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Stuff that seems sexy in the movies, but is unsexy in real life

Sex on a table or a desk - Ouch!

Bedroom scenes with like 3000 lit candles surrounding the bed - Who wants to spend all evening lighting candles?

Grungy-looking bad boys - In real life they usually have bad hygiene, body odor, and bad breath

What else?

by Anonymousreply 13101/17/2013

Sex in a pool.

Sex on the beach.

by Anonymousreply 101/12/2013

Spontaneous anal.

by Anonymousreply 201/12/2013

Sex with your mother.

by Anonymousreply 301/12/2013

Agree on the sex on a beach thing. Nothing like sand in the crack of your ass.

by Anonymousreply 401/12/2013


by Anonymousreply 501/12/2013

Sex in a bath tub, surrounded by candles.

Sex up against a wall.

Sex first thing in the morning - apparently no one in a movie ever has morning wood, or a full bladder, or bad breath.

by Anonymousreply 601/12/2013


by Anonymousreply 701/12/2013

Incorporating food into sex --- just a big old damn mess

by Anonymousreply 801/12/2013

Sex in public places.

by Anonymousreply 901/12/2013

Pants around the ankles.

Ryan Gosling.

by Anonymousreply 1001/12/2013

Yes, sex when you both wake up in the morning! Awful idea. R3 - good one.

by Anonymousreply 1101/12/2013

[quote]Bedroom scenes with like 3000 lit candles surrounding the bed

The lighting of them isn't nearly the problem that the exhaust is. A shitload of candles in a small room makes for some terrible air quality.

by Anonymousreply 1201/12/2013

Sex... in general

by Anonymousreply 1301/12/2013

I love sex first thing in the morning. It feels pretty natural to me - both parties are usually hard anyways. (Keep gum by the bed to resolve the breath issue.)

by Anonymousreply 1401/12/2013

R12 also I'd worry about the fire hazard.

by Anonymousreply 1501/12/2013

You're sick, R14.

I don't care if you look like Ryan Gosling, if you try to have sex with me first thing in the morning, I'm going to push you away and call you a fucking insane freak. There is NOTHING less sexy.

by Anonymousreply 1601/12/2013

Sex with women.

by Anonymousreply 1701/12/2013

Sex with honey.

by Anonymousreply 1801/12/2013

I love morning sex.

by Anonymousreply 1901/12/2013

Sex on the floor. Have you ever tried that? Ow! Very uncomfortable.

by Anonymousreply 2001/12/2013

I'm not having sex with you, R16, which I'm very glad for. I don't think morning sex is anywhere near as depraved as you allege.

by Anonymousreply 2101/12/2013

Sex on the floor sometimes leads to rug burn.

by Anonymousreply 2201/12/2013

Porn with radio or TV playing in the background.

"Dave's Window Replacement company is offering free gift cards for anyone who calls for an estimate! OMG, what a deal!"

"Tammy is in the chopper! How's the evening commute, Tammy?"

Why, oh why, do people do this???

by Anonymousreply 2301/12/2013

Jake Gyllenhaal

by Anonymousreply 2401/12/2013

R21, I never said it was depraved. I said it was completely unsexy.

Back to the topic: "Getting up in the morning". In the movies, people wake up with perfect hair, no bags under their eyes, no stiffness or bad tastes in their mouths, looking like they are ready to go for a modeling shoot. Most people look like shit in the morning when they wake up.

Which is why sex in the morning sucks.

by Anonymousreply 2501/12/2013


by Anonymousreply 2601/12/2013

Sex in the water - especially a lake or the ocean.

by Anonymousreply 2701/12/2013

Sex on the stairs. In the movie The Thomas Crown Affair they had sex on a marble staircase. It looked very uncomfortable.

by Anonymousreply 2801/13/2013

Sex is good all the time, And all the time sex is good.

by Anonymousreply 2901/13/2013

"Sex on the stairs. In the movie The Thomas Crown Affair they had sex on a marble staircase. It looked very uncomfortable."

