anyone unless it's about weight training and supplements.

I seriously doubt this is a problem for you. You are clearly an angry person with issues, and most people would know to steer clear of you.

by Anonymousreply 7301/29/2013

[quote]well, for starters i have little understanding of men who don't enjoy sports. i don't get that at all.

I love sports, but you sound very small-minded and dull. You probably appear that way to most people, too.

by Anonymousreply 7401/29/2013

Y'all a bunch of phat bitches up in here! Sounds like you need to focus more on your own workouts.

by Anonymousreply 7601/29/2013

I don't mind bring frustrated with other people at the gym. Fuels my workout.

by Anonymousreply 7701/29/2013

R65's pic:

by Anonymousreply 7801/29/2013

I once joined a gym and was told by the owner, a guy named Rick, that he had gotten rid of the "screamers" and the gym was better for it. I thought he meant "screaming queens" and was immediately offended but it turned out he was really referring to the guys who grunt and scream when they're lifting heavy weights.

by Anonymousreply 8001/29/2013

OP..go fuck yourself. Do you own the gym? If not, shut the fuck up. The newbies pay just like you do.

by Anonymousreply 8101/29/2013

With a magazine, R63??? Isn't that so 1994?

by Anonymousreply 8301/29/2013

I quite enjoy the addendum of rules...

by Anonymousreply 8401/29/2013

Smell her.

by Anonymousreply 8501/29/2013

OP = bossy muscle bottom

by Anonymousreply 8601/29/2013

Thank you OP. Somebody had to say it.

by Anonymousreply 8801/29/2013

Roid Rage

by Anonymousreply 8901/29/2013

R91, that made my night...tyvm. Still laughing!

by Anonymousreply 9201/30/2013

[all posts by right wing shit-stain # a removed.]

by Anonymousreply 9407/27/2013

[all posts by right wing shit-stain # a removed.]

by Anonymousreply 9509/08/2013

[all posts by right wing shit-stain # a removed.]

by Anonymousreply 9609/08/2013

Dont fart on the floor

by Anonymousreply 9710/07/2013

Brawl at LA Fitness

by Anonymousreply 9803/10/2014

Don't stand over people when you're waiting for a machine. Use a machine the one you want to use , they generally work the same body part as an alternative to the one you are waiting for in a non-aggressive, pushy manner.

by Anonymousreply 9903/10/2014

Use a machine *next to the one you want to use

R98, see what happens when you stand over people waiting for a machine?

by Anonymousreply 10003/10/2014

Don't stare at me please. The earbuds in my ear aren't playing music, they're just to keep people from talking to me. Please don't motion for me to take them out and try to talk to me anyway. Lastly, please don't be like the old men in this comic link.

by Anonymousreply 10103/10/2014

If you sweat alot, make sure you wipe down equipment you use with lots of sanitizer after you vacate the equipment.

by Anonymousreply 10206/03/2014

This "working in" business is annoying when someone assumes that you will do it, and doesn't ask first. And even if they ask and you say no, I think the asker should respect the fact that you were there first, and come back after you are finished. Is that so unreasonable?

by Anonymousreply 10306/03/2014

Once when I was on a gym treadmill, this steroid number suddenly appeared and leaned on the front of the machine to chat to his pal that was nearby. I asked him to move away and he said to me, "You don't want me to move away. You're the type that likes to look at big muscly guys like me". I replied, "Not like you". He got offended and said, "I'll be waiting for you outside" but meant as a threat more than a come-on. But at least he moved away. And he wasn't outside when I left.

by Anonymousreply 10406/03/2014

Some people need to shower BEFORE they come to the gym

by Anonymousreply 10511/09/2014

R 105, Yes. I had to get up and leave the bike I was on because the guy beside me reeked. I tried to power though, but the smell was making me sick. I wondered if it was just gym sweat or he smelled no matter what.

by Anonymousreply 10611/09/2014

R106, was it me?

by Anonymousreply 10711/09/2014

That reminds me of the old lady who would walk on the treadmill and fart non-stop. Once I learned this was her routine, I would always get on a treadmill a couple rows back, and watch the people hopping on next to her to see how long they would last before hightailing it out of there. God, she stunk.

by Anonymousreply 10811/10/2014

The queeny rage on this thread is simply palpable!

by Anonymousreply 10911/10/2014

DO NOT listen to any of these dumb ass things and DO ALL OF THEM.

by Anonymousreply 11011/10/2014

DO NOT leave your towel, water bottle or whatnot on a machine to reserve it while you use another one in some ridiculous combination routine. It's bad enough to monopolize one machine.

DO NOT haul a shitload of equipment into some secluded area in order to conduct your workout in semi-seclusion. Others could be using some of it while you're using one thing at a time in your little corner.

DO NOT leave a machine to get a drink of water, answer your phone or whatnot, return to it moments later and demand it back from me. If you don't want to share and cannot complete your sets in one sitting - tough titties.

These all fall under the heading of - You're not that special. Mine is a university gym whose membership, like the uni, is at least half various Asian. The sense of entitlement and arrogance is palpable.

by Anonymousreply 11111/10/2014

SUCKING cocks for free in the sauna will get you a bit of a reputation with the gym staff. Tip them with a pot of jam to recompense.

by Anonymousreply 11211/10/2014

r108, you're making that up, dude.

by Anonymousreply 11311/10/2014

Use a towel when on equipment. Sweat is gross, brah.

by Anonymousreply 11411/11/2014

Worst gym offense for me is people who wear a lot of hair spray, cologne, etc. If you're going to work out and sweat it doesn't mean use twice as much product. People doing cardio breathe those fumes in deep.

by Anonymousreply 11511/11/2014

Rerack the weights, dude.

by Anonymousreply 11611/15/2014

I hope the OP is dead. What a prig.

by Anonymousreply 11711/15/2014

Don't scope me out too hard, brah

by Anonymousreply 11811/15/2014

Your gaze may linger on my body for a moment, but anything longer than 5 seconds is rude and totally gay.

by Anonymousreply 11911/15/2014

[quote]I and other gym vets are on a mission at the gym. We know what body part we're there to train and which machines/weights we need to use. You're clueless wandering takes time away from completing that mission.