Ouch, ouch, ouch

by Anonymousreply 3001/13/2013

R25, good looking people still can look good in the morning, although maybe not their best.

And there's something hot about you both ignoring morning breath for the sake of lust.

by Anonymousreply 3101/13/2013

Licking up your own cum after you finish. The thought is really hot while having sex or jacking off, but as soon as I cum, I don't want to do it.

by Anonymousreply 3201/13/2013

R23 - Its really uncomfortable when your are doing it in the chopper.

by Anonymousreply 3301/13/2013

Y'all are doing it wrong if you don't have good sex on the floor, or table or stairs. The kitchen counter, yeah, that's bad. So are the washer and dryer, which really aren't built for that sort of thing. Sex in the shower is great, but you have to be willing to hold your breath sometimes. Sex in the pool is awesome if you aren't old with heart disease so it's cold, and of course you can't taste anything. But it also gives you a chance for weightless sex and lubbing is not necessary.

by Anonymousreply 3401/13/2013


Worrying about your hairstyle during sex is DEFINITELY unsexy.

Moreover, bed head, droopy eyes, a bit of stubble, and a slow, sleepy "Hello, sexy. you know what I'm in the mood for?" mischievous smile on a guy's face are all sexy as hell first thing in the morning.

I can't speak for others, but there are worse ways to wake up imho.

by Anonymousreply 3501/13/2013

Smoking seems sexy but is the opposite of sexy when you smell it if you don't smoke yourself.

by Anonymousreply 3601/13/2013

Sex with an idiot.

by Anonymousreply 3701/13/2013

Sex in the water. Ouch! Removes all natural lubrication. This applies to women, don't know about men.

by Anonymousreply 3801/13/2013

[quote]lubing is not necessary.

Ugh, who wants a chlorine douche, r34?! And people have to use the pool AFTER you and your amour. All in all, that's pretty gross and unsexy. Better left in the movies imho.

by Anonymousreply 3901/13/2013

The morning after kiss...when you KNOW that peoples' breath is so foul in the morning..

by Anonymousreply 4001/13/2013

I agree about morning sex. When I wake up, my muscles feel stiff, I'm groggy, I have eye crust, yak breath, I have to pee and I usually have to blow a couple farts. I sure as hell don't feel sexy.

Also sex outside. My ex really got into this. Being attacked by mosquitoes ruins the mood fast. Even he gave up on it.

by Anonymousreply 4101/13/2013

All that talk of beans and then Ennis and Jack have surprise anal.

by Anonymousreply 4201/13/2013

Put me in the crowd that loves morning sex. It's the best kind of sex in my opinion.

by Anonymousreply 4301/13/2013

Sex outside in porn is very unsexy in real life, especially to the performers. I remember Max Grand's ex, a big performer at the time, complaining that when they were shooting outside in a grassy area, an ant bit his dick.

by Anonymousreply 4401/13/2013

R41--You hold your farts while sleeping? Talk about anal retention.

by Anonymousreply 4501/13/2013

Sex involving whipped cream or honey. They get sticky and ruin the whole experience.

by Anonymousreply 4601/13/2013

I've never had the type of sex where we're overly excited to the point that we trash the residence. We manage without bumping against a shelf full of books (which come tumbling down). And we don't tend to fuck in the kitchen in an overly excited manner in which dishes and glasses fall to the floor and break. I have seen this happen often in the movies and it's clear the characters do not know what they are doing.

by Anonymousreply 4701/13/2013

Sex outside is great.

by Anonymousreply 4801/13/2013


Especially black, Asian, Russian, Jewish, Persian, Indian, Arabic or Latina women and lesbians. !!!!Shudder!!!!

Can you imagine what real life would be like?

by Anonymousreply 4901/13/2013

Morning sex is great.

If you have to piss first, then piss first. But if you can't stand your partner's breath of the sight of his bed-head hair, or bear that thought that the two of you may not be soapy fresh and and preened and groomed, then somehow I expect that for you, sex at its best, isn't all that much any way.

by Anonymousreply 5001/13/2013

Women who wake up in the morning with a full face of makeup that isn't the slightest bit smudged.

by Anonymousreply 5101/13/2013

wtf are you going on about, r49?

F&F for you and your odd, racist, sexist, gay-hating obsessions.

by Anonymousreply 5201/13/2013

[quote]Bedroom scenes with like 3000 lit candles surrounding the bed

To (probably) paraphrase Debra Morgan: Jesus, Dex, are you trying to fuck her or set her on fire?

by Anonymousreply 5301/13/2013

Morning sex is great.

All this talk about peeing and bad breath. Why can't you just pee and brush your teeth first? It takes a minute.

by Anonymousreply 5401/13/2013

R54, and you think they ever show that in movies?

by Anonymousreply 5501/13/2013

I'm with the no sex in the morning crowd. Hate it in the movies when people wake up and kiss. Gross. Ditto to scenes in movies where people having sex are disgusting and grungy from not having bathed or showered in days (usually road trip or "stranded" type movies). All I can think about is how much they must stink.

Also, sex in water doesn't work too well because it hurts (lube gets washed away).

The only one I disagree with that has been posted here is wall sex. Love it.

by Anonymousreply 5601/13/2013

R52, glad you caught the third-person falseness of that thing. As a gay man, I can't say that the sexy MF encounters I see in movies would be sexy for me in real life (duh), but that doesn't make it "unsexy."

Anyway, the crap about morning sex suggests a stance that sex between intimates is a staged thing. My partner loves morning sex, and it took me a long time to relax about it, because I wake up slowly. But the hair, breath, and sand-in-the-eyes isn't anything with someone with whom you're comfortable, intimate, and, well, love being with.

by Anonymousreply 5701/13/2013


by Anonymousreply 5801/13/2013

With the same person after being together for 10 or more years.

by Anonymousreply 5901/13/2013

I thought Ennis and Jacks surprise anal must've been nasty. Jack had no to e to douche and after all those beans, Ennis' must've looked like a Toootsie Roll when he pulled out of Jack!

by Anonymousreply 6001/13/2013

Sweaty sex.

Turn on the AC and the only thing I wanna see dripping is our cocks.

by Anonymousreply 6101/13/2013

Sex scenes in movies that were either filmed in or are set in the years before people were into regular bathing.

by Anonymousreply 6201/13/2013

[quote] Anyway, the crap about morning sex suggests a stance that sex between intimates is a staged thing. My partner loves morning sex, and it took me a long time to relax about it, because I wake up slowly. But the hair, breath, and sand-in-the-eyes isn't anything with someone with whom you're comfortable, intimate, and, well, love being with.

I agree but it istn't well conveyed in movies

by Anonymousreply 6301/13/2013

Sweaty sex.

Put on the AC and the only dripping I want to see or feel should be coming from our cocks.

by Anonymousreply 6401/13/2013

Gays acting normal and not always thinking about scat, piss and bestiality.

by Anonymousreply 6501/13/2013

Dripping candle wax on bare skin. I'm taliking to you, Madonna.

by Anonymousreply 6601/13/2013


by Anonymousreply 6701/13/2013

R45, haven't you heard of "morning thunder"? It's the first, usually powerful and very audible fart of the day. It happens to me every morning.

by Anonymousreply 6801/13/2013

sex in movies is nothing like sex in real life

real sex smells

is wet and sweaty

people groan, pant and grimace

things happen unexpectedly

mutual orgasms not effortless

by Anonymousreply 6901/13/2013

Another sex in the morning hater. I take a very long time to wake up and I'm not fully awake until I drink some coffee. There is nothing worse than a morning person who awakes at the crack of dawn and then wants to get it on.