Never was a Mary! more truly Mary!-ed!

by Anonymousreply 12011/15/2014

Let me guess, OP: In a previous life you called yourself "Buns of Steel" right?

by Anonymousreply 12111/15/2014

Miss OP is far more important in her own mind than she is in reality.

by Anonymousreply 12211/15/2014

R113, why would you think I'm making that up? Completely true.

Some people would tough it out, but the majority would last maybe 3-5 minutes, then find another machine. You could forgive her for the first biscuit, and maybe the second, but she just kept delivering.

by Anonymousreply 12311/15/2014

OP = Diana Ross on 'roids, all others - avert the eyes.

by Anonymousreply 12411/15/2014

Don't stare in the lockerroom.

by Anonymousreply 12501/24/2015

Can somebody explain to me guys who stare at you in the gym, and stare at you from all over the gym? Also, getting on machines right next to you and never talk to you? Even if you're approachable and say hello to them to initiate conversation? I find it kind of creepy.

by Anonymousreply 12602/14/2015

Some people should take showers before they come to the gym. Just sayin bro.

by Anonymousreply 12704/21/2015

all of this is why I cancelled my gym membership and exercise outdoors.

Trees and jungle gyms don't need to wiped down or shared.

by Anonymousreply 12804/21/2015

Surely a parody, non?

by Anonymousreply 12904/21/2015

R38 Hello!

by Anonymousreply 13004/21/2015

Does OP hate fugly guys who grow beards and suddenly start getting compliments?

by Anonymousreply 13104/21/2015

I HAVE STATED MY BOUNDARIES!!!

by Anonymousreply 13204/21/2015

A minor thing, but dang it drives me nuts when guys cannot shut the locker they've just vacated. As others have asked -- who do you think is coming behind you to close it? Your butler? Your mother? Why should I have to close the locker doors around me to get to my locker just because you're "too cool" or lazy to shut your own?

I know, I know, it's not a huge deal but it bugs me.

by Anonymousreply 13304/21/2015

OP's list appears to pre-suppose a primarily gay gym, given most of the points made.

My gym is very mixed & most of those points don't apply. Everyone works out together & there's no behavior list required.

I do have pet peeves, but they're about ppl just being today's super self absorbed, inconsiderate assholes of the garden variety you see everywhere.

DON'T sit on a bench or occupy a piece of equipment while you're checking your phone. get up & let someone else use it, if your phone is so fucking important.

DON'T leave your nasty ass sweat on the equip. Jesus, there are FREE paper towels, wipe it down. It takes like 2 seconds.

DON'T leave the weights on & walk away. Re-rack your shit when you're done.

DON'T cop an attitude when you've walked off from the equip for 5 whole minutes & come back to find someone else using it. We're not on YOUR schedule.

My gym is thankfully 90% male (half gay, half straight), but the females need a refresher course in dignity. Don't show up wearing a sports bra & bikini bottom & then get all sniffy when the straight guys howl at you. That's what they do if you dress that way. Cover up if you don't like the stares.

by Anonymousreply 13404/21/2015

OP=Insufferable douche-nozzle

by Anonymousreply 13504/21/2015

"DON'T sit on a bench or occupy a piece of equipment while you're checking your phone. get up & let someone else use it, if your phone is so fucking important."

Don't leave your office to go to the gym for a quick workout and then spend most of the time you are there on the god damned phone, as R134 points out. You will be called on your bullshit. Stay the fuck in your office if you want to run your mouth, asshole.

by Anonymousreply 13704/21/2015

R138: Ugh. Be gone, frau cunt.

by Anonymousreply 13904/21/2015

LOL

by Anonymousreply 14004/21/2015

R141: Who the fuck do you think you're kidding? Your big dick is a strap on, lady. Fuck off, Gashmonster.

by Anonymousreply 14204/21/2015

*kisses doll*

Then eat my bloody tampon, bitch R142. We know you love to chow down.

by Anonymousreply 14304/21/2015

I'm still trying to figure out (from page one) how one goes about tying more than one gym towel around his waist? Logistics, anyone?

by Anonymousreply 14404/21/2015

This is yet another reason I don't "gym".

by Anonymousreply 14504/21/2015

NOBODY serious about working out does so in bikini bottoms!

If you are working out in bikini bottoms you are there for another reason.

Bikini bottoms. Gross!

by Anonymousreply 14604/21/2015

[quote]10. DO NOT stare at me on the gym floor. Yes, I work hard on my body and I understand the need to ogle, but this is a gym, not a bar. Save it for Boxers or the Eagle, or whereever it is you go to meet men. DO subtlely take a few peeks, if you must stare.

Mary!

[quote]11. DO NOT even attempt to have sex with me in in the sauna or steam if you don't have a good body. You've been warned. Again, I work hard on my physique, and I only hook up with guys who are similarly dedicated to their bodies. DO hook up with the other out of shape trolls and leave the hot guys for each other.

[italic]Mary![/italic]

by Anonymousreply 14704/21/2015

If you have a really big dick, don't hide it.

If you have a little dick, cover it up.

by Anonymousreply 14804/21/2015

Op needs to get over herself. You really are not that important OP, you are just a little spec in the world.

by Anonymousreply 14904/21/2015

Yeah, FUCK your "working in." I am on that machine. You may have it when I am finished. Until then, fuck off.

by Anonymousreply 15004/21/2015
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