Sex with men. I'm a lez and the sight of a man cumming makes me gag. Also the thought of how dirty most men are makes me gag. And all that stubble just seems so scratchy and unsexy. Also, arm pit hair on men is vile.

Sex outside is not worth the effort it takes.

Sex with a pillow princess.

Sex with a virgin. Worst sex ever.

by Anonymousreply 7001/13/2013

That's fair, R70. I've been with both men and women, and, on the whole, I feel like men have worse breath and and stranger ass smell (and ballsack smell, but women don't have those).

by Anonymousreply 7101/13/2013

[quote] stranger ass smell

I left a man over that

by Anonymousreply 7201/13/2013

Such delicate little flowers you are R71 and R72. If I ever run across you, please say something like, "I need to stop by the store for some pot pourri" so I can prepare myself.

by Anonymousreply 7301/13/2013

Sex in a bathtub that just doesn't work

by Anonymousreply 7401/14/2013


by Anonymousreply 7501/14/2013

Wearing high stilletto heels.

by Anonymousreply 7601/14/2013

What's a "pillow princess"?

by Anonymousreply 7701/14/2013

Sex with your clothes on.

by Anonymousreply 7801/14/2013

Wham, bam, thank you m'am. There's not enough lube in the world to make a not long enough stimulated ass or vagina slippery enough for a pleasant fuck session.

Seduction. A very awkward manipulation procedure in real life.

Sex while you are drunk or high. Lots of vomit and bumping into things. Not very sexy.

by Anonymousreply 7901/14/2013

Jodie Lizard Foster

by Anonymousreply 8001/14/2013

Surprised no one has mentioned the frigging rose petals yet. Strictly chick movie stuff, has to be a staining mess in real life.

Not the least bit interested in ever trying it.

by Anonymousreply 8101/14/2013

[quote]What's a "pillow princess"?

A woman who loves to be pleasured (usually orally) but won't reciprocate.

by Anonymousreply 8201/14/2013

Sixty + year old men with 28 yr old women. Ugh Hollyweird, gives real men delusions they should rarely indulge.

Having sex in a dirty stairwell. In or outside.

Having sex in club bathroom stalls. Yeah I know, its done all the time, but I'm a woman and it seems gross, even in movies.

by Anonymousreply 8301/14/2013

Bunch of Marys. All this stuff is hot.

by Anonymousreply 8401/14/2013

Having sex in the woods with no blanket or anything, just the bare ground beneath you. I did it a couple of times and it was very uncomfortable.

Ditto sex on the beach. Getting sand up your ass is not nearly as erotic as you would think lol!

by Anonymousreply 8501/14/2013

Sex in the lavatory of a plane. Screw the mile high club, that shit is just unsanitary.

by Anonymousreply 8601/14/2013

Sex on the beach, and EVEN WORSE... sex in an elevator. Who in HELL could find that sexy?

by Anonymousreply 8701/14/2013

Sex with a donkey. Never again.

by Anonymousreply 8801/14/2013


by Anonymousreply 8901/14/2013

Candle wax on the nipples. Painful, obviously.

Strawberries, chocolate syrup and other supposedly 'sexy' foods.

Sex in the shower pressed against a glass door.

A stuffy hot room at night, with an electric fan lazily moving the air around.

Girls who point their toes upward while getting fucked.

Violently spitting in someone's ass prior to penetration.

Trench coat with nothing on underneath.

by Anonymousreply 9001/14/2013

Sex that looks more like a sexual assault rather than consensual sex. You see women in movies who get grabbed and thrown down (or against something); a guy immediately shoves a dick into them and they come in less than 3 minutes. Nothing much is done to make them ready or aroused (i.e. wet), except for maybe a brief amount of kissing where you see a lot of tongue. They just get a hard cock shoved into them and they orgasm, just like that.

by Anonymousreply 9101/14/2013

This isn't just in movies but everyday real life. Why is it that when a person is really attractive and fit, it is automatically assumed they don't smell? They apparently don't get pussy or dick cheese or fecal matter in their anus? If a hot chick and her ordinary friend go running together why would typical male let hot chick sit on his face and not the ordinary girl? I bet their asses and pussy folds smell the same.

by Anonymousreply 9201/14/2013

In "Nine and a Half Weeks" Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger fuck in a filthy alley. Yech!

In "Atonement" James McAvoy fucks Keira Knightly in the corner of a library, against the books. She's pinned against the books like an insect; it's supposed to be a very sexy scene, but their tryst looks uncomfortable as hell.

by Anonymousreply 9301/14/2013

Sex with your uncle

by Anonymousreply 9401/14/2013

"This isn't just in movies but everyday real life. Why is it that when a person is really attractive and fit, it is automatically assumed they don't smell?"

We idealize goodlooking people - it's why dataloungers assume that every goodlooking guy is great in bed or that he has a big dick.

by Anonymousreply 9501/14/2013

What R31 said.

You know, there is such a thing as waking up, going pee, swigging some mouthwash, and getting back into bed, and your partner doing that as well, before or after you do...and then you go at it. It's not rocket science, people.

Morning sex is wonderful, having a moment together before you get the day started can put a smile on your face the entire day.

by Anonymousreply 9601/15/2013

Gross, R96. Brush the crud off your damned teeth. Mouthwash isn't enough.

by Anonymousreply 9701/15/2013

R96, it is poor practice for a gay man to brush his teeth before sex. You must be a lesbian to not know that.

by Anonymousreply 9801/15/2013

Why, R98? I thought gay men were much more fastidious than just about ANYONE.

by Anonymousreply 9901/15/2013

[quote]And there's something hot about you both ignoring morning breath for the sake of lust

Sorry, no. Gross morning breath kills lust.

by Anonymousreply 10001/15/2013

r99 must be very young.

The over-40 generation lived (literally) deathly afraid of bleeding gums. Do I have to tell you why?

by Anonymousreply 10101/15/2013

Then why would you NOT want to brush and floss your damned teeth religiously so you can have healthy gums that don't bleed? You'd rather have a disgusting cesspool of a mouth?

by Anonymousreply 10201/15/2013

R101 must have ass breath you can smell from 10 feet.

by Anonymousreply 10301/15/2013

Newsflash R101: Brushing/flossing does not cause bleeding gums. NOT brushing/flossing causes it.

by Anonymousreply 10401/15/2013

Are you guys really that stupid, r101-r104?

We are not talking about hygiene habits, you idiots. You can brush and floss properly and avoid bleeding gums - just don't do it right before sex. Because your gums can TEMPORARILY bleed.

Brushing and flossing may cause gums to bleed temporarily right after the fact, any imbecile knows that. And all gay men were advised to avoid oral sex immediately after brushing or flossing.

PROPER hygiene has nothing to do with HIV infection prevention. Just because you don't want to floss before sex doesn't mean you're a slob who will develop chronic bleeding gums.

You MUST be young and foolish.

by Anonymousreply 10501/15/2013

There's a difference between brushing "your damend teeth religiously" (GOOD) and brushing right before sex (BAD).

Now that troll-dar tells me r99, r102, r103, and r104 are the same person, I am breathing a sigh of relief.

For a moment there I thought there were that many idiots engaging in stupid unsafer sex practices out there.

by Anonymousreply 10601/15/2013

damend >> damned

by Anonymousreply 10701/15/2013

[quote]Brushing and flossing may cause gums to bleed temporarily right after the fact, any imbecile knows that. And all gay men were advised to avoid oral sex immediately after brushing or flossing.

Healthy gums don't bleed from brushing unless you have periodontal disease caused by bad oral hygiene and never going to a dentist to get regular cleanings. Sorry.

by Anonymousreply 10801/15/2013

Gargling with saltwater, and I mean heavy salt, helps with the bleeding gums.

by Anonymousreply 10901/15/2013

Sex on a plane, any type of food in bed.

by Anonymousreply 11001/15/2013

how the hell did a thread on stuff that seems sexy in the movies, but is unsexy in real life turn into a Periodontal Disease convention?

by Anonymousreply 11101/15/2013

Even if the gums aren't visibly bleeding, there are microscopic abrasions after brushing or flossing that can let in virus. We've known this since the 80s.

by Anonymousreply 11201/15/2013

A digression on the morning sex question (hot or not) -

I'm now partnered with a great guy but I do miss an occasional morning-sex routine that my ex (of a decade ago) and I would do sometimes. It started as a spontaneous thing one Sunday morning - we were supposed to meet my friends for an 11am brunch, and we got up at 9:30, got ourselves together all clean and fresh and looking good and decently dressed. Then at the last minute the friends cancelled. We ended up undressing each other and diving into bed and having some of the best sex ever. It was win-win: the horniness of morning sex but minus the hygiene issues, having sex with your partner when he looks and smells great.

So once in a while we would play this game where we had fake brunch plans and would bust out of bed and get all ready. And then reenact the sudden cancel, and start making out in the doorway, and end up back in bed having copious amounts of sex.

I really miss that!

by Anonymousreply 11301/15/2013

R113, are you on good terms with your ex? I mean, was the split amicable? Not that I condone ex-sex (especially at the expense of your current partner), but since you have good memories of him, it would be a shame to at least not remain friendly with him.

by Anonymousreply 11401/15/2013

Having sex anywhere there is not premium lube and a fully equipped bathroom available.

by Anonymousreply 11501/15/2013

Had forgotten about this thread and the whole oral hygiene discussion when, upon reading the masturbation thread, bumped into a yellow entry where r99 et al identifies as a girl.

That explains a lot. Really not her fault that she was not aware of what most gay men were prompted about and fully aware of by the mid 80's - don't brush and suck.

Though the information is just as useful to women who engage in oral sex as it is to gay men, most women tend to turn a blind eye to information about unusual modes of HIV infection, being that many know only one way to have sex - penis in vagina.

by Anonymousreply 11601/15/2013

[quote]Healthy gums don't bleed from brushing unless you have periodontal disease caused by bad oral hygiene and never going to a dentist to get regular cleanings. Sorry.

See r112, read, learn.

by Anonymousreply 11701/15/2013

Anne Hathaway in Havoc

by Anonymousreply 11801/15/2013

I have to have a bowel movement immediately upon waking, so morning sex is out of the question until I've had a shower.

by Anonymousreply 11901/15/2013

Oversized tits. I imagine squeezing them and hearing that sound that clowns make when they exit the clown car.

by Anonymousreply 12001/15/2013

Oh god, me too, R119. What's the deal with that?

by Anonymousreply 12101/15/2013

R10, having seen Gosling out n' about in NYC, you couldn't be more wrong.

by Anonymousreply 12201/15/2013

Well, R121, at least we're blessed with regularity. I've been on the other side of that equation and would never go back.

by Anonymousreply 12301/15/2013

[quote]I have to have a bowel movement immediately upon waking, so morning sex is out of the question until I've had a shower.

What's wrong with your mouth, hand, genitals, etc?

by Anonymousreply 12401/15/2013

[quote]What's wrong with your mouth, hand, genitals, etc?

Poop coming out kills the mood.

by Anonymousreply 12501/15/2013

[quote]Poop coming out kills the mood.

So I take it blumpkins are out of the question then.

by Anonymousreply 12601/15/2013

Animal skin rugs. Have you ever smelled one?

by Anonymousreply 12701/15/2013

R113, I love that story. That is so sweet!

by Anonymousreply 12801/15/2013

Double penetration.

by Anonymousreply 12901/15/2013

Staring at that just off-camera pile of cash.

by Anonymousreply 13001/17/2013

R60 That's the hottest kind. Surprise anal with chocolate surprise. Hot. The beans probably made for an even yummier experience.

by Anonymousreply 13101/17/2013
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